I Know, I Know - You All Know It, but I Just Watched TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN
after not seeing any of the others and I can't believe this clumsy, brain-dead piece of faux-anime drag camp actually was popular!
Some questions. PLEASE tolerate me. The idiocy has left me feeling confused.
My God. Kristin Stewart not only is one of the worst actresses I ever saw, she acts deranged. What is with that grizzled mouth and constant snorting as she flicks her eyes to the side?
What happened to Taylor Lautner's nose? It looks like it got caught on a trot line.
Why are all the vampires made up like Michael Jackson on a particularly psychotic day? Pattinson's lipstick! All that bad home-rinse blonde in the men's hair!
Why are the wolves so enormous? And why, with all the money the franchise made, were the special effects so BAD?
Why do the vampires run around pulling each other's heads off? Is this supposed to be scary? It was comedic.
The Voltari or whatever - why did they dress like Michael Jackson in a military mood? In fact, why was the ghost of Michael Jackson invoked for almost all the costume, makeup and set design?
Was the stupid vampire family incestuous. They just stood around making creepy faces at each other?
God in heaven, that is one bad movie. Or 12 (is that how many there were?) bad movies. Christ Almighty.
The answer to most of your questions is this:
When Hollywood first started making these films, they decided that no matter how bad the acting, effects, scripts, and direction were, the obsessive idiots who love the books would STILL pay money to see them.
A billion dollars later, those decisions were proven to be correct. Brilliant, even.
I had high hopes for Breaking Dawn Part 1 in particular the Esme birth scene. In the books Meyer describes it being like a volcano of blood. Given how much money this series made at the box office from the previous films, I was expecting a birth scene like in the movie Aliens with Shining amounts of blood cascading from K Stewards body with Also sprach Zarathustra playing in the background, but alas I was to be sorely disappointed. All the audience got was a death warmed over Stewart sipping colored water out of a Styrofoam big gulp and Pattinson looking all forlorn about it. The final scene shows Pattinson injecting vampire venom into the lifeless corpse of Stewart in a desperate attempt to save her. Yet in all of the films no effort is ever made to explain the source of the venom nor do we see a scene depicting the milking of the life saving venom. Also how is a vampire (a dead corpse) supposed to have live sperm to inseminate Stewart for their precious child to be born. Mormans must be really lacking in autonomy and sex education classes to be so clueless as to the basics of human reproduction. But for me the greatest shortcoming of the series was the total denial of the horror and gore associated with vampires and vampire lore.