Passive aggressive tactics

Tell us about the most destructive, deviously passive aggressive thing that someone has ever done to you. They say that people who are the worst don't even realize they're doing it.

• Someone started a thread on Datalounge to "subtly" let me know I'm passive aggressive. Bitch.

• How do you know whether something is *passive* aggressive instead of just plain aggressive? Most of the time when people answer this question, the action described doesn't seem to have much passiveness to it.

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• R2, Because most people don't understand the real meaning of the term.

• R4, that's what I thought, but I'm always ending up arguing the point with people.

• R3 is on the right track.

• Is it me or do straight women seem to own the passive aggressive market?

• This isn't the most destructive or devious example I can give, but it's the most recent and one of the most hurtful: A friend for whom I've done a lot -- and he has thanked me for that, many times -- hasn't done for me the one favor I ever asked of him, even though it's not a very big favor at all and I asked him more than a year ago. For me, that's a perfect example of passive aggression. Worse, a couple of months ago, he said he was going to go a step beyond the favor that I had initially asked -- but then he reneged on that, and the excuse he gave me for not coming through was an insult to my intelligence. That, I think, is closer to aggression than passive aggression. At any rate, it ended the friendship, and I'm very sad about it.

• They do, R7, but some weak men (gay and straight) are next in line.

• The classic definition of passive aggressive: A boss asks his secretary to by a scarf for his wife. Rather than say no, the secretary goes out and buys the ugliest scarf she can find.

• Also summed up with, "I'm not okay, you're not okay."

• Good example, R10. Without more info, R8, I'm not sure which I think each of your examples is. But I'm sorry for your having had such a bad time with your ex-friend.

• God, R8. I think your ex-friend is just a pure, grade A ,selfish asshole. No need to label him passive aggressive. Call him what he is.