I'm out of work and my sister 'hired' me to stay at our senile father's house while she's at work. While here, I keep busy cleaning up his semi-hoarded 3 story house. Turns out Dad made some good investments and we found out he's worth about $1M. I found his will while cleaning last week and found that he left me $10K flat, while my 3 sisters get to split the rest of his assets. I was distant from my dad for years because he was a pretty shitty father and husband, but I was never outwardly hateful or disrespectful.
Today I found $1520 in an envelope in his house. Should I pocket it or tell my sister (she currently has access to his 6-figure bank account; she pays me $400 a week to babysit Dad). I'm feeling guilty, but half of me wants to splurge - like invite all my sister's and treat them to lunch.
If your sister doesn't know about the money I would be tempted to keep it. But I would be scared your sister was setting you up....
Your family sounds all kinds of fucked up.
It's a trap.
So you want to keep it from your sister but invite your sister to lunch? Won't that make her suspicious or are we talking about a meal at McDonald?
Do your siblings know that you're being screwed over in the will? I can't believe they'd be fine with it. My sisters would totally divide the money equally after the fact.
Nice rationalizing by saying that you were distant because he was a shitty dad, etc. If you feel that way then him trying to buy you off with money would be an affront to you and you wouldn't want to get it in his will. But since you aren't as noble as you claim to be, go ahead and take the money. You do know though, that he earned it and it's his right to do whatever he want with it. It isn't fucking owed to you because you're his progeny.
".. invite all my sister's."
Your sister's...what? Your sister's friends? Your sister's enemies? Your sister's children?
Keep the money. First move it to another location where it will be safe. If it were a set up, you can claim the old coot moved it himself. Wait awhile and then take the money.
Keep the money.
OP, I also out of the will, and have posted several angst-filled thread on it. My father's assets are worth close to million dollars.
Here's my 2 cents. It's a toss up, either your dad hid the money and forgot about it or your being set up. You know your sisters, would they set you up?
Either way, if you decide to take the money be prepared to bear the repercussions and be called a thief.
Your father may live another 10years and eventually require constant care. The cost of elderly care is outrageous and will eat through the money in no time. In the meantime, you're providing very very cheap care for dear old dad.
Depending on how you feel about your sisters, try and save up for advice from a lawyer to contest the will, when the time comes.
It's a lousy $1,000..it ain't gonna change your life.
Let it go.
Keep your integrity. Split it with your siblings.
Turn over the $1520 to your sister and burn the will.
You'll be glad you did.
One-quarter of $1M is a lot more than a flat $10K, and the 25% is in line with what you'd be allotted if he died intestate. If someone finds another copy of the will, well then you'll still get the $10K.
r10 is really driving home the points made on the thread about grammar. How exactly is OP being fucked? He didn't earn the money and his dad can gift it however he sees fit. This fucking sense of entitlement is astounding. I know that my sister is getting much more from my wealthy grandma, and yet, i don't care. I don't want to kiss ass to a mean old lady just so she will throw me a bone when she dies. I think not having to jump through all her hoops is much more valuable. I can't sue after she dies because how she splits her money is her decision, or I guess I can but it would be futile and stupid.
Use the money to hire a cleaning service, and burn the will. After probate you'll get 25%.
R10 typing on an iPad and it's hard to type smoothly with out error. Keyboard is awkward.
Now, in IMO it's terribly unfair that OP isn't getting his share. You can scream 'entitlement' all you want.
I hope r6/r14 you don't have huge medical expenses, lose your job, become disabled -cause that money from Grandma might come in handy.
(aren't you part of the family?)
Point taken r10 r16. I'm still getting money when Gran kicks it but probably not as much, and I'm not currently getting money now like may dad and aunt and half sister do each month. I used to play their stupid sycophant games but it's not worth it to me to have to associate with those creeps, they talk about money all the time and are always trying to backstab each other. My (full) sister and I are very tight and I know we will split whatever we have with each other when it comes down. If we don't then I guess I got screwed but I spent a few years trying to appease them and realized that it's never enough for them and I couldn't complain because it's their money, etc. It's exhausting and not worth it.
I know my sister isn't setting me up - there is so much shit and papers in his house, this was a completely random discovery. I also am 85 percent sure they'll divide any funds evenly. I have a good amount of my own $ saved, so me treating my siblings wouldn't' cause suspicion. But I like extra cash like anyone. I don't feel like I'm stealing as Dad is oblivious.
In the last couple of years, he was sending money to these shifty charities (we found letters from "kids" from some Native American school, thanking "uncle Rodney" for helping them). I found the $1520 in an envelope addressed to one of these Indian schools. I'd rather keep his money for our family than to some ripoff scam charity
OP - the truth is...it IS stealing. It's stealing from your father and it's stealing from your other siblings by being a part of your father's estate.
Show it to your sister.
Wow r18, there you go rationalizing again. How do you know the school is a scam? Of course you throw this in now because this is not working out how you hoped it would. Again, it's up to your dad to spend as he sees fit for his own money. And he thinks he is helping kids so he doesn't sound like a jerk. Just fucking take the money then. You have already rationalized it and want to do it. You also want people to cosign for you but you can't have everything.
Be virtuous. That way you'll know at least one person in the world is.
Stealing cash from your senile dad...makes you part of what's wrong with society. You'll have no right to complain about the bad things other people do. You will also fear being found out someday, as well as people stealing from you...since you've proven to yourself that sometimes it's ok to steal.
Do the right thing, op..
If you feel that your sisters will split the will proceeds with you, level with them, and take them all out to dinner.
Unfortunately, even if they shaft you, you've done the right thing and, since you have money of your own, you won't starve and your integrity remains intact.
Keep the money.
OP again. I gave the will to my sister, so that is done. She can handle it as she sees fit. If I gave the found money to her, she would spend for personal use. She is not the female Sir Walter Raleigh. She'd probably get rims or a new IPad.
You can tell when a charity is shady -- they keep sending you crap like address labels and cheap tote bags to curry favor. My dad has 10000 sheets of those labels. I think I'm keeping the cash...
If she buys rims or an IPad then that's on her. At least it would be tangible though. Fuck, if you're going to take it don't blow it on dinner for 10. Buy some shoes, splurge. Why feel guilty later for something and have nothing to show for it?
It's all in $20 bills - I counted them. I have 76 $20 dollar bills in my pocket and I'm taking a car service home. Screw you B46 & B35 bus!
Update: I said senile, I should have said dementia/Alzheimer's. He thinks I'm his coworker in some office setting.
This isn't about your father hiding the money, being ill, or your siblings not knowing or evcen setting traps or any of that malarkey. This is about you and what kind of person you are.
Are you the kind of person who takes money that does not belong to you? Or are you not?
Once you know who you are, then you will know what to do. And accept the consequences.
Finders keepers, OP.
Some judgmental bitches on this thread.
Keep the money. Apart from anything else, you're being way underpaid for the job you're doing.
It's going to bite you in the ass. You should have said you found it because there is probably a lot more hiding in the house. The right thing to do would be to deposit in his account or split it between all the siblings.
Why is it okay to steal his money again? If your dad was wondering around the city and some asshole cheated him out of his cash would that be okay too? I mean since he has dementia? Great society we live in.
If you take the money, be prepared for karma to come and bite you in the ass! It's not worth a grand, believe me.
I'd keep the money and clean like I was on a treasure hunt looking for more. I'd also keep an eye out for some small old things that my be worth something. You might have the next two million dollar bowl.
I wouldn't even need to ask this question. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Here's another good tip for you. Your father probably still has house insurance. While cleaning up the dangerous mess I'd "fall" and hurt my back. Sue his home owners. I wouldn't go to trial. I'd just take the first thing they offered me. You could end up with a cool 20K. Who knows?
Why do I always have to spell things out for Datalounge?
R13, perhaps you're making a joking comment? Surely you know that the father's attorney's office would have a copy of the will; the sisters might, etc. - OP burning it would solve: NOTHING. Duh fucking duh.
I don't know, OP....some posters who have suggested your finding that money "might be a trap" (set up by your sisters?) might be right - and what it is IS a trap, and your sisters realize it, and instead of trying to persuade your father to modify his will to give you a bigger share ('cause they appreciate you taking care of him, even if you are being paid), and if they know you stole the money:
what if they think much less of you?
Maybe take SOME of it? and hand it over, "like a good boy; if anyone disputes the $$amount, you can play dumb...
He can't change his will now.
It's your FATHER!! Geez, why steal his money, he made it, not you! Give it back and do the right thing, then it will come back to you. Haven't you heard of KARMA???
i never cease to be amazed by the ridiculous level of paranoia on the DL. you are not being setup, and if you are, it is a really dumb setup, since you can simply deny ever coming across the money.
it is such a small amount of money op, just keep it and forget about it.
To me it isn't about the amount - it's stealing! If someone found money in your house while you were sick is it okay to take it? NO! It's still your money even if you don't remember having it.
Meh, I'd just use it for supplies, lunch, and such while taking care of your dad.
I've never seen a charity that didn't send address labels & whatnot, it's just part of their fundraising efforts & means nothing about their ethics. Investigate this one &, if there actually are good reasons to consider it a scam, then go find another one that truly does what this one says it does. Your dad wanted that money to go to a specific purpose, so that's what you should do with it. Honestly -- how could you live with yourself otherwise?
Do not pocket it, OP. It does not belong to you, no matter how much you may be able to justify to yourself that you deserve it. You are bigger than that. If the old fuck cut you out of the will to that degree - I mean, OMG on that! - then that's his prerogative. If you suspect that he was coerced, then contest the will when the time comes and sue for your rightful share. You should get some legal advice now on that. But, if you steal, and it comes to light - you will lose any leg you may have had to stand on.
Anyone who says to keep it is a dishonest person and I hope I don't know them.
No one is ENTITLED to money in a will. It should be left to the person who had the money etc to determine who gets what.
White people's problem.
R33, duh, you're not necessarily correct. If the will in the father's possession is destroyed and it can be shown that it appears that the father destroyed the will, that act of destruction will invalidate the will in many states. It wouldn't matter that an attorney might have a copy.
But OP should still show the money to his sister. It's the right thing to do.
r44 are you serious? If so that's ridiculous. Then anyone could destroy a dementia sufferers will and just blame it on them and rewrite it. That's ludicrous.
On other fact to give some light on the family dynamics. The sister who lives in dad's house and has control of his funds gave each of the siblings $10k of Dad's money and $5k to each of his 3 grand children who are 18, 22 and 23.
My sister came home just now and my conscious made me hand over the money. She said she's gonna put it in Dad's account.
The quaint idea that siblings are so close now and when dad dies we'll share it evenly no matter what the will says is a joke. That is rarely what happens. Those relatives who inherit the lion's share will come up with some bs excuse like I can't go against his last wishes or I have to respect his wishes or I'll have to pay taxes on it. Trust me. They will not voluntarily share unless forced to or maybe they'll throw you a little extra out of guilt or to make a dispute go away.
You're the poor shmuck in the position of having to do the dirty work of clearing up this man's mess. I really have no problem with you keeping the money. How can they set you up if they know you're cleaning out his mess. You could have just as easily tossed it in the garbage without even realizing it. Why would they even begrudge you this small amount of money? And it certainly does't seem like your dad needs it. Did he always live alone in that house? Maybe he's not the one who put it there?
Since you gave the will to your sister you should ask if she is aware of a more recent will? Or was the one you found just junk? You might discuss this with an attorney and ask how to enquire of your father's attorney about the most recent will. The fact that you found the will gives you a foothold in the door to open a discussion with the attorney. You just wanted to make sure that what you turned over was current and not junk in case you find any more wills, etc while you are clearing out your dad's things. Was the will dated when your dad was fully competent?
I'm all for being aggressive about the will. Being passive and waiting for money to drop in your lap almost never works. There are a couple of ways to approach it with your sister. You can ask what she thinks of the distribution of assets now or wait until your dad dies and see what she thinks. But if your sibs are not immediately forthcoming then you need to let them know you'll sue and that could substantially reduce the estate's assets and delay any distribution. So to make the suit go away they can each throw in maybe $30,000 each and with the $10,000 you'll inherit have a fairer $100,000 to their $300,000 each or hell, ask for $50,000 from each. So they can give their brother a fairer share & keep their relationship intact or they can pay an attorney and create an irreparable rift in their relationship with you.
I'd start the tears now. You are terribly hurt by this. This is NOT okay. It is especially NOT okay if your father's treatment of you is because you're gay. And blah blah blah it's his money. Wasn't any of his life spent with your mother?
[quote]My sister came home just now and my conscious made me hand over the money. She said she's gonna put it in Dad's account.
Whoa, OP. Your sis is distributing assets to her children now? She is doing what is called Self-dealing. That can get her relieved of her control over his assets. Did you also get a $10,000 gift like the other siblings? If you did then you might want to shut up but if you didn't then you need to talk to an atty stat.
Your sister thinks she can do whatever she wants with your dad's money and as long as no one complains then she can. But she's not supposed to raid his assets.
r47 Op said she's a woman, she didn't mention if she was gay. She probably just didn't kiss enough ass like I don't with my family, in a sense they earn the money that Grandma gives them every month. Either way I don't have it now so don't have anything to miss. Some siblings will be fair. I know my sister will. My dad and his sister are gross about money and would totally backstab each other, it's how they have been taught.
I don't know what's wrong with you and your sister, he money belongs to the charity. It's disturbing that you have so little experience with charities you have no idea about them sending out gifts. Your father is a better man apparently. Don't steal from an Indian school charity.
It seems weird that anyone would send $1520 in $20 bills to a charity. Don't most people write a check so they can claim it on their taxes?
Maybe he was just re-using the envelope, as old people are wont to do, and the money was just a stash for groceries and incidentals, or just cash to have on hand in case of an emergency.
Ugh. It's so tacky when adults fight over their parents money.
Make your own damn money, or don't. Your dad's money is his money. Forget about it, or be tortured.
I agree r53, especially when they are in their 50's and up. I once saw my aunt get pissed at my dad's birthday dinner while he was opening a card from my grandma, he was just reading it and my aunt (probably 55 or so) said loudly, "Mom, you gave him ten thousand? I didn't get that much for my birthday!" It was when I realized how gross and crass they were and why I don't like to associate with them.
My brother is a minister and when my father died he was the sneakiest of everybody trying to get the most. Even if you think you are close to your sister I wouldn't count on her trying to be fair with the will.
Why bother posting this OP. You already know it would be wrong to steal the money. It's not yours. As for your dads will? It's his money and his choice who he leaves it too.
OP, you're there with your father all day-- I would have a doctor and a notary over for lunch and rewrite that damn will--then we'd see who's going to be an heiress!
As a previous poster noted--in American society these days it's the law of the jungle for health care and retirement. Sauve qui peut!
I'm not that upset about the will thing. I was more surprised that my father would do this = he didn't seem like the type to do this, but c'est la vie. I get what I get and move on from there.
I also got $10K from the sister who has control of dad's money. Our father was a tightwad when we were growing up and after discovering my dad had these assets, she decided that we all deserved a "gift". She didn't give money to her kids (she has none). She gave money to our two sisters kids (I have no kids either) because one has been needing a new car for a while and the other has been working hard to pay for her own college. The third kid just turned 18 and she decided she had to be equal so she got a share.
Another big chunk is going to repair the house, as my dad let it go to hell in the last 10 years - falling plaster, worn out floors, mountains of papers. He was being cheap on taking care of his house while secretly stocking away all this money.
Though if I find any other secret stashes of cash, I more than likely will pocket it. Teehee.
OP,why do you think your dad has shorted you in the will? Is it because he knows you are already set? Or is he a dick?
Oh and I would give the money to my father because he would turn around and give it to me. Ha!
I found $1,000 in a wallet once. It had identification and I thought for a moment.
If I lost a wallet what would I want.
I kept it after I decided that Sister Mary Ellen would want to learn a lesson.
I get a kick out of people saying to burn the will. The original of the will is kept with the attorney.
Trash the will. As for the money. Think really hard - are you being set up? If not, keep it. They're not splitting the 1M with you. (see a lawyer – or threaten them with one, to get more $ when he bites it)
r65 see r62 and r33
R59 - he's being a dick because I was the one kid that told him to his face that he treated us and our mother badly. Our house was kinda like the movie The Great Santini times 10, and he cheated on our mother. He didn't like the truth.
Do you think your sisters will allow you to be short changed because of this?
What price dignity, OP?
All of us kids get along great; we have a bond after losing our mother and this dad situation is making family stronger.
I don't plan on saying I want an equal share in the will. I don't see my siblings asking for changes to be made. I trust/feel they will sort it all out when dad passes. If they screw me, lesson learned.
[quote]My sister came home just now and my conscious made me hand over the money.
Glad to hear that your conscience was sufficiently conscious to do the right thing.
Don't be a total pussy - burn the will!
talk to an attorney privately. you may have cause to challenge the will when your dad passes and the mere threat of a challenge may force a settlement. if you don't get counsel on this, you'll get a clear picture of how fair your sisters are - they may not be willing to part with approx $80,000 each.
Why don't you get a job and stop mooching off people? The money isn't yours.
Typical 'mo always on welfare or food stamps. Wants free AIDS meds for purposely getting a disease that's 100% preventable.
My dad was insane when I was a kid...an alcoholic. He sobered up but it still took a long time for me to trust him. We still have issues, but we are adults about it.
What he did in the past, I no longer see as any of my business. I've made my own mistakes as an adult. Fortunately I'm not a parent. But I can't judge him because I don't know what it's like and I'm sure my poor decisions as an adult would cause a child some sorrow. :(
Every person on earth has made big mistakes. Every old person you'll ever meet has skeletons in their closet. But I don't judge them. I have skeletons of my own. They're old and confused and vulnerable and in physical pain. Just like your dad.
OP here again - Happy Saturday.
I made my dad breakfast and then started on more cleaning. I opened this small case to see what was in it, and it was full of money. Hundreds, fifties and twenties in rubber bands. My hands started shaking. It took me a while to count it.... it is $48,500.
Half of me wonders if it's real. My dad was a NYPD cop, and I wonder if this is counterfeit bills he came across back in the day. How do you check this?
You should be able to buy one of those pens that store clerks use at any office supply chain. That's a first step in checking.
I would use the money to go to MichFest.
r78 beat me to it! It seems like the exact correct amount..hmm..
Just be honest above all. It's way simpler.
And tell your sisters you were honest.
It will make urging fairness in the dissolution of the estate much simpler to broach.
did you keep the $48k?
OP here again with latest update; more money found in the house. I found $700 in a desk drawer. The next day, my sister who lives in the house and I were cleaning and we found $1150 in an envelope and $5000 in a pencil cup. My sister gave me $2K of it, gave my other sister a share and will put the rest towards the ongoing house renovation, which is costing $30K.
I also found two boxes full of those Franklin Mint coin sets, that supposedly become more valuable as time goes by (really?). Lastly, I found one of my dad's missing guns in a shopping basket under a pile of papers and another gun under his desk. Oh dad.
Grand total cash found in house (so far): 56,870
Whats the address of the house R82?
Oh, yeah, OP. As I started reading your thread, my intent was to post and tell you to keep looking. My mother has Alzheimer's and my father had dementia. After my father died, I moved back to take care of my mother. Over the course of about 4 1/2 years, I've found about $25K stuck in different places around the house, under mattresses, under piles of sweaters in the closet, under throw rugs... Most recently, I was dusting and noticed that a small ceramic doll figurine was missing its head. There appeared to be something inside, so I turned it over and found $300 stuffed inside. I anticipate I'll find more with time.
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