A boyfriend left me enough money to pay for graduate school and get a start in life. I was young and broke and we had been together 4 years.
It made a great difference in my life.
A local attorney, with whom I was friends, gave me the funds to pay for the first three months of my car insurance after I bought my first car. Since that day, I've tried my best to pass that along to others when possible. He taught me that we can all do our part to make a difference in the lives of others.
Everything my parents have ever done for me. Yes, not one thing per se, but taken collectively...
Yes, one you have been lucky enough to have the experience of someone boosting you that way, you just have to help others.
Sorry to say, nothing.
My partner's parents gave us their paid off home when they moved to another city 7 years ago. It's not new (1960's), but because we don't have a mortgage, we have been able to do some remodeling here and there over the years when we can afford it. We knocked out a few walls, bought new furniture, painted, put in wood floors, etc.
Neither one of us makes a lot of money, and I have been out of work for the last 2 years, so it's been a huge help.
Had sex with me.
Everybody who voted for Obama in November brought me that much closer to not having to die of a treatable disease, so I thank you all.
A therapist named Kara, helped far and above the call of duty.
My ex embezzled all my money from the bank, but the bank wouldn't cover the losses because I wouldn't prosecute him. I was totally broke and didn't even have enough money for rent. One good friend contacted a bunch of friends and raised a bunch of money to help me get out of the hole. All of it was anonymous. I have no idea who helped me out, and for how much, but it helped me through a difficult time. I hope I'm able to help someone like that in the future.
Back in the '70's my car got a flat tire while I was driving through a very bad part of the city. There was a great deal of racial tension in that city. A black guy stopped and helped me change the tire. I was like, wow! I can never,never,ever have a racist thought because I always remember that day and how nice he was.
I love r11's story.
"My partner's parents gave us their paid off home when they moved to another city 7 years ago."
Weren't there a lot of taxes involved and such, if you don't have much money? Wish someone would give me a house.
"My ex embezzled all my money from the bank, but the bank wouldn't cover the losses because I wouldn't prosecute him."
You're an idiot and don't deserve the friends you have. I wonder if they knew you could get reimbursed if you just did what you should have legally done? As far as I'm concerned, you stole from them. Hell, you probably got back with the ex, too, and just kept all the money. Ass.
"My ex embezzled all my money from the bank, but the bank wouldn't cover the losses because I wouldn't prosecute him."
I agree with R13 on this one. Not that I believe a single word of the story, because I can't imagine a group of grown men that would give you money to cover your stupid ass (only a fool gives anyone access to their money) when you won't do anything to help yourself. I might give a small loan in this situation but even that would only be after I was absolutely certain you had already filed a police report.
A wealthy couple from Washington paid for me to go to the National Theater Institute. Apparently, this is something they did on a yearly basis (back in the 80s) for young artists who couldn't afford it. For this, I am eternally grateful.
Someone told me about DataLounge.
A friend's dad let me stay in his house in LA when I was at a very low point (read: suicidal) and needed to leave the east coast. I was invited to stay for a "week or two" until I found my own place and ended up living there for four months. I drove his car, ate his food, and we became good friends. I was broke but working hard and finally found a roommate situation I could afford.
It's funny because I wasn't really friends with his daughter--I barely knew her. But when he heard through the grapevine that I needed help and that he could provide some, he didn't hesitate to reach out to me and open his home.
His generosity is really mindblowing to me. He's not rich but has enough to live comfortably. I have no idea how I could possible repay him. I think about his generosity often.
Thank you, r12. He changed the way I thought. Whenever people talk racist crap, I remember that day. I mention it, too. I was just 17, just learned to drive.
I love stories like R11. As a gay man, I'm kind of used to people speaking in generalities about me, my lifestyle, etc. (Not that it happens that much nowadays.) But my experience has been that there are far more good people in the world than bad.
This story reminds me of the riots after the Rodney King verdict. A white guy driving a tractor trailer was pulled out of his cab and brutally assaulted while a helicopter flew up above recording the whole scene.
But the news neglected to disclose the fact that it was a black man and woman who got the guy back in the truck, and drove him to the hospital, one guy on the running board steering, and a woman using the pedals inside the truck and steering. (Also, it was two black surgeons who put this guy back together again. I saw them on the Today Show...very little publicity).
This is r10. And, yes, my friends knew the bank would cover the losses if I prosecuted, but I wouldn't prosecute. I didn't want anything to do with my ex, but I also didn't want to send someone to jail. He made wrong choices, but I'd like to think I made the right choice in not ruining someone's life.
And, for the record, you have no idea how easy it is for someone you live with to get access to your money. No, I wasn't stupid, I just wasn't paranoid and overly careful.
"He made wrong choices, but I'd like to think I made the right choice in not ruining someone's life. "
All you did was teach him that he can do it again with no consequences.
Some people aren't bent on revenge, r21.
R22, it's not about revenge. It's about preventing the bad thing from happening to someone else.
I'm sorry, but letting a criminal off scott-free is a pretty bad choice in itself, and your reasoning sounds entirely selfish. You get to feel like a better person/martyr, while a thief roams the world without consequence, free to steal from someone else. Lucky for you that you had friends to wave their magic wands and make it all better. His later victims were likely not so lucky.
Oh, but you didn't dirty yourself with "revenge"...or justice...and that makes you feel good.
You deserve to get ripped off again.
A friend of mine let me stay in her beautiful victorian house in Noe Valley, SF for a whole summer when I was homeless and she was away. She even made up little jobs (like copying her rolodex) so I could feel like I was actually earning money. The economy turned around, I got another apartment, but I'll never forget her. We're friends to this day, and I make sure I send her an extra special gift on her birthdays. Some people will look after you like selfless angels. They are to be treasured.
An elderly man who was a patron of a theater where I worked helped me over the years by sending me money to cover tuition for writing classes, and when the theater had a cash flow problem, he sent me a check that covered my living expenses for months. I knew him a little because I answered the phone for my boss (the artistic director), and would sometimes chat with him when she wasn't in, and he was always quite sincere and seemed interested in hearing what I was up to.
Then, a few years later, I was in a different job (but still writing plays), I wrote him a note to tell him how much his generosity had meant to me during the really hard years, and I felt as though he'd always helped me stand up when I was about to fall down. He responded with another very sweet note and a check for $40,000.
Let it go R24, you're a bitter foolish sociopath.
Ruining other people is not always helpful for their "own good."
R27, you're missing the point. It isn't about "ruining" the thief, it's about protecting his next victim.
A friend has watched over my career and made positions for me or recommended me for good jobs. She has believed in me when no one else has. Just lately her kind efforts are paying off.
R27, You're only making it worse. Letting a theif go free and making his friends cover for him, then comming up with childish excuses for that behavior makes it look more and more like a scam that the OP was in on from the start.
I love how a thread that would seem to encourage such positive stories has already degenerated into a bitchfest. Oh, how I love thee, DL.
I'm the guy whose ex stole his money. I'm astonished at how bitchy and evil and unsympathetic and judgmental some people are. Can you really have that little empathy and understanding?
And, for the record, my friends did not cover my loss. Far from it. They just rallied and got together enough for the next month's rent, etc. I was out a lot of money. I would have liked to have gotten the money back, but I couldn't live with myself knowing I sent someone to jail. It's just money, he didn't kill anyone, and it's my decision whether I want to punish someone for a crime committed against just me. I chose not to. It turns out that he was abusing drugs, and I had no idea. Once he got caught and I didn't prosecute, he realized that he had gotten himself in a hole and in a place he didn't want to be in, so he got himself help and got off drugs. I don't talk to him anymore, so I don't know if he's still off them, but I hope he is.
Sometimes you have to forgive people for grievances against you, otherwise, you walk around with a bitter poison in your system.
"I would have liked to have gotten the money back, but I couldn't live with myself knowing I sent someone to jail."
Aside from everything else, wouldn't it have been possible for you to get monetary restitution from him without sending him to jail? Sorry, you sound too good to be true -- and I mean that in a pejorative way.
"I'm astonished at how bitchy and evil and unsympathetic and judgmental some people are."
And I'm astonished at how unsympathetic you are to future victims of your ex. For you, it's all about you and that you don't want to feel bad for sending someone to jail. Seems you don't have any of that precious "empathy" you talk about.
I recently started a new blog which helps spread some happiness in the world by allowing people to send anonymous compliments to others.
Please check it out.
When in high school my German class planned a trip to Germany. My parents were not wealthy so I could not afford to go until someone anonymously paid for my trip. It was 20 years later that I finally learned the identity of my benefactor (my parents told me after he had passed away -- he was my father's best friend). I've been fortunate in my career and have tried to give back to those in need. I've funded scholarships, paid for people to attend conferences and opened my home to those who could not afford NYC hotels.
(I'm authenticated but prefer to not ID myself on this one.)
The authenticateds, with the possible exception of VOTN, are cunts. You could start giving back by not being a cunt then, R36.
Constipated R37? Add bran to your diet.
I might when you learn how to use commas appropriately, R36/Corporate Raider.
My father is probably the most non-judgmental, open, loving human being I've ever met. He's a psychologist, a rock to a lot of people, but very sensitive and sweet. He set up the first class for "slow learners" in my junior high.
When I was 17, I wanted to move to NYC. I was working a factory job and paying my Dad rent. He found me a place to live in NYC and gave me all the money I'd given him for rent.
I think, however, that he may have just wanted me out of the house and this was his way of doing it.
What a friend of mine did for me.
I had been going through all sorts of shit at work, and was working extremely hard. I was also being bullied by a twisted fucker who was extremely good at spreading poison and manipulating situations.
I walked out of a team meeting and felt like I was going crazy. I shouted at the team and swore at them- I must have reached breaking point. I barely remembered the hour I spent walking the streets and then getting on the bus home. I do remember people moving away from me and on a full bus, nobody sat next to me. She had heard about it and rang me- I was crying and shouting like a madman as we talked on the phone. I assumed I had lost my job, and I didn't give a fuck at the time.
My friend was at head office, and was asked by the most senior manager if she knew about what had happened. My friend laid it bare and must have communicated what a heap of shit it all was and how sick that this guy had got away with his behaviour for so many years.
This was a while ago, and after a long drawn out process, I am well respected, and the sick fucker has had to leave rather than being dismissed. My friend supported me all the way through, and helped me to believe in myself again after feeling like a worthless piece of dirt.
I will never forget what this wonderful woman did for me.
That's really dramatic, R41.
R27, I said nothing about ruining anyone and I never used the phrase "their own good", so I'm not even sure why you're quoting that to me.
My entire post was about alerting the authorities that a crime had been committed so a thief could be caught before someone else was victimized. I'm rather amazed that after multiple posts discussing this exact point, you're still failing to grasp this.
Nothing said in my post was about revenge. It was about seeking justice and preventing other people from being ripped off in the future. But as I said, your reasoning for your actions seems quite selfish. You get to keep patting yourself on the back for being so forgiving, and get to slur more intelligent/less self-absorbed people like me as "sociopathic", while a thief is running around free to steal again and victimize others who likely don't have your magical support network of anonymous benefactors.
More altruistic stories, and less back and forth bitching, please.
I completely understand R10/20 and would probably feel and do the same in his situation.
Helped me pay for my mom's funeral and tombstone. We did the absolute cheapest route and it still was over $4k, which none of us had. It took many people to donate but we did it and I am forever grateful.
The world has not been good to me. At all.
The most generous gift I ever got was from my parents (mainly my father). He gave me a strong sense of self. I never get down and I never let anyone take advantage of me. Neve have and never will. It's my life. I'm in the drivers and I never hand over the keys. Ever.
It is easy to jump all over r10 because we are removed from the situation. We don't know the people involved and we don't know the circumstances that lead to r10s ex doing what he did. He would not be able to say with 100 percent certainty (obviously) but, i think r10 would have a better idea if his ex would be likely to do it again than we would. A basically decent person can make one mistake/bad decision that leads to another and another and finally one huge bad (illegal)decision in an attempt to fix all the others. Stuff like that happens all the time and it is different from someone who is a career criminal.
I also think it's a shame that people assume that r10 did not want to press charges so that he could feel self-righteous at the expense of possible future victims. Why is it so hard to believe that he was actually concerned about ruining the guys life. He obviously felt that his need for justice/retribution was not more important than the possible negative consequences of sending his ex to prison. Perhaps he thought that the ex was not strong enough to survive prison maybe he thought the ex might get raped, murdered or commit suicide. He said drugs were involved. Maybe had hope that the ex would stop using he didn't want him to have to deal with with the label of ex-con while trying to put his life back together.
He said his friends knew that he didn't press charges so he didn't mislead them. The fact that they still gave him money tells me that maybe they understood his reasons. Or maybe they were just able to look at the bigger picture like r10 did with his ex and felt that their desire be there for r10 was more important than their desire for him to handle the situation the way that they would.
I understand that it is hard for many people to imagine handling the situation the way r10 did. When someone has wronged you in some way you want to lash out and make them pay. Have you have ever been really pissed at someone and decided the next time you see them you're going to rip them a new asshole but, before are able to say anything they give you a heartfelt apology for what they have done. It sucks because here you are all charged up and ready to go and that completely takes the wind out of your sails. Especially when you can tell that they are really sincere. Sometimes the momentum is too strong, you've been thinking about it all day and you can't stop yourself from ripping into them anyway. It is more emotionally satisfying to let that person have it than to feel sympathetic towards them. It's hard to think beyond your anger and have compassion for the person who has wronged you. It's even harder and takes more control over your emotions when when you don't even get an apology which may have been the case for r10.
How much money did your ex embezzle, R10? You said it was a lot of money but how much is "a lot"? Are we talking a few grand or $10k+?
The Mom of another student that took me under her wing from the age of 8 on. I could not read yet and was having severe emotional breakdowns at school, she completely changed things at school for me. Sadly she didn't get to live a long life but I still love talking to her kids.
Another altruistic gesture I just remembered:
A friend knew I was drowning in debt even though I had my "dream job" (though entry level) as well as a part-time job. He offered to pull some strings to get me a VERY well paying job where he worked--he was besties with the big cheese there. Even though the job description required tons of experience and an advanced degree, I got the job.
I was sad about quitting my dream job but I just couldn't afford to work there. I LOVED giving up my p/t job. The new job was awful and I left after a few months (just a bad fit overall and not at all in my area of interest) but it served as a springboard to something well-paying and interesting.
I'm no longer friends with the generous guy since he revealed himself to be a selfish, shallow, climber. But he was nice to help me out and go out on a limb for me unasked.
The guy got you a job that you didn't deserve, which you accepted, stealing from someone else who probably was more qualified and deserved the job... he had no reason to help you and he went out on a limb (even though you proved you couldn't handle it and probably ruined his reputation by leaving a few months later).
Yeah HE sounds like a really selfish, shallow person.
And you don't sound like an ingrate at all.
Raymond Shaw did the single most generous, altruistic thing for me. He is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
I go to stores, Kmart Sears, during the holidays and pay off some of the peoples lay away accounts. I know what it was like to receive nothing on Christmas as a child.
Awesome R35!!! I love it.
They'll let you do that?
Yes they do you just dont know who it is, they call if a christmas angel or something.
Interesting. So you just walk up and say, here's $20 or whatever, put it towards someone's random layaway?
R55 That is really nice, an old boss of mine did/does it.
How do you decide which ones to pay off? And does the lay-away person hand you a list or what? How exactly does this work?
BRB...I'm going to put some stuff on layaway right now :-)
Totally agree R53.
One day, after I came home from another soul-crushing day at a job that I hated, I told my husband that I wanted to go to medical school. Not only didn't he laugh at me, he always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself.
The Voice of the Night
I'd been looking for a copy of an out of print book for a little while, with no luck. I mentioned my quest to a friend of mine, thinking nothing of it. I kept looking for the book, and one day, a few weeks later, I came home from work and there was a package from him in the mail.
He'd found the book and sent it to me as a gift. He probably paid a lot for it, too.
It was completely unexpected and very, very kind.
The first thing that comes to mind is a gentleman who took me under his wing after I'd graduated from university twice and was still unable to get work. I was in my 30s, living at home and very depressed. I'd gone to the local college, met with him and he expressed how he couldn't understand why I wasn't employed. He gave me some confidence when I didn't have any and "found" some work for me to do for the college that paid.
Kindness like this is so rare I've learned. You wouldn't think it would be, but it is, sadly.
Well it's not that rare. We have 4 pages and counting of it right here.
"I was out a lot of money. I would have liked to have gotten the money back, but I couldn't live with myself knowing I sent someone to jail."
That sounds very nice but the fact is that you didn't have the cash to back up that ridiculas excuse for not calling the police.Your friends had to bale you out like a child because you could not face the consequences of living in the adult world and you don't seem to understand that.
r49. This is R10, and thanks for your comment. I'm thankful someone understands why I did what I did. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and defense.
I don't get it R49. They didn't need help. They could have gotten the money back. The friend who helped would have been better off helping someone who really needed the help.
R10 and R70
No good deed goes unpunished, especially here.
I'm sure if your ex has a shred of awareness, your grace affected him positively.
It wasn't a good deed.
I'm a little surprised at the repeated responses to r10. But not pressing charges was a mistake. Truthfully, if this was a first offense, he wasn't going to go to jail. He would have gotten probation, which would have forced him to address his drug problem (it wouldn't have been an "option", but manditory).
I don't know r10, of course, but so often people do things like this consciously thinking they are being "nice" but the net result is a lot of attention and kudos for being a "good person", and in the end it's either laziness, fear, or a desire for attention that is the main motivation, even if only subconsciously.
When these things happen, shielding the perpetrator from the consequences of their actions may seem like a kindness in the short term, but usually in the long term, it's no favor.
R10 sounds young and probably just hasn't seen many examples of this yet.
R49 makes even less sense than the original poster, No one has given one valid reason to come to the rescue of an idiot that refuses to help himself. Let me guess R10, you were "abused" as a child and are now in at least one 12 step program at this time. No doubt sitting around meditating waiting for some higher power to come along and make everything right(you're sure they will someday)while you put in as little effort as you can get away with.
It's pretty obvious that R10 is still in love with and would gladly accept back the person who "embezzled" from him. You see, he's going to save him from himself, dontcha know?
Bring on the sputtering denials...
thus could be a lovely thread if you dickheads would just let go of r10.
A woman on Twitter read some of my sad-sack yet humorous tweets about how poor a student I was and how I was going to pay rent that month and eat. She messaged me and sent $500 via Paypal.
I'll never forget her.
"thus could be a lovely thread if you dickheads would just let go of [R10]."
Quiet sweetheart, the grownups are talking now.
When I was a kid, I convinced myself that my mother was about to die. So, on Christmas Eve I took the bus downtown so I could buy her a nice pair of shoes for when she met Jesus. (As you can tell, I was quite-a-brainwashed little Christian, not-to-mention an over-the-top drama queen.)
I found her a really hot pair of fuck-me pumps, which I thought would go really well with the hot little number she had worn to the party she and Pop had attended the night before. But, when it came time to pay, I found out that what I had spent on the bus ride left me without enough money for both the shoes and the NKOTB CD I was planning to buy for myself.
So I told the clerk my problem. I didn't mention the CD--I figured that would gum up the works. The clerk was sympathetic, but not helpful.
This cracker behind me in line asked me how much I needed. I gave him a figure that would cover the pumps for my mom, some Nikes for me, and a new Nintendo. We negotiated to the point that he covered the pumps, as long as I would sign some kind of release form.
By the time the taxi got me home, mom was feeling better. It turns out that she had just had a little too much eggnog at the party. When I showed her the pumps, she smacked my ear and said that they were about the stupidest gift ever.
But I always look back with a mixture of admiration, thankfulness, and superiority to the generous yokel who gave me money to buy those Christmas fuck-me pumps.
Wow, R80, that was a lot of typing for no discernible purpose.
That was R80's rendition of the execrable Christmas carol "The Christmas Shoes", R81.
A friend of mine bought me a gym membership, which was really awesome. But as soon as he found a boyfriend he stopped speaking to me (without telling me) which sort of told me that he had probably done it out of boredom, not friendship.
I know that, R82, it doesn't change the fact that there was no discernible purpose for writing it all down.
R80 amused me, r84.
R80 is stupid.
Actually my bf stopped having sex with me and dumped me. I was hurt and angry but it turns out he thought he had AIDS...and he did.
This was in the eighties...
R11 you are a mess. How could you allow a person to embezzle money (he must have been on the account) and then not prosecute him unless you are a victim. And it would seem you are. If you keep setting up your life to be a melodrama then it will be. Stop being an idiot.
My mother helped fund or bought the 3 other siblings in my family a used first car. But not me. I am child #4. So when I graduated and looked for a job....I had no car/transportation. My mother's co-worker Gloria gave me her old Pinto. It ran great. Lots of miles and rusted out floors....you could see street! I have never forgotten it. Gloria has since passed. RIP.
Once I had a job then I was able to buy a new car after about a year.
R80 based his imaginative story on that weird holiday country song about momma being sick and dying.
A friend payed off one of my credit card bills for me. It was a department account, which back then, was easy to get access to the information. I was dreading that bill, because it never seemed to go down. I went in to pay it and the credit department clerk said," there is nothing due." I thought it was a mistake and they checked it out, they had just taken a check from my friend, hours ago and they showed it to me.
It was like 800.00. 20 years ago. I've never incurred debt since.
We are still friends.
I wash my tighty whities and donate them to the needy. Poor dears.
R90 here...btw because of my experience I now give away my used car rather than trade it in. I gave the Pinto to a single mom with one baby. Years later I gave my truck to an old guy (80) as he had no transportation but could still drive. And my last car, a Honda; I gave to a woman in her 50s who is unemployed now and job hunting. I really try to find worthy cases because so many persons are just greedy/ghetto and will take a free car.
Sorry r 61 late response. You just go in and let the people in the lay away dept. know that you would like to pay off some accounts. Usually I tell them i would like to pay off as many accounts as 1000.0 allows. As many as possible. I let them know to look for account that have toys or if they could identify any that are for the elderly. They gather the accounts and you give them the means to pay them. I do not know who they are and they do not know who I a,.
Sometimes I think I'M the altruistic one. But I do have a generous friend. He gives me a check for $10K every year as a gift. And he always writes a note about why he's glad I'm in his life and sends it with the check. It's very sweet.
For the past 3 years, I have gifted my always supportive sister $12,000 every year for various home repairs. She is not doing as well as I am. We talk every year about what needs to be fixed in her home within this amount and then I either pay or send checks. Includes flooring, appliances, windows, gate/fencing repairs...you name it.