How do you deal with being attracted to a person from another race?

I'm Asian and I find people of all races attractive but especially Europeans/Caucasians. The problem is I'm not attractive at least not by white people's standards. I sometimes feel hopeless because I don't think I will ever find a white boyfriend that will like me back. What does it feel to date a white guy? And for people of other races who've dated white guys can you give me advice on what I can do to get them to notice me. Thanks :)

• People are individuals, quit thinking of them as groups. The fact you are worried about trying to land someone white is absurd. Every white person is not the same, just like every asian person or black person or gay person or straight person is not the same. If you meet someone you like(who happens to be white, since that seems to be a requirement for you to like somone) try to see if you have shared interests or shared sense of humor. Quit worrying about your race, or their race for that matter. You are just two people. If you aren't attracted to you, oh well, you count your loss and try again. This is how dating works. It isn't always fun but it isn't that complicated.

• What are "white people's standards"? Good looking, in shape? Sorry, those are everyone's standards.

• The old standbys of attracting people: 1. Be friendly 2. Be healthy 3. Get into shape if you're not 4. Don't be afraid of making the first move

• I think in the straight community, a white man dating an Asian woman or a white woman dating an Asian guy is commonplace. But in the gay community being a gay man makes you a pariah. Not that there aren't exceptions. I'm friendly with a mixed couple -- one's Filipino, the other's white. But usually there's a bias against Asians. Far too much I've seen online hook-up ads where people bluntly exclaim "No Asians!"

  http://broadwayworld.com/article/Anne-Hathaway-Reacts-to-LES-MIS-Oscar-Nomination-20130110

• Wo cares about color? Just look for someone nice that is worthy of a relationship with you. Don't sweat the race. That's how I look at things.

• Hate to tell you this, but most people date within their own race. Let's talk about dating habits based on measures from popular dating websites: White men are far less likely to date anything other than White, as opposed to White women and other race groups. Even people who claim to have no race preference are not likely going to pay attention to you. That's the world we live in and you need to get used to being ignored for a few reasons: you're not White; you don't meet the standard of beauty; and you're subject to cultural stereotypes. Instead of begging for attention from White men, you should examine exactly why you want their attention. Validation? Sense of acheivement and self worth? Can't explain it? Sit down and really think about what you can offer another person, not what the color of their skin is going to offer you.

  BITCH

• Forget about it, OP. if you don't think you meet our standards, then you probably don't. Sorry, but there it is...

• You shame us! Die now.

  OP%27s%20Tiger%20Mom

• Oh please, you're Asian ad you're worried about finding a date?!

• Trust your gut, OP. you're not up to snuff.

• It's tough, very tough

  Dr Spock, USS Enterprise

• The anti-asians are the prissy types. They have a weird accent They're also very enthusiastic about blacks. It's an ideological thing and has nothing to do with attraction.

• Two words: Penis enlargement.

• For the OP

  http://www.sexualracismsux.com

• I never have this problem.

• In my case I married him.

  Ivory with Ebony

• R12 sounds 100 years old.

• Make sure your anus is sparklingly minty and clean and you will have amazing success!

• If white guys don't like you, it isn't because you're Asian, it's cause you're ugly. If you were hot, race wouldn't nd much of an issue.

• R19 - you are an oafish jerk! OP - you have self esteem issues, and are probably average looking. SHALLOW guys might write you off, whom you do not need anyway!

• R20, you are ugly. Inside, and out. Especially out.

• I fell in love with an African American man 40 years ago. We've been together for 39 of those years. I grew up in a small town with about two AA families at the most. Falling in love with him was the last thing I expected to do. But I did. and it worked out just fine. You live and you learn. The whole "he's not my type" thing is b.s.

• Can't really help you OP, I'm attracted to my own race and my own sex, thank you very much. Cultural attitudes have alot to do with it too.

  anonymous

• Sometimes when I look at the young help and stable boys -specially Mogambo- I get a little light-headed. I try my best to contain myself, being a gentleman and all; but I fear someday I will take him behind the bougainvilleas to ask him about his people's ancestral rites of passage.

  Southern%20Gent

• Am a white guy who favors one type: handsome, cute, and/or sexy. They cum in all shapes, colors, and sizes. My area is very multicultural, but I've mostly ended up with Latinos because of the math. I've dated/sexed Asians, Blacks, and Hispanics who are specifically into white guys of my type. While it sort of creeps me out, I like it in general when guys are attracted to me and I ultimately don't care about their reasons. I'm done with my Mexican-American ex, the in-laws, and that culture. I'm done with Christians -- especially Catholics, too. WASPy white guys just aren't into me. And vice versa. Met a handsome Vietnamese physician online. If we end up together, I won't care about what nightmares his family's culture has to offer because at least they'll be new nightmares with no beans and rice. Please wish me luck!

• I'm surprised no one has recognized the Asian-dating troll. How many posts have we had about Asians dating outside of their race? He/she totally expects the responses to include something about penis size, bottoming, or the lame pronunciation thing . You have not disappointed.

• OP, stay hopeful. Remember: if you are looking for a relationship, you only need to find one good man who's attracted to you and to whom you're attracted. Just one. It won't matter what "white guys" en masse think, or what "guys" (all races) think when you're snuggled in bed beside somebody you love. And if you're looking for sex, then go with the Serenity Prayer -- change what you can re: improving your looks and your personality and your interests and your confidence -- and totally accept and own the rest, the parts of you that you can't change. Personally I know at least one average-looking Asian who seems to get lucky often enough on Grindr. He's a friend of mine who, frankly, overshares the good fortunes of his intimate life. So, it is possible.

• Oh really R23, I'm curious which "culture" has a collective attitude that fosters or promotes same-sex attraction as normal.

• Disliking people of a certain race is just as shallow as only liking people of a certain race.

  anonymous

• I am a white guy who has long lusted for Asians. Only been with two. I just don't find them available in my circle.

• R23 = small-minded and proud of it, thank you very much.

• [quote]Hate to tell you this, but most people date within their own race. I'm mixed (half white/half black) and I pretty much only get asked out by white men. So what does that mean?

• It means my theory is correct, hotness trumps race. Mixed people are usually hot.

• I cannot believe people are taking this seriously.

• R32 It means you, like any other person, are attractive to some White men. The other things I suspect about you...well I'll keep to myself for once.

  BITCH

• As a white man, the thing I like about Far East Asians is that they're good bottoms. They take it all and never complain. Never dated them though, just fucked a few.

• R35 No, I'd really like to hear what bullshit you have to say.

  R32

• R32 I don't know you and you don't know me, so what I personally suspect about you is irrelevant. All I know about you is that you say that you're mixed and mostly White men ask you out; well good for you.

  BITCH

• Find it interesting that none have you have mentioned OP's hypocrisy. He is both a victim and a culprit of "sexual racism" if he excludes non-White men from his potential partners.

• R6/R35/R38 Ah, I've got it figured out. You're one of those angry black people who can't stand when someone mixed dates someone white instead of someone black. I've dealt with nonsense so many times. It's not my fault that it's almost only white men that ask me out. I guess I should just sit around and not date at all and wait who knows how long for someone black to ask me out, huh? Get over it!

  R32

• Well done, OP. (But this was an easy bet).

• quit being such a snow queen and realize beauty is beauty and maybe people's perception of you will change. you reap what you sow.

• OP, present your hole and the white guys will want you.

  Your%20welcome

• [R43] That works for me.....show us your hole.

• Not sure how old you are OP, but wait until a white dude turns 43. Once they start getting rejected by their own kind, they start opening themselves up to anything. If he's hot you might have to wait until 50. If he's hot and rich you might have to wait until 60.

• While R7 was blunt and up front about it, he/she was actually correct. Work on finding yourself attractive. Work on yourself. When you look in the mirror and get to the point where you say "I'd do me." then others will as well.:-)

• R32 Nobody is mad at you for dating White men. And why would you wait for a Black guy to ask you out instead you asking a Black guy out for a date?

  BITCH

• I'm a slut, so the way I deal with being attracted with anybody of any race, sex, or legal age, is to proposition them and see if they want to suck and fuck. OP, if you are over 18, and not disgusting in some way, I am sure that I would enjoy getting it on with you, and I am about as white as anybody can be. I have never had a "relationship" or tried to emulate the straight society with some sort of fake "gay" marriage. All I do is suck and fuck with people that I find pretty. If they are willing and nothing disgusting about them, I usually find them pretty enough. I don't care about race or dick size at all. I don't say "no fats and no fems", but it is possible to be so fat or so fem that I can't do them.

• If you think dating someone from another race is hard, try dating someone from another species

  dead after being fucked by a horse

• Trollin trollin Trollin Keep the racial threads Trollin' Trollhyde!

• Yuuuup!

  Dave

• Internalized racism. Look it up.

• No worries, OP. you're just an internet troll. It's very common and there are many just like you.

• [quote]It's not my fault that it's almost only white men that ask me out. I guess I should just sit around and not date at all and wait who knows how long for someone black to ask me out, huh? Why do you have to be such a passive pussy that you sit around and wait for people to ass you out? Why can't you be proactive for once, you cunt?

• [quote]I think in the straight community, a white man dating an Asian woman or a white woman dating an Asian guy is commonplace. Only true on the first part, a white woman dating an Asian guy is NOT commonplace. It's for the same reason Asian guys have trouble in the gay community. Asian males are not considered "masculine". Also, R45 has it correct. Older white guys might be attracted to young Asians.

• I think OP has some serious self-esteem issues. Especially regarding his ethnicity. It's sad, really. I hope you find the psychiatric help you need and please don't come to DL begging for white pole. It's humiliating.

• I agree with R56, OP sounds really pitiful. What's really sad, is the very few attractive Asians, don't like other Asians. Strange.

• Trollsan McTrollsan.

• R57, is it also true that the very few attractive Blacks, don't like other Blacks?

• Not true, r59. The hottest black men I've ever seen wont even look at a white guy.

• @59, that's not true at all. I would also disagree about "the very few attractive blacks".

• My Polish housekeeper says to stay away from the exotics, they will always make your life miserable.

• Please don't go there r57. I never said Asian men were not attractive. Don't use my post as an excuse to justify your own bigotry. It's just sad that he'd post about his lack of self-esteem here on DL, where the majority of posters are GWMs, and not all of them kind or nice.

• The difference in attractiveness (hotness)and not ethnicity is what makes things harder. A hot Asian would have no problem attracting a hot white, black or latin guy

• r60 is oddly right and it ties well to r56's point because it really is about self-esteem. If I was Asian I would be cringing and probably trying to derail thread because this bizarre craving for white love by an Asian is both pathetic and humiliating. Oh, and BITCH? You're not alone in your suspicions about the mixed person who "only gets asked out by white men" ... its pretty much confirmed. I, for one, try to give his sort a wide berth, if I can.

• Someone in another thread mentioned the stereotype about straight white guys being into boobs and straight black guys being more about the ass. Maybe, just maybe, gay men of different races aren't attracted to the exact same thing and have varying perceptions of masculinity?

  Devil%27s%20Advocate

• Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

  Whitney

• [quote]The problem is I'm not attractive at least not by white people's standards. I have a feeling the white people you know are assholes.

• I think the OPs own issues are what makes him unattractive.

• Take a cold shower and pray until the devil of temptation goes away. Drink heavily.

  Mel Gibson

• I'm a black guy mostly attracted to other black guys so I can't relate OP. But I"m curious about your dating history.

• r71? The OP is an Asian guy attracted to white guys.

• People worry about some dumb shit, OP.

• I feel like the main issue that doesn't make any sense is why people are yearning for someone white to like them. It often stems from self hate, and having some white person like you isn't going to change that. A "preference" is fine, but ruling out entire races of people is another thing entirely. An example of a preference is that you like a person with certain features, racism is for a certain skin color. There's a big difference. A lot of the white guys who say they aren't into other races are often nasty people you wouldn't want near you anyway.

• I'm only attracted to white guys with dark hair. If it's "racism," I think it's so deeply ingrained as to be impossible to change. I have no problem with anyone's having the right to do anything they want. I just don't want to fuck anyone but white guys with dark hair. You know how black people think white people think all black people look alike. Well, I'm the same way with blond men, the so-called masters of the universe. Same with blonde women. I have to google to know whether I'm looking at Kirsten Dunst, Leelee Sobieski, Julia Stiles, etc. I don't think this is a bad thing. I wish others didn't think of it that way.

  a%20dark-haired%20white%20guy%20

• I don't think you're racist r75. I'm in a similar position myself in that I'm mostly attracted to masculine dark-skinned black guys.

  r71

• Who isn't, r76!

• R76, R71, I don't even need them to be particularly masculine. There was a busboy in a restaurant yesterday who literally swished across the floor, and I was in heart with him.

• I've never met an asian gay man who wanted to date fellow asians. They all lust after white meat bigtime. It's like when I asked a friend about a particular sauna. His reply: "It was so bad that the asians were getting off with asians." It's the racist joke that tells the truth. The only variation is gay euroasians who, I've found, can sometimes be VERY snooty and consider themselves something special. Asian racism is pretty blatant.

• I don't want to be with Asians, either. And the only Asian food I like is sushi (nigiri).

• This has never been an issue for me...I never really understood how gay men could have such a strong preference for a race, when its hard enough to find potential partners anyway? Gays only makeup a small portion of human beings, so Id rather not stack more odds against myself. A hot guy is a hot guy, no matter what color his skin is.

• I'm attracted to my own race and my own sex, thank you--if you have a problem with that, too bad.

  anonymous

• R81, I am no more able to fuck "a hot guy, no matter what his race is" than I am a woman.

• Well more for me then, r83!

  r81

• Why is it always white men? About four years ago there was a string of articles written on gay websites speaking of black men's desires for white men. It led me to look into opinions on interracial dating. It was always non-whites wanting white men. I didn't see black men wanting East Asians or Indians and shaming them for not wanting black men or any other combination not involving white men.

• I think Asian men are so cute and sexy, but I couldn't see dating one.

• R85 I'm going to go ahead and jump back in on your question. I can see that punk ass who was trying to pull it with me earlier in the thread isn't going to answer my question. But back to your question: I think SOME gay Black men, like other minority gays, seek validation, acceptance and gratification from gay White men. The other part of it is what gay culture has been built on for decades now; a standard of beauty which is strongly tied to White American features. It is no coincidence that it is the same way for the overriding American culture. The accessibility to multicultural images has been virtually non-existent for gays. It has set up perception problems for gays and straights who only associate gay with being White. A problem for minority gay men is that: it has been ingrained that White culture is the ultimate standard for inclusion; and that White male beauty is the gold standard. We're left with a bunch of gay men of all races walking around thoroughly convinced within themselves that "attractiveness" trumps all. No, skin tone trumps ALL. So look, let me just say so nobody gets it twisted, I appreciate the beauty in ALL men; but I stopped drinking the gay=White=beauty=standard Kool-Aid many years ago.

  BITCH

• The only other race I can see myself dating is a black person. I know what to expect. I think any other race comes with too much issues that I wouldn't be ready to deal with.

  Not racist!

• Culture is part of it. However, I don't think you can make people get boners for things they are not attracted to no matter how much it's promoted in culture. People go to things they are interested in. Teens and adults have the ability to construct the culture for themselves by looking at certain things or not.

• I think I love you, R87.

• I HATE all white men and will NEVER date one. The world don't revolve around they ass no matter what they may fuckin think. F&F!

  White aint Rite

• I agree with #87 and this phenomenon occurs in straight communities also. If you look at films, television shows, etc., white men are always portrayed as being the romantic heroes and the masculine ideal. People of every race and sexulity have been brainwashed by these media images to varying degrees which results in many people seeing Whiteness (in men and women) as being the ultimate in beauty and identity.

  Anonymous

• Too bad, R91. I'm sure all the white guys are practically beating down your front door to get a date with you. Oh, well. Our loss.

  Rolling Eyes

• You're very gullible if you think R91 is actually black, R93.

• Which explains why Asian women want white guys as well. But the same can't be said for black women who always complain of others who "steal" their men. White girls who date black men usually say they feel the most hostility from black women.

• For r75. You'll love the Swedish national soccer team.

  http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Swedish_national_football_team_2006.jpg

• OP Just say, "Me love you long time, Joe!" It works.

• Mixed race guys are often very interesting.

  http://media.dead-frog.com/comics/steve_byrne.jpg

• Asian women gravitate toward white American men because they think they see this:$$$$. Question: why is it that in prison white men are always the ones who are sought after to fuck by the Hispanics and Blacks? Has any study ever been done to determine who gets raped and who does the raping in prison according to race?

  anonymous

• Felix the cat The wonnerful, wonnerfullest cat When ever he got in a fix He reached right into his bag of tricks Felix the cat The wonnerful, wonnerfullest cat You'll laugh so much, your sides will ache your heart'll go pitter pat Watching Felix, the wonnerful cat

• r99, probably because they're lower on the masculinity totem pole?

• Getting fucked in the ass in black and hispanic culture basically means you might as well turn in your man card.

• OP sounds like a typical self hating Asian queen. They all wanna date white men just like their straight sisters.

• This turned out to be a popular thread.

• I am Asian as well, OP. I m going to South Korea to look more Eurasian. Do you want to join me so we can split accommodation costs?

• [quote]I stopped drinking the gay=White=beauty=standard Kool-Aid many years ago. = grandpoppy very kind to muscled street dinge

• The person who signs all their posts as "BITCH" comes off as the sterotypical angry and bitter black man. You have issues.

• I think r107 is the one with issues because black men showing anything other than acceptable Wayne Brady cheer scares him.

• Oh you don't like what I wrote r107? Oh well....r108 is right, that's YOUR issue.

  BITCH

• What do other Asians make of the OP? Do you empathize or does he make you cringe with embarrassment?

• Both R110. There are a lot of attractive asian men buy they're mostly straight. The gay ones are either ugly or fem.

• Lol, R45. So true!

• What a strange question. Why would anyone have to "deal" with being attracted to someone who is from a different race? Thats like asking a person with brown hair how do they deal with being attracted to someone with blond hair.

• To thine own self be true

  Polonius%20Troll

• R113, some people with dark hair aren't attracted to people with blonde hair, as if they are another race. I should know. I'm one of them.

  Good-looking%2C%20dark-haired%20man

• R102, you are incorrect. You are spouting a stereotype.

  White guy married to black guy

• Come on People Now, Let's get together, Smile on your borther. Love One Another

• We live in a culture where gay minorities are told through media that if you're gay you might as well be white. Many go through a self-loathing period where they reject other attractive minorities in favor of average white guys. Many average white guys are aware of this and take advantage. It seems blacks and Latinos go through this period quicker than Asians. In the long run, Latinos and blacks come off as being more proud of their culture and own their sexiness. That makes them come off as more masculine than an Asian guy. Asians assimilate to white culture better than blacks and Latinos, and this is a consequence of that.

• [quote] We live in a culture where gay minorities are told through media that if you're gay you might as well be white Wtf? What aspect of the media/culture speaks specifically to "gay minorities"?

• And same here, r115.

• R120, do blonds look more alike than different for you, too?

  R115

• R120 All white people look the same to me.

  A%20Rice%20Queen%20Minority

• Blacks and Latinos generally don't have this problem r118. Of course there are a few exceptions, r32 being a good example.

• A lot of us cross racial lines but not many will admit it. In my case, I don't know what it is but I get a lot of attention from black guys. I'm a dirty blond with hazel eyes white guy, well Italian-American, right down to the beak.

  LuciferTheLightBringer

• What do this black guys tell you, r124?

• [quote]Many go through a self-loathing period where they reject other attractive minorities in favor of average white guys. r118, I never went through a period like that, and I think most black men don't either. Not saying it doesnt happen though. For me, I just woke up one day and white guys were sexually attractive to me. No self loathing involved. I know a lot of gay black men that simply arent and have never been attracted to anything except other black guys. It has to deal with masculinity like you said, which is the crux of a lot gay men's sexual desires. Once they realize masculinity is just expressed differently in other races, then they start dating guys that aren't black.

• Why do you think white guys who act black (like Eminem, Justin Timberlake, John Cena etc) are considered very attractive especially by straight white girls but white-acting black guys couldn't get arrested if they tried? It all comes down to perceptions of masculinity.

• I should mention, in my single days my criterion was you had to match my standard for being handsome/cute. Your race didn't matter. So as a result white, black, Latino, and Asian were on the menu. A friend of mine used to say I was doing the International Club. But he knew what I liked so occasionally he'd set me up.

  LuciferTheLightBringer

• Tiger Woods considers himself Asian even though he looks black and others see him as such. Does this explain his obsession with blonde, white women? His new girlfriend at link:

  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2267128/Tiger-Woods-goes-gold-romance-Olympic-skier-Lindsey-Vonn-heats-up.html

• I'd love for the OP to comeback and tell us if reaction in this thread surprised him.

• I'd love for the OP to comeback and tell us if reaction in this thread surprised him.