At my weekly 1:1 with my boss today he told me I looked unhappy
He knows I was angling for a promotion and didn't get one -- he said he felt bad about it (wasn't his choice) and that he recognizes that I feel stifled. Corporate mavens, how can I use this to my advantage? I don't want to come off as the workplace pouter, but if he feels sorry that I was let down, I'd like to somehow try to angle for something else -- a raise etc. He knows I work hard and says he appreciates what I bring to the team but can tell I've been "sad" lately.
How can I play this to my advantage??
Do you want to borrow my shit bra?
"You don't seem happy here" is what they say before giving you the boot, ostensibly freeing you to seek happiness elsewhere. Yes, it's passive-aggresive. So start yukking it up and pasting on that fake smile if you want to stay employed.
Miss, with all due respect I have my own problems.
OP here. He straight out said that they want to keep me as long as possible but recognize that I need a career path. I don't think he's trying to grease the wheels to fire me (at least I hope not, since I haven't done anything to warrant that). Any other advice?? Thanks.
OP, you misunderstand. That was both a kiss off, an apology of sorts, and a warning
Your response for now should be, "Of course I'm disappointed. But there'll be other opportunities. As long as you know how hard I work and how effective I am, I'm OK for now."
Your Boss was placing the burden of forgiveness and assent on you. He wants to you go along with the program. Maybe he really is disappointed. But if he really is, it is also an acknowledgement that he has no clout since you were overlooked and since he disagreed with the decision.
He's uncomfortable and it won't take a nanosecond for him to go on the offense. This is not a good time to pout. This is the time to put on your "Brave face" and demonstrate that you are Soldiering On.
Thanks for the advice r5.
Continue to do good work. It is not your job to look cheerful, but to do your work effectively. Try to make sure that he or someone in your department knows when you are going above and beyond. Its as simple as sending an email and bcc'ing him on it. That is a good way to leverage yourself so they will run out of bullshit excuses as to not give you more money. Look for another job if you continue to get passed over. Being consistent in the quality of your work is the most important thing in any job because it will open doors in your future.
"He straight out said that they want to keep me as long as possible but recognize that I need a career path."
Maybe I am mis-reading it, but this sounds like a kindly warning that your job is in jeopardy. Combined with the "unhappy" observation, the comment that you need something the company may not be able to provide (a career path) could mean you are being set up for dismissal. And "as long as possible" - that's practically telling you to start looking for another job right now.
This is an HR technique known as "The Velvet Boot": it's kind of like breaking up with somebody using the "It's not you, it's me" tactic.
R16 nailed it.
[quote] he told me I looked unhappy
[quote] but can tell I've been "sad" lately.
[quote]I don't want to come off as the workplace pouter
I had a similar situation once.
Four days into a job, my boss's boss's assistant quit. I applied for the job, but was given the bullshit excuse that I couldn't transfer until I had been there six months. It was obvious discrimination (I'm a strong minority in that field), but I wasn't litigious back then. Instead, I sucked it up at my job, but what I *should* have done was quit on the spot at the interview (so I wouldn't be transfering), then leave altogether if I didn't get the job.
I wound up leaving the job but was slowly being pushed out down the road, mostly for the same stereotypical reasons I had not been promoted. Once I left I found work very easily. I don't know if your situation allows you to do that, but it definitely wouldn't hurt to look elsewhere. On the other hand, if they fire you, you can get unemployment for like EVER.
The best thing to do if you want to stay is just do your job and blend in. If they want to continue on this path, they'll build a paper trail they think isn't obvious, and you'll have plenty of warning signs. The other deterrent is if they were to push you out, the other workers might wonder if they are next.
On the upside, it's possible your boss was afraid you'd quit. The "as long as possible" remark might have referenced an assumption that you were on your way out yourself.
Your other problem is working for the slimeballs in corporate America in the first place.
You didn't care when they threw me under the bus, and now they might be doing the same to you, so why should I care?
I found my own way without that culture, and I rarely associate with anyone who works in it. My life is filled with interesting, honest, creative people I could trust with my life. Is yours?
[quote] It was obvious discrimination
Well! Smell you Miss R20. You sound like as asshole
If the boss couldn't get you the promotion, probably can't get you a raise, either. Usually in a big company the raise "pool" is set at a certain percentage--and to get a good raise you practically have to have pushed small children out of the path of speeding automobiles while bringing in lots of $ for the company.
If you complain/pout and/or make noises about leaving, you risk the boss saying "Well, don't let me stand in your way. As you say, your career path is limited here and as much as I like working with you, I can't stand in the way of a better opportunity."
If your boss can tell you are sad, or not happy - You're fucked.
"You don't look happy" is a corporate euphemism for "So I'm going to help you be happy by firing your ass so you can be happy elsewhere." Sorry, OP, but that's how it is.
I had somebody tell me in their office right before they laid me off. In reality, that was a horrible place to work, and nobody in the entire company was happy as far as I could tell, because our boss was a sadistic asshole, but the main reason I was "unhappy" is because I knew they were going broke and couldn't make payroll without a bank loan. What a coincidence, huh?
Start looking quick while you still have a job. Not kidding.
At next week's meeting take a proactive approach: Say that you are a goal-oriented person and ask the boss to help you identify what you need to do to get promoted. The boss likely can't promise you a raise. However, if you can demonstrate you have met the requirements at the next promotion time, it will be more difficult for you to be denied advancement.
As your meeting with your boss draws to a close, spring to your feet and launch into Donald O'Connor's "Make 'em Laugh" number from "Singing in the Rain."
The writing is on the wall. Start looking for another job.
But I have not posted in this thread, well, up to this point, R22.
My boss likes to check me out, but he treats me like shit. I'm confused. I thought being ogled came with benefits.
Just change your attitude. You'll be fine.
OP, you are fantasising. They're telling you to move on.
You probably excel in some mediocre capacity but have failed to progress further, probably because you don't play a good social game.
Your failure to read the signs accurately will only lead them to fire you themselves, probably watching you like a hawk so they can exploit even minor infractions.
Did anyone yell, "Dead man walkin'!" after your review?
You in danger, gurl!
I knew a girl who was told that she didn't look happy at work.
And then she was fired.
lol @ R15
op, how can you be so naive?
I think people in this thread are being a bit harsh on the OP. Bitter much.
R5 said it best.
Forget you're troubles and just get happy. Chase all your cares away.
I always work like Cuber 2.0 is waiting in the wings.
OP? Did you get "laid off" yet?
[quote]It was obvious discrimination (I'm a strong minority in that field), but I wasn't litigious back then.
You sound like a dream employee. I can't imagine why you don't ALWAYS get what you feel ENTITLED to?
OP here. Thanks for the well-meaning advice. Boss actually took me aside today and told me about another internal opening on his team and suggested I go for it, so while i don't think I am in danger of getting canned, I understand I need to act happy in my current gig for as long as possible. So I sent him an email thanking him for the lead and promising to give 100 percent in the meantime. It wasn't like he called me into his office yesterday to say "You seem unhappy here." It just came up as an aside in a longer convo, like, "You have seemed down lately."
Anyway - long story short, thanks, and I hope to retain my cube for now.
Good luck on the opening, OP/R43
[quote]So I sent him an email thanking him for the lead and promising to give 100 percent in the meantime.
Good luck OP. In the meantime, do work out a career path, either on your own or with him. Ask what you need to do to bring you to the next level. It sounds like you've probably gone as far as you can in your current position and he knows you'll get bored eventually.
Get out, OP.
Get out now.
R31's fibro quakes bring down local property values.