Do your parents or siblings know that you and your bf have an open relationship?
We're in a committed relationship, but we like to play every now and then. No one in my bf's family knows. My brother knows, but not my sister. He's pretty open minded, but she tends to be small-minded and ignorant about these types of things, bordering on puritanical. I would never tell my parents, though my dad almost found out.
We were staying at my parents' place for the weekend to attend a family wedding. They live in Connecticut, and we drove there from Boston. My bf was getting a little antsy, so to speak, so he went to a local adult video store I'd told him about. That was my favorite spot to hook up in when I was closeted and still living at home. The video store is in the same strip mall as the Shop Rite supermarket. My dad went to the market to pick up a few things, and saw our car with the Mass. plates parked in front of the video store. He mentioned it to me in private later on, kind of awkwardly joking about it, and I said yes, that was Randy (my bf) in the store. I told him that he just wanted to get an adult video. My dad thinks of himself as a man of the world, so he understood. I decided to leave out the part about him doing mutual oral with another guy in one of the booths. lol
Not everyone has an open relationship. Some of us are monogamous.
Whores like you are why straight people have a hard time accepting gay marriage.
"but she tends to be small-minded and ignorant about these types of things"
[quote]Whores like you are why straight people have a hard time accepting gay marriage.
[quoted]We're in a committed relationship, but we like to play every now and then.
How "committed" are you and your bf if both of you are screwing around with other men? The only thing you two are committed to is mutual infidelity.
Please use the right term. It's an insult to couples who are really committed to each other.
Your boyfriend sounds like a class-act, OP.
Oh geez, I see the pearl clutchers are out tonight. I'll get the smelling salts. Sorry if I offended any of you. It was an honest question. The fact is a lot of couples are not totally monogamous, and I was just wondering if anyone else has confided in family members about it.
No one really gives a shit if you and bf screw around. The real problem is you seem to think you are in a "committed" relationship. Call your relationship anything you want. Just don't call it committed, unless the both of you reside in a mental institution.
Pearl clutchers? Or Lying hypocritical judgmental liars. I say the latter OP.
christ, r9. We're committed in the sense that we're emotionally committed to each other and love each other very much. We're there for each other through no matter what. Sex is not the same thing as love, and sometimes we just want a little variety in our sex life.
Amen, R1, R2 and R5. If you're having sex, oral or otherwise, with other people, OP, you're not committed. Not in my book.
Sorry OP. You don't get to have it both ways. I don't care if you're "emotionally" committed to each other. Being in a relationship is both a emotional AND physical commitment.
Like I said, I don't care if you two screw around. But call it what it is: a long-term, non-committal relationship.
R12, I guess you just don't have to commit to the OP. Maybe, just maybe, we don't all conform to the same things. Why am I not surprised at all the outrage.
OP, you've got to remember that some of the caring people at DL view marriage from a deeply religious viewpoint. Next time, please consider all the Christians at DL who find your open relationship to be offensive. What God hath joined together...
I'm with you, OP. My partner and I of 22 years are as committed as they come - and yes we, too, like to play every once in a while.
R2 epitomizes the downside of gay marriage, and our incessant need for it: gays desperately trying to conform to straight paradigms.
For the record, before the screeching commences, we are legally married, and understand and support the political necessity of marriage equality. We don't have stds. We are not self-loathing and we are not whores, darling. In our book, fidelity is about love and commitment - not about sex.
Gay marriage and straight marriage are not the same thing. Their marriages tend to end miserably. Ours, on our own terms, has been going strong, thank you very much.
I'm only disgusted by two things in this scenario. OP uses 'lol' at the end of his post, and should be shot accordingly. Also, he claims that his sister is "small-minded and ignorant about these types of things", but this suggests that he believes his way of life is inherently superior to hers.
To each their own, I say. Respect the monogamists, and the sane ones will respect you, OP.
Relationships between people all have varying parameters. There is no right or wrong, it's about mutual understanding and communication.
Whewww. At first I thought you were going to say your bf ran into Dad at the arcade and blew him.
Although it would have made a better story.
r16 why is gay marriage different from straight marriage, aside from the obvious?
Is it because you want to justify your living arrangement?
Your bf couldn't go one lousy weekend without trying to hook up with someone else ????? This man doesn't even respect you enough not to embarrass you in front of your family? What is he some kind of sex addict.
I don't quite get open relationship, but it shouldn't equal being a whore. What's he going to do if you get in a car accident --fuck the cop on the scene or the ambulance driver?
I notice that the uptight, "committed" bitches are the ones home alone on a Saturday night.
[quote]why is gay marriage different from straight marriage, aside from the obvious
Go thump your Bible somewhere else, snookums.
what the fuck is with you whiny, judgmental assholes? you all sound like you're from the National Organization for Marriage. I'd expect to read this kind of nonsense at some Christian retreat in the Appalachians. I thought gay people were supposed to be a little more sophisticated than to insist that there is one and only one way to conduct yourself. what ridiculous jerks you people are who are typing this nonsense about the OP not being 'committed'. What the fuck do you know about his relationship?
ITA @ R26.
Hysterical, sanctimonious, boring Maryfrau @ R6, R9, R13, R21. You've lost your way. Let me help you get back where you belong.
If you're too ashamed to tell your family, then you're not quite as comfortabe, or as superior, as you think you are with your life. And, yes, your BF sounds like trash, OP. You're visiting your family, not going to an orgy at Fire Island. There's a time and pace for everything.
Ugh. Yet again another committed open relationship, every few days, we get to hear about this tired type of relationship, JUST STOP
Ugh! Another Bible thumper exhibiting a fundie frau mentality at R29. Go away!
[quote]You're visiting your family, not going to an orgy at Fire Island. There's a time and pace(sic) for everything.
Exactly, r28. And that's the reason they were at an ABS and not in the house where OP's parents live. You Bible thumpers react like the guy was giving blowjobs in OP's mother's bed. Get a life!!!!
Sorry, I couldn't have an open relationship. I would be jealous and couldn't handle it.
I've actually given blowjobs in my mother's bed.
How exactly is your sister "ignorant" about open relationships?
This isn't about you, Norman.
Oh please, this is a troll! That's not to say there aren't plenty of people in open relationships but the way OP phrased this was in an attempt to get the more conservative posters riled up. Why the hell would anyone need to know the private details of your sex life, least of all your immediate family?!?
OP - Not very sensible to have a hook-up in your home town on a weekend trip. Suggests to me that perhaps your boyfriend was wanting to be caught out.
And why, by the way, was your boyfriend in need of something extra on that weekend?
I can think of NO adult bookstore with "holes" here in Connecticut that is connected to a ShopRite - let alone ANY supermarket or larger-type plaza. A smaller strip center without "branded" stores, maybe.
OP, you forgot the part of how your bf brought another guy home and loudly fucked him in your parents' bed while the rest of you ate dinner. Oh, and don't forget the part where he left the used condom on their nightstand.
R7 is correct, A shopping center with a Shop Rite would be considered
"A"space. No way would an ABS be in that kind of commercial location.
It's in Waterbury. What can I say?...I don't come from money. There's an adult vid store next to the Shop Rite.
[quote]A shopping center with a Shop Rite would be considered "A"space. No way would an ABS be in that kind of commercial location.
That's the way to sock it to him. Ha! You poked a hole in his story with your extensive knowledge of zoning laws. Good going!
This is the place. When I was closeted and still living at home, this place was my home away from home. And I didn't always hook up there. More often than not, I just went there to be around other gay guys. There are no gay bars in the area.
Well, OP, to each his own but I think it's tacky for your bf to do that in your parents hometown.
Don't shit where you eat.
[quote]I think it's tacky for your bf to do that in your parents hometown.
Jeeze, Mary, AGAIN: he wasn't blowing guys in op's mother's bed. WTF is the matter with you warped people? They were away from the house having a good time. OP had been inside the ABS many, many, many, many, many many times before --- in his parents hometowwn. Duh!
Your fundie frau mentality is what is "tacky" and needs to be sent away from DL. Go over to iVillage where you'll be very much at home.
I cant believe people are harassing the OP the only rules of a relationship are what the two people agree to. Not caring about sexual monogamy in no way lessens the relationship.
Any guesses on how long it is going to be before the first queen googles the address, verifies there is a Shop Rite or wtf next door and posts results?
That link at r43 shows the adult video store, with an auto parts place right next door but i scanned around 360 degrees and there is no sign of a Shop-rite.
Not from there, but I've stepped in a few times, just bought videos. I think the ShopRite is back a block or so. So, let's not diss the OP so much.
I guess I don't get how the booths work. Do you just sit and wait forever until someone comes in? Cause in this place I would think it would be hours. Also, crazy Indian owners who fight a lot.
OP, next time, just tell your partner to call me.
Why not just get off with other guys on Skype? It's so much quicker, easier, and the bf won't bring back herpes.
I bet a lot of the people decrying Fundie wouldn't feel the same way if their parents were in an open relationship or their sister or brother. I bet none of them would want to walk in on their mom blowing the pool boy.
OP's parents could have been as selfish as his bf and picked their weekend visit to get with their favorite hooker and escort.
What's also telling is that the OP was there and available for sex and his bf instead chose some closeted possibly diseased, probably married man. If you don't come first with your man why even bother with a relationship.
If he doesn't respect you or your family enough to hold off on his sexual urges, again why bother. Love is not just a word, it's how you show it. It requires at some point to put the needs of the person you love above yourself.
Well, OP, your Extremely Shocking Tale is a little out of character for my partner and me. Neither of us frequents small-town adult video stores that share mini-mall space with supermarkets (besides, in our town there are zoning laws that separate adult businesses from more mass-market and kid-friendly establishments).
So basically we're a lot more discrete. I see no reason to tell my family the details of our relationship.
[quote]I bet a lot of the people decrying Fundie wouldn't feel the same way if their parents were in an open relationship or their sister or brother. I bet none of them would want to walk in on their mom blowing the pool boy.
You lack the mental capacity to comprehend. That's why you exhibit a Fundie frau mentality. You're like a Fundie missionary who goes to a naked tribe in the jungles of Borneo and forces the women to wear dresses and the men to wear suits and ties. You can only view others through your limited view, limited experience, and, as exhibited by your Fundie frau mentality, limited intelligence.
Do whatever you want OP, but some things are meant to be private. There's no reason why your family needs to know about you having an open relationship unless you and your partner are just messy. Have some dignity and some boundaries.
"thought gay people were supposed to be a little more sophisticated"
LOL...true, blowing a stranger in an adult store booth is the height of sophistication!
No one gives a crap what you two do, so why should your family know and why share your partner's trashiness with us?
"So basically we're a lot more discrete. I see no reason to tell my family the details of our relationship."
Finally a voice of sanity!
Tho my question to the OP is, if your boyfriend got a little "edgy," or whatever you call it, why didn't you guys just drive someplace and take care of him?
R54 is right, OP. Telling your partner it was okay to store that double-dong dildo collection in your parents' bathroom was not dignified.
R53 you're a moron who lack basic comprehension. That statement I made was about idiots like you name calling people just because they think OP's bf is acting like trash because he can't keep his dick in his pants long enough for a simple weekend visiting the family.
I can't stand people who are really fundie. That doesn't mean I can't point out trashy behavior when I see it. Just because you're open don't mean you should be going down to a place for public sex where you're taking a chance of running into your boyfriend's family & the possibility of being arrested.
[quote]christ, [R9]. We're committed in the sense that we're emotionally committed to each other and love each other very much.
It's the earrings and caftans, OP. Drop those, and the wicker purses, and your partner may get interested in your again not have to resort to cheap porn booth blow jobs to get off.
[quote][R2] epitomizes the downside of gay marriage, and our incessant need for it: gays desperately trying to conform to straight paradigms.
As if straight people don't fuck around and have similar arrangements? Gay men in open relationships think they're so daring and special.