Betty White once said of playing Sue Ann Nivens, "Of course, I loved Sue Ann. She was so rotten. You can’t get much more rotten than the neighborhood nymphomaniac." It is true that most of the more promiscuous women I've known in my life have been hard types: cynical, competitive, and sometimes downright mean (particularly toward other women).
Is the same thing true for gay men?
Not mean, just very self-centered.
I'm kinda slutty. People are always commenting about how chill I am. Truthfully, I'm not kinda slutty. I'm pretty fucking slutty, my nick name is Slameron.
Most fags are mean. If you didn't know that before, you do now!
I think R1 is correct. Promiscuous people are good at justifying things to themselves, so they'll find it just as easy to justify doing hurtful things to others.
Maybe not mean, but I find the term "predatory" apt. Maybe they are not Miss Congeniality, but they will cut a bitch to get at some dick.
I am the biggest sweetheart in the world. Cross me and I am mean and vindictive and I don't get over it.
Sue Ann was rotten irregardless of her being a slut. Betty wasn't saying she was rotten because she was a slut.
Actually, rereading it, I guess she was saying the neighborhood nymphomaniac (promiscuous people in general) are rotten. Oh well, stupid quote.
I think rather than mean or self-centered they are more likely to be less concerned what others think of them. There are plenty of mean and self-centered people who can't be labeled "promiscuous" - whatever that old fashioned attribution means to most people.
I think they are also more curious and less afraid to explore that curiosity. As an older person I wish I had been more "promiscuous" and less afraid of exploration and convention.
OP, you sound like you need affirmation of your approach to life and/or sexuality and may feel the need to denigrate those with another approach.
Well, the OP can now rest easy knowing he clearly touched a huge nerve with r9.
Promiscuous people, by definition, are comfortable with using people. Even if it's mutual, it's still "using" people. That's not a very nice person to be around.
I am kind of a slut, but nice as can be. Not sure what's wrong with the bitches you people know.
R11, R9 here. If you read my post I was clear that I was never promiscuous. I learned later in life that I had been way too uptight in my younger years because I was adhering to someone else's conventions.
The fact is that the older you get and the more you learn aboout people, you realize that kneejerk reactions to others - especially others unlike yourself - are usually wrong or most certainly incomplete and narrow minded.
Comes a time you stop judging others because they can or are willing to do things you yourself aren't.
Sexuality or sexual mores are rarely measures to judge another person.
"OP, you sound like you need affirmation of your approach to life and/or sexuality and may feel the need to denigrate those with another approach."
They generally display a lack of emotional depth, which can translate into 'mean' behavior (ranging from thoughtless to cruel), OP.
They're users but seldom users in control. So I wouldn't call them mean at heart (or where it's supposed to be) but meanness could easily be part of their emotional reaction to what drives them.
My bf is a slut and a very nice guy. Very popular at parties.
I'd say promiscuous gay men are self-involved and almost monomaniacal. If you are not on their current sexual radar, you simply don't exist.
[quote][R11], [R9] here. If you read my post I was clear that I was never promiscuous.
And if you read [italic]my[/italic] post, I never once said that you were promiscuous: I didn't offer explanations as to why you were being so defensive and tetchy toward the OP, only noted that you were.
I don't know about promiscuous people, but R9 is clearly a judgmental cunt.
Among other signs, promiscuity can indicate sociopathy/psychopathy
[quote]Are promiscuous people generally mean?
Yes. They're usually people who are trying to fill up their empty souls with any kind of pleasure and will do anything and use anyone to make themselves temporarily happy.
Yes, all sociopaths are promiscuous, and all promiscuous people are sociopaths: they don't care, they're not capable of caring.
It's all about 'Me, Me, Me, and what and how much it gets Me, no matter what.'
[quote]I am the biggest sweetheart in the world. Cross me and I am mean and vindictive and I don't get over it.
You are NOT a "sweetheart," then. You are a closet asshole with rage issues.
[quote]Most fags are mean.
Stop projecting your homophobia onto all gay people.
Sorry, you don't get tons of dick by being mean.
one of my best friends in hs was highly promiscuous and she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Nice as pie to everyone. That was her problem - she was too nice, she never said no to anyone and that included half the guys who asked her for a quickie.
She never wanted to disappoint anyone or be unpopular, and suffered for it.
They often have no regard for other people and other people's feelings. That's rude and sometimes mean and always self-centered.
Some slutty people are needy and desperate to please, some slutty people are cheerful and fun, some slutty people are thoughtless users, some slutty people are emotionally blunted, some slutty people have a magnetic charisma, etc. etc. Slutty people aren't all the same.
However, no slutty person I have ever met has been a tenth as mean as the kind of controlling bluenose who wants to stop other people from having sex. Those people allow their righteous fervor to drive them to all sorts of cruelty.
r34 Was her name Ado Annie Carnes?
I've always liked slutty, fun girls. Boys too. They're not the best friends of course but they're fun to go out with.
I believe R36 is describing what visionary/kook Wilhelm Reich called "The Emotional Plague":
The word is choosy. They can be with hundreds of people and they only choose the best of the lot.
And face it, you are NOT one of the best or even on the lot.
Yes. Especially if they are women. Dated one for a year. Broke up with her two months ago. She's already got a new g/f and is making sure I know. Glad to be rid of her.
I'm kind and promiscuous and remain friends with my partners. Right now I'm consecutively banging 6 people.
I think people reading this thread need to keep in mind that a lot of DLers never get laid, and are likely resentful of that. Hence: "yes, sluts ARE mean..."
People who get off regularly are probably less mean than the uptight, "pure as the driven snow" types.
No, we're not mean.
Now get back on your knees and suck my big, thick cock you fat-ass pussy.
I never get people like r49, who thinks people only fit into two categories: sluts or uptight prudes. Most people are somewhere between the two.
Did I say I was a slut? I haven't had sex in two weeks.
There might be something to this theory . I was a HORRIBLE slut and a very snarky and bitchy person . I had zero interest in anyone I wasn't going to sleep with . But don't blame me,I was very good looking in a shallow and superficial gay world . Then I got old,and the worm turned !
Amen, R36. My "slutty" friends are actually the most open minded, nicest, most sociable people I know. They are less afraid to explore their sexuality and desires - always with willing partners. It's the anti-sex naysayers who are the most oppressive and mean spirited.
I don't see a reliable correlation among gay men. There are kind generous guys who have a lot of sex, and there are mean nasty guys who have a lot of sex. Same goes for the asexuals.
I tend to agree with R55. I think sex drives (and the ability to get partners) varies among people, due to personality or inborn drive differences, availability, your looks and your likeability, etc.
It's less true now, but in the past, it probably took an eccentric type, especially if the person was female, to be promiscuous (other than for money.) It was certainly bucking tradition and societal expectations.
I can see that psychopaths might use sex to get what they want, just like they'd use people in any other way they could manage to, but I'm not sure it's a causal type thing - they're just users, in general, and not capable of having an honest, loyal relationship with anyone anyway.
But I think you could like sex a lot, and with a lot of people, and still not be antisocial and still be capable of a deeper relationship.
I know I'm a terrible person but if someone is not on my sexual radar they might as well not exist.
Then there's the fact that I am not on the sexual radar of anyone who is on mine.
And there you are.
[quote]Did I say I was a slut? I haven't had sex in two weeks.
Then why do you speak at r49 that there are only 2 alternatives?
[quote] Then why do you speak at [R49] that there are only 2 alternatives?
Where in my post did I state that there were only two types of people in this regard? I didn't even use the word slut when describing my own thoughts on the matter. "Getting laid regularly" does not mean someone's a slut (and I don't care/judge someone who IS "slutty" by conventional standards).
The sluts I've known have been the nicest people. That's how they get laid so often.
Of course on this board people who get laid twice a year are considered sluts.
There's a difference (for me) between promiscuous and sluts / sex addicts.
Going home with a few guys a month from the bar - promiscuous, but OK in my book.
Hanging our at a bath house, hooking up via Grindr several times a week, etc. - sex addict and damaged goods.
I'm not hostile nor promiscuous, but R15 needs to quit misusing the term IRONY. It makes me feels slutty and mean.
I'm so excited Alanis is posting on DL
You all seem to confuse rhetorical irony with dramatic or cosmic irony.
Are mean people generally promiscuous?
Plenty of alcohol is proven to be a stupendous mood enhancer. GRRRRR.........
Back in my prime, I was a fabulous whore with no limits whatsoever. Once while I was leaving the baths, someone whispered something about "marathon man," and since he was kind of hot (breathing and awake,) I considered sticking around for one more. I still think of that guy often.
Also, I was and am the nicest person ever.
mean people don't get laid a lot.
Yes they do. Because they are usually VERY good at pretending to be nice. The mean side usually only comes out when someone tells them no.
I have had straight acquaintances, of whom are promiscuous, and what I've noticed is that they are usually jaded or they think everyone is out to get "them."
I don't think it is because of them being quite promiscuous that causes them to be mean - it is the opposite, that no one would want to spend time with them outside of the bedroom because they are insufferable. The only kind of human contact they can have is through sex, nor would they want to because they are narcissists. Only their feelings count in the grand scheme of things. And they feel validated and empowered when someone wants them - but obviously casts them aside because they know internally on some level that person wouldn't want them afterwards. They beat them to the punch. They are jaded.
With gays it is a whole another conversation. I don't think we can be considered promiscuous by our peer standards because frankly our biology permits us to have larger quantity of sex(we don't get preggers), and guys are either in the closet, or too interested in sex to care things.
And yes gay men can be mean - but I've met some really nice ones.
I do think some people aren't wired to be nice, and in reality cannot handle intimacy or true affection - they can only handle sex on certain levels.
A good person to discuss as this is Sean Zveran. That guy is jaded and mean. I can't fault him if he grew up to be that way.
Spot on, all these assholes are jealous.
HOW can someone be jealous? There is nothing in context to be jealous of. This is a general question posed...which seems to bother you more than others on this board. YOU might want to leave and find other material that is more agreeable to you.
R46 & R47
Reread: I've noticed is that they are usually jaded or they think everyone is out to get "them."
You just proven my point without even realizing it.
When I was younger I was fairly promiscuous. I never played around with guys I didn't like, I just liked a lot of guys. Mostly I was driven by curiosity and a sense of fun and just the pure joy of sex. It was great fun, a few decades of immense pleasure.
People who are obsessed with sex are rather uninteresting people, really, I think. Dullards. Sex is great but if that is ALL that fuels a person, well, they are missing some brain cells. If I am not "on someone's radar" because they don't want to fuck me, then great. I would not want to fuck or even KNOW such a vapid creature. So, indeed, it all works out. And that kind of person always crashes and burns. Always. If someone has nothing to bring to the table other than sexual attraction, then what a flatline. No charisma, no intelligence, no sense of humor, no passion? YAWN. Younger gay men who use their physical appearance as their "currency" and have nothing else? Time will be cruel to you. BRUTAL, in fact. This is what the gay bar culture was/is like, what so many gay men in their 20's and 30's are like. It is an empty, shallow, unsatisfying vessel that will shipwreck in the blink of an eye. There are always those aging former hotties who troll the bars in their 40's and 50's and beyond. They stand around looking desperate while trying to look aloof, which makes them look even more desperate and pathetic. They never had a personality when they were younger because they never NEEDED one. They relied on their looks. Oh lawdy. They are the ones who ignored anyone who they deemed not in their "class" years ago. The former "10's who only communicated with other 10's." The ones who everyone lusted after and who got rejected, ignored or sometimes worse. And then time marched on. And karma paid a little visit. Happens EVERY TIME.
I think judging someone else doesn't do anything but make a statement about the one judging. Prude or whore, who cares? DO YOUR OWN THING and stay out of other people's business. And you cannot make blanket statements. There is no equivalency between "promiscuity" and "meanness." That gets a big WTF? It's like asking "Do people who like ice cream have compassion?" One has ZERO to do with the other. Some people who are promiscuous might have lower self esteem and are overly nice to people. Ingratiatingly so. Needy. And they sleep around to feel "loved." Some people can be handsome serial killers who are promiscuous but deadly. It is all over the map.
Have you ever introduced yourselves and shook hands after a fabulous session of sex? It's a lovely way to get acquainted. Not the same as it used to be now that we've all stopped smoking.
Shaking hands AFTER sex. Now there's conversation-starter!
Promiscuous people are selfish and do not value people by definition. They tend to be able to detach themselves from normal healthy emotional attachments and commitments. They live the hit and quit em philosophy, a very vacuous lifestyle.