When Did You Realize You Were Officially An Adult?
There's a lot of legal adults out there running around with arrested development.
When I had a penis is my mouth.
I think when I turned 35. I realized I fell out of the prized advertising demographic of 18-34. The Real World and MTV shows aren't aimed at me anymore. The MTV Movie Awards award everything to Twilight and Justin Bieber. I realized maybe I'm getting too old for this.
When this 15 year old gay boy was forced out of the house and out of the small town I grew up in.
I lived on my own at that age and understood I was alone.
When my parents cut off my credit cards. I must've been around 28.
When I cut off all contact with my parents.
They know why.
But seriously, I was 34 and diagnosed with AIDS. I could deal with AIDS or I could deal with my parents. Both were going to kill me. For about a decade I truly believed I would die before them. Didn't happen.
At first, I really wanted to live long enough to dance on my father's grave. When he finally died, I was way past that. I had a more complicated but equally bad relationship with my mother. I talked to her while she was on her deathbed, so to speak. Best thing I could have done since it confirmed that not speaking to her for over a decade was the right decision.
And accepting harsh realizations like that about yourself and others makes you "officially" an adult.
[quote]And accepting harsh realizations like that about yourself and others makes you "officially" an adult.
Well put, r6. I completely agree, and am sorry for all you've been through.
When I realized that my parents were only people just like everyone else -- and when they raised us, they did the best they could with what they had.
My mother had three toddlers when she was 22. When I was 22, I was a complete wreck, and I could barely take care of myself.
When that really sank in (when I was 30), that put my life in perspective.
It's a myth. People don't grow up.
After I graduated from college and settled into my soul crushing first real job. I was so tempted to up and quit even though I couldn't find anything else but I had bills and loans to pay and my parents had made it clear I was on my own financially after college. That's the first time it really sank in for me.
i'm still waiting.
When corporate started taking away all the adult prerogatives we'd long loved, enjoyed and took for granted.
Living on my own and struggling to support myself without parents help, around 25. My career was starting to take off on terms of opportunities, but financially I was still struggling. Still, I managed to feed, clothe and house myself and didn't fall into any "early adulthood" traps like binge drinking, heavy drug use or bad relationships. I was responsible, career-focused and self-sustaining.
My dad was diagnosed in 2004 with dementia.
I started making big decisions on behalf of someone else where there were no right or wrong answers.
Up until that point, I'd never been risk adverse. I looked at every option as an adventure.
Taking care of him, I had to find experts and ask the right questions and then pay attention before making any decision.
When people in my parents' generation started dying off; parents of friends and classmates started getting sick and dying. My parents are still alive, but we may only have another ten years or so with them.
After they're gone, I'm next in line!
Pretty much what R13 said. It was a time when I knew if I fucked up, financially or socially, I had to own it and recover on my own.
When I got married and had a kid when I was 23...what was i thinking?
When my grandchildren retired.
I haven't realized it yet
When my dad tried to kill himself and my mom when I was 11. My childhood officially ended. My mother remarried to an alcoholic who verbally abused us. I got the fuck out when I was 18.
i just did. my father passed away very suddenly a couple of months ago, my mother is in poor shape. i came to work and they had placed the three different calendars on my desk that i have to use. and all i could think of was: fuck, this is it.
until that day i considered myself a child with a credid card playing grown up. i'm 32.
Age 28. First mortgage payment.
So, for those of us that consider ourselves responsible adults, do you have any jealousy toward the free spirits who can't seem to grow up?
Sometimes I do. I tied myself down by age 24, being the dependable one, the one who does the right thing. I wish I had taken a bit longer to experience life without fear of repercussions.
r23, I have some resentment when I read or hear stories of people whose parents took care of them until well into their 20s or who supported them financially while they attended college or gave them money for a down payment for a home.
At 43, I am STILL paying off my student loan debt and I will never be able to afford a home. And every year for my birthday and Christmas, I get exactly $50 from my parents. My entire life has been a struggle financially because my folks never cared that their children might want to go to college. They literally kicked us all out at 18 (or younger) and have never given us financial support since. I have 3 siblings.
That does suck for you and your siblings R23. I hope you did not see my comment as something that indicates that I am someone that was given everything. Granted, I was given a roof over my head (for a room and board fee and beginning at age 18). I drove a clunker and also had college loans. My parents did not have much and lived through the depression era - so I feel a lot of that mentality spilled over onto me to drive myself to be an independent adult (that wishes he could endure the risk of being a little irresponsible).
When I received my first social security check in the mail.
I actually used to work with a guy like you R24, and he resented me very much. He grew up in a very big family in a very small town. He had to move out when he was 18 to a different city, worked odd jobs and only went to college in his 30's. He bought his first place in his late 30's.
On the other hand, my parents value higher education and there was no way I wasn't going to college. I then backpacked around Europe for 3 months after graduating, bought my own condo a year later and paid off my mortgage at 30. And even though we started at the same job at the same time and have exactly the same years of experience in our field, I got slightly paid more and got better feedback from the boss and colleagues. Plus, I am about 14 years younger than him.
I then got bullied at work where he spread rumors about me and talked trash behind my back (which I found out from other co-workers), partly because our boss was always giving him a hard time and the boss held me in higher esteem. He hates that and took it out on me.
Well fortunately for us both, I decided to quit my job after I paid off my mortgage, saved a bit of money and found someone to rent out my place, and moved to Europe on a working holiday visa.
I guess my point is people who grew up too early often have a huge chip on their shoulders and they can be very toxic. He thinks I've had an easy life even though I've had problems of my own too.
As a freshman in college I started to see a shrink as paid for by the school. That's when I learned that my dad wasn't just an abusive alcoholic but that he was truly mentally ill and that my miserable homelife would never get better. I had tried to be the best little boy in the world up until the day when my therapist helped me stop.
So much changed that year. I could feel myself becoming a different person. Looking back, I guess that was a profound transition into a new phase of life. If I live long enough, there may be a few more.
R 24, I thank God (and my parents) that I left home at 18 to make my own way.
Taking my mother to chemo whilst my siblings went about their travels and new jobs, then arranging her funeral when I was 28.
The first major health scare - a lump in my breast that I found later that month- and going through those tests on my own in the same clinic mum had used for treatment. Realised there was no safety net and I was it.
When I discovered that I hate snow.
[quote]Realised there was no safety net and I was it.
Brother dead when I was 18, parents a few years later, bf another few years later. It was a wake up call. Best advice I gave myself was "no one is coming to save you". Grown up time.
When I sucked my first cock.
When the barber asked "do you want me to trim your eyebrows sir?"
When I got a credit card.
When I got into credit card debt and realized it wasnt my mothers job to fix it!