Wow, nothing like the feeling of waking up, checking Facebook, and seeing people who you consider to be your closest friends tagged in holiday party photos, and you weren't invited!!
Merry Christmas to me!
Avoid the urge to write "Thanks for the invite" on any of the photos. I've seen this done before, it looks petty.
But yes, fuck them. Throw a party and don't invite them.
Throw your own party with hookers and blackjack, OP.
It does suck, OP. Happened to me once too. It's a big ouch.
Ask them why you weren't invited, and if you aren't satisfied with their answer, stop associating with them. Yeah, it's hurtful, but at least you know that they are shitty friends now and you can move on with your life.
That is good advice.
Why do you think you weren't asked, OP? Were you always invited to things with the same group of people? Who actually threw the party? Was it someone you consider close?
Ask yourself a few questions before you go and do something that makes you look petty or, worse, like some sort of victim or ass.
1 - living well is the best revenge
2 - revenge is a dish best served cold
OP not to be a bitch - but maybe you're a pain in the ass in some way? Though they should just tell you they don't like you to your face - this was a pretty passive aggressive way for them to do that. (They obvs know you were going to see it on FB)
OP, don't freak out. I once sent an invite to people and accidentally deleted one name. My friend totally overreacted and felt like a fool once I told him it was accidental.
Is the host someone you considered a friend? You really can't blame the guests.
Don't freak out. Pretend to be their best friends for a while. Long enough to get an invited back to their house. When you do bring a vial of tuna oil. When no one is looking dump it onto their carpet. They'll never get the smell out of their house.
Done and done. Then have nothing to do with them.
From the photos it looks like my friend's house. Ugh. UGH.
Yet anothe example why I'm glad that I'm FB free.
I can not imagine how difficult high school would be now with FB.
You're going to have to find a way (the courage to) ask your friend, the party host, about it.
"This is awkward, but here goes ... I've seen the pictures of and remarks about your party, (drop a few names of those invited), and am kind of hurt." The ball will now be solidly in the other court. You MUST remain Spock-like detached the entire time for this to work.
We condole you OP.
Forget what r15 said. I've got a shitbra you can borrow.
Pish tosh, r16. A thing like this may be more of a "first world problem," but that rationalization doesn't make it [italic]feel[/italic] any less hurtful.
OP that sucks but sometimes it happens. It's happened to me and most of these people I don't consider "friends" anymore but they're acquaintances since we see each other socially from other mutual friends we have.
OP, you should have a party at your house and only invite yourself. Take photos of you laughing and drinking and wearing a lampshade on your head. Then post all the photos on FB so that all your friends can see what a swell time they all missed, if only they had been invited.
If it was an oversight, they would have called by now.
The next time they do this, come uninvited dressed in a white Seventies prom dress drenched in blood, with your arms extended with your palms down. Use your telekinetic powers to kill them all.
Like one of the photos. That's what I did in a similar situation. I wasn't whiny about, but I let them know I was on to them. Of course, I had very little to do with them after that.
OP, have you been invited to functions in the past? And if you were invited, did you go? This could be the key to the holiday party non-invite.
I have several friends who are extremely social. I am more of an introvert. I enjoy lunch or dinner out with a small group but I am not a party-goer. In the past, I was always invited to my friends' parties. But I turned them down so many times that they stopped inviting me. It's not like I am banned or on the outs with any of them. And I could certainly go to any of their parties, if I said something about it. But as one friend once told me, "you have to go once in a while to continue getting the invitations."
And if what I said doesn't apply to you, I think you should consider what other posters have written before you do something you regret. It's possible that you were accidentally left out. It's also possible that you were invited but didn't get the invitation. I have a friend who uses evite and nothing else. No phone calls or emails about parties. Her evites ended up in my spam folder a couple of times.
There may be several reasons why you didn't hear about this party. But I suggest you use this as an opportunity to reevaluate your friendships and where you expend your energy. And, as someone who has done foolish things in the past, I suggest that you do your re-evaluating quietly, without making grand gestures or friendship-ending statements.
Good luck, OP. And keep in mind, this could ultimately be a good thing for you. There is nothing like a quiet lesson to teach us how to refocus our energy and enrich our lives.
r7 is correct. Who threw the party? Was it a close friend, or someone you don't know?
Totally agree with R12 - I have done the same thing (not wanted to attend every single group function) and was eventually asked by one friend: "Would you prefer to just skip the social stuff? We're not sure why you don't want to attend, but we don't want to pressure you".
It was kind of them to approach me about it, and I hadn't realized how often I had declined invitations - mostly because big parties with lots of people are just not so appealing to me anymore. I would much rather see these friends individually or in smaller groups, but obviously they don't feel the same way.
I was castigated on another thread for saying this, but sometimes friends get into that hive-mind thing and only want to do things as a group. That's just not me anymore.
Did you check your junk mailbox to see if your computer accidentally read the invitation as spam and sent it there? If it was a formal party with mailed invitations, I know that my friend had an issue with several invites for his wedding not reaching people. They just got lost by the post office. Finally, was it one of those dreaded couples only type parties where singles aren't invited as they somehow upset the seating pattern? I feel for you and I hope there's a reasonable answer.
R24 has great advice. And, I'm exactly the same way. I turn down more invites than I accept and blame it on being introverted and tired a lot. How close are you to the person who hosted the party? That might answer a few questions.
WOW, OP, that's fucked up. They deserve to know how shitty that was to do to you.
I went to the holiday luncheon at my work last week and ended up sitting and eating alone. It was humiliating. I'm not going next year.
Do not do anything. Do not say anything.
Resist the urge to embrace your inner drama queen.
Ugh, r30. That sucks too.
OP? At least your friends have the money to throw parties. I don't.
This is going to sound petty, but this is the kind of thing that I find unforgivable. I go into Nurse Sheila Carter mode and plot revenge.
My straight friend and his cunt wife had a party that I wasn't invited to. The next time we went out for a boys night, I encouraged him to cheat on her with some skank. He did. Don't fuck with me.
[quote]2 - revenge is a dish best served cold
What a bullshit cliche that is. Serve it up piping hot not years after the fact when nobody even gets that it is revenge for something.
"I go into Nurse Sheila Carter mode and plot revenge. "
I'm in Nurse Sheila Carter mode right now for exactly what OP is writing about. And I assure you--No! I PROMISE YOU!--I will get my revenge. Oh, you better believe I will! I will smother her head in a hot tub--and I swear--Oh! I SWEAR!--she will NOT be able to survive by sucking air from the jets in the jacuzzi!
Bold but not Beautiful
That sucks, OP, but clearly you've been overstating your friendship with these people or you would've been invited.
I love the Sheila Carter Grainger Forrester Warrick references...although she would show up at the next party and hold the attendees hostage.
Sheila Carter ETC SO ON? This is why people hate the soap threads! Poor Kimberlin Brown must get death threats from all the whack jobs who think she is that character!
You don't need those friends they suck. Find some new ones. Let them enjoy each other's bad taste.
A friend of mine said he wanted me to co-host a barbecue at his house. We had set the date. When the time came, he planned it and threw it without me. Never even got an invite.
Take stock of your life, bitch!
This is one of the reasons I am not on Facebook.
I don't want to see the fabulous and exciting lives my friends are having and then feeling like shit about my own.
About this individual party.... in your group of friends is there someone who you don't get along with or dislike, but others in the group do like? Maybe they were like "We can't invite NeNe AND Kim to the same party, it will be a war zone and I want to avoid drama. One or the other."
OP, rent Woody Allen's "Another Woman". Have a notebook handy for the scene where Betty Buckley gatecrashed the party at Ian Holm and Gena Rowland's house.
Then DO it.
You DO realize that all those Friends you have on Facebook are people you've never met before? Right?
I had the same thing happen to me.
The Howells didn't invite me to their party
Well it turns out Gilligan bumped into a tree and dropped my invitation.
That's harsh. Sorry it happened to you OP. Some people are thoughtless.
Maybe they had good reason not to invite you.
One time I got called to the principal because Jenny Wilton, my best friend wrote that Mrs Denton was a hippopotamus on a picture I doodled.
I called that bitch up an UNinvited her to my party
R23 has it right. Like one of the photos and post a very positive comment about the party. Then DO NOT respond to additional comments or calls.
I was hurt that I was not invited to my niece's baby shower. We were very close when she was a child. I said nothing and sent a gift after the baby was born. Nothing more was said, although I still felt prickly about being ignored.
In the spring, I rolled up an area rug and there was the invitation, still sealed. Now instead of being the one wronged, I was the asshole who neither RSVP'd or attended.
My advise? Shut up. You just never know.
Yeah, but I feel like I've known these people from Facebook all my life, don't you?
You could be all passive aggressive and post a comment like, "Looks like you guys had a great party!"
And then let them feel like shit.
R11 has it right. Your friends at the party wouldn't know whether or not you were invited. Maybe if they noticed you weren't there they thought you were invited but didn't come for some reason. Don't blame them. The key is the host who didn't invite you. Is he a close friend of yours, too?
OP, having started this thread, would you care to respond with answers to some of the questions asked, and provide details of how you're intending to proceed?
For some reason you sound surprised this happened, Charlie Brown.
"My straight friend and his cunt wife had a party that I wasn't invited to. The next time we went out for a boys night, I encouraged him to cheat on her with some skank. He did. Don't fuck with me."
You have issues. Get help.
Larry: Beaver and Whitey and a bunch of other guys formed a secret club and wouldn't let me join
Mrs Mondello: Don't worry, when you're grown up and president of a big company they'll all be sorry.
Larry: Well sure, but that doesn't help me now.
Update bump. OP - welllll???????
op are you sure you weren't invited with one of those large group Facebook "event" invite?
Easy to miss.
re 8 I always have to remind myself about #2
revenge IS a dish best served cold. Sometimes I just want to say something or push something, and I really have to check myself. Nothing comes good of it even when you are right, when you are in the heat of the moment.
This is why they careless narcissism of Facebook is such a malignancy.
Gosh, I am such an egoist, I wouldn't care. Us that awful?
It sounds to me like the only one you may have a problem with is the host. Like everyone else said, don't alienate all your other friends. They don't operate as a borg.
I'm sorry if it turns out that he froze you out intentionally. That's happened to me, and it really hurts, but months and years later it became apparent that in the long run the asshole was doing me a favor.
In my youth I befriended a girl and introduced her to my circle of friends. She lived closer to them than I did and began organizing get-togethers that didn't include me, and gradually I was iced out of the whole group. She took over my whole social circle, like a cuckoo stealing another bird's nest.
Twenty years later, she and a few others from that circle messaged my sister on Facebook wanting to get in touch with me. How I laughed.
Best part: She's fat, indeed obese, and I'm not.
OP, send a PRIVATE message or CALL the host. That is, IF you truly consider this to be a good friend. If so, you probably have already DONE that. I would pick up a phone right then and there as soon as I saw the pics of everyone at a party I was not invited to. You don't have to be accusatory or petulant about it, just inquire. Depending upon the response, this will tell you whether this host is a true friend or not. And you can then proceed accordingly.
Wow! OP, sure is getting a ton of advice.
I wonder which one he'll take.
It's awful, OP, but try not to dwell in it. This might be a good opportunity to purge your address book and get ready for a new adventure.
They probably thought he attended the party and won't even notice.
Something similar happened to me YEARS ago where my group of friends had some get together and invited this chick that *I* had invited to join us on several previous events. This new chick told the host that she didn't want me to be invited (she had some sort of issue with me). Still makes me mad that the host complied...the host tries to make contact with me every few years, but I mostly deflect or ignore her calls. I hold grudges.
With friends like that, you don't need enemies.
R65, the OP obviously isn't going to take any of the advice offered, as he hasn't been to this thread since he originally posted it.
OP, in case you ever return... I had a holiday party and invited all my local facebook friends. A couple of them never showed, and never rsvpd.
After the fact they asked about the party (having seen photos on my fb page). In each case they HAD BEEN invited. They just didn't check their facebook often/and or ignored "event" notifications.
Are you SURE you weren't invited?
If they're tagging photos on Facebook of a party you weren't invited to, then they don't care about you. They don't sound like close friends
...I know who OP is...
I had a falling out with one of my formerly close friends. He often organizes outings, events, and parties. I am now omitted from most of those. The fact that I'm not the only person he has done that to doesn't really make it any better.
why dont you unfriend, r75?
OP, your friends aren't entirely gay men, are they?
Because some gay guys will exclude friends who "lower the hotness quotient" at an event. This was actually explained to me last summer on Fire Island.
[quote]why dont you unfriend, R75?
It is a bit more complicated than that. He and I are both in the same circle of friends.
R74 --- if you know who OP is .... do you know why he wasn't invited to the holiday party ?
No, I meant I know who is he on Datalounge.... he has a handle he usually uses...
(let's just say he cooks a lot.)
If OP doesn't show his face here again, I say we all have a aorty and don't invite his ungrateful ass.
Oh! NOW We Know Why He Wasn't Invited!
I confess, it is me, the GG! :( Although I am probably going to retire my GG handle now since people got tired of it. Viva 2013!!
Say nothing. If you make it an issue it will only spotlight the reason they left your sorry ass of the guest list in the first place.
Pop in unexpected, take a poop in their sink, smear it on the walls, and then resume your seat as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
Shitty Little Ann
OP, did Bea Benederet invite you to her NYE party with Shirley Booth and the deviled eggs? You could just post pictures of that on FB and then everyone will think you just had a prior commitment.
Trolldar confirms OP is Galloping Gourmet.
Aren't you going to answer any questions GG? What has happened since you first posted?
Can't you find out some dirt from someone else who attended the party? I'd be dying to know, just for the closure.
If you weren't intentionally invited and they posted FB pics, they 1) knew you'd see it and therefore wanted you to know you weren't invited or 2) didn't even think about you seeing it, which straight up means they don't care.
Either way, unless it was some huge oversight (but still seems peculiar that if these are good friends you wouldn't have heard someone talking about the party prior to or calling to see if you were coming) cut your losses. They sound like terrible people.
If this is true, you sound like an idiot. You blame your friend's wife but not your friend? Sorry, if he allowed that to happen, he's totally to blame and he's the one you should be pissed at.
You sound like those stupid, messed up women who find out their husband is cheating on them and instead of kicking the husband out, blames the mistress and goes to fight them.
Someone else said you need help... but there's no help to be had for stupidity.
OP are you called "Galloping Gourmet" because your cooking gives people the trots?
Don't abuse GG. Now tell us GG, why do you REALLY think you weren't invited?
My prediction for 2013 is that Facebook will collapse.
1. Because everyone will implode from the drama. This will begin with the high school and college girls it was designed for. The 20-30 something's will come next. Domino effect from there.
2. It can't make any money.
2010 called and wants its anti-fb meme back.
Of course it's GG. Who the fuck can stand that insufferable faggot. Not to mention his shitty cooking and " it's all about me me MEEEE!" Whining.
Really, who else *could* it be?
Do fuck off, "faggot" at R94. GG actually brings something to this board unlike tedious bores like yourself.
You invited people to a party via Facebook?
That's nothing r96. I have a nephew who invited all guests to his medieval-themed wedding (he and his bride work in one of those fairs) via facebook. His wife, Mom (my sister) and MIL were OK with that.
I didn't even send a gift.
GG, please update us. This isn't fake DL concern because I think your post hit close to home for a few of us.
This happened to us for NYE. We're friends with five other couples. Two of the couples wanted the rest of us to come out to a steakhouse for NYE. We had already committed to other plans and politely declined, but one of the other couples declined, saying they were just going to "stay at home" for NYE. The next day, we discover that they did not stay home, but went to a small party at the home of one of the other couples who never responded to the invite to go out. They didn't even respond to say, "hey, stop by our house for drinks afterwards." It's actually just another sign that our group of friends has become fragmented.
I'm sorry OP hon. Let it go now sugar.
How does Trolldar work, R86? Thanks!
Click on the link labeled troll-dar for the poster you are investigating, and all his/her recent posts will automatically highlight in yellow. Not sure about the cutoff time, but a thread I wrote 2 years ago recently got bumped, and I redognized my entries. They no longer turn yellow.
they do not like you. Move on.
Wow. Hard to believe that grown-ups get into these highschool dramas on facebook.
Punch delete those aren't friends.
Might sound childish but someone who I considered a friend lives in Oakland & they came to San Francisco for their birthday party and didn't call or invite me, I saw the photos online. Yeh I've invited them to tons of events and even went to Oakland for events to support them.
I simply unfriended them without a word.
They messaged my in-box with an invitation to their home fuck that I'm not going to Oakland like a second-rate chump. BYE nice knowing you.
Okay, now that I know that GG is the OP, there's no doubt in my mind that the party slight was intentional. I'm sure GG's alleged friends have no more desire to hang out with his annoying ass than we do.
[quote]A friend of mine said he wanted me to co-host a barbecue at his house. We had set the date. When the time came, he planned it and threw it without me. Never even got an invite.
Why would you need an invite to a party you were co-hosting? You said you knew the date. As co-host you should have gotten in touch with the other co-host to finalize plans and details. You weren't snubbed, you did the snubbing.
So, two things:
First, I've had people who hated me and much later discovered they thought I'd snubbed or judged them (I didn't). It was just crossed wires and mistaken assumptions.
Second, I had a friend who sometimes told me about get togethers she had with other friends of ours that I wasn't invited to. I did feel excluded, but I had too much pride to mention it. I know I'm intense and friends need a break from that sometimes, and we all have the right to socialize as we please. In those cases, I acted positive and asked if they had a good time, etc. And privately resolved to expand my friend group so I didn't feel wounded when some did things without me.
I suggest, GG, that you "like" one of the FB pics and leave it at that. If you want to improve yourself, so you get more invites, talk to whoever in that group you are closest to, and ask him frankly and privately what you need to work on that would make your friends more friendly. Ask him what holds people back from including you.
Honesty this happens to me all the time. I'm still in high school and used to hang out with my "friends" outside of school, but now it feels like they don't consider me anymore for parties. It makes me feel like crap.
It's happened to me also OP. Don't worry about it. It happens. This is how you find out who your real friends are.
You sound young. Are you young? Sorry you were feeling left out. Move on sweetie.