- My elderly mom is in the hospital now because of severe constipation. She has a blockage causing severe pain, and hadn't eaten for days. She finally had a bowel movement last night, after 3 days in the hospital, so it looks like she'll recover. There's an alarming number of people who die from intestinal blockage, at her age (84) I was worried she could be one of them. Especially since my hypochondriac sister made it sound like she might, until I called the hospital and talked to her nurse.
Not really on-topic I know, but I'm so relieved.
- "Doody"???
- My friend is a hospice nurse. Her patients are on lots on painkillers near the end, so everything -including elimation- starts to shut down. Sometimes a patient will go a week without having a BM and yes, the feces becomes impacted. Enams often do not flush out these impacted turds. So she puts on double gloves, reaches up into the anus, and she has to pick apart the hardened shit to clean the person out.
Please God, just let me die.
- Well, there was this one time in the 50's when me and Doody were playing around with a marital aid, and let's just say the trip to the emergency room was more than ackward.
Buffalo Bob
- r1 - you are so relieved? Imagine how she feels!
- I'm literally having ass surgery today and from what my doctor just told me I should have much to contribute to this thread in the coming months.
- It's the worst. I've had it happen a couple times, either from eating something bad or being really sick. I am usually pretty "aware" of my bowels, and can tell if something's wrong or might happen shortly. Last time it happened I was at work, and I thought I was over a sickness, but started feeling worse again throughout the day. By the last hour, I got up to go do something, my guts got all scary, and I shit a little bit. What are you going to do? Welcome to life!
- Yes. 13 years ago. I started having cramps on the bus on the way to work. I made it off the bus but not into the hotel next to work that I was trying to run into to make it to the toilet. I shat myself in the parking lot, about a gallon of diarrhea.
- Not since I started doing all my shopping on line.
- OK, let's start.
Walking to the Imperial War Museum while on vacation in London. At that point I was not used to fresh fruit for breakfast, which was featured in the hotel's buffet.
While on the subway here in NY late in the evening, and as I sat there nonchalantly, several real urban youth came into the car and within seconds simultaneously shouted "OMG - Damn what a smell" and left for another car.
And at least 3 or 4 times rushing to get my locked home to get into the bathroom.
- Why, yes I have! And I just told everyone on TV!
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/gossip/la-et-mg-al-roker-pooped-pants%2C0%2C4529376.story
Al%20Roker%21
- Goodness, no. I have enough issues down there.
Cheryl
- I knew a girl who was on a banana only diet. She got in her car after work one evening and drove off. She hit the clutch to shift and had a major brown out that she had to sit in for the 45 minute drive home.
JohnEric
- You know, threads like this used to get deleted within minutes and their creators would be banned without any explanation whatsoever. I wonder what's changed?
- Interesting, bananas are constipating.
She must have ended the diet suddenly.
- I did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DnE6Q7Cy9qTU
- Not for me, they're not, R15.
- This guy once posted this whole long story about how he was at work and running to the bathroom and it started spurting out. It was hilarious and sad and very well written.
- This is indeed the longest-lived scat thread I've ever seen.
- Poops are people too!
- I think poop is marvelous! 47% of this country is poop!
M.%20Romney
- I have Crohn's disease. And doody accidents.
- R22 Damn, sorry to hear it. I know that sucks.
There's a fucking amazing writer in Chicago who is funny as hell - everyone should check her out, but I mention her b/c she writes about her Crohn's disease and is raising money for it, too.
http://bitchesgottaeat.blogspot.com
- Not to me but my ex had one. He had lost his white collar job and thought the only way he could come close to his old salary was some kind of commissioned sales job. The idiot became a Schwann man. I know, I know, that's why he's an ex. Anyway, he was driving around in a rural area when he completely shit his pants. He had to come home, change, go to a car wash, clean the truck, etc. Let's just say he didn't make any commissioned sales that day.
- There's a book called "Nobody's Home." It's about a guy who takes a job as a "butt wiper" in a nursing home, just for the experience. Everybody knows about urinary incontinence in nursing homes, but in this nursing home there's a lot of bowel incontinence, too.
The first time the guy tries to give an old lady a quick shower bath, she shits all over his shoes. He cleans her, she shits, he cleans her again, she shits. Finally he gets a diaper on her. It's not an isolated incidence. Apparently the attendants in this nursing home have to deal with shit on a daily basis and come to consider "just stuff" or "stinky peanut butter."
He recalls an incident where an old lady has a protuberance in her anus. One of the other attendants puts on a rubber glove and gets her hand in there. After much probing, the attendant finally pulls out the blockage: an intact chicken back. Seems the old lady had no teeth and had a tendency to swallow things whole.
Nursing homes are horrific!
- What's a "Schwann man"?
- Not over the age of 6. sorry op.
- OP - you just wanted a thread about poop. What you described wouldn't have happened how you described. You may have been constipated for six days due to medication but it would not have have come out like that while you were driving. Six days worth of poop would have become impacted. You would have had to be at home doing self excavation to break through the impacted mass or in an emergency room.
Your story is a load of crap. Literally. You must be a poop fetish guy.
- OP=disgusting scat troll
- This thread made me think of an infamous "doody" incident in the "friendly skies" several years ago. This was more intentional than unintentional but still amusing.
http://www.salon.com/1999/04/13/passenger/
Lou%20the%20Stew
- David Letterman even had a "Top Ten" list about the incident:
10. Misread brochure about advantages of first class
9. Confused when steward asked for headset deposit
8. Went nuts after learning they were out of chicken almondine
7. Though he heard somebody yell, "We're going to crash!" and that was just something he always wanted to do before he died
6. Hoping to impress aloof blonde English woman in 2-D
5. Had already used airphone to call everyone he knew
4. You try drinking for 14 hours and see if you can tell the difference between a food cart and a bathroom
3. All part of an elaborate plan to intimidate the real killers
2. His ... wouldn't fit in the overhead compartment
1. "Oh, like you've never done it"
Lou
- OPie - Miralax
Start it once you feel blocked a couple days.
Adhesion%2C%20drugs%20and%20age
- This thread says so much about our society. People would rather discuss human excrement than real issues. Pathetic.
- R33 Believe me, when you gotta go it's a REAL ISSUE!
Al%20%22Oh%20Shit%21%22%20Roker
- R31, those top 10's are embarrassingly unfunny, like most of Letterman's top 10's.
- R33, my take is that people like to share experiences common to all of humanity in a safe anonymous forum.
- I sharted in my pants at work once. What a nightmare. Had just finished lunch and felt what seemed like gas bloat. Had been regular the previous 24 hours except that morning I was constipated and didn't move my bowels. No one was around (I work alone in an office set back from the main area) and most people were still out for lunch or in the break room.
Figured I'd just "let one rip" since no one was around and the "gas" was a bit painful. I relaxed my sphincter and pushed ever so slightly...good lord, the horror. I knew from the consistency it had soaked through. Dashed to the men's room, thankfully no one saw me, spent the next hour methodically cleaning my pants with wet paper towels in the handicapped stall. Threw out my ruined underwear and slipped out early that day. Ugh.
Lessons%20were%20learned%20that%20day...
- [quote]I gambled and I lost!
Young%20Nate%20Chance
- I made the mistake last year of consuming a bag full of prunes, which I'd never really eaten before.
Several hours later, I was walking home from an evening out and it felt like a freight train roaring through my system. I ran the mile home, and nearly made it, but lost control in my living room.
I have never evacuated such a huge amount in my life. My Calvin Klein undies, of course, were utterly ruined and my jeans were full. What an embarrassing mess.
Haven't touched a prune since.
- Yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DMYrY8aFCUCQ
Spaulding
- R39. I hope you called Stanley Steamer.
No%20picnics%20on%20your%20living%20room%20floor%20for%20me%21
- Yes, while sitting on the most beautiful cock, on the most gorgeous man. Fuck those Vitamix juicers. No pulp, ever again!
He was disgusted and basically threw me out. He kept saying, what the fuck is this, what is it!? I told him it was just carrot pulp, I'm sorry, I had no idea this would happen.
Oh well.
- I shat my pants on the street once. I left my apt. to go to the corner deli two blocks away for a soda and a bag of chips. When I left my apt. I felt completely fine. As I was standing in line waiting for the register, I suddenly had to shit IMMEDIATELY. It just happened without warning, and on the walk home the floodgates opened and a tidal wave of shit ran down my legs. And I was wearing khaki shorts. It was so embarrassing. As soon as I got home, I threw my shorts and underwear in the garbage chute and took the longest, hottest shower I've ever taken in my life.
- More of a private one, but yes. I was in college. I was overseas for a semester abroad in Wales and stayed in a single in the dorms, or rather their version of dorms. Anyway, a guy in my hall had some great hash. We had been partying all night at the student pub. I came back to the dorm and the went to that guy's room and smoked up some hash. I was completely out of it.
I went back to my room, which had a sink in it. I got sick and started to barf in the sink when I realized that I was going to shit right then and there. I let it all out, passed out, and slept the whole night in my underwear and shorts filled with shit. When I woke up the next day, a Sunday, most people were gone. Luckily it was June and I opened my window because my room stank of shit. Just awful. I went to the dorm showers and it took me forever to clean it all off. My ass cheeks were cemented together. I had to pick up the bigger chunks and put them in the toilet and then shower again. It was awful. I showered about five times. Again, everyone was gone from the dorm so I never even got busted. I also didn't let anyone into my room for two days. I threw away my shorts and underwear. Gross.
- Tell me about it.
Al Roker
- Just once. In the middle of receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award. This was very recently. I guess you just have to expect this kind of thing... when you're FIFTY!
Jodie
- LOL @ [R42]
- Oh man. I guess everyone has. Years have passed but the memory is still vivid since I sharted more than I bargained for, while just out for a lunch break from a business meeting. I remember finding a bathroom at a Safeway supermarket where I gave my lower half a bath with pink hand soap and paper towels, and washing and drying my cloths under a hand dryer. There were demands for use of the bathroom, but I was having none of it.
Really, I just thought it was gonna be a regular fart
- [quote] My ass cheeks were cemented together.
THAT is a vivid image!
- Too often, especially when he lied about using a condom.
Princess%20Summerfall%20Winterspring
- I told this story on one of the other "oops, I crapped my pants" threads, but I'll tell it again.
Years ago, my then-BF and I were on a road trip from NY to Florida and back. On the way home, we stopped at an Arby's in North or South Carolina (can't remember which one) and I proceeded to have a Philly cheesesteak sandwich and a strawberry milkshake, and it was a blazing hot day in the middle of July. WTF was I thinking eating and drinking two things that are guaranteed to make you shit? And in the heat and humidity as well. Stupid stupid stupid. 20 minutes later, we're in the car going up I-95 when I suddenly had to shit like I've never shit before. It was awful, my asscrack was sweating so bad it soaked through my shorts. My asshole (ha!) boyfriend insisted that I could make it to the next exit, he was pissed (ha!) that I had to shit at all. I began SCREAMING at him to pull over on the shoulder because I was about to shit my pants. He ignored me until I screamed "If you don't pull the fuck over RIGHT NOW I am going to SHIT all over your FUCKING Lexus!" He pulled over.
I proceeded to drop my pants, squat, and take a giant, runny, Niagara Falls shit right on the asphalt of I-95. Cars speeding by were honking at me. It was the single most embarassing fucking moment of my life. I wiped my ass with leftover Arby's napkins.
After I got back in the car, my BF kept saying over and over, "I can't believe I just watched you take a shit on the highway." We broke up several months later for unrelated reasons.
- Who the fuck starts these trash threads?
- r51 was on the Hershey Highway...
- mmmm
- For some reason I am LMAO at R51's post.
- not personally but my friend had to go to hospital for a stomach examination.
my friend was given medication to loosen her bowels prior to the exam which had not worked so my friend's next door neighbour gave her another product to help it on its way.
nothing happened until she got into a cab to go to hospital and went over speed bumps and got nauseuous. by the time she reached the hospital she was so sick she started to vomit and was directed to the toilets.
she commented that the nursing staff were completly unhelpful and stood around gossiping and planning their xmas shopping rather than attending to their patients.
the medication then took effect and she had to make an executive decision which orifice would vacate the fastest. She thought she would void her bowels and pulled down her trousers only to vomit first and so as she bent over to vomit she voided her bowels in what was described as 'it came out like a hose'.
More impressively it hit the ceiling and cascaded down the walls to the floor. My friend left it in the toilets and notified the nurses that there was a mess in the toilets. Sure enough, one by one, each nurse trotted to the toilets to inspect the scene of the crime and emerged with face like thunder.
My friend could not tell me who drew the short straw to clean it up, but my friend propped herself up on the couch and read the cheap womens mags until she was called for her appointment.
- [quote]We broke up several months later for unrelated reasons.
R51, maybe you should have worked a little harder on the relationship if watching you take an explosive shit on the highway didn't kill the magic. He sounds like a keeper.
- r57 believe me, breaking up with him was one of the best decisions I ever made.
r51
- I do remember a really hot guy I knew - handsome blonde jock - telling me that someone had offered to pay him $300 to watch him take a shit.
Apparently the idea was that this gentleman would lie under a glass coffee table while Blonde Jock Guy would, uh....well, you get the picture.
(((shudders)))
- This bit from Margaret Cho cracks me the fuck up.
"I'm going to shit RIGHT NOW!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DhF1pIMgE8FA
- This is one of my biggest fears uncontrollable shitting and/or vomiting.
I took to drinking Dieters Tea in an effort to lose weight. I guess I developed a tolerance so I upped the baggage from one to three a night.
Next day, I'm taking a walk through the neighborhood when I had the dreaded tummy, lower intestine rumble. I thought I could make it and walked faster. It wasn't as bad as it could have been more like a shart than actually 100% poop but I did have barge into a middle school and run to the bathroom. People looked at me and I'm guessing the lady charging up the hall as I exited was the one to toss me out. I hope she didn't find my discarded undies in the trashcan.
- I got food poisoning in a NYC cab once. It was coming out of both ends. The cabbie was not pleased.
- Only minor ones, but I am strongly considering wearing diapers when I travel even if I don't need to. I mean, if one did have an accident at the wrong time that could get nasty.
- R61 reminds me of a few buzzer-beating incidents from my youth, including a few times I was lucky enough to find a public restroom.
HINT: in NYC, use a HOTEL for toilets. Most won't care if you're decently dressed.
- Never unclench! Never! Ever!
- Yeah, I know that shitting your pants is great for laughs, but it's not so funny when you have inflammatory bowel disease. I went through a period of about five years when I couldn't finish my twenty mile drive to work without a pit stop. "Accidents" were many. Among the most notable: in front of an elevator at a Miami hotel (My new boyfriend was using the bathroom and I was too embarrassed to barge in so I was racing to a public toilet), on a train home from a weekend in New York, and in the middle of Bloomingdale's men's hosiery department.
I was just about ready to have an elective colostomy. I'd have to shit into a bag, but at least it would be manageable. Then my gastroenterologist retired. My new guy put me on a different medication, which I continue to take. Around the same time, I met a guy who smokes copious amounts of pot. Whether it was the new meds or the weed, I've been in remission ever since.
The irony of my situation is the even though I usually felt terrible and had all sorts of nasty side effects from the steroid anti-inflammatories, because I was very thin, I was the envy of my social circle. Now that I'm feeling great, not so much. I'm both appalled and amused by the "fat" remarks here on DL. I wouldn't trade my extra padding for anything.
- This thread has made me cry! I am laughing so hard I am crying. I hope I don't have a doody accident because of it. I can barely type.
Now it's not really Op's post which I found kind of disgusting but it is R2 post. I can't stop, I just can't stop LMAO
- No, r48, not everyone has.
- R51 wins.
- R57's response is even more priceless!
- The condom broke while my parents were fucking.
http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsP/38368-7603.jpg
- R51 made me 'laugh out loud' as they say.
- I pooped myself laughing!
- Fiber is a good thing!
Martha Stewart
- I've never had this problem. Fraus and straight people do not shit.
Soccer Mommy
- Ewwww. You people are obsessed with poop. What's the matter with yous guys?
Josephine the Plumber
- I slapped someone so viciously once that they poopooed
- I haven't had one yet. The only incident I have seen, not involving a kid, was when I worked as an usher at the LA Music Center. It was close to curtain time and we were asking patrons to take their seats. A middle age man was there with what looked to be a first date. They were nicely dressed for evening. Poor guy dropped a few down his slacks onto the lobby carpet. I felt so bad for him because he was pleading with his date to not leave the show. I could hear saying he had a medical condition and everything would be fine after he clean up in the restroom.
I don't blame the woman for not wanting to stay--but she could have been a little more sympathetic. She seemed to be mortified and only worried about her embarrassment.
- [quote]I made the mistake last year of consuming a bag full of prunes, which I'd never really eaten before.
Oh dear! Yeah... you just eat one prune.
- What exactly is a prune?
Dried Plum
- I mentioned this in another thread. I had something similar happen to me. I was at a party in a large house and felt an ominous churning and seizing sensation in my abdomen. To be polite, I slipped off to a small bathroom adjacent to a guest bedroom.
Unfortunately, I had just gotten my pants and shorts around my ankles and was starting to sit down when I had very explosive diarrhea. Miraculously, there was none on my clothes but my ass was covered, along with the toilet seat and tank, the walls, towels, and toilet paper roll.
I had to use one of the towels (the only clean one) to clean my behind; the whole roll of toilet paper wouldn't have been enough and would have taken forever. I wanted out of the bathroom fast, before being discovered.
Needless to say, it was impossible to tidy up the room. I wiped and snuck out through the other door, leading to the guest room, leaving both doors to the bathroom closed.
I made my way back to the party, mortified that someone had seen me slip away. Of course, I never brought it up to the hosts, or anyone else.
I'm a little ashamed to admit that when I got up the next day, I laughed until I cried, imagining the reaction of whoever found my mess. I tried to tell myself that it was probably due to some spoiled hors d'oeuvres, and thus not my fault.
- Someone that works for me is So White Trash. She called me 15 min before her shift and said. " I just shit my pants and cant come in." Really?
- I am on a medication, one of the side effects of which, is a '' sudden and uncontrolable urge to deficate." I usually carry several Bounty paper towels, folded up into kleenex -size in my bag or pockets. I have most often made it to the nearest restroom in time, but once it came on so strong and so suddenly I had no option but to drop my pants and go in between two parked cars on a busy Manhattan street in the middle of the afternoon. I kept my head down during the episode so I don't know if anyone noticed. Aside from the embarassment, I was mostly afraid that I would be seen by a police officer, who would then give me a citation. People have no idea what a nuissance it is to factor this problem into every trip one makes outside of one's house. No fun, believe me.
- Has anyone read AMERICAN WIFE by Curtis Sittenfeld? It's a novel that's a thinly veiled version of the life of Laura Bush. There's one disgustingly detailed scene of the Laura character having explosive diarrhea at her in-laws' house (I think she makes it to the toilet, but nevertheless this thread brought it to mind).
I always thought that if I were Laura Bush, of all the multitude of things said about me and my husband over the years (including that my husband was a war criminal, murderer, etc.), that scene might bother me the most - that a published book would put the gross image in readers' heads of me having explosive diarrhea.
- I made it to the loo, but.....
I didn't realize that those new Pringles that came out a few years ago had Olestra, and that one of the side effects is "fecal urgency."
I went to a party and was having a great time when I desperately needed to go...I found the toilet just fine and made it just fine.
It's just that it was the noisiest shit ever. The party chatter was silenced while I took a thunderously loud shit. Noises came out of my ass that I didn't even know was possible. Something between a train coming through and a crying kitten.
I wanted to die of embarrassment.
- Yes, when I saw Grease 2
- [quote] I didn't realize that those new Pringles that came out a few years ago had Olestra
Also, I'd just like to add that if I were to ever do drag, my drag name would TOTALLY be Olestra.
R85
- God that sucks, r83, I'm sorry! What is the medication for, if you don't mind me asking? I assume it must be for a pretty serious illness if the trade-off is having to live with that awful side effect. And is this a medication you have to be on long-term?
- What I have learned from this thread is to never ever ignore the signals. The first second of intestinal rumbling, I'm heading to the toilet.
I do have some noisy urgent trips to the bowl but I work from home a lot so I've never been desperate to get to the toilet. My biggest fear is I ever get the urge while stuck on public transportation or in an small work meeting.
- OMG you shouldn't be having uncontrollable and surprise eliminations unless you are very ill or have food poisoning.
The only good thing about this thread is the use of the word doody. I haven't heard that since I was in primary school.
One more thing...what is it with the poop and doody threads lately? Probably a single scat troll.
- [quote] OP: I shit my pants in the car, probably 3 pounds.
[quote] R8: I shat myself in the parking lot, about a gallon of diarrhea.
Since the two of you are the types of professional SAD's (Surprise Anal Defecators) who like to offer measurements of your public colonic disgraces, could you please form an ad hoc committee to determine if the standard for such things should be weight or volume.
Perhaps you could also develop a table of comparabilities, so we know how that pound and gallon compare.
Thanks.
Nonprofessional%2C%20routine%20in-the-toilet%20DLers
- R51 had to hit the turdpike only 20 minutes after a sandwich and shake?
Maybe the grease gun for prelubing for that boyfriend was applied with too much pressure.
- This is why so many old people are house bound. It's a shame when they spend their whole lives working thinking their health will be good enough to travel and stay active in their golden years....and then they can't leave the house.
- When we were cleaning up the 10-room filthy hoarders' mess left behind when my parents died a month apart and my two useless and deranged brothers moved out because the cable was shut off, we found 33 bags of garbage in a kitchen and other atrocities. Like 12 vodka bottles filled with urine in one brother's room on the third floor.
My partner also found a paper bag full of shit in the room. That did it.
Telling my useless and deranged sister about it, and how degraded and insane the house obviously had been, she defended my brother strongly.
She said, "Oh, that wasn't his. I'm sure it was Mom's."
God, I hate my relatives.
- #1 bump for #2 thread
- Never. Never. Never.
Jason London, Vacationing in Arizona
- Do you think Howdy Doody makes talking doodys?
- Isn't that where Mr. Hankey came from?
- Fyi. I just sharted
- time for a glass of shartenay...
- Mr Hankey the christmas poo. A present from down below spreading joy with a howdy ho.
Sometimes%20he%20is%20nutty.%20Sometimes%20he%20is%20corny.%20
