Lessons learned in life that you want to share with others
I used to have such a crush on a guy that was drop dead gorgeous, but then I got to know him more and he was quite awful.
As corny as this is going to sound: never judge a book by its cover.
If you have a chance to do something good for someone and your intuition and common sense tells you it's ok, do it.
I had a chance today to do something good for someone. When asked, I automatically responded No. Now, 5 hrs. later, I regret not taking the time, effort, and consideration to perform a simple act kindness. That simple act of kindness stuff wasn't complete bullshit. It exists and if you miss your chance, you miss it.
I don't care about the karma, I just wish I wasn't so stupid.
Don't get involved with jailbirds.
When nature calls, answer the phone.
TRUST YOUR FUCKING INTUITION!!!! Gay men (maybe lesbians, I don't know) have the best intuition of all humans but also tend to suffer from a terrible ability to empathize with the most wretched creatures (people) who will just pull you down and that no one else would EVER give the time of day (for good reason). Look out for #1 and you will "attract" people who love and care for you. Ditch toxic ne'er do wells.
Try to stay on good terms with your parents. My father died recently and I am happy that I had a nice phone conversation with him and told him I loved him a few hours before he died. He was in good health and died instantly of a heart attack which was shocking, sometimes I still can't believe he is gone.
Learn the difference between success and fame, success is Mother Theresa, fame is Madonna.
Never show up at a class reunion pregnant, otherwise they will think that is all you've been doing since you graduated.
[quote]As corny as this is going to sound: never judge a book by its cover.
I'm glad you took the opportunity here to tell us that. We'd heard that before, but coming from you it really means something.
The slotted spoon CAN hold the potato!
Never treat someone as a priority who only sees you as an option.
Never wear mauve to a ball... or pink.. or open your mouth.
Warning: these are from someone who doesn't hook up.
Always take a look at his apartment. If it looks like an anonymous hotel, you're dealing with a secretive person with trust issues.
Evaluating a relationship after the honeymoon phase ends? Ask yourself if you share the same cultural capital. If he's from a much lower or much higher socio-economic background, there are going to be big issues. You will probably have your share.
If it dawns on you that he's stupid, you've killed the relationship. Have ass-slamming sex and then bail gracefully as possible.
If you ever hear someone say, "It's not about the money," it's definitely about the money.
Acquaintances who call you names even in jest are being aggressive. Call them on it.
Never involve yourself in office politics.
Stay away from people like R4. They are ignorant, incompetent, and annoying.
Guys who complain they are tired of drama, always create the drama they complaining about.
What R13 said +1
People who rant about knowing who their real friends are, usually busy burning through all their friends.
That is why no one wants to hook up with you R11.
1. You are driving by their place ahead of time? You are a Stocker.
2. Socio-economic litmist test after you are together? You are a Gold Digger.
3. He is stupid? You are an Egomaniac
4. It's not about the money? See rule #2
5. Names in jest? You have no social skills
Don't trust friends that always want to know the details of what you are doing or who with.
They are always jealous bitches that hide their rage behind guise of friendship. Secretly pissed off you dared to do something without them.
Never take drunk calls from alcoholic friends after 6:00pm.
Every time I break this rule, it bitch slaps me back in the face.
Never go out drinking with friends who have a car, but say they don't like to drive.
Its just an excuses to get drunk off their ass while you play babysitter and play personal Chauffeur.
Usually alcoholics, because drinking means more to them than give and take in a friendship.
I hope you're joking R11, because your entire list is a bunch of bullshit. Also, I don't hook up either so ...
1. Always take a look at his apartment.
Maybe he's not as materialistic as you seem to be. Maybe he's a simple person that doesn't need his walls covered in shit paintings. Some people are very simple. I like those people, they keep me grounded.
2. Ask yourself if you share the same cultural capital.
STOP! See R17, Gold-Digger.
3. If it dawns on you that he's stupid, you've killed the relationship.
Not everyone is intelligent in the way you want them to be. That's what makes meeting people so much fun! Maybe you'll learn something even if you think you know everything!
4. If you ever hear someone say, "It's not about the money," it's definitely about the money.
Sometimes it really isn't about the money. Sometimes it's about standards and morality. I just turned an announcing gig down for the Republican Party because I hate them. It was good money and guess what, it wasn't about the money.
5. Acquaintances who call you names even in jest are being aggressive. Call them on it.
Name-calling, in jest, is a method of establishing comradery. The fact that you've made it this far in life without knowing that baffles me to no end.
Never get in a relationship with gay-mex. Every single one I have ever met always cheats. Every single one.
Yes, I said it, you know its true, deal with it.
Still waiting to meet the couple where that guy dose not stray or have or already open relationship because he cant control himself. I have seen it many many times. Almost like clock work.
Never trust the twink in a May / December rlationship.
The twink is really in control, and always a manipulative personality.
Message heard, R22. No relationships with gay Mexicans!
The couples that don't cheat are most likely not hanging around the places where you're looking for them. Because they are home with each other and not looking for the likes of you.
Older folks. If you date someone much younger. 18-22 lets say. Leave them better than you found them.
Steer clear of anyone who has a naked pic of themselves in the bedroom.
Unless they are a professional porn star (which they usually are not) they cant stand how old they got and think they can trick you into looking at them through fogged lenses.
This is obvious, but don't befriend guys that like to do a lot of drag when they are drunk. It usually comes with a lot of baggage also hidden in that trunk.
The queenier the girlfriend, the more there will be drama.
Don't ware a thong after the age of 30. No one wants to see your flat saggy ass despite how hot YOU think you are.
Besides, those things went out of style in the 80's. Why are some of you girls still trying to pull that off?
Stay away from guys who drink while on anti-depressants. They will blame you for their problems.
Never buy a truck, all your friends will ask you to help them move some day.
If you're a virginal 19yo Christian man wrestling with your incipient same sex attractions and the handsome youth pastor with whom you've unconsciously been in love with for years(who hours earlier tells you you're good looking then takes you to a secluded,private spot in the river to swim but you said you couldn't because neither of you had trunks)announces his intention to take a bath while you're at his house and then afterward walks out in a damp,revealing towel and makes it a point to sit with nonchalantly spread legs right in front of you...
...just fuckin' GO FOR IT!
do not complain on a regular basis, even if you are horribly ill, got cheated on, are broke...whatever it is, complaining about it repeatedly only serves to make other people feel bad and does nothing to improve your situation.
If you can't change it accept it if you can do do something about it and you will be happier and people will like you better for it.
On the other hand if a friend needs to complain let them and sympathize until you need to kick them in the ass for their own good.
Also be someone who keeps their promises.
Being a bitchy cow isn't funny or witty. Actually, the older you get, the sadder it is.
Actually R24, those homebodies are the ones I am talking about. The reason I know, is because they are the ones always grabbing my crotch while their partner has his back turned.
Desperate Mexican housewives. They usually like to tell me now they are conservative and totally committed relationship too.
R34, being bitchy at any age is unattractive. I don't get why so many gay men think it cute or funny.
I find it shallow and mean spirited, usually at someones expense.
[quote]success is Mother Theresa, fame is Madonna.
BAD analogy. Teresa was all about the fame. Never heard of Christopher Hitchens? Type her name and the word fraud into Google.
Listen to R33 it's very good advice.
Steer a wide berth of anyone who makes a point to telling you or others they're a "nice person" or a "sincere person". The genuine article has no need. These pieces of work are always narcissists, often psychopathic narcissists, and always a nightmare.
Don't fucking [italic]dwell[/italic].
If you can't get over something, get help.
The irony of me, the world's worst dweller, saying this as if it's easy or even possible to do isn't lost one me, either. I just had to say something.
Watch out for couples that spend most of their fun time at home and make excuses about hanging out at public places. They usually let their hair down way too low, air their dirty laundry and try to draw you in to see what they can pull out of your closet. It's in their house so no limits or safe words.
I call these couples, Virgina Wolf Couples. They really exist. Watch the movie. Gay men especially.
This is probably useless in New York: Smile at the people who pass you on the street. Most will respond with a smile back. It sets up a good mood.
Efficient but flexible time management. Sure, there's always something that fucks up your schedule, but the feeling of being prepared and yet flexible will get you through the day and you will feel more like you accomplished something than being a total failure.
Don't lend money to family and friends. And If you do don't expect to ever get it back. Sure, they call it a loan, but for some reason they may find an excuse not to pay it back (like, causing drama and then just dump you as a friend pretending like you are a jerk or it creates awkward family gatherings).
Trust is probably the highest good there is. Do not squander or betray it.
Don't be a flake. Trust yourself and stand to your word and actions.
Have goal checkpoints (where you can enjoy the progress you made so far and notice that you have made changes for the better) on your path to your one big goal. It will keep you motivated. You think you found a shortcut or a cheat to reach your goal faster? Be cautious, because usually they are a way back to the starting point or even further down.
Never call a woman a cunt unless you are in a moving car. They go Ballistic!
I dont know why, you can call them a bitch, slut, a dumb blond, but say the C word and it's like their heads explode.
Use at your own risk.
Never blame other people for bad things that happen to you. If you think it's someone else's fault, you are powerless to change it. OTOH, if you take responsibility for your own life and your own problems, than you can make different choices, and you take power over your own life.
If you live in a small town or socialize or work with a small group, always hold your tongue as you will see the same people again and again.
Bullshit R46. Stop spewing that self help crap from the 70's.
If I get stabbed on the subway how is it my fault? I blame that guy who did that to me and so dose the law in this country.
If I get hit by a drunk driver?
If I get robbed by home invasion?
If I get abused as a child?
If a woman gets raped?
tables turn fast in this small, tiny world.
bosses become employees
sons become dads
students become teachers
in today's audience is tomorrow's main event
there's a lesson in there somwhere
Don't get a genetic test without also arranging for genetic counselling to go with it.
If you feel unsafe, leave. You can stop being polite sometimes.
Be good to your back when you are young. If your job has equipment to help you work safely, use it.
I'm a 32 year old gay male who's been having an existential crisis, and this thread has really resonated with me. Thank you for starting it, OP.
R19 to the 385971498th power
Most of the time people dislike you because you're a cunty asshole and not because you're gay. So clean up your act and be nice.
I'm sorry, but I have to defend r11 on a couple of points. Damn, some of you really think you have it all figured out.
In terms of checking out a guy's apartment, I think r11 was probably referring to getting invited in (not "stocking" him, as one eloquent reply said). Also, I do have a couple checkpoints when that happens:
Did the guy know you were coming over? If he didn't at least clean up a bit, not good. The worst: lifting up the seat to pee and there being shit splatters around the rim/on the underside of the seat. Fucking Gross.
Also, if they don't have books or things to read, I get suspicious. As John Waters said, “If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!”
That leads to another point of r11's. If I meet a person, and they say "I don't really read", or "I don't watch the news, it's depressing." I am pretty much done with them. You have to have intellectual capability and an interest in the bigger world. I know a girl like this, she doesn't like to read or watch the news, and the two things she talks about are movies and herself.
Also, they have to have some sort of taste. I can even deal with eccentric taste, or occasional bad taste. I was dating a guy years ago, and we went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. As we made our way down the wall, he pointed out about 100 or so movies, and just kept saying, "I saw that, it was funny!" "I saw that, it was really good!" Note: He was pointing out stuff like "White Chicks". I discovered that he pretty much "liked" everything.
Don't do porn. Don't be in it, direct it, produce it, sell it, nothing. You probably shouldn't watch it, either, but who am I kidding?
It's never too late to get therapy. Start getting the help you need re: finances, intimacy, etc. NOW so that you can start enjoying the rest of your life.
"Never take drunk calls from alcoholic friends after 6:00pm."
Noooooo shit. In fact, screen your calls from them at all times.
R54=guilt ridden dishonest homophobe.
R55 = Liberian
You judge a guy by his toilet seat? Maybe he cleaned up and a friend stopped by before you did. I have heard of judging people by their looks, but the toilet seat? You need counseling.
News Flash R55, no one reads books anymore. It's 2013 not 1913. Get an iPad or Kindle Fire.
Its call DIGITAL CONTENT. See there are these thing called computers. You store information on them like a library.
You are like what 85?
Taste is relative R55. You probably were in the other isle looking to rent The Women. How bad is that?
Also, for the record, White Chicks is really funny.
Hey r61, what part of "or things to read" was unclear? The comment is, in general, about people who never read, at all. Not books, magazines, newspapers, their iPad (one of which I have, by they way, so I don't need to get one), or anything. R11's post, and my reply, I believe were generally about people who cannot immerse themselves in anything. They are shallow. The girl I was referring to who talks about movies and herself, and the guy I was at the video store with, they're both pretty shallow. This is unanimous among our group of friends, and the primary reason why we don't hang out with either of them.
And no, r60, I am talking about when you lift up the seat and it is clear they have been blowing their ass nuggets all over and haven't cleaned in weeks. Not some random chance that a "friend" comes over right before and does it.
I don't think I should be subjected to looking at people's dried turd sprays on their toilet seat.
Sorry for having standards. I seriously think some of you la-dee-da queens have none.
Prissy little bitch R63 aren't you? You really seem obsessed with scat.
By the way, the original post was referring to books. You can't tell by walking into a persons house today that they read a lot if all of their books are on their iPad or PC. I don't own a stereo or CDs anymore but I have thousands of titles saved on my hard drive. Some people read a lot but are not collectors.
Maybe that guy spends a lot of time out doors hiking, biking, snow boarding. By your shallow, simplistic, reasoning, if he walked into your place and didn't see any sports equipment, you must be a fat lazy slob who dose not take care of his body.
The best piece of advice I ever received about relationships: "Listen to what people do, not what they say."
Years ago, I met this guy who seemed perfect for me. After the initial few dates, he was harder to pin down. I really thought this guy was interested because he kept telling me so, and would say how he really appreciated me putting up with him not calling back or being AWOL for a week. I figured he was just going through something and hung on. It wasn't until he didn't show up for a musical I bought tickets for, and didn't even call to say he wasn't coming, that I finally accepted it was over. (If it ever was anything to begin with!) That's when my friend gave me the above advice. It has stayed with me ever since.
Money is binary: It's either enough or not enough, no matter how much it is.
Having lost my best friend of 30 years to cancer, always treasure your closest friends and don't take them for granted. One day they may be gone. Sorry to be on a downer.
If it seems everyone steers clear of a person, there's probably a good reason, be VERY cautious.
Poop tastes like shit.
I was a stocker in college. The pay wasn't great but I liked the overnight hours.
Yes, r64, I'm totally obsessed with scat, which is why I expressed how repulsed I am by people who leave shit splatter buildup on their toilets for their company to see. That makes real sense. Besides, which one of us had a link available of scat/fisting pics?
After meeting quite a number of guys online, and then meeting them in person, I've always wanted to put this in an online profile:
If your profile says "No games or BS," you turn out to excel at games and BS.
If your profile says "don't be a douche," you turn out to be a douche.
If your profile says "discreet," you are either cheating on a partner or are a sad closet case.
If you go out of your way to tell us that you are "muscular," you turn out to be fat.
If you go out of your way to tell us that you are "VGL," you turn out to be nice to look at, but a lousy fuck.
Also, if your profile says "masculine," you are most likely an [childish epithet posted by a bigoted tool] queen in denial.
Never call a queen a faggot unless you are in a moving car. They go Ballistic!
I dont know why, you can call them a bitch, slut, a dumb blond, but say the F word and it's like their heads explode.
Use at your own risk.
Nah, R74, you tried too hard. Fell flat
I convulsed when I read R43 's post. Hilarious.
Yours? Not at all.
bump for us depressed folks to hear some advice...
Pay attention when he tells you how others have left his life, that's the way you're going to be leaving too.
Never trust a person with any of your personal information who spills their friends secrets. If they'll do it to a friend they'll do it to you.
A rather obvious one, but one I had to learn the hard way, if he's ever had a restraining order taken out against him punch, delete and run
r77 You are so right about the "how others have left his life" thing..I saw how my ex treated things as if they were disposable because he had the money to buy another and just fucking left things in disarray and went back to his mom and money, I never thought he would do it to me and our cats, guess what?
You can have time or you can have money, rarely can you have both. Decide which is more important to you, the latest gadgets and showing off your possessions and working yourself into an early grave, or a simpler life with more leisure time. Live beneath your means. Don't try to keep up with superficial people who will convince you that what you look like to the outside world is most important. Those who are obsessed with perfection tend to be the most damaged internally. Work on getting your head on straight first.
If anyone above the age of twenty five ever tells you the only flaw they possess is wearing their "heart on their sleeve" just simply run away and don't look back because that person has done zero self-reflection of their life and chances are they never will.
These weren't written by me, but I've found them to be very true and written much better than I could ever hope to.
1. Your thoughts create your reality.
You feel the way you feel right now because of the thoughts you are thinking, and you are where you are right now because of the thoughts you have thought over and over again. If the thoughts running though your mind are pure, positive and empowering, you will create positive and empowering beliefs about yourself and about life; and your actions, habits, and daily routines will be a reflection of these thoughts and beliefs.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny"
2. You will regret the chances you didn’t take.
The things you didn’t do when you had the chance. That priceless relationship you neglected. Those important words you left unspoken… Every one of us has experienced feelings of regret. But it’s not too late to set things straight. You’re still here breathing. Right now you have an opportunity to change your future. Right now you can choose to erase regret from your later years.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” –Mark Twain
3. Change is the only constant thing in life.
What does this mean? It means that no matter how hard you try to avoid change, doing so is simply impossible. Period.
“Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.” –Shunryu Suzuki
4. What you resist persists.
The more you fight against life’s circumstances, events, people, ideas, etc., the more you will be contributing to their growth and persistence into your daily life. Learn to shift your focus from that which you are against to that which you are for, and to that which you wish to attract into your daily life. Over time you will watch your life transform.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.” –Lao Tzu
5. You judge others for the deficiencies you haven’t yet accepted in yourself.
The traits you dislike in others are mostly just a reflection of the traits you dislike in yourself. This concept can be difficult to grasp, and you might even be irritated by me mentioning it – especially when you are ‘certain’ that you are right and the other person is wrong, and that you are surely better off than they are.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” –Carl Gustav Jung
6. You have far less control over the behavior of others than you think.
Isn’t it funny how the closer you are to a person the higher your expectations are, and the more rights you think you have to control their time and behavior? Don’t let your bad judgment get the best of you; the only thing you can control is your attitude towards them and towards their behavior. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others.” –Wayne Dyer
7. You are what’s on the inside.
When you are happy and satisfied with yourself personally, you act in kind, happy and loving ways toward the people around you. Because you are comfortable inside, no matter how negative people might act toward you at times, you stay calm and collected, responding out of love and confidence to their behavior – for that is who you are on the inside, and you give out that which is within.
“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.” –Wayne Dyer
8. You can’t force love in relationships.
Love between two people comes because both people want to share their love, not because YOU want it from the other person. Your family, friends, co-workers, lovers – they all love you because they choose to, not because you want them to. Love is meant to be felt, enjoyed and lived, not to be forced on anyone.
“You can’t force love, I realized. It’s there or it isn’t. If it’s not there, you’ve got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.” –Richelle Mead
9. Sometimes the only healthy option is to move on.
When the time comes to move beyond certain things, ideas, or people, don’t resist it. Allow yourself to experience life. Allow yourself to grow, learn, and evolve. Allow yourself to move beyond the past on your path to happiness.
“There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all life is too short to be anything but happy.”
10. Life as you know it doesn’t last forever.
Nothing lasts forever, and this is exactly why you need to learn to detach from things, places and people in your life. When the time comes to say goodbye, let them all go and to do it with dignity and grace.
“Nothing lasts forever; so live it up, drink it down, avoid the negativity, take chances and never regret because at one point it was what you wanted.”
I find R81 cloying and lacking wisdom, myself.
Don't wish for anything specific -- like money, sex, or plastic surgery -- when you blow out your birthday candles. Just wish for "happiness."