- Comet! It makes your mouth turn green!
Comet! It tastes like gasoline!
Comet! It makes you vomit!
So eat some Comet and vomit today!
(to the tune of "The Caissons Go Rolling Along")
- I wanna hear the one again about Uncle Jed and Elly May!
- same tune as R1:
Hitler had only big ball
Goering had two, but they were small
Himmler had something sim'lar
And poor old Goebbals had no balls at all!
(Grandpa was a WWII vet - could you tell?)
- R1, we sang that to the Colonel Bogey March.
- I remember a somewhat different version of that one, OP. Instead of the "One leg is missing..." section, it went something like "[Can't remember the first line], he no longer barks; his hind legs are broken, they're throwing up sparks." What an awful, sick-o song parody!
- The Addams Family started
When Uncle Fester farted
They all came out retarded
The Addams Fam-i-ly!
%20*snap%20snap*
- Twinkies...
Ding Dongs ...
Ho-Ho's...
FAT GIRL!
Marlo%20Thomas%27%207-year-old%20tormentors
- For R2:
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed
He grabbed Ellie May and he threw her on the bed
He opened up his zipper and out came a worm
And out from the worm came a bubblin' sperm
Cum that is, white gold, from his pee....
Shoulda Fucked Jethro
- Thank you, R8!
1947%20Possum%20Queen%2C%20Elverna%20Brandshaw
- R4 is correct!
- They're up, they're down, they're all around,
Natalie weight 1000 pounds,
The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!
Oh the black girl, her name's Tootie
And she's got a great big booty on
The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!
She's butch, she's tough, she rides a bike,
Everyone knows that Jo's a dyke,
The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!
She's got big hip, she's got blond hair,
The lipstick lesbian's name is Blair,
The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!
- I’ll plant my own tree and I’ll make it grow.
My tree will not be just one in a row.
My tree will offer shade
when strangers go by.
Eldergay
- Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile, lost a wheel
And Joker got away!
1st%20Grade
- On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
When somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table,
And on to the floor,
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled out of the door.
It rolled in the garden,
And under a bush,
And then my poor meatball,
Was nothing but mush.
The mush was as tasty
As tasty could be,
And then the next summer,
It grew into a tree.
The tree was all covered,
All covered with moss,
And on it grew meatballs,
And tomato sauce.
So if you eat spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
Hold on to your meatball,
Whenever you sneeze.
- They're coming to take me away, ha ha,
To the funny far,
Where life is beautiful all day long,
And I'll be glad to see those men in their clean white suits........
- O Dear what can the matter be
Three old maids locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there!
- I dream of Jeannie
Want a ten-foot weenie
Showed it to the lady next door
She thought it was a snake
So she hit it with a rake
Now it's only nine-feet-four
Ezra%20Poundcake
- Tra...la...la...la..
BOOM de-ay
There is no school today
My teacher passed away
We threw her in the bay
We tried to fish her out
She smelled like sauerkraut
Tra la la ala BOOM de-ay
There is no school today!!
- What's for dinner?..
Great big globs of greasy, grimey gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdy feet
French-fried eyeballs floatin' in a pool of blood
And I forgot my spoon...
- I hate Bosco!
It's thick and chocolatey.
Mommy puts it in my milk
To try to poison me.
I fooled Mommy.
I put it in her tea.
Now there's no more Mommy
To try to poison me.
(Sung, of course, to the tune of the Bosco jingle. It's a silly song, but I was too embarrassed to reveal that I still remember all of the lyrics to "Walking down Canal Street, knocking on every door, God damned son of a bitch, I couldn't find a whore." That dates to when I was eight. There are several additional verses.)
- You should never laugh when a hearse goes by
Because you may be the next to die
They wrap you up in a clean white sheet
And bury you down about 16 feet
The worms crawl in The worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose
They eat the goodies between your toes
- Timmy Timmy two by four
Can't fit through the bathroom door
So he did it on the floor
Cleaned it up and did it some more
- As I was walking down the street a billboard caught my eye
The advertisements listed there could make you laugh or cry
The sign was torn and tattered from the storm the night before
The wind and rain had done its work and this is what I saw
Smoke Coca Cola cigarettes chew Wrigley Spearmint Beer
Kennel Ration dog food makes your wife's complexion clear
Chocolate-covered mothballs, they always satisfy
Brush your teeht with Lifebuoy Soap and watch the suds go by...
(there's another verse if anyone else cares to chime in...)
- I vaguely remember one called Found a Peanut, but I don't remember the words. That and Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts mentioned above were popular on the school bus in the late 50s.
- Here you go:
Found a peanut, found a peanut,
Found a peanut just now,
Just now I found a peanut,
Found a peanut just now.
Cracked it open, cracked it open,
Cracked it open just now,
Just now I cracked it open,
Cracked it open just now.
It was rotten, it was rotten,
It was rotten just now,
Just now it was rotten,
It was rotten just now.
Ate it anyway, ate it anyway,
Ate it anyway just now,
Just now I ate it anyway
Ate it anyway just now.
Got a tummy ache, got a tummy ache,
Got a tummy ache just now,
Just now I got a stomach ache,
Got a stomach ache just now.
It goes on and on til you end up in hospital.
- No R25 it goes on and on until you DIED and...
went to heaven, went to heaven, went to heaven
(we said "last night" not "just now")
Last night I went to heaven.....
Mr. Peanut
- The tune for "Found a Peanut" is "My Darling Clementine."
Wyatt%20Earp
- O...Mar-y
Mack Mack Mack
All dressed in black black black
With Silver buttons buttons buttons
All down her back back back
She asked her mother mother mother
For 50 cents cent cent
To see the elephant elephant elephant
Jump the fence fence fence
It jumped so high high high
It reached the sky sky sky
And it never came back back back
Till the 4th of July-y-y-
And then it died died died (Optional)
-
Hello mother
Hello father
Greetings from camp marijuanna
Crack is good, weed is better
I'm so high I don't know how I wrote this letter
I pledge allegiance to the flag
Michael Jackson is a fag
Pepsi Cola burnt him up
Now he's drinking 7-Up
- Ya mama's in jail
Ya daddy's in hell
Ya granny's on the corner yelling pussy for sale
- From the farm:
(use a Foghorn Leghorn voice)
---
"Beat my meat on a tractor seat!
Doo-dah! Doo-dah!
Hands got tired, so I beat it with my feet!
Oh, de-doo-dah-day!"
- Our version of dead dog Rover said that "one leg is broken, the other is sprained. I ran him over with my Coco Puff train"
- Great green globs of Greasy grimy gopher guts
Concentrated turkey feet
Mutilated monkey meat
One full can of People's ripest porpoise guts
Floating in pink lemonade
And me without a straw!
- My mama told me, if I was good-y
That she would buy me a rubber dolly
My auntie told her
I kissed a soldier
Now she won't buy me that rubber dolly
Ohhhhh
3,6,9
The goose drank wine
The monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choke'
And they all went to heaven in a big white boat
Clap clap!
- One day while I was out shopping
Though you'll find it hard to believe
A little blue man came out of the crowd
And timidly tugged on my sleeve.
"I wuv you, I wuv you"
Said the little blue man
"I wuv you, I wuv you to bits!"
He loved me, said the little blue man
And scared me right out of my wits!
- for r34
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D76EO3PQHzKw
Shirley%20Ellis
- r34, have you seen Pia Zadora's 80s ultra-camp video of that song?
http://youtu.be/BH6bGsjQ6Mo
- Chipmunks roastin' awn a open fire
Bullfrawgs nippin' at ye boobs
Little kids saingin' vulgerr sawngs
And fokes dressed up like pissyloot
Everbody knows... a peeenus and some testicles
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tits with they... all aglow
Ull make it hard to sleep tonight.
- Growing up in a bilingual part of Canada, we used to sing this.
I go yesterday 'All aboard!' aux Etats,
With my porte-manteau and my umbrella.
Grimp-ing the gros chars on my seat ch't'en retard
A travers le window j'ai voulu embrasser, mon cavalier but
The train ran away! The train was so quick,
que ch't'allé plus loin
Pis j'ai embrassé une vache qui regardait passer le train!
- (sung ro the tune of the "Little Egypt" belly dancer song)
There's a place on Mars
Where the ladies make cigars
The cigars they make
Are bad enough to choke a snake
When the snake is dead
They put roses on its head
When the roses die
It is 1965!
- (tot he tune of God Bless America)
God bless my underwear
They were my only pair
I wore them and tore them
On the seat of the old rocking chair
- She was going round the corner doing 90
When the chain on her motorcycle broke.
Then they found her in the grass
with the muffler up her ass
and her tits playing Dixie on the spokes!
- for r41
God bless my underwear, my only pair.
Stand beside them, and guide them,
Through the rips, through the holes, through the tears.
From the washer, to the dryer, to my backpack, to my rear.
God bless my underwear, my only pair.
God bless my underwear, or I'll be bare.
God bless my underwear
That I wear down there.
I outgrow them, then throw them,
Those who wear them will never be square
When the bully, gives a wedgie
Pray that they won’t ever tear
God bless my underwear, my only pair.
God bless my underwear, or I’ll need to share.
- We three kings of Orient are
Trying to smoke a rubber cigar
The cigar is loaded
And it exploded
That's what you get
For buying a cheap cigar
Ohhhh....
Cigar of wonder, cigar of light
Cigar that's packed with dynamite
Westward leading
We're still bleeding
Guide us with your flare, you might
- I have been re-reading "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison (great classic--check it out if you haven't read it, or haven't read it recently).
In the novel, the protagonist comes across a group of children in the deep south who play and sing a "silly song" that actually turns out to be a historical accounting of a harrowing event experienced by protagonist's great-grandparents.
Today, while reading this thread and looking up a "nonsense song" I and my friends sang in childhood, I realized that I have been singing the chorus of an old "song of the south" written in 1851 during the civil war which, in part, depicted the relationship between a slavemaster and their "beloved" slave.
It's Twilight Zonish for me. Hope you can appreciate.
- Nothing could be finer than to be in her vagina in the mawrning
Nothing could be sweeter than for her to lick my peter in the mawawawrning.
- R40, our version was different:
In the land of Oz
All the ladies smoke cigars
and the smoke they make
is enough to kill a snake
when the snakes are dead
they put roses in their heads
when the roses die
they put diamonds in their eyes
- And there was Grandma
Swinging from the outhouse door
Without her nightie
Waiting for the garbage man
who was a playboy
Baby, could you ask for more?
Two dollars, pleeeaaassse!
- From my basic piano lesson book - I think the first book.
"Traffic Cop"
Traffic go
Traffic stop
All must heed the traffic cop
When I'm grown
I shall be
Just as fine a cop as he
Disillusioned Defense Attorney
- To "Funiculi, Funicula"
Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so good. I knew it would.
Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
Beat it, slam it, throw it on the floor
Wrap it around the bedpost, slam it in the door
It feels so neat to beat your meat
It turns those inches into feeeeet!
- Hercules – made of cheese and bolognie!
Hercules – just a big, fat phony
With the strength of ten
Plastic Army men
Murder in his heart
Fire in every fart
of the mighty – Hercules!
- R50 --
Thanks for the laugh!
- Driving down the highway, doing 94
Teacher laid a gasser, blew me out the door.
The engine couldn't take it, the motor fell apart
all because the teacher laid a supersonic fart
- McDonald's is my kind of place
Cheeseburgers in your face
dill pickles up your nose
french fries between your toes
I want my money back,
Before I have a Big Mac attack
- Lincoln, Lincoln
I've been thinkin'
What the heck have you been drinkin'?
Looks like water, tastes like wine
Oh my gosh it's turpentine!
- Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini ate his weenie
Now it doesn't squirt
My%20Mom%20Actually%20Told%20Us%20This%20One
- Sung to the Tune of "Alouette":
Suffocation, takes coordination
Suffocation, a game we all can play.
First you take a plastic bag,
then you put it on your head
Go to bed
Wake up dead
Ohhhhhhh (repeat 100x)
- A variation of r50s ditty:
Last night, I stayed up late to masturbate
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
Last night, I stayed at home to pull my pud
It felt so good. I knew it would.
Beat it, whack it, throw it on the floor
Bite it, smite it, slam it in the door
I know some people like to think a fuck is really grand,
But for all-around-enjoyment I prefer to use the hand.
- I remember that one, R57! There were more verses:
"First you take a rubber hose
then you stick it up your nose.
Turn it on - then you're gone!"
And
"Then you take a piece of rope
then you put it around your throat
Pull it tight - outta sight!"
Weird%20times%2C%20the%20%2770%27s...
- R56, there is also a Canadian version!
"Whistle while you work
Trudeau is a jerk
Diefenbaker was a faker
Whistle while you work."
- r54 Another version:
McDonald's is my kind of place
They feed you rattlesnakes
Hamburgers up your nose
French fries between your toes
The last time that I went there
They stole my underwear
I really didn't care
It was a dirty pair
And also the frosty shakes
Made from polluted lakes
McDonald's is my kind of place!
Anonymous
- I know a weenie man,
He owns a weenie stand.
He sells most anything
From hot dogs on down.
Someday I'll join his life.
I'll be his weenie wife.
Hot dog! I love that weenie man!
Hot dog!
- The horses run around, their feet are on the ground,
Oh, who will wind the clock while I'm away, away,
Go get the axe, there's a hair on baby's chest;
Oh, a boy's best friend is his mother, his mother.
While looking out the window, a second story window,
I slipped and sprained my eyebrow on the pavement, the pavement,
Go get the Listerine, sister has a beau,
Who cut the sleeves off father's vest, his vest.
A-peeking through the knothole, in grandpa's wooden leg,
Oh, who has built the shore so near the ocean, the ocean,
Go get the alcohol, Willy wants a drink,
For grandma's false teeth will soon fit baby, fit baby.
While walking in the moonlight, the bright and sunny moonlight,
She kissed me in the eye with a tomato, tomato,
We feed the baby garlic so we can find him in the dark;
An onion is a husky vegetable, a table.
She spanked him with a shingle, and made his panties tingle,
Because he socked his little baby brother, his brother,
A snake's belt slips, because he has no hips,
And he wears a necktie around his middle, his middle.
http://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm%3FSongID%3D9757
- The Campsong songbook
http://www.mikeleal.com/campsongs/campsongs1.html
- Does anyone know the "Booger Song"? All I can remember is:
Boogers! Boogers!
You eat every one that you pick
- The bear song of course.
The other day (echo: The other day)
I saw a bear (I saw a bear)
Out in the woods (Out in the woods)
A way out there (A way out there)
Both groups together:
The other day I saw a bear,
Out in the woods a way out there.
He looked at me
I looked at him.
He sized up me,
I sized up him.
He says to me,
Why don't you run?
'For I see you ain't
Got any gun?
I says to him,
That's a good idea!
So come my feet,
Let's up and flee!
And so I ran
Away from there,
But right behind
Me was that bear!
Ahead of me
I see a tree.
A great big tree,
Oh GLORY BE!
The lowest branch
Was 10 feet up.
I'd have to jump
And trust to luck.
And so I jumped
Ito the air
But I missed that branch
away up there!
Now don't you fret
And don't you frown
Cause I caught that branch
On the way back down!
There is no more.
This is the end
Unless I meet
That bear again.
- Every-bo-dy hates me!
no bo-dy likes me!
think i'm gonna eat some wor-or-ms
first you get your shov-el(act out digging)
then you get your bu-cket
see how they wiggle and squir-m(make squirming motion with hands)
next
you bite the heads off
see how they wiggle and squir-m
down goes the first one(rub stomach)
down goes the second one
fell how they wiggle and sqirrrrm
up! comes the first one
up! comes the second one
see how they wiggle and sqirrrm
- (sung to the tune of the Beatles' "Yesterday")
Leprosy
All my skin is falling off of me
I'm not half the man I used to be
Oh how did I get leprosy?
Syphilis
It all started with a simple kiss
Now it hurts to even take a piss
Oh how did I get syphilis?
- A - you’re an arsonist, B - you’re a bellybutton
C - you’re a cantaloupe with arms…
D - you're delirious, E - you’re an elephant
F - you’re a fairy in my arms…
G - you’re a gooly goon, H - you’re a hairy loon
I - you're an ICKY DICKY DOOOO…
J - you’ve got jabby knees, K - Klaustrophobia
L - you’ve got leprosy too…
M-N- you’re a maniac
O - you’re an octopus-puss-puss-puss…
P–Q- particularly queer, R-S-T- responsibility…
U- pick your nose in bed, V-you're a vomit head…
W-X-Y-Z
I like to sing the alphabet with you,
To tell you how you SICKEN ME!!!!
- Thanks, R61! The regional variations are interesting.
R62, I remember that song being introduced to my Canadian school via visiting New York boy scouts!
- from The Before Times, and not so funny now
glory glory hallelujah
teacher hit me with a ruler
met her at the door
with a loaded 44
and now she's on the floor
- Little Rabbit Foo Foo
hopping through the forest
picking up the field mice an boppin' 'em in the head
and down came the Good Fairy
and she said
Little Rabbit Foo Foo
I don't wanna see you
picking up the field mice
and boppin' 'em in the head
I'll give you three chances
and if you don't be good
I'm gonna turn you
into a GOOOOOON
(you can guess how this ends)
- three little angels
all dressed in white
trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite
but the kite string broke
and down they fell
instead of going to heaven
they went to-
two little angels
all dressed in white
trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite
but the kite string broke
and down they fell
instead of going to heaven
they went to-
one little angel
all dressed in white
trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite
but the kite string broke
and down he fell
instead of going to heaven
he went to-
three little devils
all dressed in red
trying to get to heaven on the end of a thread
but the thread string broke and down they fell
instead of going to heaven...
etc., ending with:
instead of going to heaven
he went to bed
we%20weren%27t%20allowed%20to%20say%20H-E-double%20toothpicks
- _________ (insert name of someone you don't like) is a friend of mine
He will blow you anytime
For a nickle or a dime
Fifty cents overtime
If you have a union pass, he will even lick your ass
If you have a credit card, he will blow you extra hard...
(goes on...forgot the rest)
Rough%20neighborhood%20Early%2070%22s%2C%20Chicago
- Glory glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with the ruler
The ruler turned red
And the teacher dropped dead
And now there's no more school-ya.
- We must, we must
We must develop a bust
The bigger, the better, the tighter the sweater
The boys depend on us
Girls%20in%20kindergarden
- The butter came out a grizzle-y-grey.
ristle-tee, rostle-tee, Now, now, now!
The cheese took legs and ran away!
-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, willoby-wallaby, Now, now, now
She let the critter get away.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, willoby-wallaby, Now, now, now
I asked my wife to wash the floor.
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, Now, now, now
She gave me my hat and she showed me the door
Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, Now, now, now
Etc.....
Alfie%20H
- Fatty and Skinny were laying in bed, Fatty rolled over and Skinny was dead.
- R49 That was PART of a song I recall
The farmer and the maiden
were having an affair
down by the garden gate
They didn't know I was there/
The farmer he was bashful, the maiden she was shy.
When he asked her if he could, this was her reply
"You can do it if you want to!
You'd better do it right!
You'd better not do it like you did the
other night!
'Cause if you do, I'm telling you,
You're never gonna do it again!
(I mean the laundry!)
You're never gonna do it again!"
And there was Granny!
Swinging on the outhouse door
Without her nightie
Waiting for the garbage man
Who was a playboy
To take her to the Playboy club
to be a bunny
Baby could you ask for more?
- (someone's name) is a friend of mine
He resembles Frankenstein
When he walks around the house
He resembles Mickey Mouse
When he does the Irish jig
He resembles Porky Pig
When he walks across the street
You can smell his stinky feet
When (somebody's name) comes out to play
All the children run away
(you then run away from the person)
- Miss Lucy had a steam boat
The steamboat had a bell,
Miss Lucy went to heaven and the
Steamboat went to...
Hello operator
Please give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I will chop off your...
Behind the 'fridgerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it
And she cut her little...
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Pulling down their...
Flies are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Lucy and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the...
Dark is like a movie
A movie's like a show
A show is like a tv set
And that is all I kno
- I'm bringing home my baby bumblebee
Won't my ma be so proud of me
I'm bringing home my baby bumblebee, Ow
I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee
Won't my ma be so proud of me
I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee, yuck
I'm wiping up my baby bumblebee
Won't my ma be so proud of me
I'm wiping up my baby bumblebee
- Beans beans they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So let's have beans at every meal.
-----
My mother wasn't allowed to say fart in front of her family so she used to sing
Beans, beans the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
- Ha, r81, our local variation was
Hello operator, give me number 9
If you don't connect me I'll kick you in the
Behind the refrigerator was a piece of glass
Lulu fell upon it and cut her little
Ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies
Boys in the bathroom pulling down their
Flies in the elevator shoo, shoo, shoo
Flies in the elevator shoo shoo shoo
Flies in tje elevator shoo shoo shoo
And that's the end of Lulu.
- Criss cross, applesauce
No more players, if you do I"ll take your shoe and that's the end of Y- O - U
(sung just before the start of a game such as tag, while doing jumping jacks and crossing /uncrossing legs)
- If you see Kay,
If you see Kay,
Tell her I said "hi"
The F U C K Song
- 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall....(goes on and on until the school bus reaches the field trip destination and the kids are exhausted)
- Inka binka a bottle of ink, the cork fell out and you do stink, not because you're dirty, not because you're clean, just because you kissed a boy behind a magazine.
- Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the batmobile lost a wheel and Joker got away, Hey!
- ________(name of girl double-dutch jumping).is an American Beauty
She wiggles, she waggles, she does the splits, she wears her miniskirts above her hips,, How many inches abobe her hips?
(fthe double jumpropes then are moved faster and faster and are raised higher and higher)
One inches, two inches, three inches, four inches....
(ropes raised higher and higher until jumper can't jump the ropes)
Former%20double-dutch%20jumper
- Mabel Mabel set the table
Don't forget the red hot peppers!
Taffy%20Davenport
- Here Comes the Bride,
Big, fat and wide,
Stepped on a banana peel
And went for a ride!
- Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot her my goo
And dropped the bitch off the next block
Andrew%20Dice%20Clay
- Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And said "What's in the bowl, bitch?"
Andrew%20Dice%20Clay
- There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
Had so many children
Her uterus fell out
Andrew%20Dice%20Clay
- fat and skinny had a race
up and down the pillowcase
fatty said he didn't care
'cause he had no underwear
https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3D8wTwjah8rig
night%20nurse
- milk milk (touch your left nipple then your right nipple)
lemonade (point to your pee pee)
round the corner
fudge is made
%28you%20figure%20it%20out%29
- Fat and Skinny went to bed
Fat rolled over and Skinny was dead.
Fat called the doctor and the doctor said:
"Get up, Fred! You ain't dead! All you need is a piece of cornbread!"
- Horsey horsey on your way
We've been together for many a day
So let your tail go swishing and your wheels go 'round
Giddy up, we're homeward bound!
- Apple on a stick
Make me sick
Make my heart go 246
Not because it's dirty
Not because it's clean
Just because I kissed a boy upon a magazine.
Girls, girls come out tonight!
Here comes [fill in the blank] with her girdle on tight.
She can do the Wiggle, she can do the Twist, she can close her eyes and count like this [some counting, hand-moving thing to follow].
- Here comes the bride
All dressed in pink
Open the window
And let out the stink!
Hilarious%20to%20our%206%20year%20old%20selves
- You're a motherfucking, tittysucking blue-ball bitch
Your mother's in the kitchen cooking red-hot shit
Your daddy's in the backyard with a red-hot bitch
Your brother's in jail, rotting to hell,
Your sister's round the corner yelling "Pussy for sale!"
- Thank god my childhood was nothing like R102's childhood.
- Just a boy and a girl in a little canoe
And the moon is shining all around
As they dipped their paddles they didn't even make a sound
Well they talked and they talked till the moon went in
And he said you better kiss me or get out and swim
So you know what to do in a little canoe
When the moon is shining all a,
The moon is shining all a,
The moon is shining all around
Get out and swim!
What the heck stay and neck for an hour or two
Or three or four or maybe even more.
- There be some Girl Scouts up in here!
- Some of these are just pitiful.
- *BUUUURPP*
pardon me for being so rude
it was not me it was my food
it just popped up to say hello
now its gone back down below.
- Diarrhea, diarrhea
You may think it's funny but it's really wet and runny
Diarrhea, diarrhea
No pain, no strain, just sit and let it drain
Diarrhea!
- R100, my sister sang the same song, different version. My religious aunt heard her and said, "I don't want you teaching that to my kids!"
"Apple on a stick, that makes me sick
Makes my tummy go 246
Not because I'm dirty, not because I'm clean
Not because I kissed a boy behind a magazine
Hey, boy! Wanna pick a fight?
Here comes your mama with her pants on tight
She can wibble, she can wobble, she can do the splits
But best of all, she can kiss, kiss, KISS!"
I guess ours must have been the ghetto version.
Still%20don%27t%20know%20what%20246%20means
- Catalina Magdalena
Hoopesteiner Wallendiner
Ooga Booga Booga was her name!
- They come in all sizes and colors
Some are red, some are green, some are black
Some hang out in the front of your nose
While the others retreat to the back
I'm talkin' 'bout boogers! (Yeah!) Boogers! (Yeah!)
You can eat every one that you pick
Just as long as it don't make you sick!
- Lol R109, well we lived in predominately black neighborhood (red-lined), even though it was filled with middle-class professionals. This was in the 1960s.
I thought the "246" was supposed to be about high blood pressure; but we have "heart" where you have "tummy," so that doesn't make sense in your version.
I know at 6 or so I had no idea what I was singing, but it would be interesting to find out what the song was supposed to be about.
R100
- My Mama don't wear no drawers - ah ding dong!
I saw her take them off.
She threw them up in the sky
Superman refuse to fly!
My Mama don't wear no drawers - ah ding dong!
I saw her take them off.
She threw them up in a tree
Dang dogs refuse to pee!
- We 3 Drunks from Omaha are,
Spending New Years Eve in a car,
Driving, drinking, glasses clinking,
Who needs a lousy bar?
Oh Oh Oh
Drink to Charlie,
Drink to Fred,
Drink to those two trucks ahead.
Driving , drinking , glasses clinking,
Drink till we're all dead.
- When you're sliding into first
And you feel-a something burst -
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into third
And you lay a juicy turd -
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into home
And your shorts are full of foam -
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
Steve%20Martin
- When you're sliding into first
And you're feeling something burst
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're sliding into third
And you lay a juicy turd
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're sliding into home
And your shorts are full of foam
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're sitting in your Chevy
And shorts are feeling heavy
Diarrhea, diarrhea
Kevin%20Buckman%2C%20age%207
- Does anyone remember one about constipation? It went something like -
Constipation is the situation
Constipation is the (... ... ...)
(something something something something)
Then you gotta let it out
Open wide
Let it slide
Ahhhhhh!
Failing%20memory
- I see your hiney
All black and shiny
You better hide it
Before I bite it!
(White kids had to say 'pink and shiny')
- Frankie, where are you going?
Upstairs, to take a bath
Frankie had legs like toothpicks, and a neck like a giraffe
Frankie stepped out of the bath tub
Pull-ing out the plug
Oh my goodness oh my soul!
There goes Frankie down the hole
2%204%206%208%20who%20do%20we%20assassinate%3F
- r106 The title of the thread is "Silly Songs from your childhood"--were you expecting "Stairway to Heaven"?
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer)
Had a very shiny nose (like a lightbulb!)
And if you ever saw it (saw it)
You would even say it glows (like a light bulb!)
All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and call him names (Hey, Schnozz!)
They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph)
Join in any reindeer games (like Monopoly)
Then one foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say (Ho-ho-ho)
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)
And they shouted out with..
(Rah, rah, sis-boom-bah, yeeaaaaah, Rudolph!)
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer)
You'll go down in history (like George Washington!)
Anonymous
- I was walking through the jungle,
what did I see?
A goddamn monkey tried to piss on me!
I picked up a rock, and threw it at his cock,
and the god damn monkey did a belly flop!
- How dry I am, how wet I'll be, if I don't find the bathroom key.
I found the key, I opened the door, opps, too late, it's on the floor.
(sung to the tune of sone deoderant commercial of the 70's "how dry I am")
- Your father's in the navy, your mother's in the marines, your sister's on the toilet, bombing submarines.
- Pardon me, pardon me, from the bottom of my heart,
If it came out the other end, it would've been a fart
(standard saying after a burp)
- Engine, engine number 9, running down the Chicago line, if your train falls off the track, do you want your money back?
(hand clapping song..fond memory)
...Do%20kids%20even%20hand%20clap%20anymore%3F
- Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, crosseyed mesquitos and bull legged ants, I come before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor
One dark night in the middle of the day, two dead boys came out to play. Back to back, they faced each other, pulled out swords and shot each other. Two deaf policemen heard the noise and came to the aid of the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blindman, he saw it too.
- I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor
And I don't like it at all!
Oh no [oh no], he swallowed my toe [he swallowed my toe]
Oh gee [oh gee], he's up to my knee [he's up to my knee]
Oh fiddle [oh fiddle], he swallowed my middle [he swallowed my middle]
Oh heck [oh heck], he's up to my neck [he's up to my neck]
Oh dread [oh dread], he swallowed my SCHLUUUURRRRRRP!
make%20a%20schlurping%20sound%20effect%2C%20don%27t%20just%20say%20%22schlurp%22
- We used to sing a few different verses to go along with R108's, always framed by "Diarrhea! [pbbt! pbbt!] Diarrhea! [pbbt! pbbt!]" ("pbbt" being a gross squirting sound)
Some people think it's funny, but it's really wet and runny!
When you're driving in your Chevy, and your pants are gettin' heavy!
Some people think it's gross, but I like it on my toast!
yes%2C%20that%20last%20one%20is%20freaking%20disgusting%2C%20that%27s%20the%20id
- The version I remember R82 is:
I'm bringing home a baby banana slug
Won't my mommy be so proud of me
I'm bringing home a baby banana slug
Oops I squished it by mistake!
- Oh give me a home
Where the buffalo roam
And I'll show you a house full of shit
- Mon paire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la….
Ma maire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la...
Mon fraire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la...
Mon paire, ma maire, mon fraire/ Avián qu'una dent / E dins la familha / Fasiá que tres dents / La la la.
- I learned "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts" like this ...
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Pasteurated monkey feet
Chopped-up baby parakeet
Great big eyeballs rollin' down Main Street ...
That's what [insert name] is made of!
There goes [name] floatin' the Delaware
Chewin' on his underwear
Waitin' for another pair
Ten days later, eaten by a polar bear
The polar bear died of ra-bies!
- When you're going down the slide
and your balls collide,
It's a rupture!
When you're walking down the hall
and your balls hit the wall,
It's a rupture!
- Oh She ripped and she snored till she fell on the floor
The wind from her butt blew the cat out the door
The sun shone bright on the nipple of her titty
And she brushed her teeth in blackbird shitty
Sung by the ragged-ass, duet
- My version of the Suffocation song dates from the mid-60's.
Suffocation, Remco suffocation.
Suffocation, the game we love to play.
First you take a plastic bag, then you take a rubber band.
Over you're head! Now you're dead!
WHEEEEEEE!
- I like this version of R134's ditty, from Fannie Flagg's [italic]Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man:[/italic]
Oh, she pooted and she farted and she shit on the floor
She wiped her ass on the knob of the door
The moon shone bright on the nipple of her tit
She brushed her teeth with blueberry shit
Peekin' through the keyhole to see what she could see
Squattin' on the floor on her bended knee
Her dress was up and her panties were down
She's got the cutest ass we've seen around
Sung by the Whorehouse Quartette!
