A friend of mine (an actual friend) just de-friended me because we had an argument on Facebook.
I live on the North Shore of the Boston area, and work in Charlestown. So you can guess the subject matter.
Should I email him or just let it go?
The exchange follows.
[quote]WALL POST (Me): We're definitely hitting an inflection point where people are going to get fed up with an uninterrupted dragnet. How many people know that it's 74 degrees outside right now? Who needs to go to the market? Anyone have shit to do?
[quote]HIM: Did you move? I thought you were still up in Swampscott?
[quote]ME: I am in Swampscott, Nathan. That's how I know it's 74 degrees outside right now.
[quote]HIM: So go out then and do what you need to. Do you go to Boston to grocery shop?
[quote]ME: You're clearly missing the point of my post, dear. Thank goodness you're not the one in charge! Meanwhile, someone must get it, as the shelter in-place requirement has been lifted.
[quote]HIM: No, I got it "dear" (could you be a little more antagonistic?). The city shuts down for half-assed snow storms, so I think taking a day to have people to stay home when you have people running around, shooting cops and chucking pipe bombs and grenades is prudent. To whine about wanting to go outside to enjoy the weather and to run some errands seems trite at best, or at worst flat out disrespectful to the cop killed and those injured. To say nothing of law enforcement trying to do their job the best they can without dealing with the regular hustle and bustle of the day.
[quote]ME: And... I don't agree. I think it's appropriate to establish whatever perimeter is necessary in order maintain security, but that was done overnight and into this afternoon. My point was that we were approaching a threshold where, in my view, it is unacceptable to shut down all the levers of commerce and personal freedom -- asking people to stay indoors, businesses to stay closed -- while the fucking government runs an effective police state, all so they can search for ONE PERSON. Twelve hours? Fine. More than that? Not fine, especially given the fact that, however horrible on a personal level, we're talking about *four* people and a situation that appears to be contained and localized. YOU may trust the government to behave appropriate in these circumstances, but I am much more skeptical. Furthermore, I don't live in Boston proper, but I work every day in Charlestown. Go ahead and consult a map to acquaint yourself with its relative location. But please don't come onto my page with this "you don't live in Boston so what's it to you?" shit again, because you'll be politely asked to go kick rocks in the event that it happens again. xoxo
At which point, three other people liked my most recent post. Now it seems that Nathan, my friend, has punched and delete.
I think he's being a fucking baby.
Should I apologize or just ignore the fact that he de-friended me?
You were an ass. Dear? I wouldn't have unfriended you, but you were obnoxious.
I'll drink a toast to Nathan, a sensible guy.
Looks so far like we all agree you were an asshole and were 100% in the wrong, OP.
You absolutely owe him an apology; but were I he, I would not accept it.
You sounded like a real dick in your response. Are you one of those people who have a thought, fully formed inside of their head, and just must put it out on Facebook or you'll start shaking?
It's 74 degrees in Mass? It's fucking 50 degrees, damp and windy on eastern Long Island. No fair!
But couldnt that ONE PERSON they are searching for could lead to additional people?
You sound insufferable.
You were such a bitch, Swampscott. Prepare to get down on bended knee if you want to be refriended.
You need a cunt punt.
OP = Facebook Queen
Its entire world revolves around FB postings. Nathan is better off to not have a "friend" like that.
No Sigma Nu mixer for you EVER AGAIN, OP.
I agree that I was a bitch.
But I wouldn't have been a bitch if he wasn't a bitch first. You can't see the emoticons attached to his post, but his first two points were definitely meant to suggest that my viewpoint was invalid because I don't actually live in the city. (He actually doesn't either.)
That was why I became bitchy.
Thanks for the advice and candid opinions, folks. I can accept that I am probably wrong here.
I ignore emoticons. They fail to break through.
You sound absolutely fucking nuts.
[quote]You absolutely owe him an apology; but were I he, I would not accept it.
[quote]I can accept that I am probably wrong here.
You were, but unfriending you was a bit much on his part.
Not what you expected, is it dear?
You're a cunt and you know it.
R10. Yeah! I don't care how sober you are!
You were just plain nasty to him, OP. He was only a little bitchy to you. And the "I don't trust the govt to do the right thing" makes you sound like a Tea Party loon.
[quote]Not what you expected, is it dear?
LOL. I had no expectations, honey. If anything, I was concerned that the number of people who liked my last post on Facebook gave me an inflated sense of certitude. And that's why I posted the question.
I'm hardly incapable of introspection. (Not what you expected, is it dear?)
I think my approach was wrong, but my point of view was correct. I'll consider whether this does, in fact, require a strict apology as opposed to a more general overture.
But I will reach out in some form or another.
I didn't read all that but geez, what middle school do you girls go to?
Right, OP. You made this poll hoping that basically no one would take your side. The introspection would have been more to crow about if you did it before getting slammed.
[quote]And the "I don't trust the govt to do the right thing" makes you sound like a Tea Party loon
Oh please. That's the part that I am completely confident that I got 100% correct.
My point of view is actually quite measured here and would only sound like that of a "tea party loon" to someone who is completely uninformed about post-9/11 Constitutional jurisprudence.
Are you that person, R19?
OP, you sound like such a rancid cunt.
Sorry, OP, but not only were you a bitch (and WAY more of a bitch than your friend was), your conspiracy theories got the best of you. Did it somehow escape your attention that Deval Patrick LIFTED the "dragnet" tonight, prior to the second suspect being cornered in Watertown? Your point *may* have been valid had the Boston-area lockdown continued for much longer, but it was entirely negated after the governor reversed it. Also:
"YOU may trust the government to behave appropriate in these circumstances, but I am much more skeptical."
Um, why, exactly, are you "much more skeptical"? Are you one of those Alex Jones freaks who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Bush administration?
Girls, girls! You're both pretty little cunts!
[quote]You made this poll hoping that basically no one would take your side. The introspection would have been more to crow about if you did it before getting slammed.
Yeah, I'm *pretty* sure that's just what you need others to believe in order for your post at R16 to have the 'punch' that it was intended to have.
As if it were possible for you to shame me. Please get a clue.
Aaaaaaaand as it turns out, the suspect is caught and your delusions about a FBI conspiracy were just that: delusions. Time to suck it up and apologize, DEAR.
[quote]Did it somehow escape your attention that Deval Patrick LIFTED the "dragnet" tonight, prior to the second suspect being cornered in Watertown?
Did you think this exchange happened five minutes ago? If you read the OP, you would have understood the context that the exchange took place before, and shortly after, the shelter in place order was lifted.
[quote]ME: You're clearly missing the point of my post, dear. Thank goodness you're not the one in charge! [bold]Meanwhile, someone must get it, as the shelter in-place requirement has been lifted.[/bold]
You should try reading before responding because doing only makes you look foolish.
Oh well OP. Back to licking your glistening turds again.
Datalounge really used to have more effective trolls than the ones we have today.
Just to make sure the conversation stays on track:
R28, can you clarify precisely which 'FBI conspiracy' you are ascribing to me? I don't see where you can even infer that from anything I've posted. Please cite otherwise, so that I may clarify.
I do not think there was any sort of conspiracy here.
I hate fucking Facebook
I actually think it's a great place to get and receive information in situations like this.
It can be annoying but I think, on balance, it's benefits outweigh the negatives.
[quote]R28, can you clarify precisely which 'FBI conspiracy' you are ascribing to me?
"Twelve hours? Fine. More than that? Not fine, especially given the fact that, however horrible on a personal level, we're talking about *four* people and a situation that appears to be contained and localized. YOU may trust the government to behave appropriate in these circumstances, but I am much more skeptical."
OP. you sound like a cunt. Dear.
Oh you poor, beleaguered Swampscottian. Why were you bitching anyway, you were free to come and go as you pleased.
Wow, OP. you sound as if you have no redeeming qualities at all.
I'm quite sure I can't shame you. That was not my intent. It was to mock you.
Thwapthcott, Mathachuthetth ith my mother'th hometown!
I smell cunt. CUNT. And it BURNS!!!!!!
I can't believe someone would actually condescendingly call an actual real-life friend "dear" while disagreeing with him, like you're Sandra Bernhard dealing with a heckler, or on Datalounge responding to someone anonymous.
OP dear, you've got to get out more.
What's Nathan's name? I'd like to friend him. We already have one thing in common - we both think you're a cunt.
No fucking way I'd stay in my house if it had been 74 degrees today.
It's not really about who is right or wrong. You were rude (first), OP, which seems to have caused the fight. Friends can have a civil discussion with opposing views.
[quote]No fucking way I'd stay in my house if it had been 74 degrees today.
It was 82 today but I skipped going to the beach just to watch the manhunt in Boston.
You actually invoked 'personal freedom'?
You're a pompous ass, aren't you?
Based on the FB posts and your posts in this thread, you seem like a very difficult person. I think your friend just finally had enough. This isn't an attack, it's just an observation. We all have things that we need to work on.
What about the quoted text refers to, or infers, an FBI conspiracy?
The government has a history of overdoing these things. That's not a conspiracy theory, guy. It's a plain fact and it's mainstream point of view supported by an overwhelming number of respected Democrats in the both the House and Senate. For evidence, take a look at the opposition to the reformless renewal of the 9/11 Patriot Act.
Stating that the government rarely gives back rights that it has taken during times of extreme peril does equate to a statement that there is a government-backed conspiracy to take those rights.
A conspiracy would require that government was somehow involved in the Boston Marathon bombings -- and that's not at all what I'm saying.
Perhaps you should take a nap. You're really confused. It's clear that the events of the past few days has left you foggy headed.
I think y'all are at least partly reacting to the fact that I simply don't care about the exact things you want me to care about.
Y'all are assuming that because I asked for input about whether I handled a specific situation badly, that somehow I give two shits about your broader opinions about whether I'm 'pompous' or whatever. I don't care about any of that -- I just doesn't register as something that matters overall.
I did care to know whether my exchange with a friend was outrageously one-sided, because he is an actual friend, and because, frankly, I suspected that I was wrong to begin with.
Thanks for providing me with what I need to move forward on that. Seriously, I do appreciate it. At least some of your feedback was constructive in nature.
All the rest, you guys can have a field day. And I'll put my game face and respond when it's appropriate. But if your goal is to embarrass me -- well, you're wasting your time, because not much embarrasses me to begin with. If the opposite were true, this post would not even exist.
You care. If you didn't you wouldn't be telling us you don't.
OP's reaction to the, at times, over-the-top responses here just bumped him up in my book.
Sometimes, you just need to physically type out a post like that, read it five minutes later and then erase it. That advice straddles several different forms of communication (texts, emails, etc.) in my experience.
Also, not everything needs to be played out on this fake, weird Facebook stage. There's nothing to say you couldn't have texted him privately and given him a more toned-down explanation of where you were coming from.
Okay, now your post at R49, OP, pretty much invalidated how I felt about you.
You are a cunt.
[quote]But if your goal is to embarrass me -- well, you're wasting your time, because not much embarrasses me
That's no surprise. I can't imagine that you would ever be embarrassed by anything. It takes a modicum of intelligence for someone to be embarrassed.
I care about whether I might have inappropriately offended an actual friend. But I am not afraid of being told that I was wrong, which is why I sought the opinion of neutral third parties.
It's very easy on Datalounge to separate out the useful information from the feedback noise. In fact, I cared more about the poll than anything else -- which is why it is worded very carefully.
Perhaps that's too clinical for those of us proceed based on emotion first. I'm definitely driven more by objective information.
But apparently not by common sense or good manners.
[quote]Okay, now your post at [R49], OP, pretty much invalidated how I felt about you.
All of my posts have represented true and accurate statements about who I am and what motivated the OP.
Whether you agreed with some of my posts, and so liked me for a few minutes in that case, but then disagreed with another post a few minutes later, and so hated me again, only speaks to your fickleness. It says nothing about me, because I've been totally consistent throughout.
It seems counterproductive to make snap judgments and reevaluate everything from post to post, but that's just me.
I agree, OP. I thought you were a high handed asshole from the first post. The only difference after your subsequents posts is now I'm sure of it.
This dialogue is useless without accompanying prose.
"Did you move? I thought you were still up in Swampscott?" OP sighed, simultaneously rolling her eyes, and took a puff from her Virginia Slim. "I am in Swampscott, Nathan," she typed, her Lee Press-On-Nails clacking against the keyboard. "That's how I know it's 74 degrees outside right now."
"So go out then and do what you need to. Do you go to Boston to grocery shop?"
OP sighed more deeply, hiking the sleeves up her caftan. "You're clearly missing the [italic]point[/italic] of my post, dear. Thank goodness you're not the one in charge!" As OP continued his furious typing and the stomping of his tiny feet, Nathan stood up, said "FUCK this bitch," and deleted her from his Facebook list.
I see no change from the original post down to OPs most recent post. He clearly showed that he's a jackass from the very beginning and everything followed has backed that up.
Where do I start, OP. I'll bet those people who lost legs at the Marathon would like to be doing errands in the beautiful weather today. I'll bet they'll wish they can do it on the Fourth of July. Police set up perimeters to protect people. Trouble is, terrorists don't necessarily honor those perimeters. That's why you were asked to stay in place, so a pressure cooker didn't suddenly appear at your feet.
You could have defied the order. You might have looked suspicious as you walked around because you ignored it. Maybe someone would have called the police and thought you had a bomb stuck up your ass. Maybe you would have been asked to strip naked in front of hundreds of people and placed in handcuffs. Maybe CNN would not have pixelated your private parts when they showed the video of your defiance of the order. Maybe we wouldn't have thought you had a bomb in your rectum.
I'm really sorry you had a bad day. You'll get those from time to time. It's important to look beyond your mirror to find opportunities to make the day better. I would have baked cookies. I would have prayed for little Martin, who I'm sure loved cookies. I hope you know who Martin was. It's sad to use the past tense talking about him.
I hope your Saturday is much better than your Friday.
Nice response, R60.
[quote]It's important to look beyond your mirror
I doubt that's possible for the OP.
You are insufferable, OP. But I think I like Nathan.
Folks like YOU are why I'm down to 105 'friends' after deleting hundreds of contrarians such as yourself.
Op has a point but it's missed by the pointy headed bitches here.
The second suspect was wounded and found hiding very near the place where his brother was killed. To shut down the entire city was ridiculous. It created a sense of panic, which is exactly the opposite of what you want to do in these situations. The shut down had no impact on his being found...to the contrary, the guy who found him was defying the order and checking on his boat.
OP, you were right. BUT, you were also needlessly bitchy to your friend. Tensions are clearly high with everyone in Boston, and you guys were no exception. Reach out to your friend and apologize for your tone. One thing you learn from these tragedies...life's too short for this sort of squabble.
[quote]It created a sense of panic,
My goodness you're dumb.
They had to shut down the metropolitan area so he could not get out of the area he was trapped in. No cars, no bikes, no taxis no buses, no subways. He could only move on foot. Once they shut down the transit system people might as well stay inside to avoid what could have been (and was) a very violent confrontation.
[quote]the guy who found him was defying the order and checking on his boat.
BBC report just said the guy who found him went out as soon as the shut down order was lifted.
The ease in which a person can offend and be offended in the cyber-world boggles the mind. Why don't you split the difference with your friend and cop to both of you having an off day. If you're truly friends, each of you will forgive/over look the incident.
R65, your Monday-morning quarterbacking is ridiculous, particularly since the police had no way of knowing until after the fact that the brother was injured from the Thursday night shootout. Also, you are deluding yourself if you don't think the idea of a terrorist out on the loose in Boston would have caused more panic -- in Boston and ALL of the eastern seaboard -- than shutting down the city for a day.
Things we'll do to keep people safe: Lock down an entire city for hours.
Things we won't do: A 5 min background check before you buy a gun.
This country is fucking ridiculous.
OP, I think your argument was spot on. I was just having a similar conversation with a friend and I live 3k miles away from Boston. Your points were accurate and intelligent. Your tone was scathing. If we were friends and you had talked to me like that, I would be very upset. Now, I get that he was snarky and most likely got your hackles up. But you could have actually taught your friend something important had you not been so mean.
I want to stress that I support your points and you were right to raise them. However, I don't think you considered your audience. You catch more flies with honey.
Also, if you make up with your friend, I would hold off on adding him to Facebook,at least for a while. I hate people who use social media as a weapon against their friends. It's really low class.
Your argument was right on, but your tone was cunty.
I'm from Swampscott. Generally the people there aren't so cunty.
Sounds more like OP was just inconveniened for the day and was bitchy about it. Christ, it wasn't for a whole week, it was one day.
Reasons or not, OP was cunty first with the tired old "dear". I even rolled my eyes at that one.
You may have gotten a few likes, OP but who knows how many dislikes you would have gotten if Facebook had that feature.
This is why I will never be on Facebook.
OP, you are the becaftaned old queen version of a 22-year-old straight nerd Reddit/Xbox LIve addict who calls people "fucking faggots" when things get heated in real life. If you're pulling "dear" on real life friends, you need to take a DL sabbatical.
You sound like a self-involved bitch. You're weren't even in the lockdown zone so why were you bitching about it.
You sound like somebody with no life who was trying to put yourself at the center of things.
R65, it was MANHUNT, BOSTON STYLE. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Dramatic but effective.
OP, I re-read your Facebook exchange and still think you need a cunt punt. How often do you see Nathan in person?
You were rather condescending to poor Nathan. I think you owe him a huge apology and a blow job/rim job combo to make amends.
R83, I think OP owes his buddy an apology and a blumpkin.
[quote]What's Nathan's name?
Chances are pretty good that it's "Nathan"
Why do you bitches even converse with each other, when the slightest little thing gets you unfriending each other?
It's clear you have a poking-each-other-with-sticks relationship.
You're an asshole OP. You were nasty and bitchy to him. You need to apologise.
The "dear" sealed the deal: you're a cunt.
His bitchiness was funny. Isn't he right?
From the OP's comments, I suspect he lives somewhere on the autism scale.
Most likely near Asperger's.
I look forward to future polls from OP, such as "Am I quarrelsome?" and "I'm entitled to the last word, right? "
Your ex-friend seems like a nutcase with this: "To whine about wanting to go outside to enjoy the weather and to run some errands seems trite at best, or at worst flat out disrespectful to the cop killed and those injured. "
run of the mill, regurgitated, fast-food hero worship that is not given much thought by your friend so fond of trite sentiment. Don't apologize he seems like a loser.
Me! Me me me me me!
I live near Boston, so it's ALL ABOUT ME!
But, what shall I do next??
r92 = nailed it.
At first I thought R86 was remarking on the thread comments.
OP, you talked to your friend as if he was a stranger on Datalounge. You were rude and condescending, not to mention wrong, (but that's the least of it). I don't understand why you would be so aggressive to an actual friend.
OP sounds like a jerk and an asshole.
This reminds of the towel and turkey meatballs guy: posting something on DL, thinking you were right, expecting a chorus of yeses, only to find most people think you acted badly.
You were the one who was bitchy first and it was undeserved. I think you should apologize but something tells me you're not the sort of person who can see when they're clearly at fault.
R96, Rude & Condescending, yes.
Not so much, actually.