Take the poll: Which is the greatest Sumerian actress?
I can't believe you left out Erishti-Aya. At least you could have included an "Other" choice.
What was the name of that actress in "Sumerman II"? The one who went nuts and was found hiding behind the temple granary in the altogether?
When they talk about "pre-Code" Sumerian films, they mean before Hammurabi.
R4 wins this entire year.
Please. Ninbanda all the way. Let's not forget that Ninbanda was the brightest star to hit Ur since Nanna, racking up countless awards and nominations, including 4 Gilgys in less than two decades, to become the most honored actress in the Fertile Crescent. And when the roles dried up, she headed north and conquered the stages of Kish. Sadly, it was here in Kish where Ninbanda suddenly took ill and died from ergot poisoning, but many suspected her ambitious understudy, Elaine Stritch, of spiking her barley ale.
Wasn't shagshag in softcore porn before her mainstream work?
Do any Sumerian actors have yellow skin and/or womanly butts?
Stritch was brilliant in Enkadu Williams' "Sumer and Smoke"!
It wasn't the actresses who got small. It was the dramatic engravings!
Without Meredith Baxter-Birney as a choice your poll is worthless.
Enanatuma was brilliant as the mother in "Suddenly Last Sumer," but the parts about cannibalism were a little [bold]too[/bold] realistic.
Mamie, quick run down to Staples and get Mommy a keyboard with the Summerian letter equilivant for "M"
Bump for funny, under-appreciated threads.
We call them Ur-Threads, R15.
You know: brilliant, dusty, and completely illegible to recent generations not educated in the classics.
Shagshag's range is unmatched. She can play water-bearing slave AND grain-carrying slave.
Ninbanda is always the same in everything she does. She was a wonderful Shamhat in Gilgamesh the Musical in Ur in 2325 but she gave the exact same performance as Inanna in Lugulbanda and the Mountain Cave a few seasons later in Larsa in 2318.
[qoute]Wasn't shagshag in softcore porn before her mainstream work?
Are you thinking of Wet Hot Sumerian Summer?
Yes, she showed her boobs but that wasn't porn. It was a comedy.
Puabi and Shub-ad were great as Lüu-Si and Eth-Ul in [italic]I Love Lüu-Si,[/italic] especially the "hostess tunic" episode ...
Eth-Ul: She said I was as large as all of Mesopotamia!
Lüu-Si: All I did was intimate that she was a little messy. But she does have the biggest 'potamia I've ever seen!
Does Ashusikildigir really belong on this list? Sure, she was great in a harmful of films like "Holiday in Shuruppak," but her real fame came from TV and her sitcom, "I Married Ashusikildigir."
I think MattDamania is generally underrated, and it's unfortunate her career has slumped of late. I think she still has some sweet honey left on her. Now it seems she is only known for one thing, and I'm not referring to her classic action series Ur-Bournanna. Why does MattDamania not get more respect, and why do people think she's resting comfortably on her considerable laurels of past success and the Damania ziggurat?
Puabi should have won best actress for her work in The Good Sumeritan.
Surprised to see Stritch on the list but not Bacall or Rainer. But these sorts of things always skew towards the young actresses.
I just don't get the public's fawning over Enanatuma. Don't get me wrong, I think she's a talented actress, but c'mon -- [italic]click, click, click...[/italic]
R27 = Kath-ur-ine Hep-ur-n
This thread alone is worth my 18 shekels.
[quote]Puabi should have won best actress for her work in The Good Sumeritan.
MattDamania was in The Good Sheperd. How do you think her work compares to that of Puabi in The Good Sumeritan?
Nan-Amous-Kouri once called me. It was a wrong number.
Shub-ad started dating Ashusikildigir's husband before they got divorced.
[quote]Ninbanda is always the same in everything she does.
But that is what her fans love. Her last film about the pistachio plantation, Samir's Nuts, got a 93 on BabaGanoush. Same old crowd pleasing Ninbanda.
[quote]Same old crowd pleasing Ninbanda.
I understand her film about travelling with Gilgamesh (portrayed by Ur-g Cluny) through the heavens was both a critical and audience favorite. Alas, I did not see it in its original release, and only saw an interpretation by an epic poet.
Spoiler: Gilgamesh makes a big sacrifice!
Shagshag can do it all. She was wonderful in the drama "The Jemdat Nasr Story," and she was hilarious in the sitcom "Ur You Being Served?"
I saw Ur-go, the recent Best Picture winner starring and produced by MattDamania's best friend for eternity, Batfleck, and adored it! It portrays our most uncouth neighbors to the east so accurately. They are savages, aren't they? To those who say otherwise, I say, "Ur, go fuck yourselves!"
The MattDamania routine was really only good for one post.
How many Mesopotamian Oscars have these women won?
I believe it's called an OSK-UR.
I like this thread.
It will not end in t-ur-s
It's me, baby. No one else!
Who was the lead actress in the classic "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra"?
In the original, referenced on Star Trek, I believe Sritchie played Jalad. And she ate the scenery.
I did like Eliza Beth Tayl-Ur in "Butterfield Cheth"
But she didn't deserve the Oz-Kar.
It should have gone to Sh-Ur-Lee M'Klaan in "The Courtyard Dwelling of Abandonment."
I had to relieve myself in the sacred river after reading "Suddenly, Last Sumer."
I never liked how Ninbanda's nipples point to different markings on the sundial. Symmetry is important.
[quote]I had to relieve myself in the sacred river after reading "Suddenly, Last Sumer."
Is your name Nephurlu?
Enanatuma in Cruel Sumerian!
I long to return to my youth to see "Valley of the Figurines" again. I loved all the characters, Anna at the Wells, Neely O'Harlot, and especially Jennif-Ur the Simple.
It was a tragedy the all the prints were lost in the Great F-Ur-Guson Riots.
I did think Cecil Beetle-Ton's comments about Eliza Beth Tayl-Ur were mean. She did lose her husband in that Icarus exploit.
And his saying Shagshag had a face the jackals of midnight wouldn't touch with a starving fang seemed a bit over the top.
All of these "actresses" eat Yak pussy. Shamhat Kadesh was the best in "Meet me in Gilgamesh".
"In" Gilgamesh? R51? What a slut she is!
Ah! But she was excellent in all those zany "road" pictures:
"The Road to Kish"
"The Road to Ebla"
Oh, dear, R45. It's Os-kur not Oz-kar. To, R39, you listen!
You seem as if you're from a city-state Gilgamesh would fly over, and your reed stylus technique marks you as fat.
I'm so tired of hearing that damn "Theme From a Sumer Place" at every harvest festival.
En-hedu-anna in 'Refried Green Chickpeas'
r54, they are probably Balawat twats. All Gilgamesh would fly over is maroon.
And don't start with the Nineveh bashing, no matter how many Minas a month I pay for my cot.
Hey, Weevil-Infested-Cunt at R54, also known as this thread's Temple Hall Monitor, if you don't have the education to know that "Oz-Kar" is the original utterance Bet-He Davis offered at seeing the first granite statuette (long before the bronze versions), translated as "Like a Cock on a Bull! Mine!" I don't know what we can do about you except ask you shut your barley-cake hole. Great Ki, I'll match my cuneiform style to yours any day.
As for being fly-over, my family has been in Eridu since the Kish. So go suck a viper head.
R58 can die in an auroch-fat fire!
It is sad you didn't make W&W R4, it was a clever comment.
Oh, Anu! All of Mesopotamia knows that Puabi is a sure wager to win the BSA award this year since she co-starred alongside Rob-en Willi-Ibbi-Suen (may he rest in Irkalla) in that heart-tugging dramedy that will be released posthumously. The entire city-state was talking about it at the Shurrupak Film Festival.
R59 is a leper.
Regarding the whore Erishti-Aya's...like throwing a mud brick through the temple gates.
I eat dung.
My [italic]gá-la[/italic] stinks!
Eh, I kind of lost my respect for Shagshag when I discovered that she and her husband Uruk were still living in a collective farm-subsidized mud-brick hut in Eridu.
With all the money she made in the pan Akkadian tour of "Mesopotamia/Yousopotamia", she can't afford market rent for a two-bedroom+grazing pen unit?
I know Mah-dah-Nuh has just started her career in performing arts, but I cannot see a future for her, as she is unconvincing in her public square performances. Her singing voice resembles the men of Eridu during bloodlettings.
[quote]Her singing voice resembles the men of Eridu during bloodlettings.
That's what the young kids want to hear!
They have no ear for music.
How I long for the Pre-Pottery Neolithic Age...
R65 is so right. R64's sappy and fetid emanations are used as asp repellent.
But, back to the topic. I agree about Mah-dah-Nuh, but anyone complaining about her must be an Elder Temple Eunuch. Because NOW all the youngsters of Ur are listening to Uh-Delphia, a bovine howler who sounds like her camel curtains are being chafed by nutshells.
Before that they listened to Begone-Say, a Nubian of no particular talent except as a receptacle of man seed.
[quote]Ninbanda...the most honored actress in the Fertile Crescent
That goatwife only got to the top by sharing her own fertile crescent with every producer in town.
Sorry, but I will never understand her appeal if I live to be 30.
I'm glad none of you have mentioned Gl-unn-ee here. Her attempts to draw attention to herself in the market is not "acting." Some just cannot perform as others do, those of us suitable for the public square.
OP i wanna fuck you so bad. I wonder if any of these god damned work shy college drop out queenies on datalounge even grasped the knowledge of neart-eastern mythology :) Love you!
This poll is incomplete without the great Inanna Dumuzi, queen of Sumerian neorealism. She was sublime in "Nights of Shuruppak," the baffling "Last Year at Bad-tibira," and the camp classic "All About Ninlil." And who can forget her impassioned Golden Nibiru-winning portrayal of a peasant barley worker forced into a life of crime on the eve of the Akitu Festival in "Bitter Barley"? This long-neglected star is in serious need of rediscovery.
Ugh, Tee Hem Zii is reporting that Leensd i Lohannurabi was involved in a hit and run chariot accident. She was allegedly behind the reins and fled the scene. She's home now, apparently under Caliph Ur Na law she has 360 subunits before she has to turn herself in. I wonder if she visited the brewer's cart before the accident...
Don't call me Ugh, R74. It wounds.
R72 is a delusional narcissist. She finally catches on to the joke and decides she's the first on the planet to do so.
And those are names of Sumerian queens, not deities, you dingdong.
But I give you credit for believing they're names from neart-eastern mythology (not to be confused with fart-eastern mythology, of course).
r76 Yo Cumbucket. where the fuck did I type that they were deities? Get hooked on phonics and get some more reading comprehensions babe.
Girls, girls! You're both Ziggurats!
R72/R76 displaying her illiterate coolness. Certainly among the most unpleasant, disgusting creeps to dribble her drool at the DL for a whlie.
Of COURSE we all spent 16 months assuming the OP made up meaningless combinations of syllables. Because what passes through this cretins brain is the creation of the universe, every time.
R81 just can't stop. And contributes nothing, because she can't.
Two bickering cow dungs contribute only more fuel to a fire and ruin perfectly good threads.
Why did you have to ruin a terrific thread with that fucking picture, R79?
You're the asshole around here. Now grow up and go get your homework done.
ATTENTION: R72/R77/R81 is a TROLL. It's posting homophobic comments on several threads, including the one about the 8-year-old kid beaten to death by his mother and her boyfriend (to paraphrase, the asshole posted that he would've let the child live, just so he/she could beat him again to teach him a lesson).
Please F&F this sick fuck and get it banned!
May the fleas of a thousand camels and a thousand piles of dung infest your hut!
Word on the street is that Shagshag is a cinch to posthumously receive the [italic]Not Since Nineveh Prize[/italic] for her stunned performance, playing with herself in the long awaited biopic about her mentor/lover. [italic]Long Day's Journey Into Elaine's Stench[/italic] is expected to premier at the Babylon on the Euphrates Cinema Complex within the century.
And, please, she played herself, she did not "play with herself," R88.
That part of her career had been long over and she had not done the Dance of the Seven Curtains and Two Oxen Horns in the trader's tents for many years.
But, really, she's DEAD? Communications are so slow in this age. It seems like only two years ago we heard she was doing fine.
How come we never talk about the men? Huh? What about Mandingo?
Mandingo comes 4,000 years later and 6,700 miles away.
Perhaps you are confusing matters with Balulu, "Auger-Delver," who famously killed everything with which he copulated except an old she-camel of fifteen gestations.
He called her his Succulent Delight and had her made Second Concubine, second only to his half-sister, "The Bitter Virgin Kubababa.
None of which has anything to do with Sumerian actresses. I repeat: Shagshag is DEAD?
Yes, it was last year near the summer solstice. It was also near the time that the Nineveh army, sent by Sennacherib, invaded a small watering hole of unmentionables.The dances of the curtains was done by by women for women AND THEY WERE NOT SLAVES! Middle and upper caste, dare I call them men, were known to go up into EACH OTHER. This den of iniquity, revolting, REVOLTED on invasion. It was down by the old stone wall by the Shamash Gate. The defeat of the army by unmentionables will go down in history. The funeral of Shagshag had unmentionables throwing themselves on her pyre.
Such was the end of the great Shagshag. Such a great voice, such a glorious and sad life.
Shub-ad is on this list?!
Hacktress, yes. Actress, never.
r92 - That. Never. Happened.
It's an Ur-bahn legend that began with a Cuneifweet that said, and I quote,
"Shagshag shags hag's carpets on shag carpets."
From there it took a life of it's own.
Similar to Richard G-ur and the G-ur-bull story. Pure fiction.
The G-ur and the G-ur-bull story has never been authenticated. I know people who live by the Shamash Gate and they went to Shagshag's pyre.
The only legend was Shagshag herself.
Other watering holes for degenerates have been energized by the Shamash Gate riot.
Where is Rog Ur Eeb Ur when I need him? I can't remember half these actresses!
It's quite funny that Sumer represents the height of that region's civilization. Eventually, America will similarly degenerate.
[ r97, if you doing an aside to the inline character thread, put it in brackets, which is what vile r79 should have done...]
Shub-ad has done good work, but she ruined any chance of getting an Osk-ur by doing paycheck crap like "Dude, Where's My Oxcart" and "The Nine-Year-Old Virgin."
[quote] The dances of the curtains was done by by women for women AND THEY WERE NOT SLAVES!
Ah yes, the festival by women for women. There is much dancing and celebration. The older women are pushed by younger ones in mobility oxcarts, and much bappir bread and barley is consumed.
On the final day, there is a contest to see how many blocks of salt each woman can place under her breasts.
I too would like to hear more of the men.
R102, I believe Stritchie was friend of Nol Cow-ur-d and he was one of degenerates at Shamash Gate. It is reported that men went up in him never to see daylight again!
Perhaps the over-caffeinated twat at R98 could sit on a ziggurat and stop playing Thread Arranger. Bracket yourself, you insolent ass.
Did no one else see G'er-ul-deen Pay-ge in Sumer & Smoke? By the gods, it was the most worthy performance, in Mesopotamia or I am not a proto-Euphratean.
Thank you, you camel anus, for posting correctly r104. And that is not a ziggurat up my Tigris, I'm just happy to see you.
No matter the actress, they always turn in stellar performances opposite this guy.
Is he responsible for the banned golden showers movie, The Waters of Babylon?
Let's just say that he proved that the gardens aren't the only thing that was hung.
I lost respect for Enanatuma when she changed her name from E-na-na-tum-a. She went all upscale, big city forgetting her roots.
I did like her, even though she was wasted, in Urkle goes Ur.
[quote]I lost respect for Enanatuma when she changed her name from E-na-na-tum-a. She went all upscale, big city forgetting her roots.
Well, she did release that song "Enny From the Hut" when she was dabbling in a singing career.
What was the big scandal about the lamentation priests at the temple of Enki?
Do you refer to Water Jar Gate? We promised never to speak of it again!
They speak of Ak-hur, a man nearly as tall as a ziggurat, with a large pendulous organ as big as the phallus of a beast.
He is very well regarded among the men at the temple. They admire him.
R114 - he was majorly bearding when that rendering was made.
Digging up dirt on Puabi, rumored to be strap on top.
Ninbanda is a pants chaser.
The Shamash Gate Ziggurat is an insatiable bottom!
S-ur-ly this poll would better be taken by a target group of Sumerian Housewives as they gather round the Well fo Fra-ur?
Gilgamesh and Inkidu ARE NOT GAY! Gilgamesh is married with many children, and Inkidu is just his friend! Can't you fags realize that people arn't gay just because you want them to be in your sick Bronze Age fantasies?
r121, I find that if hung like ziggurat, ankles rise to Dilmun!
Is Shagshag dead or not? If she did descend to confront Utu, who inherited her palaces? You know she had more than that simple mud hut down by the river. And then there is all that lapis lazuli...
I understand MattDamania was upset she was overlooked in the acting Osk-urs. Why do you think she was overlooked?
Leprous whores of Druaga's dread underworld harem, know you nothing of the great Shagshag's repertoire? Marduk spare us these uncivilized, unworthy fibers to twine His war net. Cease using your stylus to relieve your piles and leave the clay to potters at least.
r125, it was rumored that her estate included a graduated series of three male members carved of lapis lazuli. It is also rumored that the great Ninbanda now has them for her own dance of the curtains. It seems that Ninbanda held some very interesting blackmail that she chose not to reveal while Shagshag lived but the holder of the estate was more than happy to seal the deal post mortem. I was also told that the holder of the estate was surprised that Ninbanda knew exactly of the treasures in the first place. Each of the three has a famous name!!!
Or so I've been told.
R128 = Bar-bur-a Wa-Wa
I glimpsed the future and saw that the goddess Lenz Dun-Ham-Urabi will be celebrated far into the future!
That incense really works!
I also glimpsed that something called NSFW can be applied, possibly, to the goddess' fine form.
What's this about Jo-ahun Euphrates Rivers being at the gates of the netherworld?
Yes R135. She was being bled to release some unclean spirits and suddenly Astarte halted her heart, the priests had to put her into an induced com ur. Her daughter Meliss Ur is at the Ziggurat with Jo-Ahun.
Edg-ur should have sacrificed himself TWICE to escape this silicone she-devil.
The horns of the goddess frolicked across the sky last night.
Enkadu is so gay you can hear the swish by the River Indus.
R132 You mistake your own dung for a savory date.
If Jo-ahun does descend below, will her womb fruit continue the selling of poorly made ornaments down by the river? None of those items looked genuine. Lapis lazuli? Anzu knows the truth!
The fruit of her womb Meliss- Ur is going to inherit scores of shekels, Astarte be praised she will no longer have to sell her questionable lapis and gold.
By the lapis of Shagshag, womb fruit Melliz-ur sells the polished dung of water buffaloes as Jo-ahun sold her own bowel movements. It has been foretold that this will end in tears of Marduk!
Hamonryebi! I just saw that many of Puabi's "special, private" clay tablets were hacked through her unshuttered window opening and they are making their way through the streets of Eridu. Apparently she had her scribe apply his stylus freely for personal communications with her beau Babum.
One wonders why she didn't delete these copies - unless her loins quiver at the cuneiform of her own pudenda. I wouldn't doubt it.
Puabi is just another of the Real Whores of Eridu. Just like the whore Erishti-Aya's...like throwing a mud brick through temple gates.
Jo-ahun has taken tight hold of the stone base of the ziggurat, and will not leave these earthly rocks to pass to her next life.
Jo-ahun may indeed be ready to enter the arms of darkness, but her spawn, Meh Lizard, clings to her rotting sinews. She fears the living oblivion that will come to her with the passing. All the shekels of Kish will not buy her anything but the indifference due such a dog woman.
r144 - MY EYES!!
I just saw Puabi's private mud tablets - A man named F'u Chan has them on display in the atrium marketplace. Apparently, when the tablet clay was still soft, Puabi sat directly on it until an exact copy of her under region had been created.
How many times can it be said:
if you don't want people to see your skirt, don't sit on a wet clay tablet!!!
Jo-Ahun has been moved to a private tent. Some say this means she may awaken with the dawn, some say the Afterworld beckons her.
Only Erishkigal knows for sure at this point...
It is whispered that Melliz-ur will sell the ashes of Jo-Ahun in the market place on the shore of the QuVe Sea. One also mumbled that vessels shall be made of this new stuff called "glass". People would not spend a sheckel for a bowl of her ashes in the traditional goat dung pot, but in this "glass", who knows. People have gone to this market place to buy the droppings of Mre Oz-Mun and now the ashes of Jo-Ahun. Marduk, save us.
R148. Thank you with petal water for your explanation. I miscontstrued the hair prints as some kind of foul nematode unleashed and wriggling across the mud.
No temple wax was stolen to remove the fur from HER camel back - or toe.
I just read a cuneiform of news from Aybee Sea, it appears Jo-Ahun has crossed to the netherworld. Nergal be damned!!! Poor Coop-Ur is now without a grandmother and benefactress.
Yesterday was the solemn observance of the date when the ziggurats fell.
Damn those ill-behaved spirits selling lapis lazuli to "honor" the fallen. May the gnats of a thousand dung heaps swarm around them.
Why did you bump me, R154?
I spit in your eye!
When Puabi famously evoked an ex-temple concubine of Anu-noknok suffering from a curse of writhing worms in a "Lioness on a Hot Clay Overhang," it turned out she actually was suffering from writhing worms.
Does this undermine her accolades or underscore her verisimilitude? I mean, why should a leper get an award for playing a character where her toe falls off?
And I hear she's part Nubian, anyway. Worm Country.