Russian recruits now have to submit to rectal scans.

The Russian military is looking for finger prints. If they find fingerprints in a recruits rectum, they are rejected or dismissed, depending on their entry level. Putin has said repeatedly, "no fisters will be allowed in Russian military unless those prints are his.

• I once found a neon-chartreuse false fingernail in my BF's rectum. Infidelity-fisting is one thing; Infidelity-fisting from a drag queen is quite another.

• Considering the damage a finger nail can do, I bet it just blew in there while he was wearing shorts.

• I'd rather they circumcise the recruits and teach them the necessity of proper hygiene.