at a party last night and twice I introduced myself to someone and extended a hand to shake after a few mintues of passing party conversation
and the person just listened to my name and smiled and looked at me with a blank stare ... one said "nice to meet you" without any semblence of polite social obligation to respond in kind.
One just stared and said "nice to meet you" followed by awkward silence.
I was dumbfounded. And both times raised my foice and repsonded with AND. YOUR. NAME. IS????
to which both looked totally shocked that they would have any obligation to offer their name after a person they met at a party introduced himself.
Do these people grow up in barns? or are they so narcissistic that they believe I somehow know them? or is it some power thing that they think they deserve to have information they need to negotiate the social world but are under no obligation to respond with even a sense of politeness out of fear they will lose some power standing by lowering themselves to informational equality?
I think the latter.
Have you looked into pot, OP? You need to chill the fuck out.
OP, these are the same boars who call my place of employment and proceed to ask who I am.
Fuck you asshole! You state YOUR name first and then ask.
There are nicer ways of asking, OP. I'm sure neither of them wants anything more to do with you.
OP, did one of them tap you on the head with an umbrella and say, "Move it along, Toots."?
There are many social norms parents used to teach their kids and no longer taught. This is just one. The other is if you are the trick, leave after the cumshots.
Do you know the definition of ignored, R4? I was not being ignored.
They were listening intentely and responding with their own conversation. Once the reciprocation began, I did the socially mature thing and introducted myself.
What I will not be a victim of is rudeness or social immatureity.
Read the facts, if you can, before you attempt a snark. If indeed you are capable of snarking on here with the big boys, it will at least be effective.
You've observed two people who did this at one party and you are ready to attribute it to some presumed complex psychosocial drama? Geez. Some people don't have social skills to save their lives or are shy and uncomfortable in social settings. The behavioral manifestations are this muteness and awkwardness you've observed. Isn't that enough of an explanation rather than coming up with the most awful ones possible on the basis scant evidence? Barns? Narcissism? Power differentials?
Some of the most "powerful" and privileged people I've known are the biggest social schmoozers I've known. I mean this both in good and bad senses. Social skills and charisma get people far. Some people are genuinely interested in others and really like talking to them. Others always might have an agenda or something to sell.
R9, your victimization seems a bit on the shallow side.
*others might have something to sell.
The Hissing Eldergay, that's what my name is.
The Hissing Eldergay (THE)
Sounds like you were at the Datalounge Christmas party, OP. Did the host make you remove your shoes as you arrived?
Three questions, OP:
1) was it mostly gay men?
2) are you fat?
3) your age is?
I side with OP as I have run into this myself. Self involved people with little in the way of manners. A lot of that in the gay community in San Francisco. A lot of good people here, too, though. I just realize they are probably very sad insecure people on the inside. I will continue to be my nice self no matter how many people say I am too nice.
OP is right. It's the third. Since you don't already know their names, it means you are not in the magic circle, and they have no intention of expanding the magic circle to include you. It's all about power and exclusion. If they had said what they were thinking, it would have been, "Nobody YOU'D know" with a sneer.
[quote]What I will not be a victim of is rudeness or social immatureity.
R2, you wrote boar but you meant boor.
OP is correct. And R16 and R17 nail it -- with particular emphasis on the last sentence that 17 wrote. To that end, R15 asks the relevant questions.
[quote]What I will not be a victim of is rudeness or social immatureity.
You should have just made a fart sound and then flicked a booger in their drinks, OP.
Life's solution to everything
The socially retarded are everywhere. Sometimes I can't figure out if they're rude or just clueless—or a combination of both. Doesn't really matter though, because I am less and less a "people person" every day I spend on this planet.
They are ignorant trash.
Would it have been ironic if both of them were named Mary?
They don't feel the need to add anymore dwarf lesbians to their social group.
You're exhausting, OP.
I hate when people ask me my name, especially online. When someone on Grindr tells me their name, I just say "nice to meet you" and don't respond back with my name.
I went to a party last night too and everyone went through introductions. If a person didn't announce themselves, the host said, "And this is Steve." OP, what kind of parties are you attending where even this basic level of etiquette is ignored? It is the obligation of your host to make sure everyone is properly introduced. Unless it's an orgy.
I agree with OP. Introducing yourself to someone after they've done the same is basic social etiquette. I'm far from being cultured or a Miss Manners but this is pretty basic.
I think some people are just clueless. I was at my company's Christmas party last week and witnessed a manager and a coworker licking their fingers at the table while eating. Wtf?
This was a lip gloss and Prada Queen party in Dallas, right???
[quote]I think some people are just clueless. I was at my company's Christmas party last week and witnessed a manager and a coworker licking their fingers at the table while eating. Wtf?
Why can't lick their fingers after eating chicken? Haven't you ever heard of finger lickin' good?
OP, how could you not recognize Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman?
Well SURE the two objects of OP's attention exhibited poor manners by not introducing themselves when presented with the proper opportunity.
But after OP showed them what a high-maintenance little priss-pot he is, I can't imagine they would want to be on friendly terms with him.
I know I wouldn't.
I keep picturing OP as Niles Crane.
OP you sound both clinically paranoid and arrogant. First of all, you're paranoid reading this giant, elaborate psychological issue into a tiny, random etiquette faux-pas that was most likely unintentional. Second of all, I'm disturbed by your pompous, entitlement attitude "I won't be a victim of rudeness." Nobody on earth is born guaranteed to never encounter rudeness! That's how life works.
See, this is why butches like myself detest you fem-gays so much (I know the OP is fem because no butch on this planet would make such a sniveling, crybaby thread): you're very arrogant, stuck-up, self-absorbed and you fems emotionally go to pieces over absolutely NOTHING. It's not your feminine manner than makes you less than men, it's your snotty, catty-bitch ATTITUDE.
OP, I would have answered with "not listed in the phonebook for personal reasons".
I make it a point only to exchange names with the hawt guys at parties.
Life is short.
The test of good manners is to be able to put up pleasantly with bad ones.
OP, maybe you had been introduced to them on previous occasions, but couldn't be bothered to remember them because you didn't find knowing them to be socially advantageous. They probably were appalled by your transparency and were quite rightfully cool to you.
The situation reminds me of the old pop psychology book "Games People Play", where one party feels slighted if they conversationally "stroke" another without reciprocity. In my experience, it's been because the person is lost in their own thoughts and not really listening, or the person has concluded you are neither a potential lover nor someone who can help their career, and thus declines to continue the conversation.
Everyone is used to staring at their phones now. Social situations are unknown to them. Give it about 15 years and there will be no social gatherings at all.
LOL @ R35. Honey - or dude, if you want to perpetuate your transparent sham of claiming to be butch - no "butch" guy gets satisfaction from publicly reading other males...
falling reflexively into the use of ALL CAPS and hyperbole such as "on this planet" and "catty-bitch" ... lol...
those type of expressions just aren't in a "butch's" lexicon or a part of the way a "butch" reacts to other males ... much less the narcissisitc gratification of putting himself forward like Julia Sugarbaker for all to see...
But nice try sister.
I can't stand it either, OP, and am surprised how often it happens.
OP, I am reminded of Mr. Collins, who introduces himself to a social superior and is treated with contempt in return. You were the first to be rude. While it's too bad that the targets of your attention were as rude as you, it's not entirely surprising.
Next time, request an introduction.
American faggots = narcissists beyond compare.
And then, you've got to love this particular brand of douchebag:
[quote]OP, maybe you had been introduced to them on previous occasions, but couldn't be bothered to remember them because you didn't find knowing them to be socially advantageous. They probably were appalled by your transparency and were quite rightfully cool to you.
Yeah, maybe. And just maybe unicorns fell from the sky farting glitter and clutching $1,000 bills. Not really relevant, but equally as fanciful.
Not finding sufficient fodder in OP's post to slam him, R35 made up additional facts -- and the motivation behind them! -- just so he could be a prissy little bitch and call out the OP for being rude at some fictitious time in the past.
Some people really do live in their own world.
I'd never thought I'd post something like this on DL, but could R35 possibly be a bigger fucking cunt?
It's incredibly rude when people do that OP. I agree with you.
R44 & 45 have it correct. It's intensely American (I mean that in its most childishly pushy & unworldly context ) to expect someone to tender their name to you simply because you have to them. I expect OP is an update on the plaid wearing Hector Dextor type of American that Nancy Mitford and Evelyn Waugh used to snort over in the 50s.
I agree completely with R41. It's the way it works these days. Sad, but true.
Honestly, there are some people that I do not want to give my name to-- and most of the times it's people who walk up to me and introduce themselves-- sorry, I just don't want to tell you my name, and didn't ask to hear yours... stop trying to make people behave how you think they should behave, it's simply obnoxious. You sound like someone I would not want to encounter at a party because even if I do tell you my name you're going to criticize the next thing that comes to your mind. Mary!
OP, it's possible they didn't understand your question, hence the blank stare. While the question is clear when it's written out, the phrase doesn't pop up often in everyday conversation. Next time try, "Hi, I'm [Bob]. What's [bold]your[/bold] name?" Much clearer and to the point.
[quote]I did the socially mature thing
A swing and a miss.
Describe these people to whom you don't want to give your name, r52.
This is fascinating.
Want to know another annoying habit about Eurotrash like the OP? Every time they find out I'm a native Anglophone, I swear to you the first thing Euro, smarmy little spoiled punks do is immediately start bragging that English is the EASIEST language in the world and they learned my entire language in days, or minutes, or microseconds or whatever. When Zeropean backpackers start bragging like this, I immediately start talking as fast as I can, using big, didactic words. And sure enough, they immediately get lost and start asking me to define several of the words I used.......so much for Zerope's bragging English proficiency.
Jesus Christ, do these Eurosnobs have a single, honest corpuscle in their entire binge-drinking, chainsmoking, constipated-facial-expression bodies?
You both FAIL! Op was correct about rude guys at parties, gee what a surprise. They were rude because they have on intention on first impression to ever get to know you, be around our or socialize with you in any way. Tacky but effective.
OP fails because his demands for attention and respect is a bit stockerish. "how dare you" comes to mind.
R35 has a point, generally speaking its always the bitchiest, Queeniest of draggy of my friends that get upset like that. My more butch friends never get hung up on that stuff, docent even cross their mind.
Have you ever watched RuPaul's Drag Race? Can you honestly say no coloration between the femmy and the bitchy?
[quote]docent even cross their mind.
But thanks for playing.
Ooops, #56 here and I posted in the wrong thread again (I'm very stoned at the moment). That post was in response to that record-settingly-arrogant Eurotrash thread that demanded we Americans should feel embarrassed because of the CT shooting.
R59, my name is not Honey, and you arrrr not a queen because?????? You even type like one, you forgot the two naps up sigh.
Oh god, everyone in this thread is a million years old.
You want hissing eldergays? They own this thread.
This cynical, macho butch gay can give another difference between us and fem-gay-male-disgraces: we butches are much, much, much more sensible, intelligent and logical than you femmy Chris-Crocker-limpwristed stereotypes. See, unlike you fems we don't have our heads up celebrities' assholes 24/7/365 like you do. And when it comes to barb-poppers like Judy Garland and Liza, I think you queens are like a sycophantic "human centipede" - all physically connected mouth-to-asshole. If you were straight, I'd accuse you of having your empty, child-like heads up Judy Garland's cunt as opposed to her motherfucking asshole.
As further evidence of our manly, BUTCH and very chameoleonic superiority, we have far, far better taste in music than fems; I - butchboy - love good, old jazz-flavored, improv blues with lots of jams that carry on forever. Fems love whatever bubble-gum, bleached-blonde, Disney-scavenged, trailer-trash whore-of-the-MOTHERUCKING-month slithers onto the music scene. Which says a lot about "fem mentality" if you queens can be stimulated by the white trash, clinically retarded likes of Spears, Lohan, Aguilera or whoever the FUCK the $1 synthetic trendy current cunt is.
See, this macho-gay has now proven that you femmies are intellectually inferior to us. Not because you're feminine, but because you are now PROVEN low-I.Q., mentally-defective crybabies - to WORSHIP the train-wreck celebrities you silly mangirls do - it really just shows me the level on which your snotty, perpetually sniveling little girl brains operate.
Social etiquette is dead,OP. It's been replaced by self-centered entitlement. .. In the words of Lena Horne: "Thank God I'm not young, anymore!"
I agree with you, OP. And with R65.
Whether or not you're butch is for others to say, r64, not you.
However, we can all see from your post that you're genuinely crazy.
There is no need to know anyone's name at a party unless you are "interested" in them or for career purposes. Sorry to sound cold but this is reality.
Life is too short to bother with such nonsense cocktail pleasantries. You guys will never see each other again. Even if you do, you are suppose to ignore each other.
Chit chat a bit and move on. No other exchange of information is necessary.
OP, you should have presented your hole. Maybe that would have warranted a response from them.
Whatever happened to "Please, may I", and "Yes, thank you" and "how charming!"?
What blathering nonsense are you talking about, #42, you incoherent retard of another kind? Your snarky cynicism is misplaced, awkward, and a complete non-sequitor. I'm simply saying that us butches DON'T make these histrionic, babyish issues over absolutely NOTHING!!!! And believe me, I get JOY out of pointing out how superior us macho-gays are over you insipid, limp-wristed, creepy, repellant fem-boygirls who would eat Liza Minnelli's menstrual tissues if she offered them. Us macho gays are just like straight guys so we DON'T have sniveling, girlish, baby-tantrums over nothing. Since you fem-gays love to throw in a bunch of incoherent nonsense as a response, it just proves how unintelligent you Judy-Garland-rimming fem-disgraces are.
Why is it so difficult for you limp-wristed, muscial-loving fem-vermin to admit that you're a disgrace to homosexuality and the male gender in general? Never in my life have I dealt with a STUPIDER, more immature, insipid, childish group of grown men. Deal with the fact that you fems are the scum of the earth. I've had sooo many bad experiences with you fem-fairies, you're pure scum to this butch? Why can't you accept that, you fem pig?
I've said it before: you're not scum for being feminine, you fems are scum for living like snotty, petulant, whiny little girls.
I think you fem-gays would get a lot more enjoyment in life if you would simply grovel at my bare, toe-wiggling feet and call this butch "Daddy." After all, Mother Nature designed fem-Judy-Garland gays to be servile, sexual menials to us far more sexually chameleonic(sp?), versatile butches. Who are superior lifeforms to fems in every quantifiable way, shape and form, esp. vis-a-vis the male gender in general.
Don't you realize it's the divinely appointed natural homosexual order for you fems to lick my feet and BEG your sexual macho-daddy to FORGIVE you for being so girlish? That's a fem's purpose in life, so you may as well accept it with grace and class. I OWN you fems and your DADDY will make you do whatever I please.
R21 forgets the personal methane. I'm going to a function tomorrow so I'm having baked beans tonight.
[quote] both times raised my foice
Perhaps they had never seen a gay man's foice. It can be quite alarming when raised.
R72=Nate Silver, apparently
OP, you sound socially awkward at best. I suspect there is more to the story that you are probably not even aware of.
[quote]OP fails because his demands for attention and respect is a bit stockerish.
[quote]... docent even cross their mind.
[quote]Can you honestly say no coloration between the femmy and the bitchy?
R58, are you Mrs Malaprop?
R76 I'm sure you're just very special, and not rude at all when you blow people off. Not. There is less to you than meets the eye.
[quote] There is no need to know anyone's name at a party unless you are "interested" in them or for career purposes. Sorry to sound cold but this is reality.
Unfortunately this. Haven't you noticed how cynical and jaded people are? I think it's why people are reluctant to give their names. They might be wondering if they're being used for personal gain. I'm too shy to ever introduce myself to anyone but if someone introduced themselves to me at a party, I would of course give my name.
[quote]You guys will never see each other again. Even if you do, you are suppose to ignore each other.
So let me get this straight: OP foisted first his conversation and then his name on at least two (probably more) people at the same party, ignored their most likely ill-disguised boredom and disinterest during the exchange, and then demanded to know their names in an all-caps tone of voice?
I can only assume that out of the (justified) fear that OP would stalk them, they gave him false names. It's what I would have done. And then dropped a hint in the host's ear that perhaps he should re-think his guest list.
Getting an Aspie vibe.
Melba Moore happened to be playing Fantine at the time in LES MISERABLES and a friend of mine did not who Melba Moore was. At all. She was walking by the stage door and Melba happened to be walking out. My friend excitedly ran up to her and said, "Are you in LES MIS?" Melba shot her a look and loudly said, "Melba!". My friend was taken aback and Melba must have noticed it because Melba asked what my friend said again. When Melba heard what my friend actually said, she started laughing because she thought my friend ran up to her and just said, "And your name is?" They both had a good chuckle and went on their ways.
My dos centavos ...
Often the name swap comes later when it's obvious that we "click" as chatters. I don't see a problem if names are omitted early on, with the conversation being brief, and obviously not going to go far.
Hello, everybody! MY name is Dainty June! What's yours?
And that's how the rich keep us unable to organize R79. Imagine people afraid that somebody else knowing their name will lead to personal loss.
OP= my hero.
My name is Maria Isabel.
My name is Melinda Tentrees....
Yes, R81. I've given a false name in just such a situation. People who insist on immediate intimacy are scary.
In a similar vein, when strangers demand that I "Have a nice day," I reply, "Thank you but I have other plans."
OP sounds like a piece of work. I would suggest getting laid every once in a while, it might do wonders...
a little frigid there aren't you R90. Most sane people don't equate their name with "intimacy."
You must freak out when you go to the DMV or need to get a utility turned on or sign in to buy something on the internet.
Does anyone else have a "club-name"? One you give to people when you're out when you don't want to give your real name?
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Primitivism. Capturing the name means capturing the soul. The same people who are skeeved about giving their names are also skeeved about being photographed. They think hysteria over identity theft has made their little foible respectable, but they are misinformed.
They weren't trained properly. That's rude. They won't get far if they need to network to find opportunities and connections.
I love OP. Made me smile! :)
Maybe the guy was high or drunkish,
Maybe you need to relax a bit (get laid?)
I don't think this is a very big deal.
You can't force class or ettiquette on people. Some have it, some don't. Move on and know that you have it and they don't.
P.S., and OP, if you are really cool and classy (which if you have to ask, you are not), you go ahead and treat this fellow as if he is the Prince of Wales, Life of the Party, biggest dick in town, hot to death, most interesting person you have met... and move on to other people.
Try it- treat everyone like gold and you will have more fun than anyone else!
At larger parties where many guests may be "random public," not sharing your name might be OK, although if someone made an overture to you, introducing himself to you, it would be awkward and rude to blow him off; all parties should move on and mingle with others, I guess.
At more intimate cocktail parties or dinner parties where many already know each other it would be singularly rude and offensive not to do introductions all around, whether the host is there to do it or if guests do self-introductions.
Someday I want to do a large party, and hire an announcer and two costumed trumpeters to announce guests on their arrival....
No, I assure you it's pronounced BOO-kay
Did Hyacinth ever have a Christmas episode?
This is a regular occurrence in DC, the home of socially awkward hall monitors.
OP is correct, a hand should have been extended and at least a first name given, it would be most polite to offer a tid bit of conversation such as "I work with Terry" or "I am here with Sam".
Sorry, R95, but I doubt that your theory holds water.
It could be OP was so off-putting, those two people to whom he introduced himself weren't interested in him knowing their names. Sometimes things are simple, no matter how we enjoy complicating them.
A quicker way of getting rid of him would have been to stick out the hand, make up a name and move on. In fact, I often do exactly that at social functions.
I do think its slightly rude but I think OP is overreacting. I have done the same thing by accident before, just because usually at a party I'm drunk and/or stoned like most others and not totally clear on what's going on lol.
I also think it may be a concious or subconscious signal that you aren't really interested in continuing the conversation for whatever reason.
I've also had it done to me and if I really cared after the person said nice to meet you I just asked their name nicely. Saying and your name is , that's like a bitchy scolding type of way, which makes me think the reason the people didn't give their name was in fact because they didn't like this uptight queen they where stuck talking to.
I mean, the few times it happened to me I forgot about it seconds later and kept enjoying the party, not got all incensed and posted a thread on it the next day lol.
I've experienced similar. "What are you doing here? Who invited you"???
OP, trolldar reveals you are a miserable piece of shit.
Good luck with your life.
I hate giving my name to a perfect stranger. If we've talked for 10 or 15 minutes and discover that we do in fact have common interests and get along and that there might actually be a chance of seeing each other again outside of this party, then I'm fine with giving my name. Otherwise, buzz off OP.
You just know the OP is fat and old and he was only upset cause he was hitting on young hot guys.
the existence of identity theft and stalking does not give you the right to be rude!