Questions Larry King would have asked Pope Francis I
"Where were you on 9/11?"
Do you keep in touch with Donald O'Connor?
Do these suspenders make me look fat?
Are you familiar with the great American songstress Connie Francis?
Who did you pick to win the superbowl?
Are you a belieber?
You're eight years older than at the last pope election. Coincidence?
Is that satin satin? I mean, satin, you know?
Can you heal this? (Lifts shirt.)
Say something in Polish. My mother had a Pola - Polish friend. She was Jewish. Go on.
How did little Regan grow up. Okay? I mean, those eyes. You wear glasses.
So is there a Mrs. Pope you'd like to tell us about?
What does the I stand for?
(An assistant points out to the OP that there is no "I" after the pope's title, but just allows Larry to ramble.)
So you're a member of the Catholic Church, is that right?
Do you like those red shoes?
So, where will you live now that you're Pope?
Do you like pizza?
What did your kids say when you told them you were elected Pope?
What is your favorite movie?
Can I call you Frank?
Who are you wearing?
And now a great friend of this program, the legendary Liza Minnelli.
Liza, where were you when you learned the Pope died?
Exactly. I couldn't say it better myself. I was there at Yankee stadium after 7/11 and you sang "The Bells are Ringing for Me and My Pal." Not a dry eye in the house. Did you know Carmelita Pope? Her cooking spray ended up temporarily saving one of my marriages.
"Uh...Larry? Are you OK?"
One lung, right? Where do you keep it?
Do you wear jockeys under that?
About your kingdom. Will the Chinese ever let you back in? Great place, China. You don't look it.
Messed up and didn't understand the assignment, trying be be clever. I apologize.
Did you know that in this country, "francis" is another name for butt?
Will you be visiting the United States? Have you met Donald Trump?
How did your wife react when she found out you won Pope?
Don't you think the evil that has been done in the name of the Catholic Church - the molester priests being transferred, the cover up, and all that -- makes the whole religion thing seem a little, oh I don't know, Bronze Age? No. Really.
Kathy Griffin subbing for Larry and foaming at the mouth
So smoking is still allowed in the Vatican?
They say you're from Argentina. Tell me, did you like Madonna as Evita? Haha, that's funny; "Madonna." Do you think that's funny, Fran?
Congratulations on getting elected Pope! Now after the inaugural,are you going to start thinking about your re-election campaign?
Do you wear the hat to bed?
Why haven't you selected a Vice Pope?
What did you think of American Horror Story? That Jessica Tandy is one hell of an actress!
Kiss my what?
Who was the better Evita, Patti Lupone or Madonna?
So finally, the top job! They say you're a man of faith. Did faith help a lot as you made your way?
If you were magically empowered to give up one sin - that one personal failing that gives you the most trouble, poof! gone forever - what would that one sin be?
Does it really take two to tango?
So, you're a Jesuit. What's that like? How is it different from being a Christian?
Did you meet the other pope? What did you talk about? Did he give you some advice?
What are you going to do differently ?
Lady Gaga or Madonna?
Did Argentina have a Pope when you were growing up?
Let's talk about your decision not to campaign for the job. Was it because a lot of early primary states like South Carolina don't like Catholics?
Can you see my halo?
All those bones. In the altars.
What about romance? Will we ever see a Mrs. Pope?
Do you secretly sing to yourself when you're on that balcony
"Don't Cry For Me Argentina"?
So, any plans to declare Honey Boo Boo a Saint? What about Kim Kardashian?
Can you say the Hail Mary in Argentine?
Do you carry a gun?
You play crisis manager Olivia Pope on Scandal, a part that's been described as a modern antihero. Do you agree with that characterization?
What a coincidence! I'm a King, you're a Queen! What are the odds?
I'm here with Carole Pope ... so was Dusty Springfield good in the sack?
Did you see [italic]Argo[/italic]?
Did the Academy snub Matt Damon by not nominating him for Best Director?
What did you think of Frances McDormand as the pregnant sherriff?
Who farted, Your Holiness, you or me?
What do you think about the God Particle?
Did you ever imagine he was so small?
Now, you'll rise in time for Easter, right? And bring the eggs?
Don't ya ever wanna, y'know, grab a nun and... perform acts?
Are you more Mary, or more Rhoda?
About these allegations that you supported military junta in Argentina... what do you think about Joy Behar leaving The View and who should replace her?
Francis, do you shower alone?
Did you know your first pope was Jewish? Have there been any other Jewish popes?
Who died and made you pope?
Do you ever, you know, reach down there and take care of business?
You do know,Popey that white is not your color,right, be a dear and make a note of it.
Lady Chablis, Larry's guest star on Wed.
People tell me you're infallible. So who looks good in the third at Santa Anita?
Do you sleep in the nude?
Do you drink green beer on St. paddy's?
Are you related to Connie Francis?
A lot of religious leaders in this country...and I'm being serious for the moment...a lot of religious figures in this country have been caught up in scandals and...well, we've got Tammy Faye Baker coming out a little later...we don't?...so she won't be here tonight but our thoughts are with her family...but Debbie Reynolds is up next to talk about her experiences defrocking a priest at the end of World War II so please stay tuned.
Being 76, you realize you won't be Pope for a long time, right?
Should I sell my stock in Prada?
Have you ever seen Joey Heatherton perform live? She's fantastic. Have you ever molested a boy named, Joey?
Can you give my very friend Angie Dickinson an annulment?
I like that you chose Francis. Knew a Francis once...a talking mule he was.
You must be very secure in your sexuality to give yourself a girl's name. I think that's great. Do the other Popes tease you?
Who do you want to play you in the movie? Max von Sydow? Richard Chamberlain?
I understand a cardinal can't vote for himself for pope. Who did you vote for? Did you vote for the black guy?
How do you reconcile your opposition to homosexuality when you come from a country famous for putting beef in a can?
Francis is a girl's name. What's up with that?
Were you friends with Tammy Faye?
So Frances, our first caller, a Ms Susan Sugarquaker from Atlanta, wants to know if you are the one well known as the patron saint for homosexuals, Frances of a sissy?
Would a pope use soap on a rope?
W&W for R78.
Special effects in movies are incredible now. Do you ever feel your church needs some new miracles to keep up?
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
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