My daughter is a whore

My mother went to sign on to her email today Andy daughter's inbox popped up. She saw enough to determine that daughter is selling vyvanse and her underwear for a living. She refuses to get a job. What would you do? Not an EST.

What is vyvanse?
What a terribly written post. I'm not even sure who's who in this (boring) scenario. Terrible job, OP.
Yay whore!
Call me, OP!
Maury%20Povich
Vyvance is speed. One of the newer rytalin type drugs for adhd.
She's not a whore. She's an entrepreneur.
She should kick herself for raising such a lazy bitch. Women seldom turn out to be good parents.
Whose daughter is selling whatever it is she's selling? OP's daughter or OP's mother's daughter (which would be OP's sister)? And who's Andy? And how does selling speed or underwear make one a whore?
confused
Who is Andy?
Is your daughter in show business?
Kitty%20Carlisle%20
I presume Andy is your daughter, and maybe Andy comes from a long line of whores. What did you expect?
Could you post her phone number, OP? I'd like to ask her why she's behaving in this manner. And does she sell anything besides vyvanse? Just curious. No specific reason.
Dina%20Lohan%2C%20cutting%20lines%20with%20my%20Carvel%20Customer%20card
I think OP meant to write "And my" daughter's inbox but she missed the "m". Don't know what I would do OP. How old is your daughter? Is she in school? Does she live on her own? If she's an adult, you can't really force her to stop.
Also OP, you shouldn't call your daughter a whore. Ever. Even if she is selling herself for sex. It doesn't help the situation a bit.
Op here. Sorry, small keyboard and muddled brain. She's 21, lives at home, dabbling at community college, not working. My hunch is that more is going on than selling underwear.
You suck at parenting. The first thing you should do is go look in the mirror and ask yourself why you think it's acceptable to call your daughter a whore.
I used that term because that's what you would've called her. Venting here instead of at her.
OP, you shouldn't have thrown such a fit about the missing can of frosting.
Andy is randy, mama.
Ty-RELL, you are NOT the father!
MoPo
OP: Please consider voluntary sterilaztion. If this story is true (doubtful), you've done a terrible job raising your daughter and should be sterilized so you don't have another child. If it's not a true story (most probable), then you should never be in a position where you could end up bringing a life into this world. Thanks!
A lot of women sell their underwear because it's easy money, that doesn't make them whores. Also, that IS a job.
Yes, it does make them whores, R21. And lazy whores at that.
Of course OP is a troll. What's your fucking perversion, troll?
You know what? I'm actually not a bad parent. Not saintly, but not bad either. She's had lots of opportunities and has never pursued them (smart enough girl but barely graduated high school. GPA too low for even state universities. And she didn't really care. . No real goals. I've never understood it but she isn't motivated to be on her own and support herself. Complete opposite of both parents. It's easy to blame parents but sometimes you do your best and it doesn't seem to matter.
Not a troll r23. I could point you to her ad, but I won't.
Sounds like she's easier to get into than a community college, OP.
Randy Andy
You're one to talk when you're too lazy to bother to learn the actual definition of whore, R22.
How much can one make selling underwear?
DV
You call your daughter a whore and then try to say you're not a bad parent? OK.
In a moment of temper on an anonymous board, I did. I didn't say that to her.
Are you in family counseling, R30? I certainly hope so.
I think your're being to easy on yourself R24/OP.
Could you rewrite this, OP, but perhaps in English this time?
You must be so proud darlin.
C%20Connors
What prayer list did you cut and paste from, OP?
I am fairly certain the OP translated this message into English from a a Polish spammer.
anonymous
Are you a woman OP? If so: 1)Wouldn't you feel awful if your mother called you a whore? 2)Why are you on a forum for gays? And lesbians don't count, never did.
Okay, OP. It's hard to look at one's progeny and see the two decades you put into it and then face your massive failure. I know you want to stop reading here, but don't. The fact is this child was taught the ethics she has (or doesn't have) by her environment, whether that is your lack of appropriate guidance and attention over the years, or permissibly giving her everything without reasonable effort on her part, or maybe you didn't deal with her depression or emotions appropriately when she was younger. If she's not even full time in college and you're letting her live at home for free, then you're enabling her irresponsibility. She's 21 and really needs to make her mark in the world before it's too late and she is a loser for life. You might be able to turn this around; you might have already ruined her utterly. Whatever the specific combination that created your child as she is, it was YOU who did not give her the right inputs to promote responsible achievement and ethics. Instead of calling your daughter a whore, take responsibility for your actions, be honest, and call yourself a failure. Now. If you can love and forgive yourself for being a horrific failure, and accept yourself despite this mess you created / inflicted on the world, then you can love, forgive and accept your adult child's choices - with her underwear and drug selling. You don't, however (and shouldn't, if you're ANY kind of a good parent), enable it. Kick her drug-dealing ass out. She'll quickly discover which is more important to her: living under the cushion of parental provision, or having to fully provide for her own needs with few skills. And that is her adult choice to make. Don't be afraid to be a good parent, even though you might dislike her choice. Be a good parent regardless. That's the best way you steer a child. A 21yo needs to pull her weight 100%. If your agreement is full-time college with a certain GPA, that's reasonable, but nothing less. She should be rewarded / punished appropriately for her choice to succeed or fail at school. Maybe straight As means she doesn't pay rent during the summers, and Cs mean you charge her market rate for her room over the summer. Because real life will not be gentle with her - it doesn't love her the way you do. If she does well at a job, she'll be rewarded financially and if she fucks up, she can't pay her rent. Give her the practice competing for her stake in the real world, so she has a fighting chance to make something of herself. Why did you let your child slide? Why do you persist in playing mommy to an adult who isn't cutting it? Why don't you love her enough to give her the hard lessons she needs to succeed? She's 21. Get a fucking backbone, woman. BE her parent.
Your mother's daughter is also your daughter? Do you live in Florida?
gurrrrlllll
she is gay, r37.
So both you AND your daughter live with your mother? And you expect your daughter to be motivated.
OP How much does your daughter get for her underwear? Asking for a friend.
[quote]Vyvance is speed. One of the newer rytalin type drugs for adhd. They named a drug after Ethel Mertz?
I tried selling my underwear once. It came back to me marked return to sender. That ended my desire to be self-employed.
Cheryl
I think you can insist that she stop any activity that is illegal, such as selling drugs. You don't need to live in a house that is the center point of that kind of activity. You need to talk to her-a lot and try to get her to explain what's in her head. I don't know your financial situation, but I would insist that you go see a therapist together if she is going to remain in the house. (But research the hell out of the therapist first) I don't know if your daughter has always been drawn towards trouble. If that's the case then she might have a personality disorder. If the troublesome behavior started after a certain point, you need to try to figure out what happened at that point. I wouldn't do a lot of lecturing or nagging. Just be clear about your boundaries in the home-you won't tolerate illegal activity and you expect financial participation from her. And of course, you should express your concerns about her too. But I wouldn't get into too much recrimination or many projections of what you think she should be. She probably feels like garbage already inside unless she truly has a chip missing, in which case she truly won't be able to see anything wrong with her own behavior ever. So either way, coming down like a ton of bricks won't help. Being clear about your own boundaries will. When your child is acting in a troubled way, you have to work on yourself twice as hard to try to look at them with loving detachment. Until you can stop looking through your frustration/anger goggles, you won't be able to see clearly enough to be of any real help or guidance. I'm using "your" in the universal sense here, not trying to say anything about you personally. I don't know you so I can't comment. Good luck OP. It sounds like a very tough situation.
How much did she see to determine this? Is she sure it isn't just the pop-up ads from the porn sites you visit?
Start by shutting off the internet and confiscating her computer. Require her to see a shrink. Require her to take a full-time course load and maintain a decent GPA. Require other things around the house - I have the feeling this girl doesn't do much to pitch in. Tie her computer use, car privileges (insurance, gas, etc.), cell phone, clothing - whatever you provide - to her performance on your requirements. It's time to raise your daughter instead of just living in the same house. Good luck.
Sadly there are those who look at the Kuntrashians and seek easier, non-traditional means of survival. I've seen many girls try to take the "easy" way to get money, and to feel a false sense of value. Instead of dissing her and her choices, why not find an adult she trusts (not necessarily a therapist, as she may resent him/her,) to talk about her long-term life goals? Is she in community college because that's what her parents expect or because she's truly studying something of interest to her? What's in her background (bad experience with a boyfriend) that makes her feel unworthy of honest relationships, and that she wants to use men for money?
[quote]So both you AND your daughter live with your mother? She's my sister AND my daughter!
Yeah, just look at your mom R7. A complete and utter failure on her part.
R6 is correct.
Can I have a refund on my time for trying to figure out this thread?
I%20thought%20it%20would%20begin%20to%20make%20sense%20by%20page%202
R44 wins the Datalounge.
My mother lives with me in her own part of the house. I support her now that she's older. I've been financially on my own since I started college at 17. R46, I have suspected a personality disorder but I don't know how to determine that. She sees a shrink but only to get vyvanse. I don't think she tells her doc the relevant things: Her extreme apathy, inability to motivate herself or be motivated by anyone or anything else, so i dont know how shed even get Diagnosed. She's very detached. She has a phobia about illness , for example. If my mom were to get sick and vomit, I don't think my daughter would help her. One of my deep fears is that my mom will have a heart attack and vomit with only my daughter to try to save her. On my phone so sorry about punctuation and capitalization. Too much of a pain to fix.
I
"She sees a shrink but only to get vyvanse." r44's post now has me picturing the daughter meeting with her shrink to watch "I Love Lucy" episodes in a therapeutic, supervised setting, so the shrink can make sure she is only exposed to Vivian in safe doses.
A kid who has gone off the rails doesn't make you a bad parent OP, regardless of what people say. I work with families who may have 2 good kids and one who rebels for no reason anyone can work out. It is soul destroying for the parents. However I do have an issue with you referring to your child as a "whore". She's involved in some unsavory things but it's not appropriate to call her names. That said it now time to confront her. Is she just selling drugs or is she using them as well? If so, you have bigger problems than her just selling her underwear or drugs online. She needs professional help. You will get resistance Amd probably not an iota of gratitude but you will need patience. Your daughter needs to know that you love and support her. This might resolve itself quickly or it might take months or years to get through to her. There is a lot if hope, lots of kids go wild for a bit. And at 21 she can still be a kid even if she's officially an adult on paper. Her choices are immature so keep that in mind when dealing with her.
I am ashamed that I called her that, even on this board. I was shocked and so angry and didn't think before I posted. Which also explains why the post mde no sense.
Don't worry about it too much OP. You have bigger fish to fry. Start by speaking to a drug and alcohol counceling about the best way to tackle this. Don't panic, tackle this calmly. There is hope.
wHoRE
OP/R55, the first thing you need to do is make an appointment with her doctor and explain to the doc what is happening. Then, hopefully, you can get some advice on how to proceed in terms of home, school, etc. I can't imagine her doctor would continue to prescribe a drug that she's selling. Personally, I'd print off the incriminating emails and save them at work. Then I'd tell her if she ever tries to sell this drug or any other drug illegally, you'll turn her in. And mean it. Have you ever read or watched Mildred Pierce?
WTF, R55/OP? Why is your adult daughter responsible for your mother's survival if she has a heart attack? You do know that most 21 y/o ADULT spawn do not live with their parents much less their grandparents don't you? Most 21 y/o are away at college or working and living on their own, so they wouldn't be available for that kind of help anyway. So, why is your mom puking and your daughter not being able to help one of your "greatest fears?" Is she providing home healthcare for your ailing/aging mother and getting paid for it? If so, then she DOES have a job. If not, why are you requiring her to be your mother's nurse for no pay? Your mom vomiting and your daughter not helping should not be one of your greatest fears. Your greatest fear should be that you have a 21 y/o sloth living with you and you won't be able to get rid of her unless you give her a kick in the ass.
(R60) OP's daughter's problems sound bigger than a tough love approach might solve. OP's daughter seems to have something major going on-possibly an anxiety disorder. I'm getting the feeling that her current problems aren't being addressed with her current therapist. OP, maybe the best move is to consult with your daughter's therapist. It might help you get information and also determine if that therapist is effective. Then maybe the three of you can go together to a separate family therapist. Don't listen to the judgmental assholes on here. If you didn't love and care for you daughter, you never would have come seeking advice in the first place.
R46
OP, maybe you can create a cartoon with the caption "My daughter is a whore" and send it to The New Yorker?
Elaine%20Benes
Might make a great Lifetime original movie.
"Mother, May I Sleep With Vyvanse?"
r62 i know my daughter isn't responsible for my mother. My worry is that she actually might let her grandmother die rather than call for help in a medical emergency.