Is it possible for a straight guy to "fall in love" with a gay guy?
Is it possible? I keep thinking it could be possible, not in the sexual manner but in the romantic manner.
Hard to imagine such a relationship.
No. Straight men only fall in love with gay men in gay men's fantasies, even if it is purely romantic/nonsexual. But doesn't romantic love always lead to some form of sexual expression?
A straight guy can love his gay friend in a fraternal bonding sort of way, but it would never go further than that.
No. If a "straight" guy falls in love with a gay man, he isn't straight. The end.
Can't straight guys fall in love in a "bromance" kind of way?
Is it possible for a straight guy to fall in love, period?
I have a life-long friend that I was inseparable with - we lived together for about a year and slept together every night - but never had sex. And there were other places to sleep in the house. We started out just watching TV together and would fall asleep. It just became the "norm" while we were living together. Sleep included hugging and spooning. He's been with the same female for about 6 years now and we are all friendly.
From a 2013 American gay male viewpoint, of course such a thing would be considered impossible. Things can only be black or white. There is no nuance. No sophistication.
But in some other cultures around the world, male relationships can have surprisingly blurred edges.
R7, what cultures are these then?
In Europe, for example, male friendship can be more openly affectionate than it is in the US, but that doesn't mean that straight guys "fall in love" with each other, or with gay guys, which was the OP's original question.
[quote] Can't straight guys fall in love in a "bromance" kind of way?
As I've posted elsewhere, I'm working with a young straight married man - less than half my age - who has told another co-worker that we're having a bromance.
They may enjoy your company when they are lonely. But that's all.
Not in the sexual manner but the romantic manner?
You mean the way I'm in love with Audrey Hepburn?
Sure, why not?
Yes, of course it's possible. I don't know why people are giving you a negative response like it's an impossibility. Brideshead Revisited was about this very matter, after all.
OP, quit wasting your time. most straight guys are homophobic.
[quote]most straight guys are homophobic.
The worst homophobes are the ones who know they're not very straight and hope that nobody will notice. They preach against gays like Ted Haggard and Bishop Eddie Long, they write books condemning gays like George Rekers, they vote against gay rights like Larry Craig, Lindsey Graham, and Aaron Schock.
Guys who are straight don't have any concerns about gays.
R3 Got it.
I have a straight friend who is in love with me. We go to dinners together, the theater, have long intense conversations. The only thing he said was missing was the sex. For that he had to get it from his wife but his wife doesn't intellectually stimulate him or share his interests in culture.
R8, Turkey for one.
"Guys who are straight don't have any concerns about gays."
Only if they're hawt and under 30.
Well I'm a gay woman who "fell in love" with a straight guy. I was young, we had an emotional connection, and he fulfilled an absence in my life. I never wanted it to be sexual, but I had the same intense emotional feelings for him that I had with girls I had been in love with.
I look back at that "relationship" and feel rather embarrassed by it, not because I "fell" for a guy, but because it feels odd to me now that I could have had such strong feelings for someone I never was physically intimate with.
Yeah if he was gay.
I think so. I have a totally straight friend who has given me vibes that he has feelings for me. Not sexual attraction, but a deep emotional bond. We talk about just about everything, but I don't come on to him. We are like extreme bros. The affection is increasing.
One of my dearest friends is a straight male. We've been in a "bromance" for 13yrs. He's confessed his love for me saying I love you like a girlfriend, just not sexually. He's had a couple ex-girlfriends who have been unhappy with our relationship, one even gave him an ultimatum, her or me. He chose me. He's been married for 6 yrs, his wife hates me but I can't do anything about that. People have assumed we were lovers and he never cared. And no, he isn't a repressed self-hating homo in disguise. We just genuinely love one another.
I think a gay male/straight male "no sex relationship" might desired by a lot of straight guys. I think many males dislike being in relationships with females in general and prefer the company of other males. The gay male side lends itself to a more supportive and nurturing situation than might otherwise exist in a straight male/straight male bromance. I'm making my eyes bleed typing this, but think there is some truth to the concept.
R4, hush your mouth. I thought we were not talking about that year anymore. And congrats on the new baby BTW...
R23, what does he look like? Is he hot?
In my long experience with straight close friends I have to say that R24 is absolutely right
I'm sure it happens in a bromance sort of way. But my experience has been the opposite.
I've met a couple of straight (or straight-identified) guys who would do about anything sexual with another guy as long as there was nothing romantic involved.
It's pretty strange to have a guy suck your dick, even swallow your cum, but refuse to kiss you.
I've never seen it in real life but the gay for you trope is very popular in gay romance books. Hot Head by Damon Suede is an example about two hot NY firemen one straight and one gay who fall for each other and get together romantically and sexually.
Yes it is.
Two of my straight little brother's straight friends developed crushes on me. One I mentored but the other was hot and I convinced him he really owed it to himself to be fucked by a guy at least once, so that's what we did. And he was grateful. And then he got married.
I also had a couple of straight guys where I worked go through the mancrush thing. I didn't mess around with them but was kind.
may be it can happen,if something there a connection between two guys out of sexual relationship,like normal friends.but it is too less to count such relationships as some thought it is not accepted by society&some other think it may spoil their respect in society.but if something there a connecetion means it can happen also
All the discussion of "straight guys" on this site is cringeworthy.
Agreed r32 Its really sad and pathetic. The idea of hooking up with a straight guy grosses me out. Bad hygiene and all.
Very good point, R5.
OP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
It's called: a football team!
Think about it: if a Martian appeared on earth, unfamiliar with EVERYTHING human, don't you think he might ask, what is all this hugging, embracing, patting on the ass?
Men-love - "straight" - has been around forever.
Oh, SORRY: the? was straight/gay male "love." Well, I still think I'm right (there are gays in football; ALL sports);
See, also: the military.
On related (no, not the question; again SORRY):riffing a bit on the poster who mentioned being a gay woman/loving - nonsexually - a straight man:
I truly think straight women can (a) love each other platonically, and love their gay female friends the same.
(and WHERE is a thread about the love between fags and their hags?? I am SERIOUS.)
R8: not an expert, but from stuff I've read:
R33, You will never hook-up with a "straight" guy so you needn't worry.
But you're right, the self-loathing is sad.
You guys should stop encouraging each other in this regard. Straight men are not going to fall in love with another man and R5 & R34 are correct. Most straight men don't really "fall in love" in the way you are imagining.
No, it is not. The terminology you all are using is blurred and rather silly. "Falling IN love?" Romantic love? Straight men don't do that with women usually, let alone a freakin' gay man. No way. Another wishful thinking thread. Bromances are all about the show. Deep friendship and LOVE in a male/male friendship is not about ROMANTIC love. Good lord. Any man who "falls in love" with another male is not straight. That stuff is part of what MAKES a man gay.
Bunch of delusional homosexuals in this thread
Yes, platonic love.
My straight best friend's wife just said that her husband and I are having a bromance. My straight male friend jokes about it and has come up with a fused couples name for us. It is cool that our friends are teasing us about the bromance now.
Emotionally but without the erotic element.
When I was in my twenties my straight best friend told me that he would have asked me to marry him if I were a woman. We are still best friends 30 years later.
It happened on [italic]Oz[/italic]
The answer to OP's question: No, a straight man cannot fall in love with a gay man. He can "love" a gay guy as you would love a family member or a best friend, but he cannot fall "in love" with gay man because that would make him gay.
Falling in love means you fall in the love with the complete person and you have physical, psychological and emotional connection with the other person. If the straight guy doesn't desire a physical or at least some sort of intimate relationship, then an element of the "in love" portion is missing.
The gay guy can fall in love with a straight man--but not the other way around.
I saw someone say that Brokeback Mountain was about a straight guy who fell in love with a gay guy which I thought was a really interesting interpretation. I dunno.
I am gay and I've fallen head over heels in love with women growing up... like total hard-core (can't stop thinking about them, etc.). Typical teenage crushes, I guess. BUT, everytime I try to think of them naked, I couldn't get an erection, although I have fantasized hugging them and cuddling them an kidsing them in a romantic manner. But the sex never turned me on.
Really, R50? Gosh, not even close for me. I'm gay and I've had a series of very close friendships with women, but NEVER would I say I've fallen in love with any of them. Being sexually attracted is PART of 'falling head over heels in love.' I don't see how you're able to divorce that part of it.
If the straight guy is hustling, it is possible for him to fall in love with his john but it usually cost a shit-load extra. These straight guys become more unstable and sometimes suicidal.
Of course, didn't you see "The Crying Game?"
hustlers don't fall in love with johns.
r6 It worked because he got to be the man and you the woman.
But can't you fall in love with someone without being physically attracted to them? Isn't that what a bromance is about for most.
r46 [quote]No, a straight man cannot fall in love with a gay man. He can "love" a gay guy as you would love a family member or a best friend, but he cannot fall "in love" with gay man because that would make him gay.
By that logic a gay guy can not fall in love with a straight guy because that would make him straight.
No: because then he would be bisexual and not straight.
One of my best friends for the last 20 years has been a straight guy. We did everything together -- including sleep together on vacations -- and never had sex. People would joke that he and I were a couple, and it was a matter of time before he came out. The thing is, he really is totally straight; we were just best mates. He and I are now estranged, sadly. He got married about a year ago, and we stopped being friends about then. I don't know if his wife wasn't comfortable with it, or if she just didn't like me. (She's a right wing Christian, and I'm outspokenly liberal.) I miss him, and yes, it is possible for a straight man to fall in love with a gay man.
R51, those were the time when I was growing up... up until I was 15 or 16 when I first had a crush a guy. I've had intense crushes on girls way before I knew what sex was. The first one was when I was 5 or 6. Even though that was 25 years ago, I still have a mental picture of what she looked like. And I still vaguely remember the intensity of what I felt towards her.
Why does everything have to be about sex with some of you guys? As if the entire world revolve around sex.
Yes it is possible. It happened with me when I fell for a straight hunk in the gym. He said that he was in love with me too and had me record him saying I Love You, etc. But when I discovered that he was going around with a married woman, I got shattered. But I continue to take his calls even today because I just cant get him off my mind or heart. He however seems indifferent and even ignores me except when he needs me, that is.
No. The straight can love the gay guy, but not sexually.
r39 You are wrong. Some peoples sexual orientation is different than their romantic orientation. It is rare, but it does exist. Go research it.
Yep, it is possible to a straight guy to have a more affectionate relationship or even casual sex or short romance. That doesn't mean his gay. Why people accept easily that is possible for some girl-girl action but refuses this privilege for two guys?
Sometimes, guys hook up for the fun of it or even date another guy just to play on the field. If he wants more, than bisexuality must be considered, otherwise, it is just a expression of human sexuality and its drives.
I've had several straight male friends develop crushes on me and admit it, either during or after the infatuation. I knew them well enough to know that they enjoyed and sought sex with women, but they just felt something a little more complicated than friendship for me. This was in my 20s, I wasn't even all that cute,but I think there was a vulnerability/fecklessness/sweetness that they responded to.
R65= Candis Cayne
I think the topic we all are talking about is the fluidity and duality of human sexuality. I admit that I am young but my own experiences and observations of others' experiences leads me to believe that human sexuality has a lot more variety than black and white.
I believe the complexities of what makes someone attractive or a candidate for romantic feelings is what makes "unconventional" pairings a possibility even if they are a rarity. And we should remind ourselves that "unconventional" is all a matter of perspective and thus a cultural determinant.
Well it can be possible, A str8 guy may Fall in love with a "Gay Guy", I have a friend he's str8, he's a playboy, but he liked a "Gay Guy", and only that guy, no other "Gay guys" just that particular guy, it's hard to explain but hope u get what i mean xD,
Sometimes love can be unpredictable.
I'm male. Somewhat like R50, I've had crushes, or been in love with, females. Yet when it came to the sexual part of the relationship it just wasn't there. One of my best friends would have loved to be married to me but I just couldn't go down that road. Sadly, I think she rebounded (for lack of a better word) and hooked up with this loser. She's been married to him now for about eighteen years and has two kids. I still love and miss her but couldn't provide that component of the relationship.
No, it's not possible.
What happens is guys who are unhappy with women find it easier to call up a male friend who won't reject or mistreat them, and sometimes they can be persauded to ignore gender, but if they do that, they're gay.
Could a truly gay guy fall in love with a woman? Not likely.
R61, guys like that aren't straight.
A real straight male isn't into other men.
You said it R40. This thread is rife with delusion.
In love? No. Love you in another way? Yes. Have sex with you despite not being into it because he loves you? Yes.
Should you do that? No. If you do it anyway, will you regret it many years later, thinking back after everyone has moved on? Yes indeed.
I'm gay. If he isn't? I'm not interested and vice versa! A lot of straight guys think this way, sadly a lot of us don't! So, I find this concept impossible unless the straight identified guy is actually a closeted homosexual. In my opinion straight guys can be great friends to have, but just as long as you befriend the ones who are truly comfortable with their sexuality. I have five straight guy friends and at times I've gotten some of the best "straight" forward advice and opinions from them. "Befriend the straight ones if you can, pimp the bi ones, have fun and commit to the gay ones." Being apart of a brotherhood not only keeps you in touch with your masculine side but also gives you a better understanding of "Men" in general. Plus, you'd be surprised that the main thing Gay men and Straight men share in common..... The theory behind the annoyance yet importance of the female species and their influences! So yea, If a straight guy falls in love with a gay man then it's obvious the guy was gay from the get go. Some guys are closeted, some guys are curious, and some guys are just fucked up in the head.
This will not end well.
I think it all depends on your definition of "falling in love". Feeling a deep connection? Of course that's possible. But being in love with someone implies that there's a physical and biological attraction that would indicate he's not 100% straight.
If a straight guy felt deeply connected to a gay guy, and then feel in love with a woman, there would be an obvious difference between the way he felt about each of them.
They do in 'Fairy tales'.
Yes, because totally straight is like totally gay, there are exceptions, most people are bisexual, deep down, yet there is a definite preference that prevails.
Better catch up with football and cars sweetie if you want to sustain any kind of conversation with a het!
I'm not guy in straight single. I also have feelings for another guy that is Married. I think about him all the time months later I just started to talk to him so I can just feel some relief without leaving the gym saying how come I didn't talk to him. Anyhow I talked to him couple days later after that and got his name and he got mine as well. I never fantasize about us having sex. I just want to be good buddies so we can do things. I met this guy at my local gym. But after couple days after he had told me his name, saw him at the gym again thinking we were starting a friendship there but I don't know what really happened. All this talking happen couple days ago so this is very recent. Yesterday I saw him at gym I was on the elliptical and he walks pass without saying anything. I know he saw me cause I was looking at him ready to say hi but that never happened. So I'm a bit confused at the moment. I will try to say hi to him when I see him at the gym again later on today, or should I just stay away? What really bothers me is that we the two days of small chat was all that for nothing?
[quote]No: because then he would be bisexual and not straight.
Seriously, why is that not obvious. I'm gay. I can feel deep love and affection for a woman, I can even 'fall in love' with a woman's personality on a friendship level. If I could fall in love romantically with a woman (you know, butterflies in the stomach, the urge to have them physically close, etc.) then that would make me bi.
Sure, just watch Sherlock.
Some of my straight bro friends have expressed deep nearly romantic love for me. Sometimes, they were saying that we are "in a bromance" or "bromantic." It is not sexual, but definitely passionate and deep.
No straight men even your straight friends, view you as inferior and a biological mistake. They hate you inside.
Yeah, but they need to be good/best friends. One of my friends loves making out with his gay str8 bro, but the str8 bro thinks its fine as long as they don't have sex. #mentalgymnasticsbutwhatev.
Yes, in a platonic way.
No. OP, what you're asking is like asking "is it possible for the colour red to be blue?"
Is it possible for a straight acting gay or bi guy to fall in love with a gay guy ? Of course!
All this DL pining after straight men is both moronic and self loathing.
Romantic love, no. You can't have romantic love without wanting to have sex with the other person. If a man feels romantic love towards you, he isn't straight.
That said--my best friend is straight and we love each other. His wife and my BF tease us about our bromance. We both know and have said if he was gay, we'd be together. I think it's because he grew up the only child of a crazy single mother and craves some sort of connection to another man, but he is 100% straight. We have slept together, watched porn together, hug, wrestle...but no sex.
Yes, he is totally hot, but I don't WANT to have sex with him. I've told he would have to have MUCH better hygiene for that to ever happen! :-)
My gay friends refuse to believe that there is nothing sexual going on between us..I think because they've been bullied by straight guys or something? It's like they can't understand two guys being close friends and it not being sexual. Hell, I have a lot of gay friends and I've never had sex with them either! (Not that a few of them haven't tried)
hmmm, I am not sure if you can have romantic love without desiring the object of it sexually? I have felt like I am in love with people that I definitely am not attracted to sexually or physically. I had the same feelings of butterflies and gidiness around them and missed them sorely when away from them. I did not find these particular people physically attractive though, just I loved these friends so much that I always wanted to be around them. Likewise, I have had straight male friends express their love for me in ways that we very deep and affectionate, but they never gave any hint of sexual or romantic desire.
[quote]We have slept together, watched porn together,
Gay porn or straight porn?
When I was five, my grandpa touched my petey pecker.
Short answer: Yes
I suppose some sort of a crush, yes, but if much more than that, he isn't straight.
No. Or I would be married to (or divorced from) the first guy I fell in love with. He loved me, but he just couldn't be in love with someone else who had a dick. Broke my heart, but I never again lusted after a straight guy.
No. My very best friend in the world (who I thought was straight) fell in love with me. As it turned out, it was all an elaborately orchestrated hoax on his part to convince everyone (and maybe himself) that he was gay. Even though I was totally out, he couldn't bring himself to admit that he was gay. But he was.
He finally got very drunk one night and told me everything. We dated for a year, then broke up, but we have remained close. He has a partner now.
Could you "fall in love" with a woman, OP?
Didn't we have a thread about gay men falling for women? So yes, if it's possible for gay men to end up exploring the other gender, then I don't see how it can not be the other way a round as well.
I believe it's possible for a straight man to love a gay man as a person. But not in any sexual way, which is sort of the definition of being hetero.
It can happen in prison, sometimes in boarding school and the military.
"Fall in love?" No. Love unconditionally? Yes. Strange, but it can happen. If one doesn't take advantage of it, it can be the most wonderful thing in the world. However ..
It's the same way they love their dog. It has nothing to do with sex.
I met "J" in an AA meeting a few years ago. He started giving me rides home and we would talk and talk about our experiences.
J told me that he sometimes thought he could be bi-sexual but he could never act on it because he could never live with himself. At that time, I didn't think much of it. I wasn't instantly attracted to him and most people in AA disappear.
J and I started getting closer, sharing more intimate details of our lives. He told me that he had been molested as a child. This made me comfortable enough to reveal that I had a similar secret. This made us closer. I started to develop feelings for J.
One day over lunch, he said that he found me attractive. I asked him if he was gay and he said no. He just couldn't explain the attraction. Numerous times he said he thought I was an attractive male. This just didn't make sense to me. If I am attracted to someone, I want to have sex. How could he not feel the same?
J soon became an obsession. I dropped everything to hang out with him. We went to meetings together, he paid for dinners, we went shopping (he wanted me to help him pick out a new wardrobe)...all these things that don't seem like something a "straight" guy would do with a gay guy. I would talk about him constantly with my therapist. She insisted that I was making up this "relationship" in my head, and that he was probably using me for my loyal friendship.
I told J how I felt, that I had feelings for him. He told me that he could not return those feelings but that he still loved me as a "brother". I was devastated and cut ties with him.
Fast forward to 2014. He relapsed. We started talking again. I visited him and he offered me Jack and Coke. Just to be there, closer to him, I drink. We watch Million Dollar Listing NYC and end up holding hands. I caress his fingers and hands and kiss them. He doesn't say a word and it seems like he is enjoying it. I leave to piss and he says, "If you were a girl I would fuck the shit out of you tonight!" WTF?
He asks me to spend the night. I refuse (like a jackass). I had to work the next morning and can't risk being late. I try to feel his crotch and he just says my name like "What are you doing?"
I go home and am excited about our next meeting, which is planned for the weekend.
I return on Friday night, in the pouring rain to hang out with J. This time I plan on spending the night and taking full advantage of J. This time though, he is not nearly as excited and happy to see me. He seems a bit standoffish and making an extra effort to let me know "I love you as a brother, bro".
What do you guys think is up with "J" ?
Should I just leave this alone?
You left out relapsed alcoholic in your sig, R106. That's your bigger problem.
R106, get to a meeting, and cut all contact with this toxic manipulative prick.
Put your well being first.
He wants a drinking buddy to enable his relapse. He's playing you, knowing you are sexually attracted, enjoying watching you fall for him, he's a sick person who wants to feel in control of something - you, because clearly he is not in control of himself.
Why do you even bother with a therapist, R106, if you won't listen to what she tells you?
She is right. You are a doormat and he's using you.
No prob, R106. Get it where you can. Life is short.
People will treat gays like they treat the gay part of themselves (everyone is a little gay): either with tenderness of loathing.
maybe the same way a gay guy can 'fall in love' with a woman, but at the end of the day that straight guy is going to want a woman (that's why they're straight) and a gay guy is going to want a man (that's why he's gay).
I pushed a straight guy away from me b/c he was always doing that 'buddy, buddy, I love you man' thing with me.
It was driving me nuts.
I finally had to tell him I couldn't be around him the way Oprah can't be around Mac and Cheese.
A spoonful is too much, and the whole tray is not enough.
I see TONS of gay behaviour from this guy. He jokes about having sex with guys. He says he'll get married someday again (he's divorced) when gay marriage is legal. I saw another guy kiss him on the lips (all jokingly, of course) once.
So it's easy for me to think he might be gay, but he's not.
So, no, I don't think it's possible for a straight man to fall in love with a gay guy.
And I sure wish gay guys would stop falling for straight ones.
Respect and love yourself for who you are. Please don't worry about what other people aren't.
Have you ever cried rivers for a man and you happen to be a man?
I wonder how many gay men mistaken a straight man's affection for romance because they did not have a close bond with their straight brothers? If you grew up close to your brother you would know that guys do a great many things that to the outside world might appear romance but at their core are non-sexual, loving things. One's sibling is often a mate you are more comfortable and relaxed with.your first real boyfriend. It is possible to get the same feeling from a straight guy without the undercurrent of sex. Aren't you close with gay male friends you don't have sex with?
It does warm my heart that DL queens ask this question, in different ways, every single fucking day.
Despite the fact that straight men never, ever, ever sleep with other men (though bisexual men clearly do), it's comforting to know that there will be dozens of men here on this site hoping to make it so, hoping to turn pillows into ponies and quarters into stacks of money.
You go, girls. Embrace that (completely futile) dream!
no. real life is not some porno
Op, it truly isn't.
It is possible though for him to suck the piss out of your cock.
good analogy, r105
See Big Brother 16
Big Brother is a reality show with a bunch of attention whores.Doesn't count
That was the whole promise of Peter Lefcourt's cult classic The Dreyfus Affair.
I was head over heals in love with a straight guy in college, We ran into each others at Frat Parties and we'd be drunk walking each other home,he dated alot of girls on campus and he flunked out his Sophomore year, I kept in touch with him over the years and supported him as a friend to talk to when he was going thru a real rough time. he told me that he wished he could have spent more time with me in school,now he calls me saying that he loves me and wants a relationship because he knows know I have a genuine love for him.It took 22 years for him to come around, I do still love him but I feel awkward if we was to ever have sex.I think its more of a long term romance?/ I still don't know how to approach the situation///
It hasn't happened yet. My gaydar's busted.
That's awesome R125. If only you could get back the liberal trusting nature you had then.
OMFG R125, fuck him already!
A man can be bi-romantic but still heterosexual. However, I don't see how it would look like anything but a 'bro-mance.'