Rules of etiquette for gym newbies.

1. DO NOT say "I don't like to let other people work in" or "I like to work out by myself" when someone asks you to work in on a machine/bench you're using. DO let the person work in with you. 2. DO NOT change the channel of the TV that's playing in the weight room, especially if it's sports. And certainly don't change it to House Hunters International on HGTV. DO leave it as is, or if you must change it, ask others in the weight room if it's ok and make sure you change it to another sporting event. 3. DO NOT wander aimlessly on the gym floor looking in awe at all the machines and weights, like a flyover tourist staring at all the tall buildings in NYC. I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. We know what body part we're there to train and which machines/weights we need to use. You're clueless wandering takes time away from completing that mission. DO come to the gym with a mission each day and a decent idea of how you want to complete that mission. 4. DO NOT stand next to the water fountain and chat with your gurl friend about Lady Gaga or the Beverly Hills housewives. Again, we are on a timed mission, and your blocking the fountain in order to make inane chatter screws up our timing. DO take your stupid conversation somewhere else. 5. DO NOT make mindless chit chat with me or anyone. I don't give a rat's ass that you hate your job or that you got a great deal on your new gym membership for your new year's resolution. I am there to work out, not to hear about your dull, pointless little life. DO not talk to anyone unless it's about weight training and supplements. 6. DO NOT take a flat bench, place it the narrow aisle, and park your ass on it to adjust your ipod settings. This is pure stupidity. Not only is it dangerous, but you're using a bench for a trivial activity that could be used constructively by someone wanting to lift weights. DO stand in the corner if you must play with your ipod. 7. DO NOT lazily leave the weights on the barbell when you're done, or leave dumbbells on the floor to create an obstacle course. DO restock all weights when you're done. 8. DO NOT leave a bench without wiping it down, especially if you're coughing and sneezing all over it. DO take a power towel and the sanitizer provided and wipe down the bench. 9. DO NOT take up a full bench with your belongings in the locker room. Bench space is limited, and hogging a bench is just impolite. DO take a portion for the bench for yourself, leaving some room for another member to place his belongings on. 10. DO NOT stare at me on the gym floor. Yes, I work hard on my body and I understand the need to ogle, but this is a gym, not a bar. Save it for Boxers or the Eagle, or whereever it is you go to meet men. DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare. 11. DO NOT even attempt to have sex with me in in the sauna or steam if you don't have a good body. You've been warned. Again, I work hard on my physique, and I only hook up with guys who are similarly dedicated to their bodies. DO hook up with the other out of shape trolls and leave the hot guys for each other. 12. DO NOT leave your jizz soaked towels on the sauna or steam floor. That's absolutely repulsive and reflects your character. DO toss them in the laundy receptacles when you're done taking care of business. That's what they're there for.

• Do NOT undress on a bench because you're afraid to go into the locker room!

• OP, you sound like a real fucking winner. And I bet all your friends say you can still pass for 40.

• I am telling you NOW so I don't have to tell you THEN.

  OP

• Insufferable.

• OP sounds horrible. This... "DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare." Just about sums it, though.

  %27Subtly%27%2C%20Dear

• How about people leaving their bags and coats on the floor and benches?

• There is no way this wasn't written by the original Michfest "I am telling you NOW so I do not have to tell you THEN" poster.

• Yo, my first name ain't "Baby," it's Janet...Ms. Jackson if you're nasty!

  OP

• You just know everybody looks the other way when OP, aka "Miss Rules", enters the gym.

• The only rule I beg to differ with is #1. I belong to a huge gym in NYC and workout at the slowest times possible. It never fails that there will be only 9 guys in the gym and one asswipe always asks to work in on the one machine I'm on, despite the fact that there are about, oh, a hundred other machines not being used at that moment. I always say no btw. And then he hits on me in the steamroom.

• At least you are getting hit on, r10!

• [quote]I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. We know what body part we're there to train and which machines/weights we need to use. [quote]Again, we are on a timed mission, and your blocking the fountain in order to make inane chatter screws up our timing. [quote]DO NOT stare at me on the gym floor. Yes, I work hard on my body and I understand the need to ogle, [quote]DO subtlely take a few peeks, if you must stare. My [italic]Mary![/italic]-o-meter just exploded, OP.

• 3/10

• OP: You look so youthful! Was AARP doing a promotion with Abercrombie & Fitch?

• Anybody who takes the gym this seriously has a sadly empty life.

• DO kick the OP in the twat if you run into her cruising in the showers.

• OP laments the demise of Connexion...

• This is the same troll who used to talk about admiring his body in the mirror while standing on his Central park terrace "in the City," imagining his sexual possibilities.

• OP, no one probably wants to have sex with you anyway. You sound like a major asshole, and probably have a butterface since you're so obsessed with looks.

• "I and other gym vets are on a mission at the gym. " OP, you really do need your ass kicked. Get over yourself, you prissy bitch.

  Another gym rat and probably been at it longer than Miss Opie.

• I work out 7 days a week and this list is bullshit. Obvious trolling. [quote]You're clueless wandering takes time away from completing that mission. Riiight. I'm there to work out, that's what I'm focused on. Some random walking around taking in the amenities isn't going to bother me one bit, because I'm not even focused on anything other than my workout at the gym.

• Rule 2. get rid of the fucking sports events. If you change the tv make it anything but idiots being payed to play games.

• "being payed" oh dear.

• ...what's a "power towel"?

• OP sounds miserable.

• DO NOT spray your itchy taint with Desenex and needlessly overbroad tugging gestures when standing next to my locker OP. I'm trying to smoke over here.

• What's an ipod?

  Hot%2025%20year%20old

• People who have to work out so much tend to have butter faces.

  Just%20sayin%27

• You should have your own gym at your house, honey.

  Lana%20Kane

• A gym is not an office. I get so tired of people sitting on equipment scrolling through their emails. "Resting" between sets does not take five minutes.

• Sounds like OP might be the sort to have plastic covers on his sofa. DO NOT tell otherwise.

• What is it with men and spray deoderant? One quick squirt is enough. Holding the button for 30 seconds doesn't make you any less stinky.

• Who the hell is still using spray deodorant?

• R33 - Exactly!!!! Who does that??? Isn't that environmentally wrong!!???? I thought it was illegal. Do they still sell that shit?

  Lana%20Kane%20

• OP. You're just showing us and confirming what an asshole you are. You should just be glad that there are a lot of people (not just you) who are interested in working out. what a fucking douche you are.

• op, you are 'straight' acting, aren't you?

• The OP cannot possibly be for real. He's just putting this on for a laugh.

• I thought it was funny. You can kind of tell that even the OP does know everything- guys who like to fool around in the saunas etc aren't that discriminating- rather those who do obviously have a thing about it, just as it is obvious that others want no part of it. I take the gym pretty seriously- it's $ and I mean to get the most out of it, safely and efficiently. There are those who kind of hang out- sure they can be nice- but I am there first and foremost to work out and stay in the best possible physical shape I can. Being fit makes me feel good and enables participating in sports that I love- vanity used to be part of it- but not so much now as I am 59; neat, clean, fit, but 59.

  charlie

• OP cannot be for real! He types with an old-fairy mindset, his material is highly exaggerated, While there's truth to some of his points, there's no need to go on and on and be so fag-bitch and petty. He isn't amusing, probably doesn't have that good a body, well, maybe good for his age, his advanced age, and is wasting DL space. I think R15 has it right! R10, I've got one at my gym; always wanting to work in. I think he is just hitting on me, so I always say no and point to anybody and say anyway I'm in love with that guy. Usually he'll slunk off. And if I even look at the steamroom, he's there! Anyway, I think OP is trolling.

  Edga

• I'm so, so, so sorry, Mother...I mean, OP.

  Strict%20Toilet%20Training

• What does it mean to "work in?" Sorry, I don't go to gyms, I have my own equipment at home. Gyms atttact jerks like OP.

• Keep it up, OP. Looking good!

  http%3A//fatnewsfeed.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/GymMain_1650302a.jpg

• A few more, my darlings: 13. DO NOT use the equipment for anything other than what it was intended for. There are two bench presses, and they are not to be used for some sit-up maneuver you found online. DO use the bench press only if you're going to be benching. 14. DO NOT ask me to spot you if you have bad breath. I don't want to become overwhelmed with fumes from the onion and garlic sandwich you had for lunch. DO brush your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, or chew breath gum before asking me to spot you. 15. DO NOT wear a muscle or tight tee if you're out of shape. I and no one else wants to be subjected to the sight of your cellulite trying to escape the fabric. This type of gym attire is meant for those of us with hard bodies that beg to be displayed. DO wear oversize tees and sweat pants until you reach a point where you body is fit for reveal. 16. DO NOT give me a dirty look when I grunt when weight lifting. The grunting allows me and others to push ourselves to the limit and then some. Working out sends my and most guys' testosterone through the roof, and grunting is a natural manifestation of that. Until you dedicate yourself to the gym, you will never know that feeling of invincibilty that increased T gives you. DO look straight ahead and not pay attention to my T-fueled grunts and just imagine me making those sounds in bed.

  OP, Get big or get out of the way, bitches!

• R41, "working in" is where 2 people alternate sets. It allows them to work out continuously while resting when the other person is doing their reps.

• Nice job, OP, 6/10 I truly laughed out loud at this little nugget: [quote]DO hook up with the other out of shape trolls and leave the hot guys for each other.

• Do NOT share buttplugs on the Ellipticals. It's simply unsanitary

• Do admire my shaved mangina with protruding butt plug when I bend over in the locker room.

• Okay, now I know 100% the OP was never for real in the first place. His demands are getting too hilarious/ridiculous/cartoonish/MOTHERFUCKING-MARY to take seriously for even one second. Only a fool would think the OP was serious. He means the whole thing as a whacky, exaggerated satire of gym-mentality, that much is obvious.

• P.S., well-played, OP. You're getting funnier and funnier the more I think about your posts.

• I dunno, I thought this was pretty spot on. People being lazy at the gym piss me off too, because it usually detracts from my workout and keeps me there longer than I'd like to be. There's nothing I hate more than having to wait around five minutes while some jerk sits on the machine I need to use, staring blankly into space, because they don't have the motivation yet to do another set. Also, if I could add something to the list, it would be: do NOT use the treadmill or elliptical directly next to someone if there's twenty or thirty unoccupied ones available.

• I hate when someone asks to work in. I just walk away and let them take the machine.

• [quote] DO NOT even attempt to have sex with me in in the sauna or steam if you don't have a good body. Or even if you do, because only pathetic pieces of shit have sex at the gym.

• Please post some more of the DO/DO NOT rules, OP. I'm in the mood for a laugh and I don't think this thread has truly been milked for its full comedy potential yet.

• Sounds like OP goes to a real shitty gym. I have never encountered even ONE of those problems, and I am in my gym everyday. And I also suspect OP is not as hot as they like to think they are. In fact, their words tell me they are very very ugly.

• Fuck you. I'll put on HGTV if I want. There's no reason sporting events have to be on all the time.

• [quote]DO NOT change the channel of the TV that's playing in the weight room Your gym has only one tv? Sounds like a real dump.

• OP all that testosterone you take is affecting your brain. Drink something sugary and listen to Diana the goddess Ross for a few hours. When you go back to the gym next time you ll be wanting to reach out and touch every fellow gay you meet, no matter how fat or flabby he is,

  Diana

• I always put Jeopardy! on the t.v. and nobody has ever complained.

• Are there gym newbies?

• DO NOT GRUNT!!!!

• Long list. OP seems more interested in who is he working out with than the actually workout itself. Might I suggest P90x DVDs and a chin-up bar in a doorway in your flat?

• R61, the P90x is a good idea. But the ceilings in his mom's basement are probably too low for a chin-up bar in the doorway.