Should guests always call first? What about family?
My friends and family know they can drop in. I don't mind.
HATE. Especially when they pop in on elderly, semi-infirm people. They don't realize (or don't care) how stressful that can be for both the elderly and their caregivers.
My mom has Alzheimer's and quietly freaks out when the doorbell rings unexpectedly.
My dad's always been very house-proud, but mom can't keep house anymore. He doesn't see well enough to do more than the basic sweeping, mopping, dishwashing tasks. He's agonized when people just drop by and the house isn't picked up to his standards. They don't have the money for housekeeping service, and my sister and I work full time and don't have time to care for their spaces and our own.
Plus, they were sticklers for letting people know when they planned to visit, and passed that down to us kids.
Some people just don't get it.
"Some people just don't get it.."
Yes r3, you and your fucked up family.
Don't try to pass off your family's antisocial behavior as normal, for Pete's sake!
Honestly, I don't answer the door unless I feel like it. There's no obligation to drop-ins.
Antisocial? That was unnecessarily nasty. I don't like drop ins either.
What is wrong with you, R4? Have you ever cared for, or even been around, elderly ill people who cannot care for themselves any longer?
Depends on the drop in. Like R5 said, if I'm up for the visit, you're welcome to drop in. If I'm not, I won't be answering or inviting you.
Friends do this all the time 'I'm in the neighborhood' and sometimes my brother does it too. I'm not offended that they want to see me, but if I'm not up for it, then I'm not obligated.
A brief call beforehand, "Is it convenient for me to pop over?" is considerate. I don't care for surprise visits from friends or family.
That's what phones are for.
I can't imagine anyone showing up at your house without calling/texting first. Maybe because I am youngish and we are used to being plugged in but people would always give you a heads up if they weren't invited, how would they even know you are home?
Yes to both....call me Anti-Social, but I have had friends drop by, I've met them pleasantly at the door, but made no inclination that they were coming in. "Thanks for dropping by, but next time call..."
OP said nothing about dropping in on sick or elderly people; it was R3 who shifted the discussion to sick people, old people and the like.
Jeez Louise, what a maroon!
Cut & paste from r3 -- "HATE."
We had a neighbor who would do this....once my boyfriend opened the door and screamed "this is not some 90's sitcom where the quirky neighbor drops in whenever she has some neurotic problem....take it to Wisteria Lane!!"
We never saw her again.
Nobody ever drops by to see me. I wish they would.
For my really close friends, they can drop in anytime. They've been warned I might not look my best or have time to just hang out.
Anyone else should call first.
I'm 38 and single and I'm an architect at a medium sized firm in Boston. I have a shit ton of friends, most of whom I love, but no one will ever drop in on me again. I bought a condo on the 16th floor of a high rise with stellar security.
I HATE it when people drop in without calling. We are not teenagers anymore. In my world, it's rude.
Drop ins make me think fondly on two good times in my life: living in a small town as a child, and living in the dorm in college.
I never answer my door if I'm not expecting visitors. Period.
I never answer my phone if I'm not expecting a call (and don't recognize the caller ID). Period.
There is just no excuse for a drop in visit anymore.
I'm coming to see you, r20.
You just won't know when…
You *will* invite me in, because you think I'm .. hot!
I never answer my door unless I'm expecting someone. I live in a nice neighborhood in NC. we are always having people ringing doorbells to sell some bullshit or bullshit religion. If I don't know you are dropping by, you can ring the fucking doorbell until your arm falls off.
A once friend I hadn't seen or heard from in years and who lives 1500 miles away rang my doorbell one evening as a complete surprise visit and planned to stay with me for a few days.
She is sort of a lost soul. Anyway, she thought she had some sort of abdominal cyst or tumor, and did not have any medical coverage. On the other hand, it's not like she was homeless or penniless -- she flew out here for the visit.
I didn't mind her staying. But I was also having a really bad time with work and I was completely unprepared for a visitor. I hardly had any time to see her.
I haven't heard from her. In some ways I feel bad about the situation, but I don't really blame myself either.
On TV, people pop in all the time without calling, even co-workers who could have just called to tell you what they needed to tell you.
All I ask is for a text telling me you're on your way. Thus giving me time to put away the dildos, wipe off the lube sofa, and put Slave back in his cage.
No one ever told Brian Wilson that, R25.
I hope R4 is the recipient of a shotgun blast from an "anti-social" neighbor who finally gets fed up with the annoying fucktard who keeps ringing his doorbell.
People who "drop by" are the exact same people who brazenly ask to stay at your place for a week instead of paying for a damn hotel room while they're in town.
They're also the same cheap ass bastards who ask you to help them move and to pick them up at the airport instead of getting a cab.
R3 is correct. People either "get it" or they don't. The ones who don't are oblivious to anything but their own selfish needs.
Honestly, I don't even like the phone to ring unexpectedly.
I am guessing that there is a definite geographic divide on the subject of "dropping in."
Geographic divide, and bitch divide.
I hate the knock on the door since I'm almost never wearing pants at home.
I once dated a female convict in order to avoid the drop in.
What about the 'holiday drop in'?
I remember as a little kid, I grew up in the south, people just dropping by each other's houses during the major holidays without calling. It was perfectly excepted. My mom and/or grandmother would always have snacks and booze at the ready for these people. That is one of the reason why I hate visiting during the holidays now. While not as often as in the past, people do still drop in and I hate it. My mother even talks about those days as if they were fun and something to miss.
This is not a problem in NYC. It sounds absolutely ghastly though.
It really depends.
I never minded a drop in from close friends or neighbors that I liked to see.
But there's always one unwelcome bitch who doesn't take the hint and shows up unwelcomed and uninvited.
I grew up in the 70's in the suburbs and I remember people dropping by all the time. My mother would think nothing of perking a pot of coffee for them.
I think it's all about who is being dropped in on. If its someone who is hospitable, friendly or even just in need, then people in the habit of dropping by will do so. I drop by my mothers house, she's my mother, I grew up there and she doesn't get out much so I know she's there. It's more stressful for her if I call, actually, because then she'll try to straighten up any little thing that might be out of place when I just want her to be herself.
These days dropping in seems out of context, except on TV. For the most part we bolt ourselves in our house against face-to-face contact and keep in touch with everyone (sometimes in excruciating detail) on Facebook. I miss those old days, people seemed to genuinely care about each other in a way that felt different. Not saying people don't care now, it's just that it seemed more organic back then.
I live in a high-rise in Manhattan, no one would get past my doorman if they dropped by.
I don't answer the intercom if I'm not expecting anyone. My postal carrier knows my cell and calls me if he has a package for me. My private time is sacred and all my friends know this and wouldn't dream of stopping by without warning.
That said, I do have a social anxiety problem and need time to prepare for social interaction.
Close friends only.
Big citydwellers with high crime rates, and Yankees in general, probably don't like drop in visitors.
Down South and in small towns, it's still an accepted form of socializing.
Less so these days, with the front porch largely absent from new housing construction, but still, a cherished feature of small-town and suburban living.
For instance, I wouldn't drop in on a friend in high crime Dallas, but I would in Coppell.
r34 Major holidays are the one time I don't mind surprise drop ins since we're already in entertaining mode anyway.
Otherwise no and a special curse on drop ins like my partner's sister who showed up unexpectedly assuming she could spend the night. We actually had other plans with friends for the evening and it was a pain and an intrusion on them to have to wedge her in.
The whole drop in thing is really a throwback to the old days when people spent lazy Sundays just relaxing. Few people have that luxury anymore so please call first.
I'm so phobic about having people drop by that I hate it even when they call first and invite themselves giving me enough time to prepare. I have several friends that I go to events with and a lot of times I put the tickets on my credit card so they reimburse me by cash or check later. Some of these bitches refuse to send me a check in the mail. Instead, they insist on dropping it off to me and then staying to chat me up for half an hour (I work from home). WTF? Just put it in the mail. I don't have time to socialize with you. It interrupts my flow.
[quote]The whole drop in thing is really a throwback to the old days when people spent lazy Sundays just relaxing
It's a throwback to the days before telephones. There is no excuse anymore for drop ins now that everyone is so plugged in. You almost have to consider it a hostile act if someone doesn't call or text ahead. The only reason someone would do it nowadays is because they know they're going to get shot down, so they decide to ambush instead.
Maybe it's an urban vs rural thing rather than a geographical divide. My brother and his wife live on a farm and people are constantly dropping in. Once when they were away and I was house sitting, I got out of the shower to find the hot guy next door (Next door being about three miles away) standing it the kitchen, leaving a note that he was borrowing my brother's post hole digger.
R43=psychopath. No. Somebody coming to visit you is not a "hostile act."
Hey r41 --
Yeah, I'll call ya!
I'll be calling you on my cell while standing on your stoop and pounding on your front door.
"Open up, bitch!" I'll be yelling at you through the door.
I'm pretty similar to R42, in that I am almost phobic about people dropping by. I tense up with fear if someone rings my doorbell - nobody would EVER drop by unannounced. the kind of people who come by at random are odd neighbors, police, and solicitors. I live solo in Los Angeles and while I am plenty social and everything, I do not want unannounced visitors. If I am going to see someone and hang out, I need a little time to get ready or yeah, text/call before. Years ago I had an incident when someone came to my door, knocking and asking if I could "see them" at 2 AM when I was in college; they wouldn't leave. It was preceded by two creepy voice mails and it scared the shit out of me since my apartment wasn't the most secure (but still had security doors out front). I've also totally turned off the lights and hid when someone came knocking who I didn't want to see. I'd once thought about "dropping by" an ex of mine who wasn't returning my calls/voicemails but deemed it to be the ultimate stalker move. (I was not of sound mind, then).
I'm wondering how all of you created so many enenmies and spurned lovers that you are actively afraid of most people who might want to see you on spontaneous impulse.
It isn't because of enemies, r48. It's because I'm a slob. My friends know, but I'm still embarrassed.
No r48, but the idea of someone "dropping in" when people work from home or have elderly or young children to take care of is unheard of in modern society.
R48, weird assumptions there. Wrong, but weird.
You are insane, r50. I'm going to drop in on you every day next week.
I don't want anybody coming near my house!
If I were always dressed, showered, sober, had a tidy house and never had spontaneous sex with the curtains open, I would welcome drop-ins any time. The problem is someone could walk up on the lack of any or all of these things and I'd either be embarrassed or interrupted. But definitely annoyed.
Before I moved, I had a friend who regularly dropped by, even though I'd remind her always that I don't like that. She'd even come to my back door (where I was naked on my computer and then had to run and hide) because she saw my car out front. When I moved, I refused to tell her where. She was always asking to come over, and I was always saying I'd meet her somewhere. She eventually stopped calling, which was actually a relief.
I don't like the drop by. I can only maintain the illusion of happy upstanding citizen if I have a private space to decompress and play.
I am usually pantsless at home and did have a friend who dropped by while I was naked, sleeping on the living room floor. I didn't hear the bell, he looked in through the window and thought I was dead and broke in. It was during the big Northeast blackout a few years ago, in the middle of the day and it was 100 degrees. I took a cold shower to cool off, and just sitting on the sofa was making me sweat so I laid down on the floor and fell asleep. That was awkward.
I don't care if close friends do it but they rarely just drop by. But if they were in the neighborhood or passing my building especially weekends it would be fine.
I, too, am rarely dressed at home but I could certainly throw something on in seconds.
I live in a condo so unless it's a neighbor I wouldn't ever expect anyone without a call from them that they are nearby or from the front desk announcing a visitor. Otherwise I would never open my door to a strange knock. It's not safe.
I don't like it either, and I am like the person earlier on the thread that does not even like unexpected phone calls (or most phone calls)
This day and age, I think a phone call or text is a must. Just yesterday I was getting ready to head out for lunch w/my boyfriend and his two kids to meet another friend and the boyfriends sister and her boyfriend of the month stopped by. I heard a car door shut outside and it was them, I was just like, "fuck, your sister is here." They knocked then came in asking to borrow a drill. We said okay, but we were getting ready to head out for lunch. Their reply was, that's not our problem, then headed for the fridge to get something to drink and eat as they were hungry. I know his sister is like that, but the gall of the guy she was seeing to talk like and make himself at home in that regards pissed me the fuck off. They stayed for almost 30 min just to chit chat and such.
I'm an introvert, so I can't say I do the drop in all that often, but I always call or text first, and I expect the same at my house.
This is something my partner and I have argued about for years. She has zero problem with people dropping in, and doesn't care if they stay 10 minutes or 2 hours. She treats everyone like family so it doesn't matter to her if the house doesn't look perfect, etc.
I'm the polar opposite. Jesus Christ I HATE when people just drop in unannounced. I barely like when they drop in announced. I prefer to do the inviting. I like the house to look a certain way, I like to be prepared with beverages/snacks on hand.
It's just one area where we differ. Her family is coming to visit soon and she thinks it will be a blast squeezing EIGHT of us into our apartment. I'm secretly dreading it, but would never tell her that. I'm trying to lighten up.
This was mentioned upthread, and I agree--I don't mind at all if people drop in during holiday gatherings, I'm Italian and we always have a ton of food prepared for just that purpose. I'm a great hostess.
To those who say they don't even like "unscheduled phone calls", how does that work? Someone texts or emails you to schedule the phone call? And then at what point will unscheduled texts or emails start to irritate you?
The naysayers to drop ins are apparently just antisocial, walled-off, over stressed dipshits.
unexpected phone calls, not unscheduled
I have a friend that calls me at certain times, that's ok, but when it rings at odd times and I don't know who it is I don't like it
I get unscheduled emails all the time, and they infuriate me!
[quote] I have a friend that calls me at certain times, that's ok, but when it rings at odd times and I don't know who it is I don't like it
You may find the interruption annoying but I hope you don't fall to pieces over it.
I don't like people & I don't want them coming to my house. I know I'm not "normal" (though I do think that many feel the same way but aren't willing to say it).
One weekend when I was sunbathing nude in the backyard, I heard someone drive up & knock at the locked front door, try to open both of the locked gates, then return to the front porch & bang on the door while shouting my name. I'm a woman & the voice was male -- I'm not normally fearful, but did feel a little scared under the circumstances.
When I heard a car drive away, I went inside & found a note that had been pushed through the mailslot. It was from a guy I knew casually, who said he was looking for a job & wondered if I was aware of any openings in our mutual field. Not at all threatening, but I considered it presumptuous of him to come to my house instead of just calling (e-mail had not yet been invented).
I immediately mailed him a very brief note saying that I'd heard of no jobs & didn't expect to -- it sounded cold & impersonal, as I wanted to convey. I never heard from him again, which is fine with me. Wait to be invited, jerk!
R65, I often leave the phone unplugged to avoid that!
When I was drinking and drugging -- a lot -- I used my off time for this solo practice.
I am thinking that some of the people on this thread are doing the same thing.
I would like all my emails scheduled in advance, thank you.
I don't drink or do drugs, R68. How presumptuous of you to assume that your experience is the same as everyone else's.
I'm just like R66. I don't like people all that much and prefer to limit my interactions with them to who, when, and where I would like.
I find socializing exhausting, as most introverts do. I like my own company, never get lonely and I really enjoy relaxing at home by myself. Extroverts do not understand this and never will. But I frankly don't give a shit what they think.
How presumptuous of you r70 to assume that other posters here don't drink or do drugs.
Are we both not guilty of the same presumption?
For the social phobic who don't like other people, are drop ins really a problem?
R4, you're a fucking idiot.
There's nothing mentally wrong with someone wanting a call before someone decides to stop by.
There's a myriad of reasons why someone stopping by without notice is not "anti-social."
This is a flyover thread, right?
I absolutely HATE when someone drops by without calling or emailing first.
Just hate it.
Wow, DL must be infested with an inordinately high number of social cripples.
Will post on an anonymous website but hate unexpected visitors, unscheduled phone calls, and random emails.
What a life?!
R76? You do realize that those of us who are "socially-inept" because we don't like the drop-in tend to dislike the drop-in because we might be on our way out or expecting someone else to come by or have a doctor's appt or numerous other things going on?
I love family and friends coming by, but at least call/text ahead so I can have some notice - perhaps prepare a little something for them to eat.
If y'all would try to clean house once a month, you wouldn't be so angry when people drop by.
Doorman buildings were invented for exactly this reason. Unless the doorman is told we are expecting someone, we are most definitely unavailable.
"because we might be on our way out"
That's OK. I'll go along for company.
"or expecting someone else to come by"
Who? Did they make an appointment? Is this person fun like me?
"or have a doctor's appt"
Are you still going to that doctor?! I thought you were through with your treatments. I'll go with you and sit in the waiting room.
"or numerous other things going on?"
Like what, Ms. Spontaneity?!
I admit that some are a bit extreme in their phobias, but I remember when it was like that for me, too (wanting zero contact, period). I knew I needed to get past some of that, and did, but I'm not okay if people just stop by. I'm in a small NW Pac town (not flyover) and I make a point to tell noone where I live unless I also tell them that drop-bys are unacceptable because I'm private.
I actually lost a client because of it. She thought it was weird she couldn't drop by a soup on occasion, and wondered what nefarious things I was up to. I must be a bad person because I'm not like her.
The house is tiny and I keep the shades open, so anyone would see everything. I'd have to literally crouch down and hide somewhere to not be seen, unless they made no noise coming up, and then I'd be caught nude or whatever.
I don't mind them dropping by. It doesn't mean I'm going to answer the door, but I don't mind them dropping by and wasting their time.
What causes people like some of the posters in this thread to be so social-phobic?
Someone give me their theory.
Drop-ins are rude. Period. We have cell-phones, it's not 1968.
^^ I don't use a cell phone, r84.
What's your address? I'm dropping over this weekend! No need to clean up for me.
I can't believe how many of you are defending the 'drop in' without calling/emailing first.
You must live in apartments. And have no life.
[quote]What causes people like some of the posters in this thread to be so social-phobic?
Perhaps they have known too many clingy freaks like you who have too much time on their hands, a pathological fear of being alone, and an unfounded belief that everyone else is just like they are, and thus, think it's perfectly normal and fine not only to drop in uninvited but to follow people around on their errands, doctor visits, and plans with other friends like some demented baby duck that has imprinted on an unwilling mother figure.
Tell me, r83, etc.--just how much time have you spent in jail?
A house in my neighbourhood has a sign that always makes me chuckle. It says:
Friends always welcome. Drop in any time. Relatives, by appointment only.
a door knock when i am not expecting anyone sets my teeth on edge.
And we entertain a lot, both at home and in restaurants. We are not 'anti-social.'
We simply do not like unexpected guests.
You mean I have a choice?
"Friends always welcome. Drop in any time. Relatives, by appointment only."
Ha, r88, I really like that sign!
We have a lot of self-cloistered social misfits on this thread.
I posit that it's a side-effect of modern day technology overload.
What R84 said. It's always been rude and presumptuous to "drop in" uninvited, but 2 decades into the age of cell phones it's just flat out obnoxious.
[quote] I don't use a cell phone
I'm really sick of Luddites like you. It's 2013. If you don't have a cell phone then call from your landline. Oh, that's not convenient? Then GET A CELL PHONE.
[quote]What causes people like some of the posters in this thread to be so social-phobic?
It's not social phobia, it's stress-avoidance. That you don't get that shows how oblivious you are. Many of us work long hours at stressful jobs. Then we come home and just want to relax. Chances are the house is a mess, there's nothing in the pantry to serve guests, and I've already changed into sweatpants and a ratty T. Expecting people to drop everything, let you into their home and spend time entertaining them with zero advance notice is just rude and presumptuous. Call first. Make arrangements in advance. Don't just show up.
Amazed that there are not only people defending this, but apparently confused by the very idea that the dropped-in-upon would not appreciate being put on the spot.
This thread is hilarious. I feel like I'm the only one who can see the rational middle ground: be welcoming to all family and friends, but be judicious about when to open the door. In normal circumstances, invite them in and be gracious. If you're depressed, nude, your house is filthy, or all of the above, pretend like you're not home.
r82 is one of the few sane ones on this thread.
I have only had 3 drop ins in the past 10 years. One, my friend who saw me naked on the floor and thought I was dead as posted above; the other, a cousin in the neighborhood for a doctor's appointment and had some time to kill. She called me in advance - from my driveway. But I was home and happy to see her. And the third, my parents, in town unexpectedly. They did call me first and left a vm that they were dropping by but I was at a movie and had my phone off. They came by and came in - they have a key - because my mom had to use the bathroom. My house is normally very neat but for some reason that day it looked like a frat house. Empty pizza box in the living room, dirty socks on the floor, etc. My mother still thinks that's how it looks all the time unless I know company is coming.
Only people I know and like know where my house is, and I wouldn't mind if they popped in to hang out for a bit.
Never give keys to your parents. If you do, inevitably they will walk in on you being pounded by your German neighbors while watching a Designing Women marathon.
If I found out I was unnerving a friend by dropping by unannounced, I'd re-double my efforts ... and then drop them as a friend for being a cloistered social wackadoodle.
I'm just friendly that way!
I'm pretty sure whatever "friends" you've ever had appreciated being dropped by you, R97.
Anyone who would purposely do something that they know I don't like would immediately be put in the "ex-friend" column.
It seems like a lot of you have strange notions about friendship. Apparently it means aggressively inserting yourself into the lives of your friends, showing up unannounced, expecting your friends to drop everything so they can pay attention to you, and purposely engaging in behavior that you know they find uncomfortable and awkward, just so that you can embarrass them and watch them squirm, before gleefully pulling the plug on that "friendship".
There are some serious nutcases on this thread.
Trolldar R1 and watch the thread light up yellow with the display of unmedicated mental illness.
Trolldar r99 ^^
I highly doubt this person
* has many friends,
* is considered spontaneous,
* has ever been called the "life of the party,"
* hell, is invited to many parties in the first place,
* is considered height and weight proportional
* or is considered by anyone other than their mother as nice looking.
No, I'd say r92 r98 r99 probably looks like she was weaned on a sour pickle, and when she spreads her legs, she sets off a raging haboob.
Thanks for backing me up, R100. I was afraid I'd be slammed for referring to your posts as a "display of unmediated mental illness", but then you chimed in, almost on cue, with a post that only confirmed it.
Keep posting. You're at least entertaining to watch.
r100 each time you post you give more credence to the theory that you are mentally ill.
Oh my God – I'm being ganged up on by a pair of shut-in cranks.
What ever shall I do? How can I go on?
Hey I have an idea -- I'll jump in my car, drop by a buddy's house, and ask if I can take him to lunch. I owe him a meal anyway!
Put a sign on the door: "If you didn't call first, don't bother knocking."
r1 is almost kinda scary.
R83, there are many factors. For many people, it is not social phobia whatsoever. It is exhaustion, bad mood or depression, or overwhelm with life. I have one client who said he gave all his socializing to work and when he got home, he just didn't want to deal with people anymore (and he was quite grumpy when he got home if he had to talk).
To explain it more clearly to extroverts out there, R83, imagine it is a worknight and someone pops over to socialize at 2am. You're exhausted and probably asleep already because you're working a lot and tired. You just have to put it in your own realm of "that doesn't work for me" to understand what it's like for others who get tired easily. Just because your friend needs little sleep and is high energy doesn't mean you can burn the midnight oil and still make it through the day. It's the same thing for exhausted and overwhelmed people at normal times of evening/weekend. They just need personal space to maintain their equilibrium, just like you might need to be asleep at 2am on weeknights.
R105 etc. (trolldar it) IS scary and a severe misanthrope. Pity this shut in.
I think it's really fucking rude when people just drop on by without even calling first. When I'm at home, I'm usually in just a t-shirt and flannel pants or shorts and I want to look presentable if someone is going to come over. Same goes for cleaning - even though my house is clean for the most part, I would like some time to pick up a little bit.
Also, who's to say that I'm not taking a nap, taking a shower/bath, doing yard work, or busy in some other way? Am I supposed to just drop everything because that person couldn't call first to at least give me an hour to get prepared?
R107? R105 seems fairly normal in all his posts, unlike R1, who seems more than a bit off in his.
[quote]For many people, it is not social phobia whatsoever. It is exhaustion, bad mood or depression, or overwhelm with life.
And for many others, it is nothing so dire as any of the above—they are friendly, sociable, well-adjusted people who just happen to be busy with some pursuit or another that precludes hanging out with an unexpected guest.
I don't mind the occasional drop-in. I definitely would mind a "friend" who was unwilling to accept "sorry, not right now" for an answer if I happened to be busy or just not in the mood for company. Luckily, my friends are normal, non-psycho people who can deal with that.
I am also able to respect the needs and preferences of friends who NEVER want anyone to drop in unannounced, rather than taking that as an invitation to impose myself on them and try to force them to be more like me.
Again, I must ask, r100--how much time have you spent in jail? A person with your attitude has surely been arrested more than once for stalking, harassment, or the like.
I wish I had drop-ins. I spent twenty years of my life in two different locations each of which the center of the universe in its city, and people used to drop by all the time. But it was always good friends, not people I felt I needed to "pick up" for, as R108 put it.
Now I live in a more remote part of the city and no one ever just drops by. I miss it. I'm a spontaneous sort of person. I hate having to call my friends and make what amount to dates all the time.
Drop ins are the height of rudeness.
I have lots of friends and a big family and I love them all. But I absolutely hate drop-ins and I don't know anyone who drops in or who likes drop-ins. Everyone I know phones, texts, or emails first if they want to visit. And most visits are planned ahead of time to make sure the people you're visiting are going to be home and have time to visit. We all have busy lives and aren't just sitting around our homes waiting for visitors. That's so .... 50s.
And even if I do have time to visit and nothing to do, sometimes I just want to be left alone. I love solitude and I need to recharge my batteries without constant interruptions or visitors.
Drop ins! What kind of olden days little fairyland do some of you live in?
I wouldn't want you to come over, or come over to your house, R112, no matter how many phone calls transpired.
Get off my lawn!!!!!!!!
I'm not following how presumed jail time equals drop-in visiting?
Does not compute!
If you buzz my door and you didn't call, then fuck off.
I'm a secret smoker. I smoke 3 cigarettes a day and I smoke them at home. In summer I can sit outside and smoke but in winter I smoke indoors. I open the window and smoke out of it. I use scented candles but I'm sure a non smoker would be able to smell it. I don't smoke out the window of any room I have clothing in so my clothes won't pick up the smell.
You're not getting in my house.
r117, are your two paragraphs supposed to be related somehow?
Years ago when I was in therapy I finally realized why I hated people "dropping by to say hi."
My parents were alcoholics. If you ever grew up in a home with alcoholism, the last thing you wanted was friends stopping by unannounced. You wanted to keep everything at home a secret. Let me share this anecdote.
An old friend of mine from high school told me that he sensed that something was wrong with my home life and this is why he and the other guys in the "gang" never, never just stopped by. I am so grateful for that consideration.
I guess it never leaves you. I don't drink, and I have gone through therapy and understand why the drop in bothered me so much when I was younger.
And I still don't like. Please. Call. First.
R115, after reading all your posts on this thread, I follow how drop-in visiting equals jail tiime. You are obviously unhinged, immature and just plain simple. You probably don't even have friends.
Oh yeah, r120?
Thank you for your armchair analysis.
You know, just last month I started a thread just like this one, only it was about one nighter tricks showing up unexpectedly---and every fucking one of you dissed me as if was some fucking freak because I felt they should have called the wrong number I had given them. And by the way I am R82, the sane one.
Oh yeah, one last thing. Drop-ins get in the way of my firm intention of getting cross-eyed drunk after work every evening...and I'm not about to share my bottle of Glenlevitt with anyone!
I've always hated drop-ins, even as a child and teenager, in a teeny little town (hamlet, really) where it was quite normal. Once living on my own, in big cities,I continued to hate the idea of anyone dropping by, but of course my friends would NEVER do such a thing. My 2nd best friend of 20 years lived 4 blocks away from me in SF and we would NEVER have dropped by without calling.
To the people - and it's nice you're friendly and gregarious - who don't understand:
- I think it's rude to drop in 'cause you don't know what the person you're dropping in on has planned: someone could be coming over who has called, they could be going out, a workman could be coming, they could be sick; as other posters have mentioned: it's often a security issue, people are stressed, etc., etc.
Oh! I apologize if this has been mentioned and I missed it, but: these days, with so many people working at home: you could be dropping by on someone who has a literal deadline that you're disturbing.
Takes like 5 minutes to call or text, people: WHAT's the problem??
A Person's Home is his Castle
takes 2 minutes, really.
Just to clear up any misapprehension about my approach to drop-in company --
* I'd have to be pretty good fiends with you for a drop-in to be OK
* usually this would be that I've known you for many years or you live nearby and I see you often, say a close neighbor
* family members, especially those living in the same town or state, can drop by provided I like you. You know who you are … and aren't.
* a partner with a separate residence or someone I'm hot and heavy dating may drop by at will
* you have to know when the time is not convenient, pick up on the cues and my hints, and split promptly
* if you don't, I will have no problem telling you to split -- say I'm taking a nap or expecting someone else to come -- and all will be good between us
* don't make a habit of it, say only coming at mealtimes
* I will drop in on you at will in return. You can't be a dropper-inner and not like drop-in company
* I wouldn't dream of dropping in on someone I didn't know well
I realize the rules are different in big cities in urban doormanned apartment buildings. I am talking mainly about single family homes in neighborhoods, the suburbs, the exurbs, or in the countryside.
I also fully appreciate now from this thread that some of you are flat out paranoid, antisocial dweebs with no real friends and who are apparently estranged from all your family.
Takes all kinds and I am glad I was not raised to "HATE" drop-in company, unplanned telephone calls, texts, or emails.
Furthermore I am positively elated that that I still have a joie de vivre that will allow for unplanned for social interactions to occur.
Lastly, YES!, I *positively* think some of you are seriously fucked up.
If I were you I would look up the definition of term projection, r127, because when you posit that WE are seriously fucked up you are doing just that.
Thank you -- now we've heard from the armchair analyst @ r128 who's learned a new psychobabble term.
Now let's see what some other think.
Need some support here if others reading this agree with me.
projection is not a 'new psychobabble term.'
All of my drop-in friends fit the parameters given by R127.
In the 1960s there was a guy listed in our local telephone directory as "Critter, Crispy."
^^ apologies, wrong thread.
I have a neighbor, who has a sign in his door that says, "no visitors today" ! Seriously!
I don;t blame him
We should go back to calling cards and at home days.
My Southern grandmother had a marble stand near her front door for her friends to leave their social cards when she was not at home.
When she died, we found a whole drawerful of these social cards in a commode by her front door.
I don't have any friends so my drop ins are tricks. Tricks that didn't get or keep my phone number. They drop in for a quickie. I don't usually turn down sex so go along with it. Would be nice to get a few minutes notice.
[quote]* a partner with a separate residence or someone I'm hot and heavy dating may drop by at will
I get the feeling this is what it all comes down to for you r127. It sounds like you're trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily want the same relationship with you including your barging in at will.
It seems to me that people who refuse to extend the common courtesy of calling first generally do it because they're determined to come anyway and can't accept being told no, not right now.
And funny r127 how you set forth your own set of conditions above but in r80 it's YOU who refuses to take a polite hint. ("Going out? I'll come along. Other company? Who and why do they get to come over but I don't? etc.)
And you call those of us who don't want to be pressured into unwanted company anti-social and psychos? Check the mirror.
Do you get a feeling, R141?
Thank you for expressing the feeling you got.
Your feeling is wrong, but thank you for expressing it all the same.
Now go huff some gasoline.
What I want to know is this:
Would OP of the "I Need People To Tell Me I'm Hot Like Erryday" thread just drop in on people without calling first?
I am thinking yes.
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