I absolutely need to do something to change my life or I will die...
Something. Anything. I need to start drinking again. Or smoking pot. Or commit myself. Or just get in my car and drive across the country. Or tell my boss to fuck off. Or become a stand-up comedian. I need to do something daring and dangerous. My life blows. I teach and I am so depressed and unhappy that I do not even know where to begin. I am over therapy, and refuse to go back.
What say you DLers? What should I do?
Fuck life...fuck it right in the ass.
Sell Mary Kay!
Doing things that scared me or that I had always wanted to do helped me out of a depression/huge lull -- I travelled, went to music festivals, started smoking pot again, rediscovered video games as an adult, went to professional dominatrices, attended a few sex parties ... that combined with medication and hypnotherapy helped.
Do the scary stuff, OP. When you're doing it to break out of a cage that might kill you, you come out ahead no matter how well you do.
Benzodiazepines (valium, etc.). They will chill your shit out and--with the right dosages--let you get a little perspective and stop thinking about things like punching your boss out.
Take a singing class where you have to perform in front of others.
Do something. Anything. Stop saying you *have* to do something and just do it already. Get outside your comfort zone.
What R2 said.
DONT start drinking again.
I think you're on the right track with the comedian thing OP. Your post is quite the cheerer upper and I am sure you are just loaded with laughs.
Let us know where you're appearing. We'll have DL outing of mirth and merriment.
Agree with r7- don't drink. You'll just feel worse at it will affect your career/health.
A teacher who put on 20lbs by drinking.
Take up running. I'm serious! When I took up running a million years ago, I got totally addicted and, the whole time, I was thinking, "who the hell is this person?"
It got me through a few months, until that person stopped existing. But it sort of shook things up, so that when I got back to bad addictions, it felt like a new beginning.
If you are working a program/staying sober because you were abusing alcohol, I agree with staying off of it.
I know AA people who still smoke weed -- I wouldn't go overboard on that either.
Amino Acid Therapy. Look it up.
I hate to be an awful bore, but meditation has helped me way more than therapy ever did. My first teacher Shinzen Young gives retreats all over the country and has instruction CDs on Sounds True and has written a few books. Sounds True is also a good source of other meditation instruction by other teachers. Jack Kornfield is great and has a big meditation center in Marin County.
And stand up comedy sounds pretty good to me. Also, you could try meditating standing up...(honest to god, that's a real thing. Some people really do that.)
If you're a teacher, look into other states or even countries where teachers are in high demand, apply for a new job and make a move. Living in a new place forces you to make new friends and try new things, maybe a simple change in climate would do you good.
Just be careful not to make any sudden or extreme decisions that could fuck up your life. A few times in my more manic bouts of depression I've done things (quit jobs, spent huge sums of money) that I quickly regretted.
I could have written your post, OP. I was adventurous, even fearless, teen and young adult, but once I "grew up" I started living a very safe life and stopped challenging myself. I am afraid to change, basically.
I do believe that it helps living with a partner who stimulates and inspires you. I still haven't found that, so I'll have to do change on my own, somehow.
Watch Pitch Perfect - for the laffs and the hope.
I only know one person who reached the state you're in now. He took up skydiving. And the change in him was good to see.
I say no to drinking as well.
PS: I tried stand up, it was nerve-wracking, then FUN. A blast/a real high to make the whole room laugh
Join the Red Cross. You need an outlet where you can contribute positively to others. Very rewarding stuff.
OP, How are you as a comedy writer? There is a huge difference between making your friends laugh and doing stand-up. Most good comediennes have an established, written routine, and a strong point of view that they wish to get across. The best supplement their original tales with impressions, song parodies, funny accents or voices, something very original to make them stand out from the rest.
r20: Depending on where OP lives, there are stand-up classes available in community colleges, etc. That would be fun and shouldn't be too painful for a beginner. (I think maybe I should do it...)
I am feeling the exact fucking way you do!!!!! Everything seems so fucking pointless and boring or just plain shit. I am planning on travelling to Brazil this year, travelling always makes me happy and its a greatexperiece. f u can and want y not move abroad.
I could tell u to not start drinking again but I know to well how it is, if u do drink than maybe try not too much. Weed would be better, tho I personally dont like it.
Do things that scare you yes,last year ended up having a thing with a guy from a documentary that I thought was cute, it was a total ego boost for me, and made me happy temporarily. It was a crazy experience but we arent together so thats a bit of a downer.
I like that idea for OP, R21.
Also, the blonde from Reno911/Bridesmaids said in an interview that you create your own opportunities these days with a webcam and your own comedy bits on Youtube.
Something else I've seen, OP: on (reddit.com/r/standupshots) they feature unknown comics with head shots and some throw-away jokes posted on them. As the comics get bigger, you'll see small advertisements for where they're appearing in the future and a web site for their tour schedules.
Volunteer to do public relations for a community group or taking acting classes and go on auditions or join a chorus and belt your ass off or join an arts council and help hang shows and then go to the openings and sip champagne or drop by a local newspaper and offer to do feature interviews for free.
I've done all of the above except take an acting class and I want to do that next. Volunteering changed my live and the direction of my career.
Not afraid to try
I can't believe r2 pretty much told OP to crystal meth/bareback his way out of his depressive funk.
that shits funny
A small thing but, redecorate your living space, and take a 15 minute walk every day
r2 and r17 have you covered OP.
You don't need the decorating, take a walk or meditate advice. Non responsive nonsense.
Time to live a bit dangerously and get way out of the comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with weed, booze or a bit of coke or mescaline either.
Live or Die. Shake it up. Keep assholes away, including the well meaning ones.
You think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it's ethal!
OP, my best friend just passed away, and she was only in her 30's.
I say, just go out and do the hell what you want to do, because you never know when it's your time to go. It could be tomorrow, or it could be 60 years from now. Whatever the case, do what makes you happy.
Just be careful. Don't drink to become an alcoholic, don't become a druggie, and don't have risky sex. Those things are just counterproductive.
If you want to change jobs, then do it. But not unless you have something else lined up. No matter what anyone else says, you still need money to survive.
If you want to take a trip, do it. If you want to talk to a handsome guy, do it. If you want to take the day off and watch tv and drink a bottle of wine, then do it.
The point is, do what makes YOU happy, and not what you think will make others happy. It's your life, it's your rules, and it's your way.
Our society has become so confined, and so restrictive, and so.... ROTE ... that it's unnerving and uninteresting.
Make your life interesting.
Change your life.
Whatever that change will be... this book will help you.
I kid you not. I've reinvented myself a couple times and this really helped.
Wow. I hear ya. This time of year, everyone is so EARNEST about self improvement. My suggestion? At least make a point of moving your body -- whether it be by walking, dancing to music in the privacy of your own place, cleaning the house, whatever. But keep moving. It is a strong, strong medicine for when you're down. And you might come up with an idea while you're in the process of moving around. Be kind to yourself and be patient. I know you want to fix everything NOW, but it takes time to back yourself out of a rut or out of a depression. I totally agree with all who suggest you NOT take up drinking again. Absolutely the wrong approach and it will make you feel WORSE.
How do you change your life? Serious question.
Is it possible to just start anew with a clean slate?
Open a new window/Open a new door/Travel a new highway that's never been tried before...
You have a job and I guess your health.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself. That's something you can change that will do you some good.
Old advice, but "Do one thing each day that scares you."
Take a good long look in the mirror, and yes, I mean that literally. Ask yourself what you used to be passionate about and why that stopped. Then, once you've figured that out, start planning for how you can get back to that thing.
I know that sounds like Oprah-approved bullshit, and I'm sorry for that, but one of the best things that ever happened to me was looking at myself one morning and realizing that I was going to be miserable the rest of my life unless I was proactive about it.
I am fortunate enough to have a supportive spouse, but there things you can do that will help you find your "it."
The Voice of the Night
OP = Dolly Parton, having a hard candy Christmas
Wow, can't believe someone suggested drugs to help OP cope with life when he is obviously a candidate for addiction in the worst way.
Please ignore that advice, OP.
Taking a trip would be the least onerous option among your own suggestions.
Whenever I do that though I usually end up feeling even more wretchedly lonely in a strange place. But it makes me appreciate all the comforts and good things about my home and city.
You need to start by making small changes EVERY single day. Take a different route to work, try some food you've never tasted, a brisk walk in a park where you've never been... Make a note on a daily calendar about the new window you've opened each day. Soon, you'll move on from being a dull, boring person and will be more aware of what life has to offer.
You need to create a habit of trying new things and getting out of the path between work and home. There are a lot of side trails to take and they don't need to be "daring and dangerous" but they can lead to new vistas. Do that and you'll discover that "interesting" can bring as much enjoyment as "daring and dangerous."
You should know that, even if you change your life, you're still gonna die...we all will!
Is r42 recommending park cruising?
I've walked out of a lot of jobs and then it gets hard to find a job but it does give you a chance to grow. If I were you I'd try to get excited about finding a job you like. If you are healthy, you could even do physical labor...it might make you want to go back to teaching. Physical labor kicks your ass and maybe that's what you need?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and GO HELP OTHER PEOPLE.
You'd be surprised how great your life is compared to others.
Running is an addiction and will sometimes mess up relationships. And it's not always as healthy as people tell you it is.
Get a PS3 and start playing Grand Theft Auto. It gave me a new lease on life!
Some great ideas here. The best are to do something every day, and to be physically active.
More ideas: Sign up for meetups. Do yoga. Tutor somebody. Learn a language (in a social setting). Clean out your apartment, and sell all that shit you haven't touched in months. Paint a wall. Learn to cook. If you know how to cook, have people over. Learn to mix drinks and make up a cocktail menu and invite friends over. Another vote for meditation and walking. Go to an open mike and read something; you won't be the worst, I assure you. Write one haiku a day (check out The Haiku Year, I think is the name; Michael Stipe and friends wrote one haiku a year and put together that anthology; yours will be better). Take a dance class. Submit poems to a journal or online publication once a week; those places take so long to respond, you'll have something to look forward to in six months. Write down your plans on a calendar so you can see plans fill up.
And lastly, come up with ideas. It's not about finding the right idea. It's about having the fight in you to come up with ways to change your life. If you try any of these and hate them, who cares. If you love any, who cares. Just so long as you look back at your calendar and see that Thursday, you did that weird thing and Friday you tried something else.
Good luck. Don't drink too much; that's a hissy fit way to handle shit.
Sister Mary Sunshine
If I could
and I should
but I can't
so I won't ....
but this year I will !
Here is an inspiring article:
[italic]‘Be Wrong as Fast as You Can’
Here’s a partial, redacted-for-the-sake-of-my-dignity list of stuff I once aspired to write but never did: a “Mamma Mia!”-esque rock opera called “Bastards of Young,” based on the songs of the Replacements. A sitcom set in Brooklyn that inverts “I Love Lucy,” so that the wife plays the stable, amiable breadwinner while her lovable loon of a husband hatches ridiculous schemes, often involving the production of artisanal goods. A thriller about the ultimate rogue trader who concocts a single, diabolical transaction to blow up the financial system. An HBO show, called “Upstate,” about a burned-out corporate raider who returns to his hometown outside Buffalo to save his father’s failing liquor store and ends up trying to rescue the whole town from the double scourge of unemployment and alcoholism. Too depressing? How about this: A reality show in which retired hockey greats like Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier compete against each other coaching teams of — ready for the deal clincher? — inner-city kids who’ve never been on ice skates.
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If you had the time, believe me, I could flesh out these ideas for you, explain their origins, describe in fine detail my vision of the characters and plots and how it would all coalesce into something awesome.
Or not. For at least 25 years, I’ve been serial daydreaming like this, recording hundreds of ideas in a sequence of little notebooks that I have carried around and then stacked in a shoe box in my closet, a personal encyclopedia of undone to-do’s. Sometimes, when I’m searching for something in my closet and I see the box, I have a flashback to my first-grade report card: “Hugo has the gift of a rich, active imagination, but needs to work on his follow-through skills.”[/italic]
Nothing like anonymous volunteer work (in a different capacity than your day job) that will make you feel better.
I second those who say get out for a run. It's meditative and a huge stree-reliever. If you can run or hike on trails.
Rearrange your place. Get rid of stuff that you don't need. This includes sentimental stuff that does not make you smile.
It's only temporary.
Fisting is the answer.
I don't suppose I did, r27.
[quote]I know AA people who still smoke weed -- I wouldn't go overboard on that either.
I used to know a woman who was in AA and went to weekly meetings, and she was so proud of herself for not drinking anymore, yet she was addicted to weed and she must have been addicted really bad because she spent most of her paycheck on it. She basically just replaced one addiction with another.
OP, if you are a cute guy I think your problem is that you need a spanking then an enema, preferably with my erect cock.
Have your carpets cleaned.
Wash your windows.
Repaint your house/apartment
Buy new sheets.
Start cooking nice meals for yourself, and invite someone over to share your wonderful homemade dishes with.
Now you're ready to try a few new daring things.
My point is, start small with a few easy things that will really boost your mood and self-esteem, then go from there.
Learn about feng shui, if you haven't already and make changes that way and quit whining.
Honestly, I have been there more times than I can count. If you want to change you're life then I suggest you do you're bucket list NOW. It doesn't have to be 20 things, it could be 10 or 5. Then just concentrate and put all your effort into accomplishing one thing at a time. I hope this helps.Good luck!
If you are upright and able to walk on your own, feed yourself, continent and relatively pain free and are reasonably financially secure you have nothing to whine about--have a good shit then you'll feel better!
SISTER MARY IGNATIUS!
[quote] I used to know a woman who was in AA and went to weekly meetings, and she was so proud of herself for not drinking anymore, yet she was addicted to weed and she must have been addicted really bad because she spent most of her paycheck on it. She basically just replaced one addiction with another.
OP, do you know my sister? lol She went from meth to religion. Helped her, but she still takes her nightly pain killer at 8pm and knocks herself out.
Seriously, I don't get it.
OP, don't do things that scare you. Don't make a bucket list. Don't do "Oprah." Just do you.
Think about what REALLY makes you happy, and then do it.
I love to watch tv, I love to drink beer, I love to look at the stars, I love to travel. And I do these things. And I'm very content.
In our American society, we are TOLD what to do, and we are TOLD what makes us happy. We need a HUGE house, in a boring suburb, we need to be straight, we need 2.5 kids, we need the latest electronic gadgets, we need cable tv, we need, we need, we need. That's corporate America and advertising. We don't tell THEM what we need. They tell us.
FUCK CORPORATE AMERICA.
I do what I want, when I want.
Think long and hard about what makes YOU happy. Then do it.
But always keep your balance. Don't run yourself into debt, don't do anything that will kill you, and don't do anything that will hurt you.
Let the stupid asshole who thinks that jumping out of a plane will make him "whole," just jump out of a plane. You can go eat an ice cream sundae, and be just as happy. ;o)
Tell everyone you have cancer even if you don't. Worked wonders for moi.
I agree with R62!
Please don't mention Tig Notaro. I like this thread too much. Tig and her army of lawyers actually got comments removed from the New York times and then they closed comments. WTF, why is this nobody getting all this Don Corleone treatment? I just mentioned her and realize that might compromise this thread. Sorry.
I appreciate ALL the suggestions and comments (even the cunty ones)...
I have a lot to think over.
R66 people keep saying this on here but mo1 does it, but could u keep us updated?
This show is an embarrassment to all concerned, but some more than others.
Asking questions about their personal lives? How many different ways can you ask some queeny gay men if they swallow or shave their hole?
It is a breakthrough for gays in the way that Jersey Shore was for Italians. I am both.
I am Canadian, in the arts and with you know, some recognizable talent. Canada can be as tacky as the US any day and my little brother can watch 1 Girl and 5 gays and ask me what is wrong and how old are these little girls? Not as young as they seem, bro. Teachable moments.
I am not talking bout who is hot, because no self respecting gay man would be on that show. These boys will never score Jersey Shore money or even Hoarders, they are doing it for the free booze and tweets, and to get laid. Embarrassing. But it is a mainstream show in Canada, so they are kind of like the house wives, with three to a bachelor apartment.
Just cuz I know, both of the Jonathon's are great guys, and Simon is a neurotic sweetheart.
Forget the rest. I am serious.
If Jake is gorgeous then I am stunning. He is one boring guy and very screwed up. He has a job. He actually good be very DL, cuz he seems like he has something going on, but is a self loathing hypocrite, who cannot integrate his sexual desires and tastes with his bourgeois aspirations. This equals a life of unhappiness and feigned superiority.
Black and leather men can do just bout anything they want to him. I don't judge. But he does. He is a dirty boy and cannot reconcile himself.
Jake is not a poster boy for a balanced gay professional or for safe sex.
Santos is scary but legit. The rest are harmless or ridiculous. These are not men and can't excuse themselves as boys. Hideous to most everyone gay in Canada. Mocked in the streets, no lie, and we are polite. Skeevy.
haha, how did that happen ?
Well you never know OP, this misguided post might be the answer you have been waiting for.
I think I have decided to leave a totally hedonistic lifestyle, and then just end it one day.
I will just go to work, collect my paycheck, fuck around, smoke some pot, not care about money, travel a bit, and then commit suicide one day. I won't be able to afford to live in retirement anyway.
My sentiments exactly, r70.
Do yoga. Just join a yoga class and go for two months. Just two months.
Your mind will clear. Other possibilities will suddenly appear.
How are you doing OP ?
Just checking back......
I wonder if Joe Rogan and Stanhope know about that. They might have some thoughts. ;)
I love how the OP says "I'm just going to go hedonist, then kill myself" and then the next poster unironically suggests yoga.
r70, you'll probably end up changing along the way, and deciding to live.
Apparently, the pot will do that to you.