How would Christianity be different if Jodie Foster was Jesus.

Go!

• Jesus gets banged on the pinball machine by all the apostles at the last supper.

• Speaking in tongues would take on an entirely different meaning altogether.

  Tay%20Inna%20Winn

• "Our Mother, who art in Wranglers, how flowing be thy tang . . ."

• Mel Gibson would be Satan.

• "Hey, that prayer thing? Too Much information. Thanks."

• Good Friday would be known as Freaky Friday.

• Holy text would be the script for "The Beaver".

• Jesus would have miraculously walked on carpet AND munched it at the Last Supper.

  Communion%20would%20be%20so%20different.

• She already thinks she is--having sacrificed her privacy for our sins.

• Christianity would never have gained a foothold because people would have become bored with it in the second century.

  Judas

• There wouldn't be a New Testament: Non-Disclosure Agreements.

• The Sermon on the Mount would have been even longer and more rambling.

• I'm not saying anything about the Father. It's a private matter.

• The Second Coming Out

• "I said I was born of a VEGAN Mary. Mom couldn't swallow meat because of the freebasing."

• The Judas kiss would be as awkward as the kisses in Sommersby

• "As the Daughter of God and your Savior upon which all your hopes and the future of your immortal souls depend, I must demand that you give me my privacy because I'm such a special little cunt."

  Jodie%20Fucking%20Christ

• The Book of Revelations would be written in the invented language from Nell. It would finally make sense.

• Christianity is based on so many lies it isn't funny. Just go look up the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees for more.

  LuciferTheLightBringer

• [quote]The Second Coming Out HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Good one.

• Mel's movie would have been called "The Passion of the Lambs"

• The woman at the well would be a bad actress who fucked all of her directors.

• R19 is her own parody.

• She MIGHT still be a carpenter...

• After that speech at the Golden Globe show, Jodie has the the 'speaking in parables' down pat.

• R25...or speaking in tongues.

• The Gospel would be The L Word.

  MARY%21

• The burning bush would be something entirely different.

• R14 wins.

• Nuns would all be lesbians, wear sensible shoes...oh wait.

  Anonymous

• The loaves and the fish would include nutloaves and the fish would stink to high heaven.

• All I know is that when she called for loaves and fishes a Wonder Bread truck and the Bryn Mawr Class of 1967 showed up.

• Holy oil would be Coppertone suntan lotion.

• I would demand that you would sacrifice all or your wordly possessions and yet you can NEVER ask me any questions about my private life.

  Our Lord Goddess Jodie

• Curly hair would be a curse from God!

• Aix en Provence would still be the seat of the Pope. Pope Joan.

• Christianity would die out, since the announcement of godhood would come a good decade after everyone stopped caring.

• She did that in Nell, R26

• r18 - you mean it ISN'T? Well, bugger me...

• "And they clad her with purple, and platted a crown of thorns, and put it about her head... Then she grabbed her toolkit and some wood and built her own damn cross

• Who cares? She's not glamorous at all so she doesn't deserve attention on Datalounge.

• He'd never come out of the closet. Ooops, wait.

• The cross would be a "tae in the 'win"