I once whited out the last three letters of Joanne P. Slutsky's name when her puss appeared on a "For Sale" sign at the home across the street. Felt bad about it later.
Are you talking about real estate agents? Because where I live "estate agents" literally take care of estates. They hire landscapers, housekeeper, pool company; take the summer furniture out of storage, winterize a home and check on it if it is empty after the summer, etc.
I lie for a living.
I'm Marcy Grabowski and I want lots of fuckin tea lights in each room 'cause they're classy.
Oh, and we'll stage with wicker; hauling wood furniture up stairs takes too much effort.
Also, we'll stick to the classics; chocolate brown and mint green are the new neutrals.
My hole is lubed, I really for this Sale to HAPPEN
I am the tape recorded message that plays, "I have been in this business for years and I am certain that you will not bear any legal liabilities because of the way the contract has been written. It's standard" whenever you bother trying to read one of the forms I asked you to sign and fax back to me within the next ten minutes.
I am the puzzled look on my face when you complain that I misrepresented the commission charge on the sale. When I said 6%, I was only talking about my commission. I was not including the buyers' real estate agent's commission!
I am the title research which is done online and takes 3 seconds, for which you will pay hundreds of dollars.
I'm paying a photographer (actually my retarded brother) to take photos of your house for the website. I will not even give an hour's advance notice to straighten up the place. I will however advise you that the property cannot be sold unless it is "staged" by removing 85% of your stuff.
I belong to the Million Dollar Club!
That means I grossed about $15,000 last year.
I've reserved the first 13 photos for the facade so we'll only take one shot of each room. We'll use my flip-phone's camera. While you have three bathrooms, I'm just going to take one photo of a toilet.
I'm the quarterly newsletter that you still receive in the mail four years after buying your house. This newsletter consists of inviting you to "singles parties" that your frau agent throws together for her unmarried clients, a form to fill out to enter a drawing to win a gift certificate somewhere, and a reminder to pass her number along to your friends that may be looking to buy or sell a house.
I have a 9th grade education, no nothing about anything, but I talk real good and made $245,000 last year.