INSULTS FOR LAWYERS PLEASE

GO

• Knock Knock. Who's there? Lawyers should kill themselves.

• What do you call ten lawyers at the bottom of a lake? A good start.

• What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.

• What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

• "Law school is for boring, ugly, serious people." That line always cracks me up.

  Elle%27s%20father

• heh

• What's the difference between a snake that has been run over and a lawyer thats been run over? There are skid marks in front of the snake.

• You spawned us Daddy!

  Kourtney%2C%20Kim%2C%20and%20Khloe%20Kardashian

• My blatino husbear is a lawyer, so shut up!

• Who is the first person that you call when you've been arrested? Try calling your mother since you don't really think too highly of lawyers, OP.

• Shit, I used to know a ton of these, and now I can't think of any. And I'm a lawyer!

• r10 be from the ghetto

• What's the difference between a cactus and a bus full of lawyers? On a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

• Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

  Winston%20Churchill%2C%20better%20than%20the%20above.

• A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you for advice." "Ok, let's see...does it hurt you?" "Hmmmm .. a little." "Do you like it?" "Hmmm ..... well, yes." "Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do it. If you take care about not getting pregnant." "Getting pregnant? I didn't know you could get pregnant in that way." "Of course you can. Where do you think all lawyers come from?"

• The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright!" The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

• Two lawyers are shipwrecked on a desert island. Months pass with nothing to do but sit on the beach staring out to sea. Finally, one day they spy a mermaid swimming by. "Hey, a mermaid! Let's catch her and fuck her!" says the first lawyer. "Out of what?" Asks the second lawyer.

• A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies "I'm sorry but he died last week." The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week." The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy says, "Because I just love hearing you say that."

• What's the definition of a crying shame? A bus full of lawyers going off a cliff with two empty seats.

• Lighten up R10. The ability to laugh at oneself is an attractive quality.

• What do get when you cross a lawyer with a mafia don? An offer you can't understand

• Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? A. The victim lived.

  http://www.skrause.org/humor/courtroom.shtml

• Take my lawyer...please

  Jay%20Leno

• Some of these are very funny--the construction, not necessarily the target.