The Vatican should have an annual pageant to choose a Pope
What would be the various categories in the pageant?
Besides "Best Evening Wear".
Best Eva Peron balcony scene.
The Best Accessories category, in memory of Elizabeth Taylor.
Miss Pope said she has had eNUFF of those old Spanish Catholic ladies and they craziness.
RuPaul's Drag Race would be the perfect format for picking a new Pope.
There should be a cardinal from every registered Catholic country and, of course, a Parade of Nations.
They would ride in custom-made pope mobiles from the Vatican, down Via Veneto.
Cardinal Germany wearing a lederhausen robe.
Cardinal Italy gondolier stripes
Cardinal Norway with blond braids under the pope hat, and a shield
Cardinal Cayman Islands donning a huge coral instead of the pope hat, and seashells instead of the robe.
Cardinal Brazil in Carnival-Pope Drag (but with ash on his forehead)
Cardinal USA in a Lady Liberty motif made out of sacrosant robes and hat, and holding - of course - a scepter with incense, and a bible
Cardinal Congo topless but without pagan teeth collars or bones.
Cardinal Argentina in Gauchos
And so on.
Winner of National Costume: Cardinal Converted China in Beautiful Silk
The winner must promise never to work with children.
How about a behind closed doors contest for best alter boy?
Best Coverup in a Child Sex Scandal
Now you've got me imagining colourful Cardinals sashaying down a runway in flowing robes, striking a pose. Sashay, Shantay!
I'm thinking something like the Hunger Games - battle to the death in the streets of Rome or and the surviving cardinal wins. And the public gets to vote on which of many "surprises" are sprung on the contestants.
The crowning would be a bittersweet emotional ceremony as one pope removes his big conehead and crowns the new pope in tears, white smoke shooting from all sides of the stage, to a roaring audience of faithful followers.
Communion wafer Bake-Off.
I'm looking forward to the "Parade of Saints" opening number.
Maybe have the best looking cardinal wearing a cassock slit open up to the thigh. Europeans traditionally don't wear trousers under them.
Vatican's next Pope.
With Tyra Banks as host.
One of the friendly competition could be who scores the most alter boys.
"Your Amazing gRace."
Prospective popes travel around the world to see how many heathens they can convert. Hosted by Mel Gibson.