Since being in an LTR, I've lost contact with some of my old friends; others have moved out of state. Where do you go to meet other gay guys for platonic friendships? I've tried meet-up groups, but the local ones are mostly inactive.
Home Depot on Superbowl Sunday, OP. It's probably next weekend.
The Trolley Song: learn the words, use diaphragmatic breathing and sing on key.
I think a lot of us partnered people are in the same boat. When we meet, both my partner and I had friends from our single lives, a pretty decent number. Over time, with some exceptions, they sort of gradually disappeared from our lives. We have a good number of single female friends and other, mostly straight, couples but we've been talking lately about expanding our circle of gay friends and we're stuck with the same predicament as OP.
You made of the mistake of allowing friendships to die once you are in a relationship. Dont sound like a great find, friendships take work to maintain.
Gay groups, volunteering at gay organizations, etc., You meet great, quality people here.
My gay friends are all former boyfriends, essentially. Couple exceptions are former colleagues.
All my gay friends turned out to rotten bastards and landed me in prison.
A very funny poster used to say that they could pick out gay men in the room by singing the first line of The Trolley Song and scanning for the ones who reacted to it.
Join a club, volunteer org or athletic league.
Volunteer for a gay organization.
I don't any more.
I stay home most of the time. I've learned to enjoy eating out and seeing movies by myself.
Is the 'Trolley Song' an eldergay thing?
I recently volunteered for the first time with a Charity in my city and met a very nice gay couple. So my boyfriend and I went out to dinner with them and have struck up a nice friendship. The second time we got together, we all ended up having sex together.
R3 called it. Gay couples are the WORST at maintaining friendships with single friends and other couples. Suddenly, the entire world must move in their orbit, and everyone else is their little satellite. Then they wonder why no one wants to hang out with them.
To be fair, R13, straight couples are little better. Few and far-between have been the straight single friends I've had that didn't disappear when they got into relationships.
My best gay friend tried to get it on with my partner on my birthday, another brought it into every conversation how lucky I was and didn't understand his lonely life, another spent hours over various conversations picking apart my relationship and my partner. I am glad they're gone.
My partner and I actually put quite a bit of effort in maintaining our friendships with our former friends. Some of them simply had to move away because of life circumstances but I think that some of them just didn't know how to relate to people who are not single. We would go to their parties, people would hit on one of us, or they would sit around verbally tearing apart every single guy they dated or slept with.
[quote]A very funny poster used to say that they could pick out gay men in the room by singing the first line of The Trolley Song and scanning for the ones who reacted to it.
This is great only if you are looking for gay men in the AARP category.
At Gay Guys R Us
Believe it or not, Grindr or Scruff. They're not just for sex.
PFLAG is a good group IF there are a lot of gay men in it - some chapters are mostly parents.
Find that one really extroverted friend of yours who can introduce you to other guys, I've made several friends that way.
I'm thinking of volunteering for the local Human Rights Campaign chapter here partially to give back and also try and make new friends in the process.
[quote] Where do you meet gay guy friends?
At the baths where else?
I don't really have many gay friends. Reason being I find lots of it boring as hell.
It's only possible to be friends with gay-guys you're not attracted to.
Harry, speaking to Larry instead of Sally
In the 70s and 80s, I met them on the street, at the baths, in toilets and gay cinemas. Most of them were married but identified as gay.
Now that I'm in my 60s, I meet the occasional guy through CL and they're almost always married.
It seems really hard. Most of my friends are straight and my best friend is straight until he gets high.
[quote]Where do you meet gay guy friends?
Apparently I don't.
I'm sorry OP, I'm not looking for new friends.
Social, athletic and volunteer groups.
I'm not a social person.
I'm not a "joiner".
I'm not atheletic and have little interest in team sports.
It's pretty hopeless for me.
In the closet.
Most gay guys seem to cliquish and set in their ways and too 'judgy' to ever want to be my friend.
The "no pecs, no sex" thing seems to extend to "No abs or tight rear-ends, means no way we can be friends" for many.
That and the fact that any time you're friendly towards anyone, they think you're hitting on them, and the walls go up immediately. And I admit I'm frequently guilty of this myself. I wish there were a way to clearly know up front whether that "hi" was "I am just being friendly, not interested in anything more" vs. "checking you out" or whatever.
I've met several gay men at my local tennis club and at the YMCA. Yes, there's lots of cruising at the Y, but, you can meet some great gay guys in the work out sections of the gym. Another vote for volunteering at gay organizations.
You can do it :)
[quote]Gay couples are the WORST at maintaining friendships with single friends and other couples. Suddenly, the entire world must move in their orbit, and everyone else is their little satellite. Then they wonder why no one wants to hang out with them.
That's because there is too much opportunity for sex between "friends".
Best stick with the fag hags or straight guys. (no chance of sex).
Straights stick with girl-girls and guy-guys for friends outside of relationships. cross-gender friendships cause all kinds of problems for the same reason. Potential for fucking.
Either at work, or in bars. And I don't go to bars any more, and there's only one other gay person at work (and we have nothing in common).
This is an ongoing problem for me. Most gay people are closeted, and thus don't want the complication of being a friend of an openly gay person, which is what I am. So they are fine with sex under cover of darkness in hidden corners and out of the spotlight, but in daylight, you are invisible to them. Straight people are just as fucked up if not more so.
I'm really getting tired of New York for this reason. Why can't I just have a normal life, but as a gay person? You know, dating, dinner drinks and a walk together, etc.? One would maybe think that in New York, that's easy-schmeasy; think again. There's a reason, I'm realizing, Harvey Milk fled New York for San Francisco, and I'm realizing things haven't changed so very much.
I think it's difficult overall, but even more so if your interests don't match up with a lot of other gay men's interests.
For instance, I like rockabilly and punk music, football, old cars, and if I go out to a bar, it's likely going to be an Irish pub, or at least a pub with decent beer. These are not big attractors for other gay guys.
The irony is that I do share a big interest with a lot of other gay men -- going to plays (not necessarily musicals). And I'd go more often if there was someone else to go with. But what the hell, I go alone sometimes and enjoy myself. Plus there's always the chance of having a conversation with some nice guy at intermission, but it hasn't happened yet.
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