If Patsy & Edina Ran the Department of Homeland Security...
...how would things be handled differently?
Champagne for Lulu!
Just die already!!!
P: Um, Eddy sweetie, be a doll, sweetie. Get me another Stoli, sweetie?
E: (shouting) Saffy? Saffy sweetie? Come here, sweetie! Come to mother, sweetie!
P: I think we had her copped, Eddy,
E: Copped? What do you mean, 'copped'"?
P: She's being held in an undisclosed location, sweetie.
Their motto would be:
Cheer up! It may not happen after all.
You can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes in the bins at the security checkpoints.
Saffy & her nerdy friends do the actual administration and crisis management; Patsy & Eddy do press events, sweetie.
59 billion a year - am I ..... poor?
It's car bombs! It's madness! It's car bomb madness!
P: Eddy, we always go to threat level red, sweetie! We need more colors, babe. We simply cannot hope to strike fear into the hearts of terrorists unless we have more colors!
E: Threat level tangerine, sweetie?
E: Sage, sweetie, threat level sage?"
P: I rather think teal, Eds.
Any traveler wearing LaCroix would simply be waved through.
Serge? Iraq? Oh my God, Pats! What's my son, my gay son, sweetie, what's Serge doing in Iraq?
I think there's a terrorist inside me trying to get out.
Just the one, dear?
Oh, the magazine called for you, Patsy. They need some decisions about this month's cover.
Only the people from poor, hot, and dirty countries would have to go through the TSA bullshit.
these are funny! keep them coming!!!
I quote AbFab here all the time, but haven't watched it years. I'm getting in the mood to watch them all again though. I'll have to check if you can download them in HD yet.
Lights! Cameras! Models! Bomb sniffing dogs!
Saffy would be doing all the work.
Bureaucrat: I'm sorry, Ms. Stone, smoking is prohibited in all federal office places.
P: Listen, you little twat. I can have you placed on the official no-fly list!
Anyone wearing Crocs would be sent to Gitmo.
Martha Stewart would be detained as a person of disinterest.
2. High Colonic
2. Botox Emergency
You're too fat! Leave this country!
An arrest would be called a "meno pause".
There has to be more to life than just being safe.
In the bin bags! Put your bloody luggage in the bloody bin bags!!
Don't question me!
"bloody Tali-bloody-bani bloody Vogue, darling!"
EDDY: Yes, Yes!... Why, oh why, do we pay taxes, hmmm? I mean, just to have bloody parking restrictions- and BUGGERY-UGLY traffic wardens, and BOLLOCKY-pedestrian-BLOODY-crossings?... and those BASTARD railings outside shops windows, making it so difficult so you can't even get in them! I mean, I know they're there to stop stupid people running into the street and killing themselves! But we're not all stupid! We don't all need nurse-maiding. I mean, why not just have a Stupidity Tax? Just tax the stupid people!
PATSY: And let them DIE!
I love you for this thread!
Fuck this is hilarious.
Darling, when you have the DEPARTMENT of homeland security at your disposal, the world's your runway.
It's the greatest accessory a woman in my position can have!
Bullet proof vests are so unflattering. Pats, do you think we could get LaCroix to make us some gorgeous little Kevlar accessories?
The alerts would be:
Marks & Spencer, Zara, Emporio Armani, Armani and Lacroix
As of January 2013, Jennifer Saunders says the movie is still on, she's writing the script. It's rumored to be a musical version. Joanna says she can't sing or dance but will learn to, and that no one else will play Patsy while she's still alive.
The X-ray scanners at airports would automatically slenderize your nude image by two stone.
Oh my God, there's something horrible on the stairs.
I'm not blind. Arrest her!
"Pats, I thought you said the DEPARTMENT STORE of Home Security."
Eddy: We have a bloody cabinet meeting in 20 minutes, where the hell is Patsy?
Bubbles: I think she's embedding herself with the troops.
Suspected terrorists would be interrogated in lovely ... [italic]chairs.[/italic]
And I have a friend--Jocasta--who could take some lovely....[italic]photos.[/italic]
I don't care if she is the bloody First Lady, Pats. We are the bloody Homemade Security Office thingy, darling! If we say she must put those strapless abominations in the bin, then she bloody well do it, sweetie!
Saffy: the Department of Homeland Security are amoral, you use water-boards.
Eddie: As furniture!
Saffy (incredulous look)
Eddie: Well What!! Oh Darling, dirt cheap gorgeous little coffee tables.
We're opening up a shop Pats?
What are we going to sell?
Big sways of muslin and tracking devices, garden implements, hand chocolates that sorta thing.
[italic]Taze[/italic] is my word du jour!
We are redecorating the Department of Homeland Security HQ, I don't know what do do, OH darling, darling - Irish peat Bog stove, I don't know, (flicking through home decor magazines) I just want people to think I'm ALL these things.