Why Will Melissa Joan Hart's Kickstarter Campaign Fail? Let's Explain It All.
Last week, the Internet went crazy expressing either support or ennui after Zach Braff announced he'd be seeking $2 milllion on Kickstarter for his follow-up to "Garden State."
But few noticed that Melissa Joan Hart, the actress famous for teenage roles in "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," "Clarissa Explains it All," and the movie "Drive Me Crazy" (the one best known for its Britney Spears theme), launched a Kickstarter campaign for her new star vehicle "Darci's Walk of Shame." She's described the film, which already has a deal with Millennium Entertainment, as a "Funny, sexy, screwball, adult, romantic comedy. No magic. No black cat. Enormous fun."
Those wishing to point out the flaws of celebrities on Kickstarter would do well to direct their attention away from Zach Braff (though his Kickstarter distribution plan has its flaws as I wrote about last week), and take a closer look at Hart's campaign.
First, the pitch is bad. This has nothing to do with the fact that it's a celebrity on Kickstarter. The page has a synopsis and then a letter from Hart which also is primarily synopsis. The synopsis can be summed up quickly, it turns out: a girl loses her boyfriend and then has her first one night stand before her sisters wedding. I think Katherine Heigl has starred in eight films with a similar plot. This year.
The pitch even includes a definition of "walk of shame."
But enough about the proposed film. After several weeks on Kickstarter (the project was launched April 11), Hart has just raised over $50,000 of her $2 million goal. Compare that to "Veronica Mars," which raised its $2 million in one day, and Zach Braff, who raised his in several days.
The project video for "Darci's Walk of Shame" focuses on Hart's appeal as a celebrity, which was built on acting in mediocre-to-good teen fare that doesn't age incredibly well. Her only recent spikes of fame has come from outing herself as a Republican, doing just okay on "Dancing with the Stars," and starring in a show with fellow rarely working actor Joey Lawrence on ABC Family.
Hart, unlike "Veronica Mars" creator Rob Thomas and writer-director Zach Braff, is not the creator or creative mind behind this project. It's being directed by "Sabrina" director Tibor Takacs, who makes an appearance in the campaign video. She's just a woman who used to be on a television show that you wouldn't turn off when it appeared in the TGIF lineup. Good actresses can be in bad films that aren't worth funding; good creators usually make a film worth watching.
Hart would also have done well to read our guide to celebrities on Kickstarter before creating her rewards.
Some of the most impressive(ly awkward) reward descriptions:
For a whole year?!?!...for $100
Two of our main cast members (not Melissa Joan Hart) will follow you on Twitter for a full year. We don't know who they are yet, but we know you'll want them following you (on Twitter only)! You'll also receive the limited edition T-shirt and the PDF of the shooting script.
Nothing like an unnecessary disclaimer to make you suspect...for $250:
You will receive an on-screen thank you during the end credits of the film! You and 99 others will be specially thanked for your help in making this film possible. You’ll also receive the signed movie poster and the DVD. ***Another disclaimer! We will do everything in our power to make sure your name is spelled correctly and we don’t miss any names or leave anyone out. However, mistakes are made, and if we make one here, be assured there is no intent. We ask for your forgiveness, with the understanding that once the film is released, we won’t be able to make any changes.
In case you thought Hart had a thing against following people on Twitter...for $300:
Melissa Joan Hart will follow you on Twitter for a full year. You’ll also receive the T-shirt, signed poster and signed shooting script.
No need to go any further with this. It's also of note that the Millenium deal does seem to have made a problem with the distribution of the film through Kickstarter (the campaign is only giving downloads ($35) and DVDs ($50) to backers from U.S. and Canada), which is a new development for this method of fundraising.
And that fact, along with all the others above, may explain why this campaign may be too confusing and too unwanted to actually reach its $2 million. Let's see what happens. The Kickstarter campaign for "Darci's Walk of Shame" ends May 26.
This is priceless to the point it could have been written by a DL'er:
"The more money we raise, the more likely this film will reach numerous movie theaters and impress those same Hollywood execs that have caused a stumbling block in my path to a more serious film career. "
I guess after the 26th she can start blaming her own lack of talent and a devoted fan base as stumbling blocks on her path to a more serious film career.
Garden State sequel? Please, no.
And. I know we love our entertainment and shit, but this stuff with celebrities and their Kickstarter projects is likely going to become more common and more fucking sickening.
She probably would have made that $2 Mil had she just said it was for a Sabrina reunion.
This Kickstarter shit has become the new, celebrity version of the soldiers who invite celebrities to their proms and dances on YouTube.
Not only that, but most celebrities tend to, either explicitly or implicitly, pontificate to their mass audiences about how they (the audience) are unaware of this and that issue, and that they have their priorities out of whack. Yet they'll take any money from those same people!
Whatever "important" things 99.9% of filmmakers have to "express" through their films is probably nothing that the average human couldn't figure out through personal life experience, if just given a break from all the marketed entertainment. Funny.
What happens to the money if the film doesn't get made?
Then it's the loss of the backers. Hopefully, the majority only gave what they could afford to lose.
The Voice of the Night
Are the rich going to ruin the premise of Kickstarter? I suppose if people are dumb enough to throw money at rich people the rich should take advantage of it.
[quote]Are the rich going to ruin the premise of Kickstarter?
I used to watch that Drive Me Crazy movie she did all the time. It was a so bad it's good hoot. And I think that lazy eye killed her film career. It was quite prominent in Drive Me Crazy.
I think they already have, R9.
I feel like Sabrina and Zach Braff have already had their "kickstart". It was called success in their field. If they can't get their projects off the ground without resorting to this, maybe they should rethink their goals.
Wait, people will give me money on Kickstarter to make a movie?!
Maybe she could ask Mitt and her fellow Repubs to help her.
She's as better success dropping weight.
[quote]This Kickstarter shit has become the new, celebrity version of the soldiers who invite celebrities to their proms and dances on YouTube.
Exactly. It's sad, pathetic, and desperate when millionaire celebs want people to pay for their vanity projects instead of paying for it on their own.
I even thought the Veronica Mars thing was a sad display for all parties involved. Okay, so people loved that show. I get it. But it was a SHOW. And those millions were raised stupid fast.
Zach Braff's movie is being funded mostly by him, and KS is opt-in so I'm not sure why people get upset. It brings traffic to the site, so other projects have more oppurrinity to get funded
The ZVM KS was great though because the rewards were awesome. For the price of 2 movie tickets you get to own the movie and get a tshirt.
"Mostly" is irrelevant, R19. And even with seemingly good rewards, it's beyond me how anyone can think this stuff leads to anything good for general mentality.
I just checked in. It's at $50k and unlikely to go much higher. What a fail. I'd feel bad for her if I hadn't heard from multiple sources that she's a raging Republicunt bitch.
MJH is a fat, homophobic right wing cunt. That is why it will fail.
[quote]It brings traffic to the site, so other projects have more oppurrinity to get funded
You are joking, right? Kickstarter has been successful for a few years now. It certainly doesn't need Braff to make it visible.
I hate it when rich celebs ask ordinary PEOPLE to give money. Give your own fucking money assholes!
wow that video on her Kickstarter page with her mom is painful
r24 touches on a point that is being ignored. The market is being exploited. I'm not saying that people can't, but maybe they shouldn't.
It failed! Hilarious. I also find the description for the 10,000 dollar walk on role interesting,, she states it wi only be used if you can act. As if her republicunt ass can.
HA HA! Can't stand her smug ass (and apparently a lot of other people can't either!).
[quote]It failed! Hilarious. I also find the description for the 10,000 dollar walk on role interesting,, she states it wi only be used if you can act. As if her republicunt ass can.
Actually it looks like Melissa cancelled it before it could official fail.
[insert The Price Is Right sad tuba music]
The Voice of the Night
The only thing more pathetic than being a fan of Melissa Joan Hart is being a fan willing to donate actual money to her dated rom com vanity project.
I never felt any way about her, but this whole endeavor just makes me hate her for some reason.
This was as big of a flop as when her co-star Joey Lawrence launched a similar campaign on a different fundraising site because he wanted to finance an album. He only reached half the goal by the deadline and the project was cancelled.