Lunch w/ My Sister Today. Hadn't seen her since Christmas.
She walks in and tells me she had plastic surgery right after New Year's, and didn't tell anyone. She's been lifted, filled and Botoxed, and her lips are over plumped. Needless to say, I was taken aback. She could tell by the look on my face that I wasn't as pleased with the final result as she was. I started backtracking, trying to tell her she looked alright.
Then she said, "don't you think I look younger?" We've always been close, but I could not lie to her. I told her that I thought she was beautiful before the surgery (she is 44). I told her I didn't necessarily think she looked younger, but she sure looked different. She looked so disappointed at my answer. Now I feel bad. Should I have lied and told her how good she looked?
She can hardly undo the surgery, tell her when it settles a little she'll look wonderful. NEVER tell a woman she looks old(or fat)
"Should I have lied"
Who cares? The deed is done now. No use looking back.
Tact is knowing the truth and being smart enough not to say it out loud, in 6 months say "Now that your face has settled you really do look younger, who's your surgeon?"
Well, perhaps you didn't need to lie. Maybe you could have displayed a bit of enthusiasm and said that she looked good...and that she just surprised you and you were "taking it all in" with her new look. You didn't have to say that she looked "great" if you weren't feeling it, but smiling and saying that she looked "good" might have worked.
As awkward as it might seem, you might want to call her and tell her that she looked very nice and that you were just surprised by her new face. Yeah, you've got to make it up to her a bit. You can't have your sister feeling badly over plastic surgery. She's probably feeling a bit self-conscious anyway. Your call might be the conifedence booster she needs.
I had almost the identical experience with a cousin. Didn't know she was planning it and had not seen her since Christmas. I know I didn't hide my reaction well and no amount of backtracking ever helped. I said I always thought she looked great (true) and was just surprised (freaked out). In the end, I don't think my lukewarm approval mattered. She liked it and that's what was important. She felt more secure or confident I guess.
Know how you feel
OP, I understand you feel bad, but now at least she'll think twice about getting anymore plastic surgery in the future.
OP, backtrack a little now. Then backtrack again in a few months and take R3's advice. I knew someone who had all the same things done. She didn't look right for several month. After her face settled she looked good.
UPDATE: I called my sister today and tried to smooth things over. I told her I wished she had let me in on her secret from the beginning, if for no other reason I could have made her recovery time better. She said she thought I would have tried to talk her out of going under the knife.
She said the most upsetting thing I said was that she didn't look younger, just different. I emailed a pic her son took of us at Christmas. She still thinks she looks better, and that's OK with me.
This thread is useless without (before and after) pictures.
OP, my friend had surgery, too, again, and again, and she wanted compliments. I gave her a compliment about her weight reductions, but then she got too small. Over did her makeup and overall look.
It's hard to say you like something when you aren't that enthusiastic.
A good tip:
Wait, until someone else compliments her, and you can piggyback on that by saying you were too attached to the old her to appreciate how young and refreshed she does look.
That will win you some Brownie points.
OP, another tip: unless someone close to you has gotten a truly BOTCHED cosmetic surgery job, suck it up and tell her she looks great. I'm 40-ish and most of my female friends are the same age. Some are "aging gracefully"; others are going for mild Botox and fillers; others still are going for extensive Botox and fillers; and a few are going the surgery route. If someone's getting bad Botox (as in the Nicole Kidman-esque "frozen forehead" look), I say so and refer them to a doc who can do it right. If someone's going overboard with the fillers, I tacitly suggest a reduction in volume the next time around. I've had to do things the hard way only once, with a friend who went to Mexico for work because "it's so much cheaper but the work is just as good!" Um, no, it's not. I was blunt and pointed out the numerous problems with her work, and directed her to a surgeon whom I know specializes in corrective plastic surgery (fixing other surgeons' mistakes, in other words). She thanked me later for pointing out what she was too blind to see.