Ball-Gagged Priest Politely Calls 911 for Help After he Mysteriously Gets Stuck in a Pair of Handcuffs
The Illinois Times reports that a Springfield priest has taken a leave of absence after making a polite but oh-dear-so-nervous-sounding call to local police, seeking help after he mysteriously managed to get himself stuck inside a pair of handcuffs.
Tom Donovan also mysteriously managed to get his mouth obstructed with what the Times calls "some sort of gag," before making the call. He was having a very wacky day. You can listen to the call at the link (WARNING: It starts with a loud dial tone):
Throughout the ordeal, Father Donovan remains unfailingly polite to the 911 operator who takes his call.
"Hi there!" he begins. "I am stuh in a pah a hankuh!"
And again, when the operator cannot make out his words through the ball-gag:
"I. AM STUCK. IN A PAIR. A HANKUHS."
Donovan explains that the silly sexy mix-up happened when he was "playing with" the cuffs and that he just needs "some help getting out." Then he gives the rectory's address.
"Is this a business?" the operator asks.
"It is actually, yoh!...Saint Aloysius!"
The dispatcher agrees to send help right away.
"Ill be here!" Father Donovan promises, then, ever chipper, promises again. Because he is gagged and bound – where is he going?
He was granted a leave of absence (to practice his Houdini-esque feats of self-imprisonment?) just before Christmas.
The Church is worried about gay marriage? It should be more concerned about bad bondage.
Hm.. I'd definitely handcuff and gag him. But I'm also a whore.
So tell us, Catholics, is this what gay men are supposed to do instead of getting married?
Go ahead and hate the priests. It's so easy to do these days. This is a very common occurrence with many young priest who must prepare themselves for possible service in hostile countries around the globe. They are not supposed to practice getting out of handcuffs by themselves as a safety measure, but if something goes wrong and the police have to help, another person in the rectory only leads to speculation that there was more going on in Father's bed than practice of torture in foreign service.
People are even more cruel to these sensitive pre-saints, when they have problems whilst practicing smuggling techniques of religious relics by shoving them in their anus rather than allowing them to fall into heathen hands. Very few souls know of the hours of practice the priesthood requires of these saintly flexible men.
For the love of god, is there no limit to the extremes these holy men will go for their captors and saviors?
Hahahahaha. Thanks for that.
Now I understand why our parish priest acted like he did. He had a crucifix shoved up his butt all that time.
This is a trick gone bad.
Thank you, Jessica Fletcher.
I just read that this pig supported the anti-gay marriage bill. Why am I not surprised?
[quote]I just read that this pig supported the anti-gay marriage bill.
Link please, r23. I read that his boss, the bishopm, supported the anti-gay marriage bill. I'd like to see the claim that he also supported it.
The Bishop of his diocese warned of "the intrinsic evils" in the Democratic platform this fall . . .
The old "tongue in cheek" torture technique has gotten more priest thrown out of the church due to having required the help of a willing partner or partners with which to practice. Mother Church has been unanimous in requiring the 'tongue in cheek' torture technique be practiced in solitary prayer mode. There have been countless knee replacements due to the rigors these dedicated men have taken upon themselves praising the Lord during tongue in cheek practice. One saintly father was defrocked for having used a communion tale instead of bearing the weight of the act on his person. Mother Church is very strict on enforcement of propriety.
Strange that he had no friend that he could call. This happened in November but was obviously overlooked by the media at that time. Someone in the police department must have leaked the info for it to get picked up in the new year.
Since he had a gag in his mouth, it probably means his hands were cuffed behind his back. It would be interesting to read the full report to learn what he was wearing. Was he naked or wearing leather chaps? Were the nipple clamps in place?
[quote]Was he naked or wearing leather chaps? Were the nipple clamps in place?
The bishop isn't going to let this guy back into being a pastor at parish. He's got too much baggage now.
r3, you really missed another pencil-shaped digit joke there.
r21 answers that other post about who's better known: Angela Lansbury or Patty Duke.
How does he explain the nipple clamps and leather harness to the people in his parish?
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
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