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What would your Real Housewives opening credit tagline be?
Mine would be:
Fresno may be a small town, but I make ALL the rules.
I'm the one without the fake tits.
I don't work for UPS, but all your husbands come for MY box.
I'm making a Spanish dinner -- gazpacho, paella -- IF I can find all the ingredients.
Let us know when Ben gets a boyfriend and we'll watch the rerun.
I'm not a lawyer but I can get you off
I think I'm more of a Desperate Housewife than a Real one.
I'm not a femme, so, N/A
No one in Denver can touch my Rocky Mountains.
Pull up to my bumper baby, and drive it in between!
Now that Kim's gone, I'll be the white bitch.
If you think I'm a bitch, wait til you see these other cunts.
I'm no slut, but I'm no lady; I'm the heart and soul of New York City.
[While doing the pony in a ridiculous off-the-shoulder evening gown that shows off my emaciated shoulders, as my young daughter gazes at the silhouette of a man's body gently swings from a noose us]
I'm to die for . . . according to TWO husbands [GLANCES OVER SHOULDER] Make that THREE! Take that, Taylor! [PUSHES DAUGHTER OUT OF THE WAY WITH FOOT BECAUSE SHE'S STEALING FOCUS]
I may not be the biggest queen in Weho but I'm the one with the most toys.
A lot of these bitches think their shit don't stink. Trust me: Mine does!
I sucked a lot of dicks, to get THIS rich.
Can I do that again? I didn't get the new script until yesterday.
It's my way... till payday!
Atlanta's a dump, and I'm getting rich collecting cans!
No one fondles Spanish sowsausage in the supermarket like me. Deal with it bitches.
I may be low down, but I am NOT on the DOWNLOW!
Miss Tyler P.
Don't hate me 'cause I'm rich. I'm a lady who Atlanta royalty and -- FUCK! Let's do it again. The fucking price-tag came out of the fucking sleeve.
I handle conflict appropriately, and I pay my bills on time.
I'm not even married and I got on this show, thanks Andy!
I took the blue pills.
Some people call me a cunt, but I'm really just a misunderstood gash!
"Get real...I'm a 100% fake."
Fuck Cheryl! It's [bold]MY[/bold] pussy that [italic]really[/italic] stinks!
I'm FAKING it 'til I make it! Oops, did I just say that out loud?
This one time--at band camp--I stuck a flute in my pussy!
W&W for R23!
Everything about this show is fake, including my tits, face and hair.
[quote]It's my way... till payday!
What does this even mean??
It might be lights out at 10 in Cleveland, but I'm just getting started.
When I walk into the room ... it empties slap out!
I'ma fuck yo husbands AND eat yo cake.
Money doesn't give you class, but it can tighten your pussy
London is a door, and there is either hate, or fame.
I may not have been born and raised in Cupertino, but it's MY town now!
"I couldn't get any other work so I took this lousy job"
Life is what you make it...
And mine is Dea'licious!
I'm the kim kardashian of rural arizona and I make the rules
It takes a lot of balls to be a woman!
Some people think I'm a cunt, but I just know what I want, and I usually get it.
"You may look down on me, but so does your husband. When he's about to cum on my face!"
How about "I can't believe you stupid fucks are still watching this shit in 2015." ?
My pussy may be full of stank and gnats, but there are NO files on my ass! That's how I roll.
*NO flies on my ass...
BTW, I'm not the intellectual one.
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