I've never been hit on, so can someone tell me what it feels like to be hit on? Do people go up to you and say "hey, how you doin'"? like Joey from Friends?
I am pretty oblivious.
I usually never notice -- a friend has to tell me after-the-fact.
Lol - I'm with you OP. NO ONE has EVER hit on me. As far as I've noticed.
Sure, I've fallen into bed with people but never like, a "hey baby" thing.
Honestly, it's kind of annoying after a while. I've been complimented on my face by thousands of guys and it means nothing to me. I have no control over how my face turned out so it isn't like I'm proud of it. I do get complimented on my sense of humor so at least that is something that I've developed.
Plus, even if some guy at a bar comes up to you and says you're the hottest guy there and he wants to have sex with you and if you say "no thanks" he is going to move onto the 2nd, 3rd...9th hottest guy until he finds someone to have sex with. So, were you really that special in the first place?
"can i buy you a drink?" is usually the opening line in a bar.
It's nice, I am not so hot that I get hit on all the time so I really enjoy it when someone finds me attractive and had the balls the approach. Sometimes they can be really annoying and persistent even if you aren't interested, and I tend to not like to be mean to people who had the courage to come up to me so it can be awkard.
It depends on who is hitting on you. It can be awkward or exhilarating.
I'll bet you've been hit on plenty, OP, but just not in an obvious way.
[quote]"can i buy you a drink?" is usually the opening line in a bar.
It's funny, I've never seen that be the opening line in spite of the cliche. Usually someone just says hi, introduces themselves/thinks of some icebreaker line and throws in some compliment.
I'm good at flirting once I'm hit on, and have "closed the deal," so to speak.
But I am DREADFUL at starting it. Way too shy and I know my face/body language reads as aloof when I'm nervous.
actually this is an interesting question.
if you are able to, try visiting an Arab country.
[quote]he is going to move onto the 2nd, 3rd...9th hottest guy until he finds someone to have sex with. So, were you really that special in the first place?
I'd probably be guy #9 (or 900) that he hits on after everybody else he wanted turned him down.
It's annoying. It's the only downside to being young and good looking. Not vain. It's a huge come on line. I am looking forward to my 40's on up because of this issue.
Oh R13 be careful what you wish for.
NO ONE has EVER hit on me really.
It's strange because I'm in a longterm straight relationship that evolved in college. I'm now 37. Yeah, I'm a frau. We don't have sex anymore. No kids; don't want them.
I wonder why no guys ever approach me, though. THey don't know i'm partnered - no outward sign if I'm out in a public space.
I guess I'm rarely alone in a bar.
There should be a service called "How hot am I" that involves meeting with an expert and getting a blunt assessment of your overall attractiveness.
Not on the internet - too humiliating. Like in person.
I would love to know where I stand.
Fun. No two ways about it.
When you can't relax and enjoy the venue, it can get annoying...but if you have your head on straight, you take it as part of the deal. Like with dick size and money, better too much than too little.
It's always flattering, even if it's by someone you're not interested in. The thing is to always be polite. Approaching someone at a bar is often a hard thing that requires some bravery, so it's rude to be a total jag to them if they're not your type. Just be polite, if a bit cool. Nine times out of ten they'll get the hint. The only times I've ever been rude was if I was hit on someone with a 40 year age gap between us, because that's incredibly presumptuous and rude on their part.
We all want the hot one, don't we? And we gauge that by standing around in flashy bars trying to look attractive. I met my last lover in a laundromat, and he said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
The casual approach works best, like "Hey, how ya doin? My name's Scott." That type of thing. Or "You wanna go outside and smoke a joint in my car?" I always go for that one. LOL.
you are an admitted frau but do you not see any Mexicans in your area? Alls you have to do is walk through a Home Depot parking lot and at least one day laborer will say something.
How does one gauge being hit on and being sexually harrassed and potentially murdered?
Aren't there so many crazies now that comments and pick ups should be unwanted?
OP and frau, get involved in some hobby that you are comfortable discussing. Other shy peeps will get to like you that way.
I usually can't tell I'm being hit on until after it happens, I'm in my early 20s and was at a club, and was really drunk, some guy came up and said he'd be buying all my drinks tonight and my friends left and I didn't even notice! He started rubbing my back, then I left because I wasn't interested. It has to be really obvious for me to know.
What a sad life you must lead R20, if you think the world is full of crazies.
I prefer the direct approach. I'm not very good at small talk anyway, so I go for the guys who are really (and I mean really) direct.
I was hanging at a local watering hole a couple of years ago, and a guy who I could tell was interested was doing his best, but then a hot daddy who was at least 30 years my elder walked up, took the drink out of my hand, and said "I want to fuck you." I said okay, let's go, and we did. It was awesome, incredible sex.
And that guy who tried so hard? Well, he saw me a couple of weeks later, walked up, took the drink out of my hand...
I suffer from chronic BDD so when I get hit on,cruised or a man has told me I'm handsome I have the contradictory,concomitant feelings of embarrassment,flattery,anxiety,delight,gratitude and extreme self-doubt and confusion.
From 18-33ish I was a 10. I was a bartender at a NYC hotspot for many of those years, as well a part time model, all while I was attending college and graduate school.
The hitting on me? I never really paid it much attention. But I definitely noticed it. It was hard not to. I tried to act like I didn't care, and I didn't really. (Like someone upthread said, I didn't pick my face. I've always felt people putting so much value, other than ephemeral sexual value, on looks is so ridiculous). But it some times ruined going out for me. I couldn't really relax. I know, what a lame problem to have...
I'm 36 now, and beginning to age. Grey hairs are creeping in. I don't turn heads anymore quite as often anymore, and it's nice actually. Men who like me know like me because I'm good at what I do or because I have to talk to them first or because we just have a spark. So much better.
My loins flush warm and I get cold hands.
OP, Is there a quality someone you could flaunt, that someone could pick on, if you really flaunted it. Right now, I'd like to blow you. Is there a reason I'd regret it?
"What does it feel like to be hit on?"
I feel struck dumb and twitchy. I use what remains of my precious motor function to crowdsource Datalounge for real - time advice.
I had what seemed an eternity of being hit on by girls in junior high and high school. It felt like a lie, I was clearly not interested in pursuing anything but felt a compulsion to act somewhat interested. This was a mistake as doing it is a cruel way to make someone crazy for you.
By the time guys where hitting on me the feeling was so refreshing and liberating that I would think 'me?! You are hitting on ME?!' And it felt good. It felt like winning a game of checkers and getting extra desert.
Agree R11. I have never been hit on so much as I have in Saudi, Kuwait, Doha, Dubai, Abu Dhabi. Those hot, dark hairy guys are fantastic for the ego
Same r1. I don't notice and think people are just being very friendly. I don't hit on people, so I think they must be the same.
To be honest, OP, I must be deaf, dumb, and blind when it comes to being hit on. I just don't pick up on it until after the fact. People will tell me that the person was doing it. Hell, I've even had people tell me at a later time that they had been hitting on me. I'm not a person who hits on others, so maybe that's the problem. To summarize, I have no frigging clue, OP, but maybe people have been hitting on you and you didn't realize it.
R26's post made me sleepy- what a self-righteous bore!
I am pretty oblivious too. Just this week someone hit on me at work, I guess. I didn't think he did, but all the ladies at work pointed out this dude never speaks to them or introduces himself. He was pretty cute and much younger than me, so I was a little flattered, but still not convinced he was flirting.
In my 20's and 30's,, I couldn't go anywhere with getting hit on - men and women. Started in my late teens actually.
In stores, hotels, planes, public restrooms, the office, restaurants, bars. Neighbors, coworkers, professors in college, a couple of bosses, friends even.
I don't think I was hot.. Just a cute, boy next door type, well put together I guess. I did have a cute tush!!!
It got old. I've heard every line out there, been groped, kissed (tongues jammed down my throat), had shirts ripped open, my fly unzipped and hands put in my pants.
I rarely took anyone up on it.. But the few I did- damn....
R34, yeah, that post was a mess. I was trying to get my point across without sounding like a douche. I totally failed. Sorry.
Feels weird being hit on by guys (fairly often) and I am rarely/never hit on by women. I've never been hit on by someone I was attracted to.
I need to swap with R38. I get hit on by women, not men. The pupils do dilate. They are young. I discuss their shoes or hair. Some get the hint.
I suppose it feels nice while it's happening but it's fleeting. I'm a bit of an introvert so I don't like a lot of attention. I also don't like rejecting people or hurting another person's feelings, so getting hit on a lot sort of makes me uncomfortable at times.
At the same time, it's how I met nearly all of my male and female friends, so there is some good and bad to being hit on. For the most part getting hit on is like being complimented about your looks, it feels good at the moment but it's not something that stays with you (unless you're interested in the person) the way that being complimented on your personality or intelligence would.
I get hit on only by fat girls with no gaydar. Gay guys see me and walk the other way.
It can be annoying, wonderful or anything in between.
Depending on who's doing the hitting.
What intrigues me is when I, a gay guy -- I guess not overtly so -- chats with some woman around my age or younger -- how quickly some will mention their husband or boyfriend.
Do they think I am hitting on them? Do they think I am flirting? Pffft!
I thought we were just talking. So why the mention of the huzz or BF?
One of those things that makes you you wonder ….
Lots of women throw out the boyfriend/husband card very quickly in first conversations with men.
It's a defense habit to avoid a potential ackward conversation later.
I'm usually oblivious. A friend has to tell me.
A friend of mine said his therapist told him that he never knew that he was being hit on because he had such low self-esteem, and only psychos with a lot of energy were able to get through to him. Thus, a string of very bad bfs.
When I was younger (and closeted) getting hit on by a woman just got me anxious and I felt it at the first hint. On the other hand, getting hit on by a guy went right over my head. It would be after the fact that I realized what opportunity had just passed.
Since coming out, it seems nothing goes over my head. But there is a difference in the excitement level between when a married guy in the sauna tells me a have a nice smile and being in a normal setting where a man will flirt and hit on me. The latter is so exciting to me.