You can be Out and still have a private life.

Listen up closet-cases. Here's how it works: [bold]Person A:[/bold] "I'm gay." [bold]Someone else: [/bold] Who are you sleeping with?" [bold]Person A: [/bold] "I prefer not to talk about my private life. Thank you." Now that's not really that hard is it?

[quote] "Who are you sleeping with?" If someone said that to me, I'd slap them.
Isn't saying you're gay the same as talking about your private life?
OP you are full of shit... Love, the national enquierer
[quote]Isn't saying you're gay the same as talking about your private life? I'd beg to differ
r2 are you being intentionally obtuse or are you a fucking heter-frau?
This sums it up quite nicely. [quote]And I’m pretty sure that when someone famous comes out publicly that they aren’t automatically forgoing their right to privacy. Wasn’t it possible, for instance, for someone like Foster to have said, fifteen years ago, “I’m gay. And just like straight people, gay people value their privacy. Now leave me alone.”
http%3A//blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/01/14/jodie-fosters-glass-closet/
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No, I am totally for real. If one considers their sex life a private matter and not open to discussion, how is saying what your sexuality is NOT a private matter?
R2
Because r2/r7, when a man introduces his wife to you do you ask them what position they prefer? Do you think that every straight person who introduces or even mentions their partner is forgoing privacy?
I do appreciate Foster's demand for privacy as I find most out lesbian couples somewhat tiresome. And those two lesbians that got married first-- Robin and her partner--you just knew it wouldn't last because there was no spark between them. It all seemed so stilted and overly-mannered. Being out and being a private person is ideal and Jodie Foster, who is highly intelligent, understands this. Why talk about your lovers? Why share your private issues with strangers? Why broadcast your romantic life the the world? Many lesbians have this need to tell the world about their lovers because they are frau-lezzies. Frau-lezzies are a separate catagory unto themselves, as many gay women prefer to keep their business under wraps.
Cynthia Nixon did exactly that. When a newspaper called her and asked her if she had broken up with her bf and become involved with a woman, she said yes, she had. She was not afraid or ashamed to admit she was in a lesbian relationship but she wanted her privacy respected. And it was. She was publicly out and private at the same time.
[quote]how is saying what your sexuality is NOT a private matter? because they are completely different matters, that's why.
Nixon is a bad example, buy answering the question she made her private life public.
I'm out to friends and fam but I don't see why to bring it up at work or strangers.... I mean I understand why Ac didn't just say it before he did last summer. He was already out to everyone that mattered.
I love keeping people guessing and talking.
Luke Macfarlane, came out and that was it.
Agreed OP. I hate the "privacy" excuse. Whether you are gay, straight or bisexual is simply a fact about yourself. Not private information about your personal life. By letting people think you are straight you are not being private, you are purposely living a lie. Period. I understand some people want privacy but being closeted is a completely different issue.
Exactly R15
Nixon's a fine example. She said yes, she's in a gay relationship, now bugger off. She was not harassed by the press, there were no front page stories about her and her gf, she wasn't dogged by paparazzi, she didn't give multiple interviews. She was out and that was it. She didn't go to the newspapers and announce it. She was asked about it in one phone call and said yes. That was years ago. Occasionally she attends events with her gf and no big deal is made of it. What does Jodie Foster mean by "privacy"? Has she believed Cynthia Nixon has been living a harassed life for all these years? Or that Nixon is an exhibitionist? Yes, Nixon got into some hot water over a remark she made about being bi rather than gay, but that was years after she came out. Lots of people make gaffes whether they're gay or straight. It's not like Nixon made a Mel Gibson-like statement. And why is Foster friends with that misogynist, homophobic shite Mel Gibson anyway? I think foster has a Mary Cheney-like belief that she is "different" from those other gays. And no, Jodie, you're not "out and proud." you're not proud at all about being gay. You're an elite shithead.
[quote]Person A: "I'm gay." [quote]Someone else: Who are you sleeping with?" Yes, that is certainly the follow-up question in polite society.
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Part of the problem is sexual orientation and sexuality are, well, over sexualized. It reads as I have sex with the same gender, not I have relationships with the same gender or I am romantically attracted to the same gender. Personally I feel the emphasis on sex in the rhetoric is holding progress back.
No R16. You're wrong. People can think what ever they want. They always do. If someone wants to think I'm gay, or straight. Fine with me. Close friends are of course are an exception. I have had people ask if I'm gay. And I've gladly told them yes. Others, I've asked them why they want to know. Others, I've changed the subject. And they get the message that I do not want to be familiar with them. And if they have any brains, then they'd know I'm gay anyway.... so what is there to talk about? People who are gracious and intelligent don't ask such still. I feel no obligation to be up-front with everyone I come across. No obligation to be everyone's friend. No obligation to answer every question that comes my way.
I think what most people forget about Jodie is that a crazy man shot the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES because of her. We all want to jump in and say privacy is about her lesbian shame and being (formerly) too closeted. But I say she earned the right to be private when her life was ripped open like that.
What we haven't discussed here is that one reason to keep your affairs private is that they are so fucking embarrassing, potentially. Most casual affairs occur while drinking, and such memories are often unsavory. I can imagine that two women together at emotional peaks could be either overly-stimulating or offensive to both parties. In other words, who the fuck wants to talk about it, let alone remember it? The gay community fails us when we never, ever discuss the bad/embarrassing/offensive/disgusting affaris that straight people experience and talk about. Everything has to be sunshine and roses, doesn't it? I assume that even wealthy and famous women like Foster have had embarrassing run-ins with other women, and her sensitivity might encourage a more private sexual life.
I don't see how orientation is a private thing. When you have two names on the checkbook, (and even moreso if the last name is a hyphenated combo of the two) you are out. When you put a picture of your loved on on your desk, you are out. When you have two names on the mortgage or insurance, you are out. When you have been in a LTR for awhile and you go shopping together, even if you don't do a PDA, there are still subtle interactions that let people know you aren't just friends shopping together. A lot of people aren't observant enough to pick up on a lot of it but people watchers will. These and a lot more examples are what heterosexuals do every day without thinking about it. Married gay couples soon fall into it as well and just live life without thinking about it. There is nothing private about how we live. To think so, means to take an active measure to conceal it. And that means a closet, maybe not an orientation closet but a life closet. Just live like everybody else and don't think about it. That's true freedom and you blend in, thereby getting the privacy you seek. Otherwise people want to pry and know why you are so private.
I think it's not just the sexuality, it's the Hinckley thing. She was a teenager when that happened, and it traumatized her, understandably. I think the two issues are conflated for her and it's more complex that just "oh, she's ashamed and hid who she was for years." Coming a few months after Chapman killed Lennon, I think that really messed her up; this guy was a stalker who went out and shot the president because he thought it would win him her affection. She's never discussed it publicly, but common sense tells me it has a lot to do with her desire for privacy going way back.
[quote]I think what most people forget about Jodie is that a crazy man shot the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES because of her. That did indeed happen... more than a full THIRTY YEARS AGO. Time marches on. Worse things have happened to people. She herself was not shot or physically injured in anyway. Move past it.
There is a personal life and then their is private life. Personal life would be sorta like who you are dating, are you married, do you have kids. Most people are open about these things. It's just gay people ashamed about it that don't want to discuss it.
[quote] Move past it. Honey, every fucking human being has shit in their past that informs their current life. DL is a collection of men who still try to recreate their first moment in the high school lockerroom showers. Give me a fucking break. You don't have any clue what it would be like to have that happen and have BILLIONS of people focusing on you and your personal life.
[quote]I think what most people forget about Jodie is that a crazy man shot the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES because of her. NO. is that a crazy man shot the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES because HE WAS CRAZY and used her as a fucking excuse to do something violent. It was not because of her, or in any way shape or form her responsibility, for fuck's sake.
Good point, r22. But there are very few closeted celebrities, let alone everyday people, who can claim a similar sort of extreme reason for being so protective of their privacy. Really, the problem with people NOT mentioning it is that it allows others to perpetuate the idea that there is something wrong and unmentionable about being gay. Think about it: It would be EXTREMELY odd for a straight person to be in a marriage that's lasted decades and NEVER mention it to friends, co-workers, and acquaintances in the interest of privacy or because they 'don't see the need to talk about their sex life with others.' A down-low heterosexual marriage? I think not. People who see it otherwise are kidding themselves imho. Just grow a pair and have the courage to be who you are, without constantly fearing the judgment of others.
[quote] What we haven't discussed here is that one reason to keep your affairs private is that they are so fucking embarrassing, potentially [quote] Most casual affairs occur while drinking, and such memories are often unsavory. I can imagine that two women together at emotional peaks could be either overly-stimulating or offensive to both parties. [quote] In other words, who the fuck wants to talk about it, let alone remember it? So Jodie Foster's 20+ year relationship with Cyndy Bernard is the equivalent of a drunken hookup?
R20 and r27 go far in explaining why someone whose livelihood is based on public perception may be a bit cagey with the facts.
C'mon guys, be real. The press doesn't care about celebrities' privacy. It's PR handlers and talent agencies who call the shots what the press releases about their clients (not counting the C-List and Reality TV famewhores who have paparazzi on their speed dial in case they want some 'candid' media exposure). If media outlets don't play the game properly they get blacklisted and won't get any access to media events and stars at all or they find a weak spot they can exploit in order to keep the real juicy stuff from becoming common knowledge. What is left is idle gossip on sites like this one.
No R31, because Foster has been out for thirty years! And she has been a gadabout in public with her partner for decades. What she shouldn't have to do, along with the rest of us, is discuss with others her casual hook-ups or crushes.
I agree with R20 and consider how the multitudes of celibate gay people must feel. Clergy members, many teachers I have personlly known, those living under oppression--these gay people must feel as if their lifestyle is unworthy and unimportant. It still means who you fall in live with and your emotional love-life.
Jodie Foster went public with her pregnancy, announcing it in 1998 and posing for a photo for People magazine's article. She has been on countless magazine covers -- including with her children -- has given countless magazine interviews and had no problem being photographed with her kids on the street. . Where was her deep trauma at Hickley then? She wants her privacy except when she wants publicity. The only thing she has been "intensely private" about is being gay.
R34= self-loathing. Apparently being honest about your sexuality= being a slut and telling everyone about it. In fact, I'm going to march right now to my co-workers cubicle. He has pictures of his wife all over his area, and when I asked him what he did this past weekend, he shoved his lifestyle down my throat when he told me he went to the movies with his wife. What a sick person! He needs to learn how to keep that filth private.
To add the gay "community" does not respect a celibate gay lifestyle. It worships at the throne of active sexuality, and those who do without are often mocked or insultingly called "closeted." Let's face it, many, many gay people will never get laid on any regular basis, perhaps not at all. They are to be honored and respected as much as any gay person who is married, in long term relationships, and those who acquire casual sex. The emphasis on gay sexuality and it's rigorous standards almost co-op a pornographic paradigm.
The core problem is the high school mentality where people who are different get picked on by the so-called 'cool' or 'normal' kids. People prefer to be in the group who picks on other people than being in the group that gets picked on, and therefore people hide potential reasons that would mark them as different.
I love the queens who at every opportunity pull out the mindless, knee jerk "self-loathing" zinger. The reality is that in those years Foster had huge responsibilities to studios and investors. She was solidly A-list. No way would she .... or YOU in that situation ....announce that you're gay or a lesbian.
Google image "Jodie Foster magazine cover," then "Jodie Foster interview," then "Jodie Foster red carpet" to see how "intensely private" Jodie Foster is, LOL.
And yet she did announce she was gay, R40, day after day after day. To friends, co-workers and family. Exactly the same way you or I came out.
[quote] To add the gay "community" does not respect a celibate gay lifestyle. It worships at the throne of active sexuality, Says the Log Cabinette. [quote] Let's face it, many, many gay people will never get laid on a regular basis, maybe never at all Same is true of non-gays. So what? Are they "closeted heterosexuals"?
Jodie's brother said she never told him she was gay.
You're right r40. If I had been in her shoes, I probably would've chosen money/fame over self-respect/honesty. Hence, it would be appropriate for people to call me self-loathing. I probably wouldn't mind either since I'd be rich and dead inside.
r37
[quote] Jodie's brother said she never told him she was gay. He sold her to the tabloids and apparently if he said it was sunny, she went outside to look because he was not trustworthy. She said she came out to people she loved and trusted. That isn't always one's family, unfortunately.
R45 Ms Foster "dead inside" (eyes rolling). The judgemental gays are just as bad as the judgemental straights. It's what they do to feel better about themselves. (self loathing indeed) I have the feeling that Ms Foster has lead a rich, full, happy, and accomplished life.
How about if you are longterm celibate and have no plans to date?
R47= needs to learn to read. It says: *I* would be dead inside if *I* made such choices.
You know full well OP, that many more gay people in Hollywood would come out if they actually had an attractive significant other.
Let's discuss Liza
Oh *right* R49. *Right*. *You* *probably would've chosen money/fame over self-respect/honesty*... *you* were speaking about *you*. *You* certainly weren't making assumptions about Foster...
R47
R52= idiot. Yes I was speaking about me. How stupid are you? R40, implied that *I* would've made similar decisions had *I* been in such a position. So *I* replied by stating how *I* would've reacted. That so hard to comprehend? Now run along. Doesn't John Travolta or some other closet case out there need their dick sucked, you know, in private. Bet you believe in gay4pay as well.
It's a matter of how this issue has been constructed. If no one cared about sexuality (and there are places in the world where no one cares), there would be no need to say "I'm gay" to large crowds or otherwise. I agree that Hollywood celebrities want fame on their own terms though, for which they are RIDICULOUSLY compensated.
Come on r15, they are not nor have they ever been on the same level of fame. That's were alot of the arguments break down, you don't take into consideration her level of fame.
There's a game to play in Hollywood. If you don't play it you are out. Hollywood wins, you lose. The bank always wins.