I don't know what you mean by "stand" it. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, and won't use words to resolve a situation, he or she clearly has no interest in continuing the relationship. I say, "If and when you're interested in talking about this, you know where to reach me," and I leave.
+1 for R3. Unless you are 9, that behavior is unacceptable.
Defines passive aggressive.
I'm currently going through this with a friend, who is pissed off with me because I told him something he had done wasn't OK with me.
The thing is, it's hard to say who is giving whom the silent treatment, as I haven't called since we last saw each other.
But I'm not giving the "silent treatment" as any punishment; I just can't think of a good reason to see him.
I think the friendship is over.
I think that No Contact is perfectly valid as a response to a relationship break-up. It really doesn't matter whether you're the dumper or the dumpee - you're still causing pain to both parties if you stay in contact.
I can't stay silent for too long because I typically fart every half hour, like clockwork.
"Stand it?" I GIVE it.
It's exceptionally childish behavior.
I'll tolerate it once from someone if it is of brief duration and it is because he or she is so understandably angry with me after a fight they can't talk to me for a few days; that's no big deal.
But if it's ongoing or is a repeated pattern from someone it's intolerable--an extreme hostile form of passive-aggressive. I've ended friendships with people who have done it to me repeatedly or for too long.
I get in bitchy moods where I dish the silent treatment, but I can't stand having the tables turned on me. It's petty and immature, I know, but that's what Avoidants do...run from actual conflict even while feeding it.
I am really wondering why men wouldn't be able to stand the silent treatment. Silent treatment is the best thing that ever happens to me. It gives me time to reflect on ideas instead of having to hear about "she did this" "he did that." I can finally reflect in ideas, concepts, and expand my mind without having to block out the daily noise of a girl yapping in my ear. When she gives me the silent treatment, it's a gift from above!
It isn't avoidant behavior if you've given the other party every opportunity to acknowledge and understand your POV, and they still continue as they have done before. What is left but radio silence? Not everyone believes in big, noisy "breakups."
R13 Interesting concept. I actually think that silent treatment is a good time to think about the other person's point of view and try to find a middle ground. Silence is good sometimes. It's good to interrupt arguments that are going nowhere with the purpose of thinking about how they can be mitigated.
But when they know you are lying R13, it doesn't have any power.
I've done it to a couple of controlling people in my life but only after they raged on me not doing what they wanted. I'd say it's an acceptable behavior when dealing with irrational people. Otherwise, it's immature.
I wish women would give me the silent treatment. It would be a gift.
People who engage in this are dead to me. It's beyond rude, and extremely immature. Non-contact is one thing but to deliberately remain in someone's orbit and 'cut them off' is pathetic in the extreme.
Adults that do this are psychos.
R18 It depends. I prefer giving the "silent treatment" in this manner: Hey, let's just chill a bit and stop talking for a second. We need to think a little bit more about what we're saying.
I agree, though, that it's stupid to stay in that person's orbit. It's like saying "I won't talk to you and I'm going to stick around to see if it torments you." The best thing to do in that situation is not to respond at all to it and carry on as if though nothing happened. They get so pissed off after that!!
I have no idea what you mean, R15. Certainly you do not know me. If anything, I communicate too much, for too long, wanting desperately to be sure I understand and am understood. When that fails, what is left?
Well there you go again making it personal. A typical silent treatment is somebody who has been a close friend for years suddenly claims they never liked you and then stops speaking to you. Obviously it's a lie, but they pretend you are irrational if you don't "get it." Then they are well within their rights to make fun of you.
That last line came off wrong. Then you are well within your rights to make fun of them to their face (of course not stalking or harrassing them).
People who think they can resolve any conflict with the silent treatment is an immature and passive-aggressive. If you can't deal with talking it out or if the other person continues to disrespect your wishes, then end it.
R23 Seriously, why isn't there a like button in DL?
[quote]People who think they can resolve any conflict with the silent treatment is an immature and passive-aggressive.
In some cases, the conflict has been resolved, and you have been cut. Your rage is about not being able to appreciate that you were given the last word.
R13 here. Just to be clear, I don't do silence to punish, be bitchy or passive aggressive. It's not because I was pissed you flirted with some other guy. Silence for me is permanent, when attempts on my part to repair or maintain the relationship have failed.
In no way is this a victory. I remember and grieve each one of those failures.
[quote]The best thing to do in that situation is not to respond at all to it and carry on as if though nothing happened. They get so pissed off after that!!
And that's what I do, but it doesn't make it any less mouldy to have to deal with. Mostly because
[quote] It's like saying "I won't talk to you and I'm going to stick around to see if it torments you."
..and how do you begin to deal with someone operating on that level? It's Passive Aggressive Checkmate. Whatever you do, you lose. To have it pulled on you is very tiring. People are such shits.
R27 That's why you continue your day. Ignore it totally. That person is dead to you for the moment. Don't even hunch over or look pissed. Go about your day, put on some cheerful music, put some pop-tarts in the toaster, etc.
That person can troll you no further after that.
If I wanted to deal with bratty, childish behavior I'd have a kid. I don't tolerate it in adults.
A former lover and I ended things due to his reluctance to commit to a relationship with me (I ended it). He on several occasions - while still being in the relationship he entered after we broke up - has attempted to contact me and "talk about our feelings." On the last occasion of coffee, after not seeing each other for over a year, a meeting intitiated by him, it became clear that he was still had the same partner. I drew the evening to a close and said that we shouldn't meet up unless we both were single. He agreed. We parted with a hug.
I ran into him accidentally two weeks afterwards and he made a point of walking by me within inches and he cut me dead, totally blanked me. I didn't see him as my back was turned, but he made eye contact with my friends, and they recognised each other - there is no doubt he would have seen me from 30 feet away before he approached, and then made a point of getting very close to me and then ignoring me with a glare on his face. I then saw him - which he had made sure that I would - and I watched him walk away, shaking his head to himself. It was mind-bogglingly painful to have him treat me this way, when I had never been anything but respectful towards him (and had always been polite about insisting on not having contact with each other if we weren't going to be in a relationship). I didn't call out to him.
The first paragraph details respectful "No Contact".
The second paragraph details the "Silent Treatment".
I'd respond, OP, but I'm not speaking to you.
Haha, good one
I tend to do 'the silent treatment', but not as some high schoolish punishment. When I get angry I can truly be a nasty bitch and say really horrible hurtfull things. I tell the person that I need some time. Almost always I'll come back, an hour later, and try to have a rational conversation with them. I also explain that I went silent so I wouldn't have to apologize for that too. Almost everyone has understood.
When someone does it to me for more than a day, it hurts a bit at first, then I laugh about it to myself. If they are that childish I'm better off without them