And she told me after that fact. When I told her that it was unacceptable for her to do that, she looked at me like I was a complete stranger and said, 'I don't need this shit' and walked out. That was this morning. She still hasn't returned or called or texted. She won't answer her phone or respond to my texts. What the fuck is going on? We have plans for tonight.
Does she she come from a family in which her parents cover all her expenses without question?
Fuck I hate poor people
Yes, she should have asked first, but you could have been less strident when she told you. If I were you, I would apologize.
I doubt she wanted to have to use your card but due to financial circumstances was forced to.
I stated my boundaries then so I don't have to tell her now.
Lesbians are so predictable.
Great, another lesbian drama thread.
Did you tell her THEN so you did't have to tell her now? This could be your fault for not proactively stating your boundaries.
She probably created this drama to get out of your plans for tonight.
OP, I would never want to enter a relationship with someone like you.
But if she truly knew this personality trait of yours going in, then it's on her and not you.
She hasn't responded to your communiqués because after she clomped away indignantly she met someone else and is in the process of moving in.
This is why they don't want us to marry. Lesbians with credit cards.
R3 and R8 use their partners' gas cards.
You absolutely should not apologize. It IS unacceptable for her to take your cards and use them without asking first.
I guess the only exception(s) would be if you've cohabitated for a long time and her/your money is a blurry area, or if there's been a precedent set for you to borrow from each other without getting permission first. If not, it's stealing, plain and simple.
The fact that she reacted so defensively makes her sound a little narcissistic and manipulative. If she's giving you the cold shoulder for calling her out, then it might be best if you got out of the relationship and found someone trustworthy.
Wait did she steal your card? As in take it out of your purse or wallet without asking, then went to the gas station?
If this is a new relationship, then it's a deal breaker. If you've been together for years, well that's a different story. (Mine is yours and yours is mine, etc.)
OP is a man -- aren't you, OP?
Before I get deeply involved I need to know whether or not you stood in your driveway since this happened and if so did you see a U-Haul moving in the opposite direction?
She's looking for a U-Haul dealer who will accept a gas card for a two hour rental.
[quote]The fact that she reacted so defensively makes her sound a little narcissistic and manipulative. If she's giving you the cold shoulder for calling her out, then it might be best if you got out of the relationship and found someone trustworthy.
Talking about it might be better. Jesus fuck.
If she dumps a two liter bottle of Coke in the kitchen and then proceeds to crabwalk across the kitchen floor ...........RUN.
I'm confused. Is this something that happens all the time? Was it a one time thing?
If this is recurring "problem", and you've both agreed that the gas card shouldn't be used, then she's to blame.
If it was a one time thing, my god. You're to blame. I couldn't imagine my bf getting upset if I used his CC in a pinch, nor would I if he did. It's supposed to be the two of you as a united front.
Read for comprehension, R16. It sounds like OP TRIED to talk it out by saying it was unacceptable, and the gf got bitchy and left. If she won't return texts or calls, how much talking out is there to do?
Ever been out to dinner with a group of lesbians. The bill is usually a nightmare. Of course, that is true with straight women too, I guess.
Make her some bread pudding and all will be forgotten.
R11, yes, but people can work through that shit. Behaving like an asshole isn't the same as being an asshole.
If you come out with melodramatic shit like 'read for comprehension', I imagine you wouldn't get that people can work through unimportant crap like gas cards.
What R21 says is true. There used to be a large group brunch I went to twice a year at a restaurant, and the lesbians would always be short. I always ended up paying twice as much as I should have.
Not at all, R16, R23, but you seemed to completely ignore salient details about the OP as well as some questions I asked in my first post, and just assumed I meant break up with the gf posthaste. I don't think encouraging you to go back and carefully reread details before getting snarky is melodramatic at all; just kind of what you do when you're discussing something in general, no?
My point was, absent some kind of backstory or context that would make the girlfriend's actions acceptable, the OP did not need to apologize for being assertive, as those other posters suggested. I still maintain the girlfriend was being an immature dick by flouncing out and refusing to talk about the situation, and I'm not going to change my mind on that.
Really, (unless you're OP's girlfriend) I'm not sure why you're being so defensive about a situation in which you're ostensibly not involved.
If she truly is your "GF" then you need to lighten the fuck up. That's the kind of thing a GF or a BF should be allowed to do.
The fact that she offered up the information probably implies that she planned reciprocate or pay you back, whatever. If she hadn't said anything, then you would've had a problem on your hands.
Now, had a mere friend or an acquaintance done that it would have been inappropriate. But you claim that she is your GF...
Welcome to adult relationships.
[quote]Really, (unless you're OP's girlfriend) I'm not sure why you're being so defensive about a situation in which you're ostensibly not involved.
Are you involved or OP's girlfriend? I'm not quite sure why you are so taken with a gas card drama and going straight to a make or break situation. THAT is the melodrama to which I referred.
R25 = classically humorless lesbian
I filled my tank NOW, so that I would not have to fill my tank THEN.
Um, R27, because the OP posted in a public forum about a personal matter and wondered what was happening and what to do. I've been in a similar situation, and (as I've said now for the 413th time) without further details or a context for the situation, it sounds like the gf is displaying signs of being a shitty partner one way or another. Since when is posting an opinion melodrama? Go get laid, sweetie. It sounds like you desperately need it.
The GF doing that wasn't right, however, how the OP handled it wasn't right either.
When your partner shares something, responding like an authoritarian figure isn't going to help anything.
Sounds like the partner is either a) hurting financially or b) needs to learn boundaries. Both of those situations need to be handled with loving compassion. In fact, isn't that how every situation should be handled with your partner? Isn't that how you would like to be spoken to or treated?
Agree with R30. It was presumptuous of the gf if you take the story OP presented as fact. But I bet there is a lot more to it. Like, maybe the gf pays ALL the household bills and OP pays nothing and the one time gf decided to use freeloading OP's gas card, OP gets all up in her face. Now in that case, OP is dead wrong.
So the OP's girlfriend is just sucking her clit for gas money? Times are tough.
My post infers I need to get laid? Illuminating conjecture.
[quote] It sounds like OP TRIED to talk it out by saying it was unacceptable,
That's not talking. That's just declaring. If it's 'unacceptable' then there's nothing left to talk about, is there? What did OP expect? An apology? Perhaps. She told her so it's not like she was being deceptive.
Dykes are stupid.
Aww, Sweetie, you know I love it when you're pompous. Now come to bed, and don't touch my moisturizer.
This thread is useless without further detail.
Let's talk about weird/quirky/morally questionable things we do without our partners' knowledge instead.
This thread is useless without details.
Let's post about the weird/quirky/morally suspect things we do without our partners' knowledge instead.
Ugh, sorry for the double-post. I'm going to go put on my hairshirt and flagellate myself now.
Who knew that lesbians with gas would be such a popular topic?
Wait, was the girlfriend in question named Denise?
That would change everything.
Her name is Claire. Why did she have to get gas when she was only going down to the 7-eleven, two blocks away, to pick up some bread pudding?
The girlfriend has boundary issues. Using someone's credit card without permission is a huge red flag.
I hate my girlfriend Julie.
She used my Conoco card to buy Funyuns and a Snapple.
Well, when I returned home she was there and very upset that I went out and kept our original plans. She said that I was totally insensitive and selfish. I explained to her that I tried to reach her and she wouldn't respond. She packed a bag and is crashing with a friend tonight.
The issue is she went into my purse without asking and then took the card without asking. I'm happy to give her gas money, all she has to do is ask. Her last girlfriend warned me about this and I didn't pay attention. Fuck!
Well, there's your answer OP. Time to say bye-bye.
Did she crabwalk across the kitchen floor and then dump a 2 liter of pop on the floor and not clean it up?
OP, I'm with you. How long have you been with her? Do you have any monetary agreements so far?
Money is near and dear to my heart. I enjoy being generous and making my partner's life more comfortable. The longer we're together, the more I feel assured we're aligned in spending patterns. (2 years now, and we still keep money separate, but I pay for almost everything until he gets back on his feet)
While generous, I also like to be at choice about it, not having to pay (or have my money taken) without my consent. What if I have a budget or other plans with my money? What if I feel my partner is being frivolous with money that has priorities? Shouldn't I have the right to all my own money until such time as we agree (that means we both consent) otherwise?
It's a boundary thing, and unless a couple has agreed to it, it's not okay to make choices for other people's money.
OP, I do think, unless you can handle this ongoing (she's not taking responsibility for it and she will surely do it again because it feels okay to her), you should really end the relationship. Unless you two can come to an agreement on how to handle money between you, and that agreement is honored, this is going to be a huge problem.
It doesn't matter whether it's $50 for gas or $8k for dog training lessons. It's the principle.
How long have you been together, op?
And, why are you dating someone who was with a friend of yours before you?
Creepy incestuous lesbian dating circles!!
Story! I once was seeing this guy for literally less than a week when we went to the store together to pick up various items we each needed. Well come time to check out, he put his things on the conveyor belt right along with mine. I looked at him a little puzzled, and said something along the lines of, "Why don't you do your separately?" His response...and I'll never forget it as long as I live...was, "We're together now--your money is my money." Ummmm, NO.
[quote]The issue is she went into my purse without asking and then took the card without asking.
That should be the main issue, yet you didn't bother to mention this in your original post. Duh!
She's a thief. Why would you leave that out?
R50 sounds like an absolutely horrible bf. And he won't have any clue as to why.
OP, is this something that's happened before? If not, I would give it a pass with a clear warning that, while you're happy to help, you need to be asked first. If it's a recurring problem, I would consider P&Ding.
Nice over reaction OP
You could have at least asked her if she planned on paying you back.
Seems you just wanted instant drama!
What's the gas used for? Is it a car either both of you use or is used for something that benefits both of you?
Seems like a lot of drama over nothing. OP obviously handled it poorly treating her like a child who was sealing from her purse. I suspect there are control issues.
If it was about needed to know what would shw up on the card then the gf did tell her.
I'm just not seeing the fuss or any reason to get bent out of shape.
R57, 'horrible bf' here. I would do the same thing you suggested. The point is you ask before taking something that belongs to someone else. Didn't all our parents teach this along the way?
What's horrible about my post at R50? Rigidity? I'm not uptight with my bf. I can trust him completely to not wipe me out. I never needed to have money conversations because he already knew you don't take without asking. I loan him money every time he ever asks, though.
FWIW, I read your post to my bf. He agrees with me. He wouldn't put up with someone who went into his wallet and took his money without asking first.
Unless she's crabwalking your story is boring OP.
Brava, OP. I hope everyone else here takes note: this is how you create a genuinely good one. Make it interesting and dramatic, but simple, and without ridiculous unbelievable detail like "I want to pop one in your pooper!"
She must have been the youngest child.
This is about a bigger issue. it sounds like things weren't great anyway.... if they were, you could truly have a civil discussion. why did you get so mad? was it already made clear about your financial partnership? she's your gf. I think her actions are a little weird in that why wouldn't she ask you first but you over reacted, too.
Freeloading thieving cunt. You are well rid of her, OP. You do NOT need such people in your life...she will rob you blind. What she did was THEFT, pure and simple.
I wish the haves would learn to stop mixing with the have-nots in romantic settings. It just does not ever work out.