What is your strategy for recovering from criticism, or vitriol?

The person's who is attacking you is attacking you because he simply does not like you. And you've developed somewhat of a close relationship with the person and he constantly puts you down. How do you recover from his attacks and vitriol?

• By growing a spine and attacking those types of motherfuckers right back, in the moment, twice as worse as they gave. Works. Every. Time. They will love you for it. Trust me. Make sure the insult is extremely personal and detailed. And be sure to look blase when delivering it.

• I got blindsided today by a Hispanic grocery clerk. I just didn't expect her insulting and rude behavior. Yet, I didn't do anything about it. I must be stupid that way; or, being a minority, I expected her to at least be courteous like grocery clerks are supposed to be. I suppose I could patronize white, black, or certain asian clerks, but in my area service persons almost one hundred percent latinos/latinas even though non-hispanics are the majority population.

  anonymous

• Are you talking about a work colleague, OP? It's hard to imagine how else you could grow 'close' to someone who apparently dislikes you. You distance yourself from someone who attacks you needlessly or expresses vitriol, particularly in the workplace. And R2, why are you bringing race into the equation? Any race can be rude.

• Honey, when the people at Datalounge criticized the gay community for being shallow, money, status, and taste obsessed, we weren't talking about YOU.

• R2, you sound like a real fucking asshole. So some grocery store clerk was rude to you. You probably deserved it. Even if you didn't, be happy you don't work in a grocery store. You racist eldergays are ruining DL.

• "Please. Enough with the compliments already."

• Of course we do know why you thought we were, but your "success" is not something that would impress your mother, let alone datalounge at large. And as for your taste and your material possessions, well, let's just say Vern Yip is not exactly trembling in his boots by your appearance on the scene

  R4

• Call it to their attention, and ask them to stop. They're usually completely unaware they're doing it.

• [quote]And you've developed somewhat of a close relationship with the person and he constantly puts you down. How do you recover from his attacks and vitriol? I'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused here. How do you develop a "somewhat of a close relationship" with someone who "constantly puts you down"? Did the putdowns start after the "somewhat of a close relationship"? And what exactly is this "somewhat of a close relationship"? Your whole post is vague and confusing, but if you're talking about a romantic partner, it sounds like an abusive relationship. If that is the case, my advice is: run. Now. Get away. Same if this is a "friend"...this is no friend and you should have distanced yourself at the very first instance. If you're talking about a work colleague, either sit down with them and try to hash it out, or report it to a supervisor. Those are the options.

• When people don't like you, there is always a logical reason. Typically, that reason has nothing to do with you, but there is always a reason. For example, I had a close friend who fell out with me when I came out to him. A couple years later he was exploring his sexuality. At that time, his sister got married and she didn't invite me even though I had been friends with her. She did invite another openly gay friend of ours. I was incensed. But it turned out it was all completely logical. The closet case had represented me to his parents as a predatory sex assaulter (which I wasn't, it was a complete and utter lie and fabrication) during his initial gay panic, and so to let his sister invite me now would have likely caused a scene because of the lies he had told his parents about me before he was ready to explore his own sexuality.

• recover from his attacks and vitriol? no, you don't recover. you let the attacker go completely. there's no need to have a person like that even remotely in your life. let him go then lick your wounds.

• I look in the mirror and am reminded that I am way, WAY better looking than them. Most of the time, which is what caused the vitriol in thie first place. Then all is right with the world.

• OP, you need professional help. Healthy people aren't close to those who "

• Ahem. Healthy people are not close to those who "simply" do not like them. It's like you're giving booze to a drunk and then getting pissed because he got drunk. Or offering yourself up to a violent abuser and having hurt feelings because he hit you. Your choice to befriend someone dangerous to you is self-destructive.

• The Scorpion and the Frog One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river. The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back. Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream. "Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?" "Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly. "Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!" Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!" "This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!" "Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog. "Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!" So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current. Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs. "You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?" The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back. "I could not help myself. It is my nature." Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

• Three words, op. Punch and delete.

• R5, Why the eldergay hate? How in the world is that poster racist? I am 20 years old and if I had a dime for everytime a lesbian on here called me either an eldergay, freeper, or some other derogatory name just because I didn't agree with them I'd have a fortune. Gay men of any age don't need to be insulted just because we have an opinon that differs from yours. So knock that shit off. It just reinforces the stereotype that lesbians are just big mouth hypocrites. I also agree with what R1 said.

• Lol. To be fair, r17, your post at r2 is totally race obsessed. You weren't blind sighted. You were shown a blind spot.

• My post was not directed at R2. It was to you the dumb cunt throwing the racist/eldergay comments around.

  R17

• Taking it out on DL.

• Nice "friends," r10

  Especially the sister who believed the lie