Why does everyone who has a uterus feel entitled to grow a human in there?
Regardless of any factors that might contraindicate this plan? The preggo lezzie who writes this blog is a self-described crazy person dealing with crippling depression. Frankly, I question whether motherhood is a wise option for her at all, but if she absolutely must become a parent, why it does have to be a biological child who stands to inherit her mental illness? Why don't she and her partner adopt, or have the partner carry the baby?
Some (hetero) mommy blogger in the NY Times recently posted a similar article, blathering on about what it was like to raise children while dealing with mental illness, and how she felt about seeing the signs of said illness emerging in at least one of her kids, while seemingly never questioning the wisdom or fairness of her decision to squirt out a bunch of bio children. WTF?
I feel the same way about women in their 40s and beyond who spend gazillions of dollars and do god-knows-what harm to their bodies having fertility treatments that will enable them to birth a pair of lively little fertility-drug twins whom they'll be too old and haggy to chase around, and who nature surely never intended them to conceive.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should, bitches.
And btw, I am a childless woman by choice, but even if some belated and overwhelming maternal instinct were to catch up with me tomorrow, at age 47, I recognize that my child-bearing years are behind me, and that is that.
OP, you're not a woman. Give up -- you're not fooling anyone.
I totally agree, OP, and I am also a woman, childfree by choice.
Chip on your shoulder much, hon? Why so much pent-up aggressive to women whose wombs aren't yet barren?
I also agree, OP.
Yes, I am a woman, r1, and r3, as far as I know I am not yet barren--i.e., my menstrual cycle is still active and regular--but 47 is just too old to have a baby, if I managed to conceive one with relative ease. Having a baby at this age wouldn't be good for my health or the kid's. Beyond that, I just don't think it's fair for a toddler to have a 50-year-old mother, or a 30-year-old to be stuck dealing with the aging issues of elderly parents.
I'm not the type who disdains motherhood in general, or feels that everyone should want to be childfree like me. I just don't think that absolutely EVERY woman who decides she wants her own biological baby automatically deserves to have one no matter the price that she and the kid might pay.
Why did you use the word everyone when you yourself contradict the term?
I was exaggerating, r6. But also, I don't want a kid, so it's easy for me to say I'd never have one at my age. Perhaps a better thread title would have been, "Why does everyone who has a uterus and wants to use it feel entitled to do so?"
And, yes, I know that that, too, is an exaggeration and surely, there are women in the world who'd like to bear children but have decided it would not be the responsible thing to do--they just seem rather few and far between.
This thread is pretty much a clarion call to the frauen to rush in and earnestly defend mommyhood. Have fun, girls.
The OP's opinion seems about right to me. In addition to the common twins, it's the three, four and five (and more!) baby litters that the fertility drugged-up mommies have that really make me cringe. It's all about the doctor's help until the doctor tells them to abort a few of those zygotes. Then it's all about God's magical will, which frequently turns out to be brain-damaged and disabled children.
The most off-putting thing is the idea that under no circumstance can life or their own biology deny these people the child or children they want. They wear a sense of baby-entitlement that is so unpleasant and unlikable.
It's nice that they have a poster-girl now with the Octomom.
[quote]The most off-putting thing is the idea that under no circumstance can life or their own biology deny these people the child or children they want.
Exactly, r8. It's not that I'm 100% against all fertility treatments for all women in all circumstances, and I think it's great that healthy, sane lesbians (yeah, I know, somebody's going to say that's an oxymoron) can get pregnant via artificial insemination. However, I think that the growing availability and effectiveness of such options has fostered the attitude that NO woman who wants to have a baby should ever let ANYTHING stand in her way--and I'm sorry, but some things really ought to stand in some women's ways.
Why pick on just the mommies, OP? What about all the mentally ill, unfit, irresponsible MEN who chose to become fathers? They aren't all the victims of evil women, who steal their sperm for nefarious purposes, plenty of them reproduce deliberately.
Which isn't to say you're entirely wrong, it makes me mad when people who are incapable of being good parents choose to make a child suffer. But it's hardly a uterus-specific problem.
[quote]as far as I know I am not yet barren--i.e., my menstrual cycle is still active and regular--but 47 is just too old to have a baby,
Jesus, you're a 47-year-old woman (or so you *claim*) and you don't yet know that women continue to have periods long *after* they're no longer fertile, and even into the early stages of menopause?
[quote]"Why does everyone who has a uterus and wants to use it feel entitled to do so?"
Um, it's called biology. If you want to live somewhere where uteri enjoy forcible restrictions from breeding, try communist China. And btw OP, I'm not trying to claim that a) many people who breed either have too many children and/or are terrible parents, or b) we don't have an overpopulation issue throughout the world. What I AM saying is that YOUR PROBLEM seems to be a MASSIVE CONTROL-FREAK ISSUE about the fact that you cannot dictate your own beliefs regarding procreation onto other women.
Well...they ARE entitled. To choose, that is. You are pro-choice, aren't you?
People make unwise choices every day. The choice is still theirs. I'm a woman who has felt very strong biological and chemical urges to have a child, but I never will. I love my freedom too much, and I don't want to feel responsible for bringing a kid into this world with such a chance that it might be miserable in our society. I get proud of my rationale sometimes, and then I remember that what other people choose (both men AND women) is none of my business. I can support public info, education, and counseling on the matter...but nothing more.
I'm getting the impression that the flip side of OP's problem, even if she hasn't stated it outright, is that she somehow feels "judged" by other women for her decision to not bear children. If so, I think she's being paranoid in the extreme (though certainly NO woman should be negatively judged for choosing not to procreate).
Oh don't be fucking retarded, ALL women women who do not have children are judged negatively. All of them.
There is no point in pretending otherwise unless it's to make yourself feel better, in which case have at it.
sOME lesbians should NEVER parent kids!!!
Uh, I'm a childless woman (and always will be), and I just ignore whatever dumb things people think. Usually the people who judge are people with children themselves, and/or people who are practically strangers to me. Such judgement often seems to either be cultural (for them) or the fact that they're jealous of a life without kids/dissatisfied with their other accomplishments. There would be no other reasons to project it onto anyone else, so I just laugh it off. Judgmental people are here to stay.
Come out with it: you're a mouthy fag. The charade is tired.
I just jumped to REPLY without having read any other replies.
College educated hetero female here (who loves DL, BTW, helloooo! *waves*) and fuck, most of my friends have chosen not to spawn. Including myself. And I'm in my late 40's, so it's not some "phase". Even Mary Tyler Moore squeezed out only just one to shut Rob up.
I don't want kids. Never did. And thank god I live in an age where I'm not a pariah for saying so.
OP, by the admission that you are a childless woman, you've proven the title of your thread is false. Obviously not "everyone with a uterus" is feeling entitled to grow a human in it. Case in point: YOU.
[quote]Jesus, you're a 47-year-old woman (or so you *claim*) and you don't yet know that women continue to have periods long *after* they're no longer fertile, and even into the early stages of menopause?
Honey, sometimes that's true, and then again, some women get knocked up with a late-life surprise AFTER they have more-or-less ceased to have periods. Every woman's body is different in this regard. I know I'm still ovulating and that I haven't begun experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. Whether and to what degree my eggs are still fertile, I have no clue and don't really care, since I have no intention of putting them to the test. Possibly I couldn't get pregnant at this point even if I wanted to; either way, I'd never do it.
[quote]What I AM saying is that YOUR PROBLEM seems to be a MASSIVE CONTROL-FREAK ISSUE about the fact that you cannot dictate your own beliefs regarding procreation onto other women.
I have no desire to DICTATE who may and may not procreate and would never support a law banning fertility treatments, for instance, or preventing the mentally ill from procreating. I simply wish some women (and men, too, r10) would think a little harder, and be a little more willing to make tough choices, about whether procreating is really a great idea for them. If they don't, they don't, though. I'm fully aware that it's really none of my business, and I'd never want it to be the business of the law. But that doesn't mean I can't bitch about it when I see people making selfish or foolish choices.
[quote]I'm getting the impression that the flip side of OP's problem, even if she hasn't stated it outright, is that she somehow feels "judged" by other women for her decision to not bear children.
I'm sure SOME other women DO judge me for not having kids, but I don't really care. I'm very content not to have any, and among my close personal friends, several other women don't have kids, either, so it's really not some big deal.
Why are people still pretending the troll op is a woman? Stupid fucks....
Babies are the highest form of narcissism and selfishness.
...I don't know about the *highest* form, R23, if you mean it negatively. It doesn't make much sense, because some of the worst narcissistic, selfish people don't want kids for the sake of their own narcissistic and selfish requirements. So you can't exactly go by that.
One of my grandmother's friends had twin daughters when she thought she was past the point where she could get pregnant; I think she was close to 50. She and her husband had three sons, one had graduated from college and was working for a friend in their town, and the other two were in high school.
Although she and her husband were shocked when they found out she was pregnant, she said later the twins were the best thing that could have happened to them as a family. The boys fell in love with the babies as soon as they were born, and anytime they were home they took over the kids. The father had been very busy with his business when the boys were young, but he began taking time to be with the family and help around the house. They all became much closer than they had been before the girls.
The husband died when he was 88, the wife well into her 90s. After the boys graduated from college one of them went into the family business, another started a business of his own in the same town and the third took a job in the same town, so they have always been in the girls' lives.
It's easy to sit back and judge what other people should or shouldn't do. It's probably fun to play god, but that doesn't mean you're qualified for the job.
That's a nice fairy tale, R25. That feel good story is not the norm for most people who conceive at 50. Most don't enjoy great health and vitality into their 90's, and most certainly don't conveniently have a set of older children oh so willing to pitch in and help out.
OP, have you broached this subject with your own mother? I'm sure she has regrets...
I agree with OP. My mom was chronically depressed and bipolar, we went through hell with her, and I decided not to have kids when I was in my twenties. My sister and her husband married young and were happy and in good health. They had three kids who seemed fine at the time.
Fast forward twenty-five years later, my sister's three adult kids all have mental health issues. One is bipolar, an alcoholic and drug addict, completely off her rocker and homeless. She refuses all treatment. Another seems to be bipolar as well, but has broken off contact. Sis's husband's mom was an alcoholic. All three kids are heavy drinkers at best, and have DUI arrests.
Sis's kids now have kids of their own. Two seem to have mental health issues. The homeless one's kid is having problems already. He is in a stable environment and has no contact with her, thankfully. Another is (kind of) functional but has issues. Sis's three kids, all parents, become more and more unstable as they get older. As far as we know, our mother was the only bipolar in her family. Some version of mental illness seems to have touched her every descendant but one.
My sister now says if she'd known, she never would have had kids. I am sorry I don't have the companionship of a family, but not sorry I don't have kids. Sometimes you just have to accept that you have no business bringing kids into the world, even if you're a good person.
I also agree that women are condemned if they don't have kids. Sis and her kids all treated me like a loser for not having kids. I can't count how many times I was told I wasn't a real adult, or that no one should listen to my opinion because I didn't know anything about real life, or what love meant, and I never would no matter what, because I didn't have kids.