I spent my life being a selfish asshole - grabbing for money, sex, power and material things. I see photos on FB of my friends and family enjoying time with loved ones, and realize how isolated I have become. I feel so alone, and so sad. I am just now finally realizing that I have wasted so much time chasing bullshit, and spending time with people who really don't give a shit about me.
Is it too late to apologize to family and old friends? Too late to be close to them? I have ignored and neglected them for the most part, and now feel awful about it. They were there with love and kindness when I came out, yet I didn't even fully appreciate it.
[quote]I spent my life being a selfish asshole
depends on how long we're talking. 5 years, yes- you can probably reach out; 20 years? if you reach out, they will CUT YOU.
Some people keep others at a distance because it's a safety mechanism, especially if we were bullied when we were younger and expected to be rejected. Yeah, it's Psych 101. I know that I do it and I hate it. My Dad died last year and I wish I had spent more time with him because despite his age, his friend was gay and he had made statements that he didn't care who people loved...only that they were good people. He reached out. It's not too late for you---trust. As long as those people are still alive, make that effort.
You can ask for forgiveness, if for no other reason than to find peace within yourself. Some may forgive you, some may not. Once bridges are burned, it can be difficult to navigate the ravine.
But you should do it to at least find inner peace, knowing that you have thankfully realized what was wrong and done all that you can do to make amends.
No, OP, it is never too late. In fact, OP, and I tell this to you as a DLer, asking for forgiveness can be one of the most manipulative acts you could perform. Psychologically, taking the submissive posture makes people feel 1] superior, and 2] in control. Once you do this for them, no matter what an asshole you have been, 1] they will usually forgive you and 2] like you more.
The equation of social exchange means that something must be worth more in order to be done. In order for them to forgive you, they have to feel that forgiving you makes them a better person. And THAT OP is worth its weight in gold.
The entire cycle of codependency is based on the enabler feeling that they are doing GOOD by enabling.
So start apologizing with abandon and start reaping the benefits!
OP, tonight you will be visited by three spirits....
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
We are switching to the new platform for The DataLounge this weekend. All of our mobile users have been using it for over a week and all first time users have been using it for about a month - which adds up to well over one million users. So we're ready to end this phase of the testing and move everybody to the new site. (more)
And yes, we've changed the look and some of how it operates.
Yes, we know you just *hate* it in well in advance.
Yes, we know we suck.
Yes, we are the biggest suckers that ever sucked.
But it was time for a change and with the huge shift to mobile it was long overdue. We've taken this opportunity not only to update the look but also make major changes under the hood (or "bonnet" if you're either British or pretentious or both). And we have to prepare for 2016 - a presidential election year where we can normally expect to see a 60% jump in traffic (yes, we've seen 5 presidential elections so far…Christ we're old).
The site has a bunch - nay, plethora - of new features which will make the site more usable: better search, the ability to ignore posters and threads, see link previews, to pick up a thread where you left off, spam and malware filtering and more.
If you want you can go explore and see for yourself, Click here.
And while running the tests we've noticed two interesting reactions to the new system - people are spending more time on the site and more people that come stay around longer and look at more stuff. Both good things. Yay!
Possibly we've not slain all the dragons and there will be issues that come up during the switchover. There's a help button in the lower right hand corner of the page which you can use to send us bug reports.
Please include as much information about the hardware (PC, Mac, Tablet, Phone etc), operating system (Windows, Mac OS, Android, iOS etc) and browser (Chrome, Safari, Opera, Internet Explorer etc) that you are using as possible to help us replicate and fix the problem.
Please note that complaints about colors, fonts, icons and the like are not "bugs" - they are design choices that we've made and we expect one or two cases of world-class bitching. But they won't actually cause headaches, scurvy, heart attacks, Restless Leg Syndrome, Morgellon's Disease or the vapors (but have your smelling salts at hand just in case).
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