I slept with Freddie Mertz and all I got were these hostess pants.
HOSTESS PANTS?!!? I got no use for those. I wanted a toaster!
Why don't you wear them to all those chic dinner parties you go to?
She's just upset because I intimated that she was a little hippy... but on second glance she does have the biggest potamus I've ever seen.
They're a little tight. I can see your Lily of the Valley.
It's "Fred", cupcake. Get it straight!
Ethel used to scream out Ricky's name when Fred was fucking her.
Marian Strong, cackling at the thought
Stop cackling, Marion! I've been waiting ten years for you to lay that egg!
I was Mistress of Ceremonies for the Senior Shenanigans at the Rappahanock School for Girls. So fuck off, Lucille.
What am I going to do with these fucking tickets to "Over the Teacups"
Take Nancy the harpist from your orchestra that you've been fucking for the past six months. Or maybe you'd like to take Grace Foster, whose pussy you used to pound when her husband was away.
Lucy you've been gosping again.
Lucy's conscience in the furnace pipes
Lemme tell you, when I'm fucking fat Freddy, you'll never hear me say "I have sufficient."
I can give you more than "sufficient," Ethel Mae. If you remember, MY tag line was "Billy John Hackett, he never did lack it."
Billy Hackett, Albuquerque Times
Everyone knows Fred ball gagged Ethel. You could just tell he was into some freaky ass shit.
Ethel come on over to my place for some hot scissoring action and a three way with Mr. Ritter.
Was the waist to the hostess pants positioned four inches above the navel? If Fred bought them for you, I'd guess so.
One night when I was on the fire escape, I spied Fred and Ethel going at it. He was fucking her with the cucumber Ethel had stolen from Miriam Hopkins' garden while in Hollywood and brought back to NYC.
Lucy came up with the most interesting fundraising idea for the Wednesday After Noon Fine Arts League.
We're all going to spend our Wednesday afternoons turning tricks at $30 dollars a pop (so to speak)!
My apartment was chosen because since I had it done over in Chinese Modern, it will be easy to simulate the feel of an opium/den whorehouse, according to Lucy.
My whore name will be "Lillian."
I can't wait to get started!
Don't forget that lovely trip to MN.
Superman is coming to Little Ricky's party, Carolyn, so eat that!
Oh and I danced with Van Johnson.
No, you vanced with Dan.
You were never in "Oklahoma!"
I top all of you. I have an authentic Richard Widmark grapefruit.
You're basically nude until he gives you the matching jacket with attached half-skirt. It camouflages the hips.
Better start sucking that dick like it owes you money, Ethel!
R23, no CAFTANS for YOU!
Well, Marian;...If that's the kind of hat you wanted, you sure got a good one!
Please, bitch! You know you were DPed by Mertz and Kurtz.
She saw them in Harpers Bazaar.
Lucy wanted to get the toaster, but Ricky talked her out of it.
Oh Lucy, I can't wear these hostess pants on the subway!
Listen, Ethel, if I can wear a loving cup on my head on the subway, you can wear your hostess pants!
"It's so tasty, too! Tastes just like candy."
-- Lucy after her first facial from Ricky.
You'd never catch me in hostess pants. I'm Don Loper Original all the way.
R34 You'll never catch me walking straight.
Mrs. Forrest Tucker
Little Ricky: Cut or Uncut? Discuss.
Cousin Ernie is NOT a fag!
And we're the dames who can prove it!
Mama's little baby loves shortnin' shortnin'.
Ethel Mae Potter, we never forgot her!
Always remember and never forget that according to Ethel, Fred Mertz trained himself to do almost anything in under two minutes!
Ethel's motto: I may have to fuck him from time to time, but I ain't ever going to kiss him.
Ethel never said the word fuck ... I seen every episode. Irregardless, people weren't that crass back then.
Ethel Mae was a whore.
And your check, Mrs. Hearst?
It's Mertz. You spell it with an M.
I'd like the keys to the car, unless you need them to play a tune.
How about a chorus of "Cow Cow Boogie"?
I'm getting sick and tired of being called a cow!
What about me? I'm the one who had to sleep with the bleached-blond Godzilla. I should get a Congressional Medal of Honor.
Pray tell what is the little habit that I have that sets your tith on etch?
There never was a finer girl that came out of Kansas. I don't know where she is today and she don't know where I am, and that's exactly how I like it.
Ethel to Tilly, Ethel to Tilly.
[quote]HOSTESS PANTS?!!? I got no use for those. I wanted a toaster!
"Well Fred told me that but I couldn't believe (that) you would be that dull !"
*Yawn* Cheaper to have the cheese be a baby than to have the baby be a cheese.
"That will be ALL, Ethel Mae."
"You bet your sweet life that'll be all."
Ethel Mae, will you please stop boring Miss Bankhead?
When Miss Bankhead is bored, Miss Bankhead will let you know!
Was Bill Frawley gay?
"well they certainly are bizarre"
Ethel Mertz: Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18. I was 19.
Fred Mertz: Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.
The boys are watching the fights again in the living room while the girls are stuck in the kitchen.
Lucy: Ethel, I'm revolting!
Ethel: Aw, honey, you're not that bad.
OMG, they actually sold those same hostess pants. But those diamonds might have been slimming on Mrs. Mertz. The model doesn't have a little black off the shoulder blouse, a big crushy belt and little ballet slippers, it's a yellow blouse and sandals.