I thought we could discuss or even archive some of them here.
Does anyone remember the yarn about someone's family which ended with at least one of the obese relatives being literally rolled down the driveway? I wish I could find that again or remember the title. I laughed until I choked.
Same with the can of frosting thread.
Daniel Boon, Possum Slayer
Hootz, the West Virginia stud
Denny and his suitcase
Once Around the Garden/Autumn Harvest
Breastiocles Jones and the trip to Mich Fest
Agree with Denny and the rolling suitcase.
Could someone please repost this as a new thread? It would be great to see fresh responses.
[bold]The weird little girl next door.[/bold]
This 6 year old child gives me the creeps. It's like she can control minds. She says strange but harmless things that later penetrate and dominate the thoughts of people she comes in contact with.
Last week I asked her what her favorite movie was and she said "King Kong". I asked her whch cversion she preferred and she stared at me and then kissed her doll. She looked back up at me and said, "King Kong can stop the rain!" And then she ran into the house.
The next day I was in the car with my brother in law and he insisted on listening to a oldies station. Playing on the radio was "and I wonder, still I wonder, WHO'LL STOP THE RAIN". I looked at my brother in law and said "King Kong"
*** kisses doll ***
Once around the Garden owns this!! I laughed so hard I cried multiple times.. I actually have pictures in my head of the two (the salad bar owner owner and his partner) and when I see people that look like them I start laughing out loud.
I think someone had some of those saved to doc format. Unfortunately, I'm now on a Macbook. Not sure if they'd work for me.
Possum in the drawer.
Red dragon cheese.
For me, it will always be the argument between an uncle and his blatino husbear over whether they should redecorate the trick-room they kept decked out for occasional threesomes in order to repaint and build a new cosy bedroom from Ikea for the uncle's adult Down Syndrome nephew (recently bereaved of his mother [sister of the OP]). The blatino partner did not want to become a parent late in life and felt it was impinging on the couple in question's swinging lifestyle.
It wasn't the nephew troll. It was the "inane impossible argument with my long-suffering life partner" troll, probably creator of the lesbian crab walk as well. The poster used many stylistic devices that remind me of the infamous "Momma" (whose postings I also always enjoy, for some reason). The OP also posts a lot of "cruising at the gym" ESTs. Me likey! Me likey a LOT!!!
I also enjoyed the lesbian potluck dinner wedding, though that may not have been an EST.
I really want some hilarious ESTs to read!!! Links, links!
"God, I miss brunch" - a contemporary classic about a man who doesn't have anyone to go to brunch with. The OP brilliantly played pedantic posters who criticized his (purposeful) misspellings.
The man who was warring with his possums or squirrels. True comedy.
OP, you're thinking of the thread about the guy who sent a video of himself masturbating and cumming to everyone in his address book, including his family. His mother was handicapped, his father threw up when he saw it.
Great thread. A classic EST.
What r1 said with the addition of "I'm in Love With My Father-in-Law."
Sumerian far wives
Ginny in billing
Famous jonbenets throughout history
crab walking deamon lezbo lover
My gargoyle neighbor
My lesbian partner grated cheese to put over our pasta dinner party with her PedEgg
I'm not running a bed and breakfast here! (The two towels and the turkey meatballs)
The vegan lesbian girlfriend at Thanksgiving
I hate Queens NY - I hate NY Queens
I knew a girl who collected all the EST threads and put them on a website. But then she died.
This one is very debatable as it was authored live, with updates and answers to other posters that almost defy EST territory. Here's the OP:
"I just had sex with Janie Lane"
I know, it's not George Clooney, but he's kind of a celebrity/has been. Maybe because he was pretty wasted, not sure if he does this often, but he seemed to know his way around the hole and the poll. I'd have thought he was a pussy hound. Bi, I guess.
I know all of you are thinking "eww, how gross" but I was horny. I'm sure you all have had worse.
Bread in the fridge, freezer or breadbox
Dog ties with toddler
Lisa Beamer's cinnamon rolls shops
Oh, I love the Thanksgiving vegan. But I believe her official title is "Janice, the Weepy Thanksgiving Vegan." I seem to remember that instead of the kids table there was a menstrual hut in the backyard for her.
The Janie Lane was great then Janie died, really, almost right after it was published. I think it was because he was outted in it.
And the OP of it felt really bad, he said, and I'm LOL'g here, that JL in the morning chased him around the house screaming at him to GET OUT!
Not Without My Frosting!
I'm sorry Datalounge, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own.
r17 is confused
I was just about to mention the cake frosting one.
Do you mean cak and graxy?
OMG Hootz! I was in love with that guy. Same with Daniel Boon.
There's that recurring favorite, "Webmaster deleted my thread!"
Thank you R19. A few months ago someone mentioned a crabwalking lesbian and I've been wondering what the hell he was talking about. Now I know.
I know and/or understand most of these, but can someone explain the crabwalk thing?
Weird little girl
Nasty Pig shop bottom
"I'm not running a bed and breakfast!"
[quote]I know and/or understand most of these, but can someone explain the crabwalk thing?
Someone posted a scenario complaining her lesbian partner had been possessed by the devil and was doing the spiderwalk (not the crabwalk) down the stairs, like Linda Blair does in the famous excised scene from "the Exorcist."
I didn't think it was that funny--much too obvious for my tastes. I much prefer elaborate scenarios where the posters fool people into thinking the scenarios are real, such as "Not without my daughter!" (the father whose daughter stole a can of frosting) and "I'm not running a bed and breakfast here" (about the poster outraged because a trick wanted to share one of his towels so he could shower after their night of sex, and also wanted to eat the turkey meatballs in his refrigerator).
Classics have gone with the over-abundance of EST accusations.
[quote]I think someone had some of those saved to doc format. Unfortunately, I'm now on a Macbook. Not sure if they'd work for me. by: OP, fairly tech illiterate\t
OP, TextEdit on your Mac will open doc files.
Sumerian farmwives and other "Let's pretend" threads aren't Elaborate Scenarios. ESTs try to make you think they're real situations.
Anyone remember the hysterical EST about the guy who was determined to seduce his bf's hot cousin at the bf's family reunion? The OP even posted pics of the supposed cousin which stupidly contained the cousin's email address, and posters were threatening to contact the cousin to let him know what the OP was planning. I never laughed so hard in my life.
Cheryl's stinky pussy.
The possum in the drawer was pretty funny.
The "I'm in love with my father-in-law" thread is a classic. I loved the one a few years ago about an old, fat lesbian with a baby dyke girlfriend who sprayed their kitchen with a 2 liter bottle of Coke during a fight.
That troll from years ago, Twinkster, used to anonymously post great ESTs. I remember one about slapping his mother across the face because she fucked up the peach cobbler.
The "My neighbor is a gargoyle" thread was great because there was an eerie film clip linked of the neighbor on the ledge, puffing smoke in silhouette.
I forgot about the Ped Egg and the grated cheese! LOL
I'm never sure which ones are EST's (OP playing us all) and which ones are hapless ERL (elaborate real-life) situations. I remain convinced that the "I'm not running a bed & breakfast here!" homobitch was for real. Like, he really was irked about his trick and he really did only have one towel and a fridge that contained nothing but tonic water and reduced-fat turkey meatballs.
You've all mentioned many of my favorites: red dragon cheese, Ben masturbating and sending video clip to his entire cell contacts, crabwalk demon lesbian, "not without my frosting", "once around the garden" and claire and the bread pudding. Trying to think of more...
The guy whose female co-worker was having an imaginary internet romance with Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys
The Janie Lane thread was one for the ages!
Ben masturbating was classic.
I think the possum in the drawer was actually real.
Denny was fun for awhile, but it grew tiresome quickly.
I don't remember the autumn harvest EST. Anyone care to give my the Cliff Notes?
R48: put-upon gay man posts as OP. His problem: he and his partner own a restaurant with a well known salad bar. Partner wants him (OP) to go around reprimanding customers who have paid for a "Once Around The Garden" but try to get away with multiple visits to the salad bar. Partner wants OP to go up to said cheaters and say "Tut tut! Once around the garden!" OP is uncomfortable with this request. Score; 500 replies from DL!
Did anyone save any of these? And would you please post a link?
I've never read the thread but I'm laughing so hard at r49's description of "Once Around the Garden"
I don't remember the name but I loved the one where the guy became convinced his landlord wanted to kill him. He would post as things were happening "I am going to go outside now and try his backdoor " and we would wait while he did it and come to report. There was also something about a secret room in the basement. It was very suspenseful and nicely done.
The elaborate Tex-Mex dinner party that the self-styled Galloping Gourmet fixed for his boyfriend's New England family and their neighbors. Nobody would eat his food. It was such a disaster that they phoned for pizza delivery. The couple stopped speaking for the trip back to NYC and GG moved out. Two weeks later, he moved back and planned another elaborate meal. Then they broke up again.
I loved the one with the guy who poisoned his neighbor's dog to death with benzo-infused meatballs, and made himself out to be the victim in all of it.
Has anyone seen Ginny?
Thanks Torta! No idea how I missed that. I've been a DL addict since 2003 or 2004. Hysterical.