Asexual, 29, who said she'd never have sex again is looking for a man... but admits a celibate relationship is a 'tall order'
Vegan Lisa, 29, who doesn't want kids, hopes to find a man who will embrace her asexuality
Says she wants potential partner to accept cuddling as extent of intimacy
If the man of her dreams wanted sex she would say no. 'I'd feel like I was compromising myself and I would detest them for it'
Since writing for the Mail Lisa has heard from other asexuals but also had spiteful comments like: 'You can't get a man and this is how you cover it up'
People hoping to start a new relationship can generally expect a prospective partner will come with baggage of some kind.
But Lisa Smith comes with one of the tallest orders of all - no sex. Ever.
Speaking with Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Jones on the ITV This Morning sofa today, Lisa confessed she 'hopes to find a man who is wiling to embrace her asexuality'.
While she is willing to extend intimacy to levels of cuddling, she finds the act of sex itself completely repellent.
Sitting with ITV psychologist Emma Kelly, Lisa said: 'I don't think anything's ever set completely in stone, but this is how I feel now.'
Her teenage years at school were difficult, especially in sex education.
'It didn't seem like something I would ever do. I was embarrassed because everyone was giggling - especially girls.
'I saw it as a coming of age thing - something I wanted to get it out the way.'
Speaking about her first sexual experience Lisa said: 'I was in a relationship with someone I trusted who was wonderful, but I saw it as a chore and I didn't want to do it.
'It was a case of "I want to be with him, and I have to do this in order to be with him".'
'All my partners were patient men willing to do anything to make me happy. They didn't pressure into anything.'
But, she says, even after trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed and found sex didn't 'do anything' for her.
Emma Kelly said asexuality affects one per cent of the population in the UK - so it's a lot more common than people might think.
Lisa said she gets frustrated when people say maybe she 'hasn't met the right man', she's 'not doing it right', or that maybe she just 'likes women but hasn't realised it yet'.'
'I'd love to be in a loving relationship and settle down,' she said.
'But the extent of intimacy would be cuddling.'
When asked about her hopes for the future and finding a man to settle down with, Lisa's reply reveals her fears. 'I'm an asexual vegan who doesn't want kids - I'm thinking crazy cat lady.'
'I want to get married and have a house - but no sex.'
She then admitted it was a 'tall order'.
Psychologist Emma jumped in and said 'people underestimate men' and this is 'an opportunity'.
Lisa said that if she met the man of her dreams and he wanted sex, she would say no.
'I would have to tell them from the beginning. I'd feel like I was compromising myself and I would detest them for making me do something I don't want to do.'
Since her article for the Mail, Lisa said she's had really positive response from AVEN [the Asexual Visibility and Education Network].
'A lot of them don't feel they can come forward and say it,' she said.
But, unfortunately, she said she has also had some 'horrible' comments, like: 'You can't get a man and this is how you cover it up'.
She finished on a final hopeful note that 'there are people who physically can't have sex and still have relationships', and that 'it's harder of men to admit to it as "being up for it" is expected of them 24/7'.
What does it mean to be asexual?
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.
Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.
Her name alone signals to any man that she does not do meat.
Yes, her name is a punchline.
She needs to get laid.
hmm? i did meet a girl once who said she was asexual because she was completely grossed out by the sex act. i'm starting to think that asexuality is probably more of a phobia expressing itself as a form of lessen sexual desire/attraction. and when i asked the girl what exactly grossed her out she couldn't point to anything specific or she didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me.
Reminding me of the movie, "Repulsion".
I hear Manti Te'o is available!
She needs some meat. Either a big burger or a big ole cock.
What does her financial portfolio look like?
She might have a very low sex libido because of some underlying problem like depression.
There's someone for everyone, and sounds like she's the someone for a guy who had an unfortunate accident or was born with a nub for a penis?
She sounds fine (no trauma, no depression), so I guess she just legit doesn't like sex.
Dumb broad could be on a goldmine out here if she knew how to keep her mouth shut.
Puh -- most straight women feel the same way. They might not tell "their men," or even each other, but they sure as hell tell me.
Having spent a lot of time around hard-core nerds, I've come to the conclusion that asexuals are people who aren't attracted to human beings.
R1 and R2 only read the first line. The woman's name is Lisa Smith, not "Vegan Lisa."
They tell me too! r12
R10, even if a heterosexual man has lost his penis in a unfortunate accident, or to an illness, or has the tiniest micro-penis, he is still going to want to be intimate with a woman, lick pussy, play with tits, and also be stimulated any which way he can be stimulated. The penis is not the only erogenous part of a man, and I suspect that I could get off even if my penis were to be cut off for some reason.
I don't understand why some lucky fella hasn't snapped this one up. She sounds like a barrel of laughs.
I feel asexual. I haven't had sex for over 10 years and I don't miss it. The 5 or so men I did have sex with were so overwhelmingly boring, I felt it was a waste of time. I did it because I thought it was my job as a girlfriend (yes, i'm straight women, don't hate on me).
I did try to coach one guy in what I thought I wanted but he just didn't go there. The only passable sex we had was drunken sex.
Sex was a fucking waste of time, messy, and not cozy afterward. Plus, it never nabbed me a husband like my friends told me it would.
I could have better sex w/myself imagining someone I feel I could be in love with.
So I can understand this woman's feelings. She needs to find a like minded man, who I'm guessing should be gay since straight men always want some sex, and marry for companionship.
I do think 29 is a bit young to decide to be an asexual.
Asexuality = molestation, anti-social, homosexuality, hormonal imbalance, or flat out lying. Asexuality is not normal.
Asexuality is a form of homophobia. It's used instead of homosexuality. These people would rather be thought of as asexual then gay. That's homophobic.
"Asexuality is a form of homophobia. It's used instead of homosexuality. These people would rather be thought of as asexual then gay. That's homophobic"
Please post a link that backs up that statement. Seriously, I'm interested in reading the data that you got this information from. thanks.
Just google asexuality and homophobia. There is a lot out there. But, I didn't need to. Common sense tells you that these so-called "asexuals" are nothing more than abstinent self-loathing homosexuals.
I think explaing asexuality is more complex than your common sense and armchair psychology.
From what I've read so far, it can be the result of many things not repressed homosexuality. Not everyone is gay.
Why are you on a gay message board? You're straight right? Take a walk troll.
R no, i will not talk walk you obnoxious fuck. This is not a private board and YOU are not the webmaster. I'll stay and post as much as I want.
what kind of accent is that?
[quote]I could have better sex w/myself imagining someone I feel I could be in love with[/quote]
that's sort of telling? until now i never really considered the homophobic aspect. but it kind of makes sense. to the lady above, by your own admission you most definitely can enjoy sex, you just don't seem to enjoy it with men.
I'm glad R10 spoke up...we need more bitchery around here.
R33, Not men in general just the men I had sex with. I guess the men I knew were duds. Turned me off to sex. Additionally, in reading more about asexuality, I am connecting dots but they don't lead to homophobia.
but the bottom line, I can do without sex with men. I can empathize with this woman even though 29 is too young to give in to one's hang up w/out trying to figure things out.