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My expensive Cole Haan snow boots were stolen from the welcome mat outside my apartment.

I just thought you'd like to know. I left them there when I got home last night because I didn't want to track snow into my apartment. When I went to retrieve them this morning, they were gone. They're pricy Cole Haan Air Scout Chukka boots that my mother gave me for Christmas. I want them back. I have two suspects in mind: (1) My super whom I did not give a holiday bonus. He's a lazy, good for nothing drunk who, according to long-time tenants, fucks hookers in the stairwell leading to the old abandoned fallout shelter (building is 100 years old). I've been waiting for him for six months to fix my electric smoke detector, and he didn't even bother to assist me when I asked him for help after locking myself out of my apartment last summer. His wife is also a lazy bitch. She's supposed to clean out the garbage cans out front each day, but she leaves them there for days at a time, attracting all sorts of vermin. (2) The slut who lives across the hall. She has a few rotaing bfs who are over each night, and they're constantly playing loud music past midnight. I don't know if they're actually listening to it or using to muffle their fuck sessions, but whatever the reason it's totally incosiderate on her part. I've knocked on her door on several occasions to ask her to lower the music, and she generally tells me in nicer terms to go fuck myself. I suspect that one of these fools took them out of spite. I am going to get to the bottom of this and report them to the landlord. Wish me good luck, bitches.

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