This week I was able to borrow an office since I'm not a full time employee, and this guy in a cubicle outside the door would not stop talking! He seemed to not be at ease unless he was on the phone or engaging others in conversation. Several times I sat by in empathy while people who were clearly trying to break free were forced to listen to him ramble.
Maybe it's because I'm an introvert, but I can't stand people who talk and talk and talk (usually about nothing). When I'm at work, I want to work. Not gossip, or discuss sports, or reenact last nights episode of Two and a Half Men. How do you you politely convey that to people who seem unable to pick up on the nonverbals of annoyance???
I'm with you, OP.
Some people seem so terrified of silence, that they'll do anything to fill it.
That's the worst part of riding the bus or train. On my commuter train there's a woman who literally CAN NOT be still for 30 seconds. She has to talk to someone.
I want to slap her like I slapped Ouiser Boudreaux. AND print t-shirts too.
"At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working."
[italic]The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy[/italic]
I think my experience, unfortunately, can top yours.
I travelled with this old woman to Taiwan. As we went to take the subway, she kept talking non-stop. In Taiwan, everyone lines up single-file to board the train. As she talked, she had one foot on the train, one hand on the door frame, then, she stopped and turned around and continued her talking "let me tell you about my friend Terry. We went to Toronto and she ..." She kept talking like that. Not only she was holding up the line, the warning lights started to flash and beep in the subway station. But she kept talking. And the warning got louder and louder. I was surprised that people there are so polite and on one said anything.
Eventually, I said, you need to either get on the train or step off. She rolled her eyeballs and said, "they will wait for me"...
I would have knocked that bitch down, R4.
They're on coke. That's why they can't shut up.
R4, that's a women that needs a strong, hard, punch in the face, and for everyone around to applaud and whistle and cheer. She clearly needs to be taken down a peg. What a fucking arrogant, selfish, self-absorbed asshole.
... and their corollary, people who are on their mobile devices ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Before cell phones, I never realized that so many people had so much to say and such a great need to say it all the time.
OP, I grew up in a family where the definition of "quiet," was "only 1 person talking at the same time." Such people are used to constant noise, like those that can only sleep with the TV on all night. They may not mean to be rude, they just miss out on normal verbal cues. So as very politely as possible tell her that you'd really appreciate her to limit conversations to lunch and breaks. Sometimes kindness really does work like a charm. She truly may not realize that she is in the wrong.
This describes my boss. She never. Ever. Ever. Stops. Talking.
A meeting that should take 15 minutes takes an hour. People have to get up and leave to make her stop. She'll continue it in the hallway. Even worse, she's British with a lower-class accent, which makes me want to chew on glass.
All day. I sit next to her, and it never stops. It never fucking stops. I put on my headphones and she'll KNOCK on my desk to get my attention, and just starts talking at me.
She talks over others. She cuts people off. She interrupts. She doesn't listen. Someone makes a valid point and she pipes in, "I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THAT!"
I would like my job otherwise, but she's the reason I'm leaving. After 19 months of it, I can't fucking take it any longer.
Some of me believes those people are erecting a noise shield, but the rest can't figure out what the fuck is going on.
I am a woman who works with a bunch of woman and I'm the only one who treasures silence. I don't gossip w/them nor chit chat. I do say hello and good morning. I enjoy a nice two way conversation occasionally but mostly, I keep to myself. Which has deemed me the outcast.
I don't mind. I do mind the constant chatter. And it's not just chatter, it's like they out yell each other. They all have outdoor voices and the office sounds like a locker room. THEY NEVER SHUT UP. One, comes flying into the office, stops at the secretaries office, chats w/her for 1/2 hr. then stops at collegues' office, chats there for an hour. By the time she reads her email, it's yesterday's news. Sometimes the noise is so annoying and constant, I have to leave. There is nothing I can do except they all work at home on the same day.
LOUD, LOUD, BRAYING, BELLOWING USELESS WOMAN!!!
Sorry, had to vent
R11, we have a manager like that. An older guy, he cannot be brief about anything. ANY time he gets up to talk, you just settle in, because even if he's just answering a 'yes' or 'no' question, it's going to take ten minutes. If it's more complicated than that, it's going to take half an hour.
OP, and other posters: boy, is my face read! I'm a "talker" - have been politely chastened for same at any job (the full-tim ones - somehow I could keep quiet when a temp!) AND my voice carries.
FWIW, I was last year, at 50+ re-diagnosed from 4 years ago, from "depressed" to Bipolar II (that's the milder version; the one C Z-J has. I'm nothing like her! just mentioning cause she was a while ago in the news; I myself had never heard of Bipolar II other than reading about her.)
NOT saying that the co-workers/bosses you describe are Bipolar, hee-hee! But there is actually something, the shrink said, called "pressured speech." Wow, I've been like that my whole life!
Have other symptoms too - again, might not fit ANY of the people you describe - and I am NOT asking for sympathy for myself or others; obnoxious speech is still annoying; I'm working on aiming for "strong and silent" more, hee-hee!
(But interestingly, I also HATE all the cell phone conversations that one is subjected to in public. Go figure.
Remember the boss at the magazine where Patsy "worked",on Ab Fad?
There's a girl like that at work (I say "girl" because she really looks, sounds, and acts like she's fresh out of college, even though in reality she's over 30). She just talks and talks. She remarked how I don't say much, so I actually got in a discussion with her about it... how I'm not afraid of silence, and I can actually eat a meal with someone without every moment having to be filled with conversation, and it's okay. We were at lunch and I had her try to sit and eat quietly for just 15 seconds. She couldn't do it. She was SO uncomfortable with the silence. But at least she's now a bit more self-aware, and is trying.
I was one of the last people on the commuter van the other night and so was relegated to the five-across in the back, and both the woman who sat next to me and the woman on the other side of her were on their cell phones the entire time. I DON'T GET IT. Why do you think we want to hear your conversation, and why do you want us to hear it?? Can't it wait until you're in a more private setting?
They're tweaking on their SSRI's, I guarantee it. They're also probably quite dim. They are also reality television mind control victims - they don't know how to live other than narcissistically.
First off, why are people so passive? You're sending "non verbal cues" and expecting someone who has already demonstrated a lack of sensitivity to interpersonal cues to pick up on them? The only way to get it to stop is to ask for it, plain and simple. If he engages you in conversation, tell him you have a pile of work on your desk and while you would love to chat, you did borrow the office to work and your time there is limited. People need to stop expecting other people to be psychic. Sure, it may ruffle a few feathers, but if you speak kindly, professionally, and without emotional baggage, people will respect your time, space, and quiet. If he is in the next cubicle chatting all day, knock on his cubicle, stick your head in, politely introduce yourself and express your needs. Mention the time crunch you are under, take responsibility for your need to work in a quiet environment, and make him an ally in your need for silence. Most people, unless they are mentally ill, will comply with a politely expressed request. If he is mentally ill and ignores you, then your only recourse is to change yourself, get ear plugs, or borrow another office. Whatever you do, stop being a victim and operating from a place of learned helplessness. Things don't happen unless you speak up and make them happen.
Women do this kind of shit all the time. How are they still employed? I'll never understand it.
My nephew is like that. I love him but it is like having Beevis and Buthead visiting. It is not real conversation or true dialouge. I just think of a song I like etc and tune it out.
My mother and cousin are both like this, and I am frequently embarrassed by their behavior. I also just ended a friendship with someone loquacious, and can't say I feel particularly sorry about the loss. Silence is golden.
Marry me, OP.
There are a couple of guys at work like this - one of them we call the hall monitor because he's always talking to someone in the hall.
I don't know how they ever get any work done. I avoid them, but you have to interact sometimes.
I will actually turn my chair around and start typing away and they'll keep on going.
They're nice guys but - put a lid on it.
If it's at work---they're avoiding (and apparently adroitly!) doing any.
Dumb like the proverbial, and verbose, fox.
There are times when I feel I'm being verbally assaulted by my boss. One day, she'll barely speak to anyone and spends the entire day just sitting at her desk, surfing the Web. The next day, she'll schedule me into "emergency" meetings where she can't stop talking, her volume ratcheting, the cadence getting faster, until I swear she's going to just going to fritz out. The topic of conversation will be something very slight that can be covered in an email, or a ten-minute meeting, but she'll exaggerate the urgency and OHMYGODTHISHASTOGETDONENOW. Then she'll never ask about it again.
So exhausting.It makes me feel like I'm going nuts. Absolutely nuts. She's nice one day, on a rampage the next. I spend half my time figuring out how to get away just to protect my mental space.
Sometimes I wonder if she's on something, or off something. I can't imagine how crazy it must be inside her head.
Sounds like my boss. We have "meetings" where she spends all the time talking about her ipad, jewelry or some other mess. I just want to do my work and be left alone.
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
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