How do I politely tell my friend that I don't want to friend him on Facebook?

He's a good friend, and has been sending me invites to friend him on FB. We had dinner the other night, and he reminded me to friend him. I told him I don't really visit the site very often, which is a total lie. The reason I don't frend him is because his profile photos are of him shirtless and/or flexing his biceps. I try to be selective in whom I choose to friend, because I never know if a prospective employer or a more conservative friend is checking my profile, and frankly, I find my friend's photos distasteful and inappropriate. Of course I could friend him, and then hide my friends, but then what would be the point, right?

• Tell your friend the truth: that you are a closeted coward.

• When did "friend" become a verb? Whatever happened to "befriend"?

• You are the worst kind of snob. You can't censor the world. You're either friends with him or not. Who cares what your conservative friends think. It might be a good thing to help them open their minds and not be so judgmental. As far as prospective employers, your status should be marked private.

• 2/10

• FB is for your comfort and enjoyment. Feel free to act accordingly.

• R4 wins.

  What%20KIND%20of%20shirtless%20pics%3F%20

• If you friend him he's on your friend list for everyone to see. That's a basic fact of Facebook. You can put him in acquaintances but that just impacts what postings you see of him and what postings he sees of you.

• Tell him just like you told us. It was polite enough.

• No too mention superficial/shallow. Make your page private if you don't want people seeing your friends photos or posts. Or do you have the page just you can post pictures of all the 'fabulous' things you do to make your friends and potential employers jealous and envious of your "fake" life? He is not a good friend, he is just an acquaintance and someone you can feel that you are superior too.

  Misguided Miscreant

• You can edit your Privacy settings so NO ONE, even your Friends, can't see your friend list so ... You're full of shit.

• When I signed up for Facebook, it was a no-brainer for me to use an email address I created only for FB. I also use a fake name. I just sent messages to the people I wanted to friend and let them know its me. I am not interested in having contact with people who I have not heard from in years or people who are only friending me so they can appear all popular with a long list of followers. When I explained this to my Facebook friends they all said it was a good idea and wish they thought of it themselves.

• You do hear from many people from your past you were never close to, but you also hear from people you are happy to be in touch with. On the whole--worth it. Just tell your friend the truth and take your well-deserved mocking like a man.

• That's stupid, R11. You can make it so you're not searchable and only friends of friends can request you.

• [quote]You can make it so you're not searchable and only friends of friends can request you. Except those are exactly the people I want to avoid. Someone who a friend of one my friends is not automatically my friend. At best they are an acquaintance.

  R11

• I would refuse to be friends with someone with a fake name. How hard is it to ignore a friend request? You hit ignore and never see it again. Block the person. People with fake names are creepy.

• You have the right to limit your FB page to whatever you want it to be. If you think his pictures are inappropriate for your FB page then so be it. Tell him. If I used my FB for any professional use then I wouldn't want cheesecake photos either.

• photos of your friend being shirtless and/or flexing his biceps is considered distasteful and inappropriate in this day and age where you think an employer or 'conservative' friend will disapprove? lady you need to get off the internet altogether.

• OP - are you really so dumb as to not understand that you can modify the settings on anyone you friend? You can check or uncheck what kind of updates show up on your feed, etc.

• This is al u gotta do:

  http%3A//i.imgur.com/ksy4I.jpg

• Tell him the truth. He is a man; he can take it if he is your true friend.

• Well fortunately for me R15, that has never been an issue. In fact, a few of my friends did the same thing: use a different name or one that is a play on their real name, all for the same reasons. Also, at the time, my asshole of a boss was pestering me to join Facebook so that I could post on there to promote different events we would hold. Rejecting her friend request would have caused too much static at my job. It was just easier to tell her I didnt want to use Facebook. Judging people over something that has no impact on you and is really none of your business is far more creepier.

• OP, if you have to ask, he isn't really your friend. Nor or you his. Friends don't really have such odd, shallow requirements of friends. Oh, and "prospective employers" should never be allowed to see your FaceBook profile. Nor should coworkers be your social media 'friends'. You sound either really young or a bit thick.

• Yeah, who has their real name on FB anyway? I use my first and middle name.

• Next time he mentions Facebook, hiss at him. He'll get the picture.

• Yes, he's good looking with a great body, but I'm sure some people don't like to see that!

• Just tell him the truth, tactfully. He will understand.

• I still don't get it? Why don't you just hid your friends so that only you can see? Or is that too easy of a solution and you'd rather keep ESTing?

• That makes sense, R21.

  R15

• [quote]You sound either really young or a bit thick. OP sounds really young??? Lol A young person would know you can simply hide your Friends and that this is a non-issue.

• r25, I'm just concerned about prospective employers seeing it. I'm a well-respected professional in my field, and a photo of guy shirtless or flexing, no matter how hot he is, is highly inappropriate. The employer would think that that picture and my choice of him as a friend would speak negatively to my character. My friend fancies himself a weightlifter. He's trying to get into personal training, so for him to post those sorts of pictures is fine. However, in my professional orbit, they are not.

• Don't listen to these piss drinkers. Friend whomever you want.

• R30 You still make no sense. If you're that worried about bullshit like this, 1) you're a moron 2) hide your fucking profile so no one but your friends can see it. You should be doing that anyway, regardless of what lily-white friends you're "selecting" to be on your FB page. The fact that you're even worried about this or consumed by Facebook means you're a tool. Your friend deserves a better friend than you.

• If a company isn't going to hire you because ONE of your friends has pictures of himself aspiring to be a bodybuilder, you probably don't want to work for them anyway. I don't think they're looking at your friends, anyway--they're looking at YOU. You're highly paranoid.

• Why would you want to be polite? Shirtless pics are acceptable if you're under 22 years of age and unemployed. Anyone older than that should know better and, if they don't, they need to be told. This is like asking how to politely tell someone not to send you chain e-mails or asking somebody not to fart in the elevator.

  You%27re%20a%20doormat.%20%20Give%20me%20money.

• I get it OP. I have a nice friend, who lives outside of a city where he can have lots of gay acquaintances and friends, and he's a little rough around the edges. He cannot respond to anything I post without mocking me and sort of gay bashing me. He's gay too, of course, but like I said a bit eager. I asked him repeatedly not to mercilessly mock me, as I have a number of professional contacts who friended me on my list. He fails every time, so I just blocked him from seeing anything I post. It's easier.

• OP, I have no respect for you at all at this point. Stop living and cowering in fear of what idiots might think of you. Seriously.

• Tell him that you are such a sheep that you are scared that your employer might look at your FB page... It's not HIS problem...

• Tell him you don't like men with too many muscles!

  Janet%20Weiss

• Self-censorship is the worst violence there is.

• I stopped following a close friend on Twitter, because all he does is follow and tweet to/about porn stars. (He's one of those lonely people who come to believe they have some sort of friendship with celebrities who tweet back at them.) He's a high school teacher and feels it necessary to be closeted at work. He has (unwisely, in hindsight) friended hundreds of current and former students on his Facebook account, so his pseudonymous Twitter account is his only outlet for online naughtiness. My Twitter, on the other hand, is my serious, sober professional face to the Internet. Because you can't hide the list of whom you follow on Twitter, anyone can see I'm following a porn addict. I adore him, but I just can't.

• [quote] photos of your friend being shirtless and/or flexing his biceps is considered distasteful and inappropriate in this day and age where you think an employer or 'conservative' friend will disapprove? Says R17 as he cleans up in Aisle 13.

• I always just say I primarily use it to keep in touch with my nieces and nephews. Which is essentially true. You can use that if you want to.

• R10, your double negative wounds us. Please stop.

• I don't understand morons like R35 and OP. WHY the FUCK would you mix personal shit with professional shit? If you MUST keep a FB account for professional contacts (which, no one needs to), why the FUCK would you not keep an entirely different FB account for it?

• Or why don't you just edit your settings so NO ONE can see your friends? I really don't get why this is even an issue when you have the ability to hide your friends from EVERYONE.

• R45 The problem with that is that while you can hide your friend's list, it would take additional effort to hide comments from non-desirables, as well as their photos when they comment or like or write on your wall. Again, the solution is to.. stop being an idiot or ridiculous 12 year old and dont let anyone youre professionally involved in see your personal account. For fuck's sake it isn't that hard to open another account.

• I think [R44] has it right. Simply tell your friend that you only use FB for work contacts.

• [quote]I'm a well-respected professional in my field, Damn! There must be a lot of people who obviously don't know you. If they did, you wouldn't be "well-respected." I hope your flexing friend realizes that you're NOT a friend and that he just kicks you to the curb.

• [quote] I hope your flexing friend realizes that you're NOT a friend and that he just kicks you to the curb. That was a mean thing to say. You obviously don't realize what the OP is going through in a professional setting.

• R49 What OP is "going through?" That's almost as idiotic as the OP himself. He's not "going through" anything. He's not dealing with cancer, just his own stupidity. If it's truly a problem, he should get rid of Facebook altogether, apparently, it's not that big of a problem.

• I've Facebook friends and they're flexing or shirtless and I think they're morons. And tell them so. Just like the fuckers and their damn dogs, posted as fucking couples. Tell the guy you don't want the gay association. End of story. All the lame ones here nattering at you, well they don't matter.

  Edga

• OP - why do you care what other, more conservative friends think? If you're not trolling, they you're just a pathetic closet case.

• [quote]Tell the guy you don't want the gay association You really think a shirtless photo of a guy indicates to everyone that the guy must be gay? You must really be suffering from a major case of body shame. When was the last time you weighed less than 280 lbs.?

• I noticed I wasn't on a former friend's facebook page when I saw him post on a post I'd posted on and I clicked on his name to see what he'd been up to. I figured it was an accident or he felt I'd offended him or he did some general housecleaning and cut down his list. A few months later I saw him at an industry affair (we know each other through work) and I said, "oh, btw, (after some small talk) are we okay?" He said sure. "Oh. I was just wondering b/c I noticed we're not FB friends anymore." He said he wasn't sure why and he'd look into it. But I'm cool either way. I figure if he un-friended me on purpose he had a reason. I gave him a chance to clear the air, but he passed. Sometimes people just write stories in their head.