Cursing your child for life

I work in a hospital on the labor, delivery and (cesarian) surgery floor in a large hospital. We've been keeping a list of the awful names that have been inflicted on the babies. The list was started before I started working here about five years ago, and we've tried to keep it to the most egregious of names.  One of the nurses told me that several of the names are from Pokemon, but we never got her to put on the list which ones they were before she moved on. I guess there's a lot of Pokemon fans having babies?  Up until last year we were allowed to try to talk the parents out of bad names but the parents made a huge fuss when a Buddhist nurse told the parents that the name they'd picked for their bundle of joy  (Mara Papyon) (a name they'd heard somewhere and never thought to look up) was the name of a Buddhist demon. He was sent to tempt and torture  Siddharta (the Buddha)  The parents were furious when they were told that the demon Mara (“death” or “thirst”), also known as Papiyan (“more wicked")  attributes include blindness, murkiness, death, and darkness. Sometimes simply called the personification of evil. He was also known as the god of lightning, seduction, temptation, sensuality and death. The list has grown quite a lot since then GIRLS  NAMES Gwentheneria Maebella (does this sound like an STD to anyone else?) Jynx Sabrile Dustiny Thea Spearow Arbo Arkenene Eve Kerien (pronounced carrion) Lily Laeve (middle name is pronounced leave) Marleena Magdalena  Renesemee Mayle Alabama Luella (also the name of some celebrity spawn) Senedra Gleason Monroe  Shyla Sage Paisley Princess (in the mothers defense she was barely 14 when the baby was born) Harmonique Essela Ryala Rosalie and Ryu Skye Sixtine (mother was 16 when she had the baby) Quality Quinn (named after a writer) Hypna Niecee Miake Ence (pronounced Mike-a  En-see) LaCinda Ella (maybe a version of Cinderella?) Shya Vidia Tamanta Beath Luvdis LaTonya Danelle Roobi (pronounced Duh-Nell Ruby) Charla Chelle Rhyma Zoe Mac Michael (pronounced Make Mishal)  (McMichael was the maiden name of the mother's grandmother who, in the week after her husband died, ran off with the guy she'd been having an affair with and left all four of her kids all alone in the house to fend for themselves. She was never heard from again. Can't imagine what that kid is going to think when she learns why she was named after her) We've had at least 7 babies named Khloe Skye since the list was started.  We're also still getting quite a few babies named Lexus and Mercedes. Girls whose mothers were/are strippers, or who are planning on their daughters being strippers   Crymmsyn Essence Stormy Star Asia Sapphire Chyna Raven BOYS NAMES Uno Dex (pronounced You know Dex) Dex is the father's name Marik (named after a character in an anime show/movie)  Espian James  Keklen Karver Metrie Max Erris John Franklin Bransten Raulsten Leonardis Antony  Ebenzer  (no, not Ebenezer) Kanton James and Kaxton John Jamex Leon Roth Torchic Armistan Ryce Parx Gustave Warden Hemp Jackson Monroe  (not a bad name, but the baby was named after Michael Jackson and Marilyn Monroe who the mother said she had always felt a very deep connection to them. She claimed to be in regular contact with them while in some type of dream state. She also said she prayed to both of them regularly, and that they had sent  She had a psych eval before she was allowed to take her baby home) Darc Montego Courtis Avery Kylem Jaylor and Jaylem Janston  Branly Jentsen Gabriel Gayson Traycan Manly (sounds a bit too close to trashcan) Soju Guinness Raydon Gregorio Kronos Kelsey  Jonan Owyn Alic  Cupertino (pronounced Alex) Payne Dittus

• Well ... I liked Jynx Sabrile ... has a kind of WASP ring to it!

• My god sanity as we know it has become rare in this country. I always felt that Shiloh Pitt was the hand downs worst because in school, if she ever goes, she will get called Pile-o Shit. But some of those names are horrendous.

• A woman at work named her twins (a boy and a girl) Kensington and Camden. She got knocked up in London and thought it was cute. Uggh. And she wonders why most people call them Kenny and Cammy...

• I kinda like Arkenene Eve. Those are stripper names, my god. Payne Dittus sounds like something said during Mass.

• Keep 'em coming. Thanks for sharing, OP.

• Christ in a bucket of snails, "Renesmee" is a name from "Twilight"! A baby vampire who gets engaged as an infant, BTW, talk about cursing your child. The kid gets to whine "Mom, you're embarassing me" for life.

• Did the parents name the child after the demon or not??

• Jynx, Spearow, and Torchic are all Pokemon. Arkenene, Hypna, and Espian were likely derived from the Pokemon Arcanine, Hypno and Espeon.

• Caught 2 more. Luvdis and Arbo are likely derived from the Pokemon Luvdisc and Arbok. Did I catch them all? Or can anyone spot some more?

  R8

• My favorite in the local birth notices. First name was Ocearne The surname was Harbour.

• The horror, the horror.....the unspeakable horror....

  Once%20you%20read%20it%20you%20can%27t%20unread%20it....

• R7, the parents did name their child Mara Papyon. They decided that no matter where the name came from they liked it and that was all to it. But they made such a fuss, threatening lawsuits, that nursing management and hospital management had to side with the parents. The parents wanted the nurse fired, but she's been here for over ten years and is one of the best nurses we have so the parents weren't able to get away with trying to get her fired.

• Thanks for clearing up where the names came from, R6, R8 and R9

  OP

• Thanks OP for posting! So, who gets the most fucked up names: girls or boys? Or is it pretty even.

• Is this hospital in an all- black ghetto?

• I remember working with a Van Essa. And don't you dare pronounce it as one word, she would cut you!

• thanks for posting - what part of the country is this? you can be general.. I call Northwest or Mid atlantic.

• [quote]Roth Torchic Torchic is a Pokemon.

  http://www.test666.w8w.pl/green/Torchic.jpeg

• Mercedes is a classic name that goes back way before it was given to an automobile.

• I think I stayed at the Quality Quinn last year.

• I did not know they were doing this except here in the deep South. It started in the 1970s and has escalated since then. Most of the babies are born to very young unmarried girls, and they make up names, each trying to outdo the others with unusual names, so we have people with names like LaShonDaDeMiTriOtis Jones. And if anyone names their child something Matt, Luke, Mark, John, George, etc. then it is said that they are "trying to be 'white'". Same thing if anyone tries to get an education, speak normal non-ebonic English, or get a job rather than live on welfare. The deep South is a really interesting place these days.

• It'll be hilarious if Mara Papyon visits any Buddhists and finds out from them what her name means. Or if in school they do a "what does your name mean" research activity. Chyna Raven might as well go work in a Vegas strip club this instant.

• I always giggle at the name Krystal Ball, the democratic strategist on msnbc. She's intelligent, and has managed to rise to relevance, yet the name sounds like a stripper.

• Eldritch... Eldritch Baumgartner It may be an "old family name" but that's no reason not to tie it down and push a silver stake through its heart.

• The Mercedes car was named after Mercedes Jellinek, whose father played a pivotal role in the development of the motor-car...

  http://www.mercedesclass.net/heritage/founders-and-people/mercedes-jellinek/

• One mother named child named Meconium. Nurses had a fit when they heard that one, but the mother could not be dissuaded.

• Name your cats and STFU.

• When I worked as a social worker one of my clients was named Tequila Sunrise.

• I think R28 wins.

• I actually met a Benjamin Dover. What were his parents thinking?

• Name on a loan at a bank I was examining in Kansas (I was told the loan recipient was Vietnamese): Suck Dong Oh

• You believe R28, R29? Man some of you are more stupid then the parents with (actual) silly names.

• "Name on a loan at a bank I was examining in Kansas (I was told the loan recipient was Vietnamese): Suck Dong Oh" I find that hard to believe. I've heard of Asians with "Dong" in their names, but never have I ever heard of any Asian person with "Suck" preceding the the "Dong." "Suck Dong Oh" sounds like a bad joke from a John Hughes movie.

• R32 I'm not making up the Tequila Sunrise thing. When I read her name on the application I thought it was a joke at first. She was a woman in her late teens with a kid and no baby daddy in site.

  28

• Back in the '70's I took care of twin girls in a pediatric hospital. Last name of family was Caine. Parents named the girls Nova and Solar.

  Anonymous

• This naming trend by whites is the result of a trend started by blacks of making up names that were supposed to be more African sounding, it was about pride and reconnecting with they're ancestors. Unfortunately white people just don't get it and seem to think they can make themselves and they're offspring stand out by giving them unconventional names. I don't think the children will be ridiculed by other children since this is becoming the norm now but the names will cause embarrassment when they enter the workforce and start sending out resumes.

  Anonymous%20

• R36: I thought it was a black thing (I'm white), and I was condescending about it until I realized that my family had an Okla and a Venseta, different sides of the family, both made up, and this in the late 19th century. It's always part of the routine apparently, it just comes and goes. Some countries, Iceland and France, for example, have a register of names and you have to pick from the list.

• My all-time favorite are the twins named Miracle and Kenneth. Poor un-miraculous Kenneth, forever cursed to live in the shadow of his exalted brother. Prediction: Miracle ends up in jail.

• Why are crazy stupid people allowed to have kids?

• [quote] My all-time favorite are the twins named Miracle and Kenneth. Poor un-miraculous Kenneth, forever cursed to live in the shadow of his exalted brother. Prediction: Miracle ends up in jail. I hope Miracle's last name isn't Whip or Mile.

• This reminds me of a skit from Key and Peele:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DgODZzSOelss

• Marleena Magdalena was the name of a drag queen from Orlando.

• OP, I'd love to know what percentage of those names were for white babies?

• R12, why the hell would the parents be so angry as to try to get the nurse fired just for telling them what the name they wanted to give to their child meant? They sound like horrible people.

• From Wikipedia: [quote]A name day is a tradition in many countries in Europe and Latin America that consists of celebrating the day of the year associated with one's given name.

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_day

  Lemongelo%20and%20Orangelo

• Eh.. they'll live.

  Moon%20Unit%20Zappa

• R24, 'eldritch' was HP Lovecraft's favorite word. Super spooky. Naming children after terrors, monsters and demons, how can you go wrong for future generations?

• Those examples here are polly made up

• I'm partial to Jermaine Jackson who named his son "Jermajesty." "Would Jermajesty like to address the class?"

• Get some help hon. This name obsession is killing you.

• I was looking into family history and there were a few Ebenezers and a woman whose first name was Freelove. Funny thing, when I googled her first and last name, there was another woman with the same first and last name in another state. Another woman was named Desirah in some records and Desire in others. This was in the mid 19th century. Some other familial first names: Fillimore, Forrest, Annala, Hephzibah, Erastus, Whitfield, Velzora, Keziah, Parnal, Salem, Huldah. These are all white people.

• You white people sure have some jacked up names!

  LaQueisha%20Cristal%20Sha%27dynasty

• I know a couple with surname Shaw who named their son Richard. Poor little fucker. But not as bad as a girl at his school, Tuesday Plum. I can't recall her surname but it was something like McGillicuddy or some such, not even closely appropriate. When parents go to register births there should be a three-step requirement to pass the name. If the person registering the birth says "WTF is this" then it should go to person 2 who looks at the name and if they say WTF then it's disallowed. If they think it's OK it goes to person 3 who gets the deciding vote. People could go along armed with 3 or 4 names as backups for when they're told their first choice is a brand-name lubricant or communicable disease. Or just fucking stupid.

• I teach in the inner city, and the most popular names I've heard are: Diamond, Miracle, Lexus, and Destinee'. Boy names include De'von, Trois (pronounced troyce), and Jay'len. Many of our students have a meaningless apostrophe in their names, but they call it a "high comma" or a " comma to the top." The suburbs are catching up, though. With all the Braedans, Jaedans, Kinsleys, etc., becoming more common, inventive spellings/combinations are on trend now. Parents who want their child to have a unique name often don't realize that traditional names are the way to go now.

• I have a grade school principal friend. My favorites (both true) Abcde (pronounced absadee) Asshole (pronounced asholee)

• Don't believe the Asshole (ash-oh-lee) story, or the Shithead (sha-theed) story if you hear that one. I've been in education over 12 years, and EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who knows a child with one of these names. Teachers who've been around awhile consider these "urban legends." Those are the two most commonly referenced names, along with Lemonjello and Orangejello. Maybe at some point, somewhere, those names were used, but they've just become stories that get passed on from person to person as TRUTH because they're just so outrageous. Not that outrageous names don't exist, but those four that I mentioned are the ones that get people.

• When I was student teaching, there was a girl named Pure White (she wasn't). And to top it off, the middle name was Animosity. This is 100 percent true.

• A friend of mine from the deep south - a woman named Michael, which love for a woman - went to school with a girl named Princess Elizabeth - last name Turnip. She went to school with her in the sixties, so the crazy names are not new.

• I went to high school with twins whose last name was Nipple. One was male, the other was female, and her first name was Lana. I figure she strips or got married right out of hs to change her name.

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• A coworker's husband worked with a guy who named his daughter Inita. His last name was Dick. He thought it was funny. I feel sorry for the daughter having such an asshole for a father.

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• R51 many of the name you listed are of biblical/Arahmaic/Hebrew origin like Hepzibah "God's delight is in her". They may sound strange but they are very old.

• I've told this story here on DL before. It is absolutely true. I'm a teacher and before I got my job, I was a substitute teacher. I was at a school one day and noticed quite a unique name on my class roster. The boy had the first name of "Mister". Another teacher pointed out the fact that Mister had two younger brothers at the school as well. The next brother was named "Majesty". The third, and youngest, was named "Bob". Not "Robert" but "Bob". I like to think that by the time the third child came along, Mom was just tired. Mister, Majesty, and Bob. I've never forgotten that.

• Animosity and Contempt would be great names for identical twin girls.

  Wes%20Craven

• Does this violate HiPPA?

• We have some good ones here in Hong Kong. I personally work with a Chlorophyll Yip and a Salad Wong. Also came across a Cowboy Lo (quite a senior banker).

• [quote] [R51] many of the name you listed are of biblical/Arahmaic/Hebrew origin Many of them are not. Freelove, Desire, Velzora. People have always made up names for their children. It's nothing new. And the new hipster trend is for old names. Well, the hipsters in the 19th century also gave their children old names -- the biblical names. Old names, newly made up names and surnames as first names are not a new fad. They've all been around for ages. Datalounge is strangely obsessed with children/baby's names.

• R65 it's only a HIPPA violation if I post the last names, or what hospital I work at. One of the other nurses posted the list on a nursing board last year but got legal advice from a friend who is a lawyer. To the poster that asked the racial make up of these babies, they are about 75% white, and most of them are very young (15-21). Tho there have been quite a few older (30-40) parents that should know better than to give a child a name they are going to have to tell everyone how to pronounce.

  OP

• "I know a couple with surname Shaw who named their son Richard. Poor little fucker." R53, it took me several minutes to figure out the potential problem -- "rickshaw." But obviously, that could be easily avoided if the boy called himself Richard or Rich instead of "Rick."

• At my job, I've seen a lot of odd names: Buffy Burger Bun Touch Maxwell House Dick Head Barbara Beaverhausen Artist Pool Mary Moose (We call her Sister Mary Moose) Fuk Yu Goatdip Singh Marilyn or Greg Everybodytalksabout

• My parents almost saddled me with "Rothman", even though neither of them ever smoked. I have still never received a decent explanation for where that one came from. I can only imagine that it would have been shortened to "Roth" and that this non-lisping-but-obviously-gay-boy would have been thought to be lisping "Ross." As it is, they gave me a fairly normal name with a "unique" spelling: they gave me an "I" instead of an "e" and an "ii" instead of a "y"

• Some good ones from my former hometown: The black girls ... Cinnamon & Paprika, Vanglorious, Omni, Nivea (3 of them), DeVille Whites ... Ambrosia Rose, Calderone, Shawnathon, Soma I heard that some chick was successfully talked out of Joianpayne.

• R69. Doesn't matter what the boy calls himself, it's what the other kids call him that will stick.

• Best one I read in a newspaper here in Melbourne was 'Vinyl Spike'.

• I was in a bookstore today and I was skimming through a biography of Mick Jagger by Philip Norman. It said that when Mick Jagger knocked up Marsha Hunt he hoped the baby would be a boy and that he wanted to name his son "Midnight Heaven." Norman added, in parentheses, "poor child." The child thankfully turned out to be a girl who was given the reasonable name Karis.

• [quote] I like to think that by the time the third child came along, Mom was just tired. Mister, Majesty, and Bob. Perhaps Bob had a different father to Mister and Majesty.

• [quote] [R53], it took me several minutes to figure out the potential problem -- "rickshaw." There was a teacher in my high school named Rick Shaw. One of the students married him. It was pretty common back then. It was a new high school (Catholic) and the teachers only needed BAs, so they were 21 and 22 years old and confronted with 17 and 18 year old girls in Catholic school uniforms. Shit happened.

• Chlamydia. The parents had heard the word and liked it, they would not be dissuaded.

• No R9 - I think Luvdis means Love This. And Arbo means Our Boo. I don't think anyone loves Pokemon that much.

• In my area there was a murder where two college students were robbed and told to get in the trunk of a car. The male student refused to get in the trunk and started to walk away; he was shot in the back and killed. The female student managed to escape. The murderer was a female; her name is...Zsabriela. The other female involved in the murder is named LaPrecious. No wonder they turned out to be murderers.

• R51, I know someone who was given the name Kezia, which means cinnamon, and only on a pilgrimage to Israel in her 20s did she learn the proper spelling for this Jewish name is Ketzia, so she changed her name to that.

• [quote]The murderer was a female; her name is...Zsabriela. The other female involved in the murder is named LaPrecious. No wonder they turned out to be murderers. Murderers and drag queens

• Several years ago in the Wall Street Journal there was a reference to the name police in France. Apparently, the French government can reject the name given to a child by his or her parents. The practice began in the 1930s, when parents who were member the Communist party named their daughters Staline. I am old enough to remember when Catholic priests would not baptize boys named "Steven:" the name on the baptismal certificate had to be "Stephen." Likewise, priests would not baptize boys named Scott; the name on the baptismal certificate was MiddleName (a saint's name) Scott (there is no St. Scott in the list of Catholic saints;) Names come and go in popularity and often can indicate when the person was born. I was born in the late 1950s; I went to school with several Timothys and Denises. Tim and Denise named their children Ian, Evan, Emma, etc. I live in an area with a large Catholic population, so I know a lot of Mariannes, Mary Beths, Mary Lous, etc

• [quote]Likewise, priests would not baptize boys named Scott; the name on the baptismal certificate was MiddleName (a saint's name) Scott (there is no St. Scott in the list of Catholic saints;) When was this? I was born in '58 and baptized in December of that year. Scott is my first name and it was never an issue, though my middle name is a saint's name. My certificate has my first and middle names in that order.

• A friend of mine, also born in 1958, was named "Scott John" by his parents. His baptismal certificate says "John Scott." I have a friend , born in the late 1930s, whose parents named her Nancy. The parish priest refused to put Nancy on the baptismal certificate. Hers says Anne. I think such decisions were made by the priests based on what they believe was the church rules.

  R83

• My maternal great grandmother so so sure she was having a son, when my grandmother was born, she named her Tommie. My other grandmother was named Otis, after actor Otis Skinner. We didn't know until she died that her first name was Lucille.

• My teenager goes to school with a La - a. That's how its selled. It is pronounced Ladasha.

  a

• Former child support enforcement officer here. Mother's name was Chardonnay Daughter's name was Chablis Cousin of a co-worker was named Strawberry D'Quiri Da Playa (can't remember last name)