Stuff that seems sexy in the movies, but is unsexy in real life

Sex on a table or a desk - Ouch! Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed - Who wants to spend all evening lighting candles? Grungy-looking bad boys - In real life they usually have bad hygiene, body odor, and bad breath What else?

• Sex in a pool. Sex on the beach.

• Spontaneous anal.

• Sex with your mother.

• Agree on the sex on a beach thing. Nothing like sand in the crack of your ass.

  LuciferTheLightBringer

• Sex

• Sex in a bath tub, surrounded by candles. Sex up against a wall. Sex first thing in the morning - apparently no one in a movie ever has morning wood, or a full bladder, or bad breath.

• Airplane

• Incorporating food into sex --- just a big old damn mess

• Sex in public places.

• Pants around the ankles. Ryan Gosling.

• Yes, sex when you both wake up in the morning! Awful idea. R3 - good one.

• [quote]Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed The lighting of them isn't nearly the problem that the exhaust is. A shitload of candles in a small room makes for some terrible air quality.

• Sex... in general

• I love sex first thing in the morning. It feels pretty natural to me - both parties are usually hard anyways. (Keep gum by the bed to resolve the breath issue.)

• R12 also I'd worry about the fire hazard.

• You're sick, R14. I don't care if you look like Ryan Gosling, if you try to have sex with me first thing in the morning, I'm going to push you away and call you a fucking insane freak. There is NOTHING less sexy.

  Bed-Head%2C%20Bad-Breath%2C%20Need-to-pee%2C%20bleeech%21

• Sex with women.

• Sex with honey.

• I love morning sex.

• Sex on the floor. Have you ever tried that? Ow! Very uncomfortable.

• I'm not having sex with you, R16, which I'm very glad for. I don't think morning sex is anywhere near as depraved as you allege.

  R14

• Sex on the floor sometimes leads to rug burn.

• Porn with radio or TV playing in the background. "Dave's Window Replacement company is offering free gift cards for anyone who calls for an estimate! OMG, what a deal!" "Tammy is in the chopper! How's the evening commute, Tammy?" Why, oh why, do people do this???

• Jake Gyllenhaal

• R21, I never said it was depraved. I said it was completely unsexy. Back to the topic: "Getting up in the morning". In the movies, people wake up with perfect hair, no bags under their eyes, no stiffness or bad tastes in their mouths, looking like they are ready to go for a modeling shoot. Most people look like shit in the morning when they wake up. Which is why sex in the morning sucks.

• smoking

• Sex in the water - especially a lake or the ocean.

• Sex on the stairs. In the movie The Thomas Crown Affair they had sex on a marble staircase. It looked very uncomfortable.

• Sex is good all the time, And all the time sex is good.

• "Sex on the stairs. In the movie The Thomas Crown Affair they had sex on a marble staircase. It looked very uncomfortable." Ouch, ouch, ouch

• R25, good looking people still can look good in the morning, although maybe not their best. And there's something hot about you both ignoring morning breath for the sake of lust.

• Licking up your own cum after you finish. The thought is really hot while having sex or jacking off, but as soon as I cum, I don't want to do it.

• R23 - Its really uncomfortable when your are doing it in the chopper.

  Tammy%2C%20Channel%209%20traffic%20slut

• Y'all are doing it wrong if you don't have good sex on the floor, or table or stairs. The kitchen counter, yeah, that's bad. So are the washer and dryer, which really aren't built for that sort of thing. Sex in the shower is great, but you have to be willing to hold your breath sometimes. Sex in the pool is awesome if you aren't old with heart disease so it's cold, and of course you can't taste anything. But it also gives you a chance for weightless sex and lubbing is not necessary.

• [quote]Bed-Head, Worrying about your hairstyle during sex is DEFINITELY unsexy. Moreover, bed head, droopy eyes, a bit of stubble, and a slow, sleepy "Hello, sexy. you know what I'm in the mood for?" mischievous smile on a guy's face are all sexy as hell first thing in the morning. I can't speak for others, but there are worse ways to wake up imho.

  http%3A//24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbllchVDnW1rs5qaxo1_500.jpg

• Smoking seems sexy but is the opposite of sexy when you smell it if you don't smoke yourself.

• Sex with an idiot.

  Anonymous

• Sex in the water. Ouch! Removes all natural lubrication. This applies to women, don't know about men.

• [quote]lubing is not necessary. Ugh, who wants a chlorine douche, r34?! And people have to use the pool AFTER you and your amour. All in all, that's pretty gross and unsexy. Better left in the movies imho.

• The morning after kiss...when you KNOW that peoples' breath is so foul in the morning..

• I agree about morning sex. When I wake up, my muscles feel stiff, I'm groggy, I have eye crust, yak breath, I have to pee and I usually have to blow a couple farts. I sure as hell don't feel sexy. Also sex outside. My ex really got into this. Being attacked by mosquitoes ruins the mood fast. Even he gave up on it.

• All that talk of beans and then Ennis and Jack have surprise anal.

• Put me in the crowd that loves morning sex. It's the best kind of sex in my opinion.

• Sex outside in porn is very unsexy in real life, especially to the performers. I remember Max Grand's ex, a big performer at the time, complaining that when they were shooting outside in a grassy area, an ant bit his dick.

• R41--You hold your farts while sleeping? Talk about anal retention.

• Sex involving whipped cream or honey. They get sticky and ruin the whole experience.

• I've never had the type of sex where we're overly excited to the point that we trash the residence. We manage without bumping against a shelf full of books (which come tumbling down). And we don't tend to fuck in the kitchen in an overly excited manner in which dishes and glasses fall to the floor and break. I have seen this happen often in the movies and it's clear the characters do not know what they are doing.

• Sex outside is great.

• Women. Especially black, Asian, Russian, Jewish, Persian, Indian, Arabic or Latina women and lesbians. !!!!Shudder!!!! Can you imagine what real life would be like?

  Gay%20White%20american%20Male

• Morning sex is great. If you have to piss first, then piss first. But if you can't stand your partner's breath of the sight of his bed-head hair, or bear that thought that the two of you may not be soapy fresh and and preened and groomed, then somehow I expect that for you, sex at its best, isn't all that much any way.

• Women who wake up in the morning with a full face of makeup that isn't the slightest bit smudged.

• wtf are you going on about, r49? F&F for you and your odd, racist, sexist, gay-hating obsessions.

• [quote]Bedroom scenes with like 3000 lit candles surrounding the bed To (probably) paraphrase Debra Morgan: Jesus, Dex, are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?

• Morning sex is great. All this talk about peeing and bad breath. Why can't you just pee and brush your teeth first? It takes a minute.

• R54, and you think they ever show that in movies?

  Morning%20people%20are%20obnoxious

• I'm with the no sex in the morning crowd. Hate it in the movies when people wake up and kiss. Gross. Ditto to scenes in movies where people having sex are disgusting and grungy from not having bathed or showered in days (usually road trip or "stranded" type movies). All I can think about is how much they must stink. Also, sex in water doesn't work too well because it hurts (lube gets washed away). The only one I disagree with that has been posted here is wall sex. Love it.

  girl

• R52, glad you caught the third-person falseness of that thing. As a gay man, I can't say that the sexy MF encounters I see in movies would be sexy for me in real life (duh), but that doesn't make it "unsexy." Anyway, the crap about morning sex suggests a stance that sex between intimates is a staged thing. My partner loves morning sex, and it took me a long time to relax about it, because I wake up slowly. But the hair, breath, and sand-in-the-eyes isn't anything with someone with whom you're comfortable, intimate, and, well, love being with.

• Three-ways

• With the same person after being together for 10 or more years.

• I thought Ennis and Jacks surprise anal must've been nasty. Jack had no to e to douche and after all those beans, Ennis' must've looked like a Toootsie Roll when he pulled out of Jack!

• Sweaty sex. Turn on the AC and the only thing I wanna see dripping is our cocks.

• Sex scenes in movies that were either filmed in or are set in the years before people were into regular bathing.

• [quote] Anyway, the crap about morning sex suggests a stance that sex between intimates is a staged thing. My partner loves morning sex, and it took me a long time to relax about it, because I wake up slowly. But the hair, breath, and sand-in-the-eyes isn't anything with someone with whom you're comfortable, intimate, and, well, love being with. I agree but it istn't well conveyed in movies

• Sweaty sex. Put on the AC and the only dripping I want to see or feel should be coming from our cocks.

• Gays acting normal and not always thinking about scat, piss and bestiality.

• Dripping candle wax on bare skin. I'm taliking to you, Madonna.

  Willie%20boy...

• Childbirth!

• R45, haven't you heard of "morning thunder"? It's the first, usually powerful and very audible fart of the day. It happens to me every morning.

• sex in movies is nothing like sex in real life real sex smells is wet and sweaty people groan, pant and grimace things happen unexpectedly mutual orgasms not effortless

• Another sex in the morning hater. I take a very long time to wake up and I'm not fully awake until I drink some coffee. There is nothing worse than a morning person who awakes at the crack of dawn and then wants to get it on. Sex with men. I'm a lez and the sight of a man cumming makes me gag. Also the thought of how dirty most men are makes me gag. And all that stubble just seems so scratchy and unsexy. Also, arm pit hair on men is vile. Sex outside is not worth the effort it takes. Sex with a pillow princess. Sex with a virgin. Worst sex ever.

• That's fair, R70. I've been with both men and women, and, on the whole, I feel like men have worse breath and and stranger ass smell (and ballsack smell, but women don't have those).

• [quote] stranger ass smell I left a man over that

• Such delicate little flowers you are R71 and R72. If I ever run across you, please say something like, "I need to stop by the store for some pot pourri" so I can prepare myself.

• Sex in a bathtub that just doesn't work

  Elaine%20Benes

• Smoking.

  Looks%20good%20from%20afar

• Wearing high stilletto heels.

  Painful

• What's a "pillow princess"?

• Sex with your clothes on.

• Wham, bam, thank you m'am. There's not enough lube in the world to make a not long enough stimulated ass or vagina slippery enough for a pleasant fuck session. Seduction. A very awkward manipulation procedure in real life. Sex while you are drunk or high. Lots of vomit and bumping into things. Not very sexy.

• Jodie Lizard Foster

• Surprised no one has mentioned the frigging rose petals yet. Strictly chick movie stuff, has to be a staining mess in real life. Not the least bit interested in ever trying it.

  Petal encrusted butt

• [quote]What's a "pillow princess"? A woman who loves to be pleasured (usually orally) but won't reciprocate.

• Sixty + year old men with 28 yr old women. Ugh Hollyweird, gives real men delusions they should rarely indulge. Having sex in a dirty stairwell. In or outside. Having sex in club bathroom stalls. Yeah I know, its done all the time, but I'm a woman and it seems gross, even in movies.

  Anonymous

• Bunch of Marys. All this stuff is hot.

• Having sex in the woods with no blanket or anything, just the bare ground beneath you. I did it a couple of times and it was very uncomfortable. Ditto sex on the beach. Getting sand up your ass is not nearly as erotic as you would think lol!

• Sex in the lavatory of a plane. Screw the mile high club, that shit is just unsanitary.

• Sex on the beach, and EVEN WORSE... sex in an elevator. Who in HELL could find that sexy?

• Sex with a donkey. Never again.

• Vampires.

• Candle wax on the nipples. Painful, obviously. Strawberries, chocolate syrup and other supposedly 'sexy' foods. Sex in the shower pressed against a glass door. A stuffy hot room at night, with an electric fan lazily moving the air around. Girls who point their toes upward while getting fucked. Violently spitting in someone's ass prior to penetration. Trench coat with nothing on underneath.

• Sex that looks more like a sexual assault rather than consensual sex. You see women in movies who get grabbed and thrown down (or against something); a guy immediately shoves a dick into them and they come in less than 3 minutes. Nothing much is done to make them ready or aroused (i.e. wet), except for maybe a brief amount of kissing where you see a lot of tongue. They just get a hard cock shoved into them and they orgasm, just like that.

• This isn't just in movies but everyday real life. Why is it that when a person is really attractive and fit, it is automatically assumed they don't smell? They apparently don't get pussy or dick cheese or fecal matter in their anus? If a hot chick and her ordinary friend go running together why would typical male let hot chick sit on his face and not the ordinary girl? I bet their asses and pussy folds smell the same.

• In "Nine and a Half Weeks" Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger fuck in a filthy alley. Yech! In "Atonement" James McAvoy fucks Keira Knightly in the corner of a library, against the books. She's pinned against the books like an insect; it's supposed to be a very sexy scene, but their tryst looks uncomfortable as hell.

• Sex with your uncle

• "This isn't just in movies but everyday real life. Why is it that when a person is really attractive and fit, it is automatically assumed they don't smell?" We idealize goodlooking people - it's why dataloungers assume that every goodlooking guy is great in bed or that he has a big dick.

• What R31 said. You know, there is such a thing as waking up, going pee, swigging some mouthwash, and getting back into bed, and your partner doing that as well, before or after you do...and then you go at it. It's not rocket science, people. Morning sex is wonderful, having a moment together before you get the day started can put a smile on your face the entire day.

• Gross, R96. Brush the crud off your damned teeth. Mouthwash isn't enough.

• R96, it is poor practice for a gay man to brush his teeth before sex. You must be a lesbian to not know that.

• Why, R98? I thought gay men were much more fastidious than just about ANYONE.

• [quote]And there's something hot about you both ignoring morning breath for the sake of lust Sorry, no. Gross morning breath kills lust.

• r99 must be very young. The over-40 generation lived (literally) deathly afraid of bleeding gums. Do I have to tell you why?

• Then why would you NOT want to brush and floss your damned teeth religiously so you can have healthy gums that don't bleed? You'd rather have a disgusting cesspool of a mouth?

• R101 must have ass breath you can smell from 10 feet.

• Newsflash R101: Brushing/flossing does not cause bleeding gums. NOT brushing/flossing causes it.

  You%20must%20be%20British

• Are you guys really that stupid, r101-r104? We are not talking about hygiene habits, you idiots. You can brush and floss properly and avoid bleeding gums - just don't do it right before sex. Because your gums can TEMPORARILY bleed. Brushing and flossing may cause gums to bleed temporarily right after the fact, any imbecile knows that. And all gay men were advised to avoid oral sex immediately after brushing or flossing. PROPER hygiene has nothing to do with HIV infection prevention. Just because you don't want to floss before sex doesn't mean you're a slob who will develop chronic bleeding gums. You MUST be young and foolish.

• There's a difference between brushing "your damend teeth religiously" (GOOD) and brushing right before sex (BAD). Now that troll-dar tells me r99, r102, r103, and r104 are the same person, I am breathing a sigh of relief. For a moment there I thought there were that many idiots engaging in stupid unsafer sex practices out there.

• damend >> damned

• [quote]Brushing and flossing may cause gums to bleed temporarily right after the fact, any imbecile knows that. And all gay men were advised to avoid oral sex immediately after brushing or flossing. Healthy gums don't bleed from brushing unless you have periodontal disease caused by bad oral hygiene and never going to a dentist to get regular cleanings. Sorry.

  Blech%21

• Gargling with saltwater, and I mean heavy salt, helps with the bleeding gums.

• Sex on a plane, any type of food in bed.

• how the hell did a thread on stuff that seems sexy in the movies, but is unsexy in real life turn into a Periodontal Disease convention?

• Even if the gums aren't visibly bleeding, there are microscopic abrasions after brushing or flossing that can let in virus. We've known this since the 80s.

• A digression on the morning sex question (hot or not) - I'm now partnered with a great guy but I do miss an occasional morning-sex routine that my ex (of a decade ago) and I would do sometimes. It started as a spontaneous thing one Sunday morning - we were supposed to meet my friends for an 11am brunch, and we got up at 9:30, got ourselves together all clean and fresh and looking good and decently dressed. Then at the last minute the friends cancelled. We ended up undressing each other and diving into bed and having some of the best sex ever. It was win-win: the horniness of morning sex but minus the hygiene issues, having sex with your partner when he looks and smells great. So once in a while we would play this game where we had fake brunch plans and would bust out of bed and get all ready. And then reenact the sudden cancel, and start making out in the doorway, and end up back in bed having copious amounts of sex. I really miss that!

• R113, are you on good terms with your ex? I mean, was the split amicable? Not that I condone ex-sex (especially at the expense of your current partner), but since you have good memories of him, it would be a shame to at least not remain friendly with him.

• Having sex anywhere there is not premium lube and a fully equipped bathroom available.

• Had forgotten about this thread and the whole oral hygiene discussion when, upon reading the masturbation thread, bumped into a yellow entry where r99 et al identifies as a girl. That explains a lot. Really not her fault that she was not aware of what most gay men were prompted about and fully aware of by the mid 80's - don't brush and suck. Though the information is just as useful to women who engage in oral sex as it is to gay men, most women tend to turn a blind eye to information about unusual modes of HIV infection, being that many know only one way to have sex - penis in vagina.

• [quote]Healthy gums don't bleed from brushing unless you have periodontal disease caused by bad oral hygiene and never going to a dentist to get regular cleanings. Sorry. See r112, read, learn.

• Anne Hathaway in Havoc

  Gangsta from the wrong side of the tracks

• I have to have a bowel movement immediately upon waking, so morning sex is out of the question until I've had a shower.

• Oversized tits. I imagine squeezing them and hearing that sound that clowns make when they exit the clown car.

  http://www.freesound.org/people/Stickinthemud/sounds/27882/

• Oh god, me too, R119. What's the deal with that?

• R10, having seen Gosling out n' about in NYC, you couldn't be more wrong.

• Well, R121, at least we're blessed with regularity. I've been on the other side of that equation and would never go back.

  R119

• [quote]I have to have a bowel movement immediately upon waking, so morning sex is out of the question until I've had a shower. What's wrong with your mouth, hand, genitals, etc?

• [quote]What's wrong with your mouth, hand, genitals, etc? Poop coming out kills the mood.

• [quote]Poop coming out kills the mood. So I take it blumpkins are out of the question then.

• Animal skin rugs. Have you ever smelled one?

• R113, I love that story. That is so sweet!

• Double penetration.