Sorry to butt in but this just came up in a conversation I was having:
Was Fernando Bujones HIV+?
No. I was born in 1980 and am so thankful to be have come of age after the horrific, wildly unfair 1980s, but before the 2000s when the meth and "it's just like diabetes" barebacking ideology gave the disease a second wind. I have certainly been a very active whore. Just played safe every single time when I wasn't partnered.
I got it from my girlfriend and she got it from riding a tractor in her bathing suit.
born with, it's a drag
Has anyone here contracted HIV through sucking and swallowing?
Yes...I did...I went through every sex act with doctors because I knew the exact moment My body was first "attacked" by the virus. So we could backtrack .
One of the doctors is one of the world's foremost experts on initial HIV infection and mentored me on what I should do.
This was only two years ago...needless to say I was devastated but through guidance of these experts I immediately started treatment....which recently has become the conventional wisdom on when to start...
Fortunately I am in NYC had had access to these HIV professionals.
I was 60 when I got it. They also say that I will have the same life expectancy as anyone my age...
They refer to my status as being. Back burner health issue. That has a lot to do with the fact that the virus has not been in my system for years and treatment was started immediately.
Get treatment if you are positive...period...
Yes, since 1992. Probably got infected 2 years before from a guy I was dating at the time. The sero conversion was about the only time I have been that sick in my adult life and that was in 1990.
It crippled me financially. I was infected in the mid 90's.
Initially, I was completely covered with health insurance and immediately began on the meds. I had no issues until I was laid off from a job in Silicon Valley in 2001. I then quickly blew through almost $68K with medicines, routine blood tests and doctor visits.
At every turn where I applied for financial aide and help - was told my financial status exceeded the necessary requirements to receive help. It was truly an eye opening experience. I was actually denied health insurance through my job at a small family owned business due to "pre existing condition". I have since been forced to take a job making almost half of what I was making just to have insurance coverage.
I won't even go in to how many times revealing my status to a potential partner has ended abruptly. The "wow, you certainly don't look sick" or "oh, I would have never guessed you were positive" certainly does not soften the blow of rejection.
I regularly reach out and speak to gay teens throughout multiple outlets to discuss the fallout of an HIV diagnosis and share my story. It's a way I have found to reach out to the younger community and hopefully make a difference. Making just one person stop and think about what an HIV diagnosis could potentially mean to themselves, is just one way I am trying to make a difference and hopefully encourage others to be responsible and not find themselves in the place I call "my life".
Guys, i wish all the best for you, really. Be courageous and don't despair. Life is hard, but, let's not be hard on ourselves and on others. Keep hopes and warm your hearts with them. AIDS is not a plague anymore. I think that nowadays most people who have it, can escape it with the right treatment. Now,i wish you to have nice and welcoming moments in your life, because your life is not over! You still can experience things that can make your heart feel pleasure. You must be patient!
"I won't even go in to how many times revealing my status to a potential partner has ended abruptly."
That makes sense. I would reject too - politely, but adamantly.
The multi-billion dollar/pound AIDS/HIV fraud is based on two fabrications : that AIDS is a single disease and that it is caused by the HI virus or the “HIV virus” as some medical/media masterminds call it – perhaps they think the V in HIV stands for volcano. In Japan “AIDS” is virtually unknown : yet, in random tests, 25% of people were found to be “HIV-positive”.
HIV-positive response means nothing of any relevance to health : it can be triggered by vaccination, malnutrition, M.S., measles, influenza, papilloma virus wart, Epstein Barr virus, leprosy, glandular fever, hepatitis, syphillis … : over sixty different conditions.
“HIV…is one thousandth the size of a regular cell….HIV is simply a harmless piece of dead tissue, not unlike the numerous other retroviruses that exist in our body…”
Dr Robert E. Willner, who inoculated himself with the blood of Pedro Tocino, a HIV-positive haemophiliac, on live Spanish television. The great HIV/AIDS lie was created by Robert Gallo who was found guilty of “scientific misconduct”.
“…instead of trying to prove his insane theories about AIDS to his peers…he went public. Then, with the help of Margaret Heckler, former head of Health and Human Services, who was under great political pressure to come up with an answer to AIDS, the infamous world press announcement of the discovery of the so-called AIDS virus came about. This great fraud is now responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands… It was no accident that Gallo just happened to patent the test for HIV the day after the announcement…Gallo is now a multi-millionaire because of AIDS and his fraudulent AIDS test.”
Dr Robert E. Willner
By grouping together 25-plus different diseases and other allied factors – pneumonia, herpes, candidiasis, salmonella, various cancers, infections, vaccine and antibiotic damage, amyl nitrate damage, malnutrition etc.and, particularly in Africa, TB, malaria, dysentery leprosy and “slim disease” – and calling the whole thing an “AIDS epidemic”, a multi-billion dollar/pound “AIDS research and treatment” racket has been created.
The mythical “HIV-induced AIDS plague” in the Third World generates huge sums of cash from Western relief organisations whilst smokescreening the vaccine/drug boys, responsible for the carnage.
Every death of someone “HIV-positive” is recorded as an “AIDS death”.
Periodically, the BBC/ITV/Press visit Africa/Yugoslavia/Russia etc to report on the “HIV/AIDS victims” and how they cannot afford the “life-saving AZT.”
Glaxo Wellcome’s lethal drug, AZT, in combination with the diagnosis of HIV-positive and the prediction, stated or implied, that – “You will die of AIDS” is one of the great pieces of Medical Black Magic – Voodoo Medicine at its most impressive : people have committed suicide on the basis of the ludicrous diagnosis.
Guys thanks for finding the courage to post about your experience. Take care and be positive. Nothing is over until it's over.
One more kiss.
r7, are you saying you got it from only giving oral and swallowing?
I completely understand your comment. I certainly do not look down on someone that chooses not to date someone with HIV. I guess, my point was simply that even when you are taking care of yourself, taking the meds, exercising and eating right --- it is something that you can never get away from. There is always that moment time and time again that you are reminded that your life will never be the same - simply because of a careless decision that you made previously in your life - not to protect yourself.
I take complete responsibility for the situation that has become my life. No matter what the situation was, I consciously made the decision not to protect myself and will be paying for that decision for the rest of my natural life.
Top here. Always been a top, have never bottomed. I found out almost three years ago.
I'm ashamed of myself for not being more careful but such is life. Also, take it fromt me, you CAN get HIV from topping.
I feel like I should humor R12 by responding, because misinformation is dangerous
R12, Please provide a legitimate peer reviewed scientific study saying anything resembling what you posted. There is no 25% HIV rate in Japan, and I seriously doubt that was the result of any "random tests", assuming any were done at all. What do you have to gain by telling people this?
R9, what happened, happened. Don't blame yourself now, it's no use. I can only imagine how pain or fear you feel inside sometimes because of it. What else you can do but learn and live with it? Maybe in the future, things will get better as it comes to AIDS. You must be patient and stay in the game. It's not too late. Things are not as they were years ago. AIDS can be under control if you take your medication and you take care of everything you must do in order to be ok.
Don't give up.
Why do people still bareback? Almost every ad for sex is begging for bareback. When I have asked elsewhere I am scoffed at with the claim that it is treatable. Yes it is treatable if you have the money or insurance to pay for it and want to spend you life taking blood tests, seeing doctors and taking horrible drug regimens
and the side effects r20. Of course the drug ads say this only in small print. A good friend of mine was dating a guy who was poz and the meds gave him chronic diarrhea. awful.
Guys, please stop discouraging people who have AIDS with your discouraging comments. Each drug may have it's side effects, it all depends on the metabolism of each person and not only to the drug itself. Please, be more positive to people who need some encouraging words and a hug from life. Stop being foolish and mean.
They don't need to be babied, R22. I don't think anyone, regardless of status, would want that.
What's all this I hear about people with hives?
Everyone needs to be babied now and then.
It's a human need. R23, stop being so sarcastic and so emotionless please.
I am really sympathetic to all with HIV, no matter the story. I second r22.
r23, I don't think anyone with HIV is being babied. All that is being suggested is that this be an open and encouraging place to share, a place that differs from the outside world that can sometimes be closed off and rejecting- especially of our brothers and sisters with HIV.
[quote]Why do people still bareback?
Because of people like R7, who insist that HIV is just a minor inconvenience. All you hear from most POZ people are stories about having lived 30+ years with HIV/AIDS or how their viral load is "undetectable." They gloss over everything else because they don't want to be shunned.
Why the hell do you let people know your status r9? I always lie if they ask and I never tell if they don't ask anything.
I have very little sympathy for people with HIV. It is the one disease that no one has to get.
People still bareback because honestly, condoms kind of ruin the mood. I'm not condoning it, nor am I judging it. It's just a fact. Of course, getting HIV or some other disease will ruin the mood even more.
As a neg bottom, I am always surprised at the bareback requests I get. I always hear, "I'm a total top so I can't have HIV." Well, you have a reduced chance of catching it, but you obviously can as an earlier poster showed. If we both test negative and I'm dating the guy, I will bareback but even then, I won't let him cum inside me.
I even get requests to BB from HIV+ tops who tell me because they're on the drugs, they can't pass the disease. I've read that the drugs can reduce the chances of transmission, but you can still get HIV even if someone has an undetectable viral load.
I have a friend who is a total bottom who admitted to be he barebacked his way through the 90s up to about 2005 when he met his partner. He says he can't understand how he didn't get it. He did get other STDs, though. He has found out he BBed with poz guys but somehow dodged the bullet. He and his partner have an open relationship, so now he uses condoms with others but he and his neg partner BB with each other.
R28 - you are exactly the kind of person that infected me. The "don't ask, don't tell" crowd.
How you live with yourself is beyond my comprehension.
Yes, six years ago in my mid 40s. I am not sure exactly how I got it but I did not fuck without condoms. My guess is that I was with someone who had recently seroconverted and had a high viral load and it was a fluke transmission through light manual anal play, or through oral because of a sore or sore gums I wasn't aware of, but I couldn't really tell you how. Of course when I explain this most people don't believe me but it's true.
It was a shock. I had been in a couple of relationships with poz guys well before this, had been sexually active for 20 years and given that I always thought I was safe, never thought it would happen to me. But I'm doing well, healthy, no viral load, didn't start treatment right away but have now been on it for about 3 years. I'm fine.
But it is a total mindfuck and I would never wish this on anyone. I also don't tell what happened to me to make people afraid that they will also have a fluke transmission; it's extremely rare and so I don't tell it as a cautionary tale.
[quote]He says he can't understand how he didn't get it.
Maybe he's one of those guys without a CCR-5 gene.
No I don't. And, it's because I only get fucked by straight guys.
60 year old DataLounge Gay Man
R30...fuck you. Seriously condoms don't RUIn anything unless you let them. Just because you have a sexual dysfunction around condoms don't project that onto everyone. sex is 90 percent mental. If you se lubed condoms for sx play of various kinds, you'll eroticise them for yourself. If you tell yourself that they ruin sex, guess what happens. It's trash like you, spreading the 'condoms ruin sex' bullshit, that have led so many youbg people to bareback. You have a mental issue around condoms...OWN IT, and stop stating it like it's some great truth.
We're all going to die r31. I don't give a shit what you think. I will have as much sex as possible before I am ravaged by this disease - IF I am ever ravaged.
R36 = Gaëtan Dugas
R29, let's start with those who contracted HIV in utero. How should they have avoided it?
[quote]Guys, please stop discouraging people who have AIDS with your discouraging comments. Each drug may have it's side effects, it all depends on the metabolism of each person and not only to the drug itself. Please, be more positive to people who need some encouraging words and a hug from life. Stop being foolish and mean.
I don't think anyone is being mean to people with AIDS, but I do think that glossing over all the issues that go along with infection, including doctor visits, side effects, costs, etc., has contributed to the attitude that AIDS is nothing more than a chronic disease. I have never met anyone that is poz who wishes he didn't contract the disease. Our worries about being sensitive and PC have given rise to a new generation of AIDS victims that did not need to contract the disease. Lack of education and honesty is what is killing the new generation.
i find it very cruel to contract such a virus just because you wanted to spend some moments of pleasure. Some people carry that virus from the moment they come to life. Through blood and sperm this nightmare can settle in. That's not fair, but that happens, like cancer or bad accidents do happen. Some things in life are awful and just happen. It's a paradox.
However good things happen too. Just...try to hold on my friends! Try to make yourselves feel nice, don't waste yourselves doing negative thoughts. I have read about cases that have been cured from their lethal disease, just by being overly positive and really believing that they could get better. Don't lose hope, and don't let your hopes despair you. Please, i say it again, be patient and nice with yourselves. Don't let negative comments poison your heart, like HIV poisoned your blood.
R40 - I completely agree.
I was diagnosed in June of 2011, but the doctors think I had been poz for as long as 7 or 8 years. The sad part is that I had a scare in October of 2004, got tested and it came back neg. I now think it was either a false-negative result, or the test wasn't sensitive enough to recent exposure. After the scare, I stopped fucking around, and with a couple of exceptions (some kissing and fucking in early 2005 with a guy who i really wanted to get involved with and in which I was totally safe every time) shortly afterward, I have been celibate since, and specifically since mid-2005. He was tested and remains neg to this day. I suppose fear and stupidity kept me from getting another test in the interim; but on the other hand, since I wasn't having sex, I didn't think I could possibly be poz.
I never had any symptoms until a month before my diagnosis. I can't even remember the last time I had the flu or even a cold. And then I got so sick, I thought I was going to die, and ran through a bunch of tests - even had x-rays and a complete MRI thinking it might be cancer - before my doctor insisted I get tested for HIV.
In retrospect, I of course realized that there were things I did that were not safe, and just because I used condoms for fucking, I thought I was safe. Well, you can't get fucked by 5 guys at a safe-sex party (2003) and think you're being safe. Even if none of them think they're poz. And you don't know you're neg, you only think, I've come to learn.
The scare in my story was the result of being inebriated and hooking up with a guy that called me up about 4 weeks later and told me he'd tested poz. Yes, we used condoms. And my test came back neg. I thought I was one of the lucky ones who escaped. I was a good little gay boy and paid attention to the porn vids that showed you could do pretty much anything as long as you wear a condom - for fucking. But everything else... well, the porn meme that you can rim, suck - everything - and still be safe so long as you always use a condom for fucking is just a fairy tale that they tell themselves and us.
I don't blame anyone but myself. I'm a grown man with a brain. I knew the risks and tried to minimize them, but failed.
Positive thinking doesn't mean that you have to be naive or stupid R40. You twisted my words for making a show of your pessimism.
Of course and nobody don't wish to contract this disease and if you ask me nobody deserves such a fate. I just said we should not discourage people who have AIDS with cruel comments about their disease. They know better how it feels, because they carry it. I never said that people should have sex without taking precautions and if you ask me again, if i had HIV, i wouldn't wish to have sex never again.
If we trash people who have AIDS and trash their disease is as if we encourage them to never talk about it and concealing it is more dangerous for society than revealing things about it.
I let a guy who was positive cum in my ass in June. I knew he was on poz, but he was really hot and he said he only fucked bare but that he was undetectable.
But I've been feeling really weird the past few months, like I'm sick and I constantly have muccus and just overall don't feel well.
Isn't there a test to determine if you are immune to contracting HIV? Discussed with my doc years ago and he wouldn't prescribe it for me.
Yea, unfortunately I do. It's one of the many health issues I juggle. I am on meds and luckily I didn't suffer any side effects from them. Overall, I'm doing okay thankfully.
That's not how you experience symptoms R45.
I think you are being a wee hysterical.
No I don't have HIV although I lived with a poz man for many years and had more than a few contacts with poz people back in the old pre safe sex days.
[quote]Isn't there a test to determine if you are immune to contracting HIV?
You're a fucking moron if that's a true story R45.
Wow r4, you just drove a point home that really stings to those of us old enough to not notice the passage of time(it does fly) and who stupidly still think that most born with HIV are still babies, forgetting all those born in the eighties and nineties who have survived the tender tricky years. Thanks for the eye opener, sorry for the card dealt to you, but great to hear the news that there are full grown adults hopefully living long productive lives with HIV.
Have they made documentaries on lifer HIV twenty-somethings? I think they would be very educational, though it would also be important to respect the medical privacy of those involved, if they so wish.
My hats off to you and a big hug, too.
[quote]I have very little sympathy for people with HIV. It is the one disease that no one has to get.
Really, asshole? Read r4.
The guy who always used condoms for fucking, were you a big cum swallower or something?
Question for the poz folks: how much do you spend on medication a month? Do you pay out of pocket, does your insurance pay for it, or is there some other way your costs are covered?
I've read that in the US, the meds are something like $19,000 per month, every month for the rest of your life. Is that realistic?
Curiously [R21] is the only one to respond to my comment[R20]. No one even answered the question
[quote] Our worries about being sensitive and PC have given rise to a new generation of AIDS victims that did not need to contract the disease. Lack of education and honesty is what is killing the new generation.
AIDS education is still happening and some of it is pretty graphic.
With many young/youngish gay men who are contracting HIV, it seems to be a 'bullet proof' attitude, combined with arrogance ('only old fags get AIDS').
With 'straight' men, who have sex with men, it often seems to be dishonesty, combined with homophobia.
For the last time, you can't get HIV from sucking dick and swallowing cum.
R54, if you mean me (R43), not particularly. I'm not big into cocksucking, but rimming is another story. Part of my confidence came from my doctor (at the time) postulating that HIV is hard, if not impossible, to transmit orally.
i have read that you can get HIV if the person who carries this virus cum on your eye.
No kidding by the way.
You think you got HIV from rimming?
*in your eye
[quote]in your eye
Had to do a double take. Sounds like something Jo would tell Blair in The Fats Of Life.
Not usually, however if you have a cut in your mouth you sure can.
I had a test for that gene mutation from the website linked below. I decided to get a regular DNA test for family history and had heard about the gene mutation, but it came back that I don't have it, but I am HIV negative. I don't think you can get the gene test without also ordering a more expensive test (from this site, at least).
r52, I have an adopted brother who was born with HIV and is now in his early 20's.
How is he doing R65? Dis he have an OK childhood? Did any of you have it rough because of it?
I was "infected" in '04 on the day of my birthday. I didn't know I was carrying HIV, and I got this really awful long-lasting cold. I went to the hospital a week before I found out and some nurse gave me cough syrup and sent me on my way. A week later I was really bad with the cold, coughing and green snot and VERY FATIGUED. It was on my birthday. I drove myself to the ER. They took blood and my cough-up shit. I had PNEUMONIA, with a t-cell count of 4 they said and immediately admitted me. I was given an oxygen bottle. I was put in bed and on an IV of Bactrim to kill the pneumonia. Then they came and told me I had full-blown AIDS. I couldn't believe it and for a while I rejected it. Why? Because I'd only gone out with one guy in two years' time, I stupidly thought. My blood was tested in 2003 and no HIV in it (still have that lab report), so that one lone fuck I had in years (while getting over an 11-year relationship break-up). Just one fucking time and I got sick, which was so bad it took down the "wall" in the immune system to create AIDS.
Nurses and doctors kept telling me I could die as sick as I was, but I knew I wouldn't. They pricked me all hours, testing my blood from the wrist which hurt like fuck. They pumped me full of that Bactrim shit which left a bleach-like taste in my mouth. I never got ANY rest in the hospital room with other sickies coming in and out. It was a fucking nightmare.
I swore then and there no more sex because I was infected and didn't want to give the shit to anyone. I don't play with someone's life with a condom.
So I have been celibate since that day in 2004 and have not had sex with anyone. And it's OK with me, I have given up on dick. Plus the AIDS meds make me sick and fucked up my chloresterol and triglicerides and have given me an AIDS-related belly fat around my middle called Lipodystrophy. Some men get a hunchback from this weird AIDS fat or a huge waistline poking out. The fat is literally filled with the AIDS virus cells.
And I have to take pills to lower the triglicerides and chloresterol caused by the protease inhibitors.
All this because I got my ass fucked without a condom one time. Yes, the guy was a drug user ex-con who infected me. Statistics say this group is the highest in spreading it.
So I wanted a thug and the son of a bitch gave me HIV and now I suffer for the rest of my days.
I don't even go out to gay bars anymore. I just like totally wrote that life off and now I'm friendless, rejected by my friends because I'm diseased, and my family despises me for being a queer any way. So I'm a loner, miserable and I'm just praying for the day to cross over and get a new body in another lifetime.
Something tells me you're making it up. I think it's the druggie ex-con detail.
Thank you, r67, for demonstrating you don't have to be a huge whore to contract HIV. All it takes is one time without a condom. The virus doesn't give a fuck if you go to church, are monogamous, are kind to animals, or are the whore of Babylon.
My personal theory is that substance abuse plays a huge role in the spread of HIV. If you're high or blotto your judgement is impaired.
Sero-converted about 5 years ago. I'm about to turn 52 so I was 47 at the time.
I was sexually active before the disease was even recognised as such. I spent the 80's and 90's in permanent fear of acquiring htlv3 as it was then known and then in 1998, I met the love of my life who happened to have been positive for 9 years when we met.
I had regular tests and was always negative until I discovered 3 months after he'd died that I was now positive.
The thing is, we always practiced safer sex (only fucked with condoms, no breakages) and I never got to taste his spunk although he relished mine. I'm convinced I acquired it orally, despite excellent oral hygiene (for a Brit!).
I'm in good health generally, but, the first couple of years after my diagnosis I was up and down like a yoyo.
it's a bitch of a thing to have but it is what it is. Thank fuck for free, on demand healthcare and some of the best HIV doctors in the world.
wow r67. Thanks for your candor. I can't help wondering though, when you got fucked bareback were you depressed? unaware? just threw caution to the wind?
It's that point where people take their chances and pull the trigger that's so unbelievable to me.
The two-week turnaround infection is what's confusing me. Maybe I misread but -- it's a difficult read. R67 sounds angry. Try getting out again, slowly. You don't have to get buttfucked!
A lot of this is made up R69
No you didn't R71. Think again, you didn't get it orally. I'm sorry you're sick, but you're not being truthful. Half the battle is being honest.
R75, you can get it orally. From the CDC:
"Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, though it is a less common mode of transmission than other sexual behaviors (anal and vaginal sex). There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex."
No it's not. Every study has proven it false. Guys who say they received it orally admitted to lying.
The CDC has been criticized for that apparently baseless stance. I've heard of cases of infection orally but only when there was something like a tooth pulled leaving an open wound.
well, as I say we were scrupulously careful for fucking but didn't uses condoms for sucking.
In any case, how I got it is quite low on my list of concerns, tbh.
I was quite stoic with it mentally when I was diagnosed, the main worry was the deleterious effect on my health.
r75 how are you certain he didn't get it from oral?
The virus is in semen, you get it in your mouth, there could be pathways into your bloodstream.
Surely the only way to be certain you got it from oral is if you only practice oral sex (i.e. no fucking)? I imagine the sample of gay men who've seroconverted and who only did oral is tiny.
I have no sympathy at all for gay men with HIV, fair enough if a persons born with it, but if you're stupid enough to fuck without a condom for a fleeting moment of pleasure when you know the risks, then what do you expect.
No sympathy at all here either. The first thing you hear from POZ guys, "I don't know how I got it. I was always safe. I only did oral." Bull fucking shit. If you didn't get it from fucking, you got it from the needle. And these are old ass gay guys, not 20somethings. Hmpf. Liars, the entire lot of them.
I just wanted to say to the OP, Fuck you and mind your own business.
Exactly—you denialists spreading the "oral only, fingers only, it must have been an immaculate conception" stories are full of bullshit. You took raw loads up the ass. It was your choice—be honest and stop spreading misinformation that does everyone a disservice.
F&F r69 and r74. Sick fucks.
[quote] I have no sympathy at all for gay men with HIV
Really? Just gay men?
wow, r36 utterly disgusts me. You are a murder plain and simple. You should be in prison right now. I hope one of the guys you gave this wonderful "gift" sends you there.
When you watch a 28 year old boy so ravaged by the disease, he had his chest split open to treat the out of control fungus in there you tend to loose sympathy for what someone's dick wants. By the way, he died shortly after that. I miss him greatly every day.
Karma's a bitch and it will come.
Some of you are a little hysterical when these people said they played safe and got infected anyway. It's certainly possible, even if you think it unlikely. Then again it i9s rather more likely that the virus has an ability to hide in the body for a decade or more, only coming out when conditions are right, like the stress of a death of a loved one. What I do wonder is if they all had the hepatitis B vaccine which may have been used specifically to spread the virus to gay men.
You no sympathy people are moral degenerates. Nobody deserves to die even if they did make a mistake.
@R61: No, I don't know how I got it. It could have been rimming, oral, the condom broke, the top took it off without my knowing, whatever. I definitely believe you can get it orally. This is a blood-born disease and any entry point -- gums, a sore in the mouth, in your eyes, even a razor nick -- is possible. One of the first things that my doctor said to me was to not blame myself and agonize over how I got it, and I can only do the latter part of that. I definitely blame myself. I was stupid and naive.
And a big "fuck you" to the wadds @R82 & R83 because you have no idea. No idea what it's like to think you're practicing safe sex -- no barebacking -- and turn up poz after so many years of celibacy.
I sympathize with R67, sounds much like my story (albeit I didn't fuck bb). My story was that I was more sexually active, but was practicing what I thought was safe sex. There is no such thing.
And when you have the attitudes displayed here -- thanks, wadds -- you can see why nobody talks about it, nobody wants to think about it, and nobody cares enough to be honest. At least, if they're sexually active; I can't believe the number of poz guys I meet who are celibate now. One good friend says the "It stops with me" campaign really impacted him -- it was the reason he became celibate. I feel the same way. I don't want to be responsible for another man seroconverting, and the only way to guarantee that is to not have sex.
And ? No one wants to talk about the obvious huh?
I love you guys. I wish more were open with their experiences. I know I could be walking in your shoes.
R56 / R20 = bigot
[quote]No, I don't know how I got it. It could have been rimming....
Possibly. Was anyone you rimmed bleeding from the ass and did you have a cut on your tongue or lips at the same time? It could happen.
Thank you R96. Lots of fundie fantasy here.
R92 is the same person as R56
A good friend of mine is a doctor, specializing in gay mens' health. He told me that if a guy says that he got HIV through oral or says that he doesnt' know how he got it, in 9 out of 10 cases the person is lying. He says that most new HIV cases usually involve drugs and/or alcohol and most people are ashamed to admit the truth. It is just easier to say you got it from oral or rimming or you don't remember.
R92, replying to yourself is considered really stupid here. And trolldar almost always reveals it.
Oh, and it's precisely because it's obvious that there's just not a lot to say about it. Human nature is what it is.
Positive since '93 and now at 71, I'm trying to figure out how I am going to pay for my drugs. I had remained employed to keep my insurance but reitired when my psostate cancer returned this year.
I think I got infected from the sling in which I was often jostled. Can't be sure, but I always sprayed with pam and rid.
W&W for R99 and R100
thank you r52 you're a sweetheart
To the asshole that said I'm making up my AIDS story: fuck off. It's hard enough living with the stigma and having idiots like you saying things like that. Who the fuck would make up a story about having AIDS? What are you crazy?
The think is I was not promiscuous, unlike a lot of gay men I know who go to parks and public rest stops to suck cock and get fucked. When I lived in San Francisco I knew gay men who couldn't let a day pass without being out in the Castro or Polk area looking for a cock that night. I thought that kind of thinking was SICK. I steered clear of guys like that thinking I'd surely get something from them as most of the men were and still are using METH and CRACK to get their dicks hard. They pick up a guy, bring him home, turn on the porn, smoke Meth or Crack to get horny and they get so carried away with the sex they fuck bareback.
I love my gay brothers, but what I saw in San Francisco disturbed me, the pure fixation on going out all the time. They lived in the Castro, shopped there, dressed for the area, ate out there, lived there, etc. Their whole life was centered on being gay and living the gay lifestyle in the gay mecca. Creepy.
It's the drug use. The drugs lower the immune system, opening the door. They get fucked hard bareback, which rips the anal lining and causes rips and bleeding from being brutally fucked by big cocks. The infected sperm enters those cuts and HIV is transferred.
A condom also rips the anal lining when fucked hard. Cuts or sores or cracked lips can be doorways for infected cum to enter the mouth and bring in HIV, too. Crack pipe burns on the lips by drug users or hot meth pipe burns in the mouth. Nobody talks about this but it happens.
I don't want any sympathy for having AIDS. It's my fault, I should not have had bareback. Booze and drugs have an effect on decision-making during sex. One gets careless. One thinks, "I've just got to feel his cock in me, screw the condom this one time!"
And that one time can get you infected. Then you carry HIV and don't know it. Then you get a bad cold. Your immune function drops, the virus enters the cells and next thing you know you have AIDS.
I think the problem is the use of drugs in the gay culture for sex. Poppers also lower the immune system. So do taking pain killers to kill the pain the dick makes entering the asshole past the sphincter. Pill queens take pills so they can take big cocks. That constant need to be fucked up on dope during sex.
A word about douching: it kills the good bacteria in your ass tract. You get ass-fucked after douching your ass out, do bareback, get hard-fucked and ripped anal walls and the virus comes in.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be fucked again like most of us, but carrying the disease with the potential to infect and possibly kill someone stops me. Just can't let selfish desires get in the way. Better to be celibate and accept having the disease.
Then get this troll kicked off the site. I want to know why after more than 30 years no one will talk about the obvious? Is it human nature to bring such a thing as AIDS on yourself?
Please, don't get hysterical against people who have AIDS. They are human beings, they are not trash.
I'm not approving of irresponsible people who have AIDS and they don't talk about it to their sexual partner(s). That yes, is reproachable.
However,there are people who carry HIV and they are honest about it and these people must be treated with respect and no one has a right to trash them.
Be good to others if you want others to be good to you.
You reek of EST
I've swallowed pints, litres, gallons, oceans of cum from a poz partner but am neg. That said I take great care of my teeth and gums and I've had PEP (google) three times after too aggressive oral from big dicks made me bleed. Love being fucked but gave it up as there's no way I can get a condom on without getting precum from my fingers on it, so I obviously can't trust anyone to be any more adept.
Is PEP promoted widely in the States? Is it free?
What happened to monogamy? And/or safer sex? I don't get all the fucking around when all these diseases are out there. Unlike some I don't think that HIV POZ people get what they deserve. It's a shame that they are infected and it's great that things like AZT to combat HIV/Aids.At the same time, what is wrong with getting married,being faithful and settling down with one person? No queeny answers! I notice that even on this thread the peanut gallery has come out with their campy and queeny comments. This is not the thread to act like Mrs Patrick Campbell or Brenda Dickson on.
One problem with getting married, being faithful, and settling down is that it's an excellent way to catch HIV with a partner who becomes infected or didn't know they were (see the guy upthread who was diagnosed 7 years after testing neg). And who really ever knows what their partner is capable of? Especially, in an urban area, lots of people make mistakes.
Actually, for some STDs, you are safer having multiple partners unless your partner is bona fide negative, which can be harder to establish than you might think.
Goods points although expecting monogamy is a stretch. In reality gonorrhea has made a come back as well as syphilis. There is a new strain of gonorrhea making the rounds that is resistant to all the usual treatments.
Why a lot of gay people who have a boyfriend have to cheat on their partner?
I understand that sexual needs are strong but you can resist the temptation. Masturbate ffs if you can't control your appetite! You don't have to sleep with someone else if you have found that somebody else. Be more mature. Vent on masturbation, it's not shameful and it's more discreet. I believe masturbation is more mature than fucking around forever with a different man.
That was just a thought i wanted to share with the naughty fiends of gay (and not only gay) population.
Anybody hear the violins playing for r104?
I highly doubt you are celibate, AIDS infected whore.
This thread got really ugly, really fast. I'm done reading it.
Gays who have AIDS, vent on here if you want to express your feelings and you find it difficult. I bet, there are some people who share the same drama with you and they can understand you.
Don't stuck on the negative opinions. Be positive with yourselves and with people who worth it. Don't waste your energy on getting more down than you have to go.
*Gays and anyone who has AIDS
Not dating some simply because they have HIV is ridiculous. Yes these people face unique challenges but that no reason to dismiss them.
[quote]the porn meme that you can rim, suck - everything - and still be safe so long as you always use a condom for fucking is just a fairy tale that they tell themselves and us.
I've always believed this. I've just heard too many stories of "fluke" transmissions, like the ones on this thread. Someone years ago wrote that the "condom as magic bullet" approach would fail to eradicate HIV in the Western world. He was right.
I saw a Treasure Island Media clip where you could see the cock pulsating with an ejaculation inside a bottom's ass. I couldn't help but think, "Well, that's why we can't stop the spread of this virus." It's like watching someone commit suicide on film.
[quote]Not dating some simply because they have HIV is ridiculous. Yes these people face unique challenges but that no reason to dismiss them.
'Dismissing' is not the same as 'not dating'. Presuming that dating would involve some sexual contact it makes perfect sense for HIV- to want to avoid sexual contact with HIV+ people.
r117's quote shows a root of the problem: in a culture that prioritizes fucking the greatest number of hot guys, risking rejection by disclosure is tantamount to being 'dismissed'. It's not.
Let me throw some gasoline on this. I am very sympathetic to people having aids. A personal friend who recently died was the only AIDS activist in my rural area. He wrote a monthly column in the paper about AIDS and was very frank about his personal experience. So many complained about it being in the local paper they eventually quietly cancelled his column.
If gays would take some personal responsibility for their personal behavior it will engender more positive attention. Remember another generation is always emerging to jump into this stew.
I have been involved on the clinical side of this issue since the early 80's. Have personally pointed out many cases where the client needed to be tested for AIDS when the Dr. missed it completely.
Go ahead and hit your trolldar
I agree with the poster who pointed out that condoms aren't a panacea.
Condoms do lower risk but don't eliminate it.
Bareback sex between people who don't have STDs/HIV is 'safe sex'.
Safety is a function of who is or might be carrying disease. What you do to prevent its spread is secondary to whether it's there. It's useless if there's no risk to begin with.
[quote]Let me throw some gasoline on this
Why? You've been doing that since your very first post on this thread. It's really rather pathetic.
[R123] Trying to pull your head out of your ass
Says the guy who responds approvingly to his own posts and has nothing constructive to offer, as trolldar shows? Uh-huh, I'll pass, thanks.
don't derail a thread with incessant name calling. I'm glad some people were frank and honest with their posts and hope it continues.
My sincere prayers, love, thoughts and internet hugs go out to all those infected....no matter how you got it. You still deserve respect. None of us are perfect. I will not forget what I've read on this thread (by those carrying the infection.)I especially can't forget the gentleman upthread who said his family doesn't care for him because he's gay, etc. I cried hard when I read that (please do some volunteer work that interests you, etc.)
Other posters were very moving and informative as well (to the poster who was infected by the ex-con, I send you lots of love too.) You all have really helped me today by sharing your thoughts openly. My love to you. Please keep your thoughts in a good place.
You should come up with a name. You have a distinct style. I could tell it was you on the Richard Chamberlain thread without Trolldar.
Troll-dar me. I'm not R127 but i have post in this thread too. Check it out.
Thanks for your attention...you flatter me by the way.
I am diabetic and while it sucks ass I cringe when people compare AIDS to diabetes. I take one form of medicine in total and it does not affect daily life in the least, thank goodness. I have no doubt that many, though not all, AIDS patients would switch places with me. I never can imagine anyone wanting diabetes so I have no idea why so many are so cavalier about AIDS.
I'm the opposite. Every time I go to the doctor they think its HIV when I don't have HIV. So it takes multiple visits before they consider other possibilities. The perils of being a gay activist with lovers who have died of HIV....
R130 i wonder too how they can compare AIDS to diabetes. Are they any similarities between diabetes and AIDS if you happen to know?
I plead ignorance.
R130 here. Like AIDS, diabetes does get progressively worse as you get older. Just like AIDS, there are lucky diabetics who have very minimal symptoms throughout their lives but most will have issues as they older, regardless of how well-controlled (what doctors call people who watch their diet and exercise regularly) that person is. If I get sick my blood sugar can go up which is bad, if you are not well controlled you are slow to heal from illness or surgery, even mild surgery. However, a regular cold, mild flu or even strep has never landed me in the hospital or really affected me beyond what a "normal" person would have. I don't have any side effects from my medication, I can have pets (I believe some AIDS patients cannot), and I never have to disclose my diabetes unless I feel like it. I feel, and maybe I am wrong, that my diabetes is much easier to treat overall than AIDS, which is why the comparison baffles me.
T/L D/R version- if you are HIV negative stay that way, you don't want it. You would not want diabetes either I am sure.
Ok, i bet many of you will get pissed off, but i give to each one of you one kiss on your cheek.
Take care all and be well.
No, we don't have HIV!
@R130: In one of the many post-diagnosis follow-up appointments with my doctor, one of the things he mentioned was that a diagnosis of HIV (and I wish we'd stop conflating HIV infection with AIDS, yes, HIV leads to AIDS but now there are treatments and that can be prevented; but that's for another comment and time) was similar to a diagnosis of diabetes in that both diseases take about 10 years off of average life-span. Then he said that life span is a crapshoot, and so many factors play into longevity that it's not like anyone could say "well, you were going to live to be 80 and so now you'll die at 70."
@R121: what do you mean by taking "personal responsibility?" As I wrote at R91, nobody wants to talk about it, and when you do, you risk rejection and the attitudes on display here in some of the most disgusting comments. I'd rather be rejected than pass it to someone else; is that taking personal responsibility? I decided years ago that I'd rather be celibate than pass it to someone; is that enough?
I'm familiar with and know personally several of the activists who wrote the first safe-sex guidelines during the height of the crisis in the 80's, and their efforts were fantastic and needed and have undoubtedly saved lives, but were insufficient. And as I wrote above, then picked up by pornographers who were absolutely desperate to save their jobs and distorted to the point of being meaningless. That has been my point in posting my story here. I used condoms. I practiced what I thought was safe sex. And I still contracted the disease.
I'd really like to explore what DL'ers have to say about this. What should we as a community do? What should individuals do? What should pornographers do?
For those of you that don't know what a hypocrite is trolldar [R125] [R123] [R100]
Maybe this troll with share with us his point. I don't see that he has a point. While this troll clearly has a point and the problem is you don't like my point. I have not shut up in 30 years about this. Troll me off the site if you want.I understand that what I am saying is not popular but that in no way makes me wrong.
R110, some STDS are better when you have more partners? WTF? I don't buy that at all. That's insane.
Barebacking is safer sex? Another WTF? Unless you get tested you won't know what's going on so how could you claim that?
As for monogamy, someone can cheat on you if you are married are not.That happens a lot in our community BUT we need to change that especially with the risk of HIV/Aids transmission.
Younger gay males claim that they are burnt out on safer sex.Getting milky loads shut up your rear end is worth the risk to some of them. AZT is supposedly not a picnic so why fuck around?
What makes you think I was talking about YOU, this thread is about everyone not just you.
It is not possible to have a real discussion here because of all the bashing.
Personal responsibility is being responsible for your own body, body fluids and where you put them. Extends to injecting drugs into your body or into someone else. You are responsible for what you allow anyone else to put into your body or your veins.
Can you follow all the safe sex rules and not inject drugs and still get HIV, yes you can and we don't know exactly how.
Any sexual contact has some risk, sucking swallowing, kissing, rimming etc. The risk with these is small but you need to recognize there remains a small risk
My first comment was a question. Why is it everywhere I see someone looking for a sexual partner lists "bareback" as what they are looking for. Bareback me baby, bareback only and on and on. It is not as if we don't know how HIV is largely passed in the gay community.
I pushed this because everyone ignores that question.
I failed to understand why barebacking remains common in the gay community. No one will or can tell me. I have a few ideas, will not present them because you would like them even less than my current posts.
If you push for any frank discussion you are attacked because no one wants to address it.
Posters here discuss nothing, they are here to slap each other around, point fingers, make accusations and so on.
If the truth makes me wrong than let me always be wrong.
[quote]Go ahead and hit your trolldar
I did. You're a 'talks to self' troll.
And he's a self-important bore, R140; don't forget that. Oh, and he's trolled more than this thread. Funny how everything has to be about him.
@R121 (in reply to R139): I didn't think you were talking solely about me (R43 in R136) and I apologize for offending you. I'm honestly trying to gain some understanding here, and I appreciate your comments. My feeling is that I was taking personal responsibility in practicing safe sex, then stopping having sex completely was the only way I could ultimately express that. I'm very curious about your rationale behind barebacking, and at risk of being slammed here for saying anything, here's mine:
I think barebacking was glamorized largely as pushback against the safe-sex proponents. No one likes to be told that they have to do anything, and given the general disdain towards gays and our newly found sexual freedoms post Stonewall (sorry to be so broad), being told to use condoms was like being told to go back in the closet. And the whole "AIDS is god's retribution" thing only made it more compelling.
Please don't not post your thoughts for fear of being attacked; ignore the trolls. I'm genuinely curious and would like to read your ideas. I have some things to do and won't reply quickly, but I will follow up later if you'll keep the discussion going.
Medicare picking up a big part of your meds? What other programs can help him, DL folks?
R142, And the Band Plays On talks a lot about how people distrusted the message to have safe sex, and why people felt that way at the time. I am not sure why Randy Shilts is not lauded more in the gay community,that book details all the horrible "someone else's problem" and UHHH NO HOMO bullshit that allowed AIDS to spread in the first place.
Wow, I am dumb struck, crying actually. Your middle paragraph speaks in volumes I honestly had no idea, I never got it, I do know. You are right, exactly right This never would have occurred to me. I appreciate you telling me this.
I feel very sad for you. I can see how painful this has been for you. It makes me sad for all of us. I can see you are caring and honest and responsible to a fault perhaps. I imagine you are capable of much love and tenderness. I hope you don't isolate yourself. There are many things you can do with someone that has almost no risk. I respect what you have said.
As for this site the real trolls are so demoralizing not only to everyone else but to themselves.
More than 20 years ago I lived with my boyfriend. He was a beautiful Mexican man from the Southwest. I do mean beautiful. He had been a ballet dancer in NYC, not a famous one. Had sent years in India studying in an Ashram with a yogi. He spent most of his years in NYC returning to his home town because he had HIV. We practiced safe sex. Condoms always. We kissed and lay together and did oral sex without condoms I never considered it a risk although there is a small one. I accepted that risk without concern. When it's all over that is all you really have. This was long ago and yes he died. I have almost forgotten why this is so personal for me because I have suppressed my feelings in order to go on. Suddenly I am there again. Grief returns. Our time together was spent on a quarter horse farm in the Southwest. The owner was British and a widow and very wealthy. Her husband was American and the uncle of a very famous movie actor. We lived in our own quarters. He managed her household and cooked for her. I have an offsite job but I kept the gardens and assisted him in the house when there were parties.
You do not need to stop having sex. There are many people in the same boat. I hope you can find some love and tenderness with someone. I would not fear being with you.
No, I don't have it.
I was always looking for love, not sex so I never had a huge desire to go all out with a guy, if that makes any sense.
I came of age in the early '80s. While Reagan didn't do enough to deal with AIDS, the people at Newsweek magazine did.
I remember the cover with the two guys on it -- and the 'gay plague' (or was it gay cancer?)headline underneath.
I was still living at home when Rock Hudson died.
I soon moved to LA and worked in the business and I saw all these men, many beautiful ones, who worked in TV behind the scenes and I saw them become ill and die.
I only knew of one sure way not to catch it: don't have sex.
My desire to connect with another guy has been extremely powerful (duh) and even 'safe behavior' in which I've engaged has left me left worried for months on end.
It's ridiculous to think things like mutually jerking off, dry kissing or being finger while the guy wears a rubber glove could do transmit the disease.
My heart goes out to people who have it; I think there so easily go could any of us if we made just one mistake.
I think part of the bareback sex thing is that we have had to think of sex equalling death for 30 years.That is a long time
If you said your average straight guy you are going to wear a condom for the next 30 years do you think they would be able to succeed ?
Add to that the constant blame game we put on each other.You deserved it we yell.You knew the rules and you were stupid.You are to blame for what happened to you.
What bloody bull.
No one deserves to die.No one deserves to go through hell.
As for the person who spoke about gay faithfulness.
Half the guys i have been with were married to women who they claimed were straight.Usually I found out after I hooked up.
We have tpo get away from guilt and blame if you want to have an honest discussions,because if we create this cycle of guilt all we are going to get are half hearted responses.
Before you yell out slut.I was celibate (negative )for over14 years due to fear of HIV.We are all trying to cope with a disease that has killed millions of people a lot of whom got it doing the thing we all love, sex.Some of us will fall short of the sainted goals of others and that to me is called life.
I would like to know how people who have AIDS found this thread. Did you get disgusted by some people? I'm sorry for that. You know, sometimes, in reality, people can be better that they seem to be behind a computer. Don't take insults personally, i try to do the same when some people in DL piss me off and of course it's not easy...lol.
Have a nice day all of you and try to make or think things that makes you feel better. If you feel bad, it won't be forever like this. You must wait for better moments to come. I do the same when i feel bad or bored. What else one can do?
excellent points r147, esp about condoms. Repeating the message that the "condom use always, no exception" mantra not only isn't foolproof, it also makes men feel helpless and rationalize 'slipping up'.
Nobody's yelling at you or calling you a slut, people just want to know how others contracted it. THere is no 'sainted goals of others', there are just guys who want to have sex with and bond with other guys, and some people do it in risky ways.
mind if i ask: were drugs/alcohol involved in your case? do you know who gave it to you? did you tell him after?
Thanks for your kind words, R145 and all. Fighting seroconversion is a lot like the war on terror in the regard that all it takes is one fuck-up for catastrophy. Try as we might, we aren't perfect and it is extremely hard to accept that something we did (or didn't do) caused this to happen. As my doctor repeatedly told me in the first few months after diagnosis, there is no point in agonizing over the fact that I have seroconverted, and my energy would be better spent on staying healthy and doing something every day to work towards that goal.
HIV is no longer a death sentence. I mentioned above that my doctors have said that it is much like other diseases that shorten lifespan, and the current thinking is about 10 years, but even that is decreasing. A recent study out of Britain suggested that due to the fact that HIV positive people must focus on their health more intently, the gap is narrowing between their life expectancy and the public at large. Of course, this is under their NHS (single payer) where all care is at a minimal cost, men feel more at ease getting treatment, and even guys who think they may have been exposed can just go to their local clinic or doctors office and go on PReP treatment immediately and without all of the bureaucratic hassles that we in the US deal with ongoing, not to mention the cost of care, which scares the hell out of me.
I was somewhere between 40 and 42 when I contracted HIV, and only remained negative to 40 because I lived in constant fear of getting it. Prior to my 40th birthday, I could count my entire life's sexual partners on less than one hand's fingers. And then, emboldened by sketchy facts presented by both reputable (medical professionals like my doctor at the time saying that it wasn't transmitable orally) and less than trustworthy (popular thought, and porn, chiefly) sources, I decided to explore my sexuality for the first time. It's been a bitter pill.
I don't know who I got it from. I knowingly fucked HIV+ guys, always using condoms, thinking that they were a magic blanket (I hate to use the term magic bullet, it doesn't seem somehow applicable here). But, as I admitted above, I also engaged in certain acts that, in retrospect, weren't safe, and we should really stop telling others, especially younger generations, that they are safe substitutes for full-on fucking. And I think it's time to stop telling everyone that condoms are magically protective, resulting in false confidence and security.
I have been contemplating what I would propose as a new set of guidelines for everyone at risk for HIV and, for that matter, all STDs. It's not the 80's any more, and it's time we updated our thinking. We have to bear in mind that sex is one of the basics of life, built in and at the very core of who and what we are as humans. Maybe I have a slightly different perspective in that my brother's oldest kid, a boy, definitely straight, is just through puberty and embarking on a life full of possibility, and I really, really don't want him to have to deal with this shit. I'm also not that old that I don't remember what it's like being a teenager with hormones racing through your body, a perpetual hardon, and all of the opportunities available. Add to that the Internet, and the perceived anonymity it provides, and I come to the conclusion that kids of all ages need some clearer sexual rules to live by. I'm not ready to spill these thoughts yet, but will here on DL as well as elsewhere. But, I'd to throw it open and ask everyone here, what HIV/STD prevention guidelines would you propose?
I've just turned 46, and tested poz on Feb 8, 2010. I know exactly how I contracted the virus, and who is infected me.
Ultimately, like many of you have stated, I accept full responsibility, as I engaged in unprotected sex. As I only top, I know that tops can be infected, although the risk is probabaly less than a unprotected bottom.
I also work in Pharma industry, working for major pharma on one of the first AZT clinical projects. I've had the opportunity to read quite a bit of the clinical study publications, and from what I understand, there's been no documented case of oral transmission. However, I don't know exactly how you could clinically study limited sexual transmission with a high degree of reliability.
I do know the virus is extremely sensitive to external conditions, and has a difficult time surviving outside of tight limit of temperature/pH/and moisture conditions. Which means that silva is a hostel environment, and easily kills the virus once outside of the body. Transmission may be possible orally if there's an extremely high viral load, typically seen when someone sero-converts. If the person is undetected, there's probably a very low risk for oral transmission.
r149 and r152, could you give more information as to how you believe you contracted HIV? Just there are a lot of bottoms who think they are absolutely safe with condoms, there are a lot of tops out there who really believe they are safe doing whatever they want.
r153 you must have misconstrued something in my post, as I don't have HIV.
For people who say "When I tested positive my doctor said I was infected years ago..." does that mean that you didn't take any HIV tests in the interim?
As a sexually active guy in his 30s, I get tested every 3 months, and the test is allegedly 99.9% accurate with a 3 month window. They even say that the test will detect HIV infection most of the time as soon as 1 month after infection, but with certainty at the 3 month window.
So...did you go for years without getting tested? Or were your tests coming back negative all those years, even though you were actually positive?
[quote]silva is a hostel environment
WTF? And you say you work in big pharma? I hope not doing research or we're all doomed.
Chill out Mary at r157. The best doctors and pharmacists I know are too busy to care about typos in a gossip board. Be thankful he/she shared his experience/info with us.
It's just not that kind of a thread.
Oh dearing can take a break now and then
Are you talking about Hostel Silva in Tijuana?
When you focus on condoms not being fool proof you blur the issue. And yes tops can get HIV,rarely but that top is safer using one that not.
Yes you can practice safe sex and contact HIV. When you decide not to practice safe sex because it isn't perfect the odds of contacting HIV skyrocket.
Its like looking at the odds in a gambling games and choose the one you are least likely to win.
Not easy to have a sex life without some risk.
Personally oral sex and kissing is something I will risk. Anal without condoms, no way Jose.
Decide what amount of risk you are willing to accept. Always be honest and up front about your status and understand that many are not honest. If someone tells you they are negative and you accept that as the truth you are foolish to say OK guess this is safe.
I always wonder why POZ guys don't flip out at the person who gave it to them. Yes, I know the adult / mature thing is accept responsibility for your actions, but really, I don't think I could be so mature in that situation. Especially if I wasn't a huge whore and only had a handful of partners and could nail it down to who gave it to me (I could not, I went through a slut phase a while back, there were so many guys)
It is unfortunate to see how many young guys are all about BB sex. Aside from HIV, there are some other really horrible illnesses that can be transmitted from fucking a dirty ass (syph, gonorrhea, urinary tract infection, hepatitis).
R161, the only way one is justified in flipping out on the person that infected them would be in the case of rape. Otherwise it takes to two to tango.
[quote]Always be honest and up front about your status and understand that many are not honest.
Is that really true? I mean does anyone here lie to a potential sex partner and say they're negative when they are poz? Or know someone who does?
I know we're all supposed to believe this happens but I wonder how common it actually is. I have a hard time believing gay men would be that sociopathic. And it is sociopathic.
People who know who infected them are doing a disservice to themselves and others by not contacting the police. It is illegal. It is just like rape/molestation victims who don't contact the police, you can have the infection/rape of the next 10 people on your conscience for not doing anything about the horrible thing that was done to you.
In 2009, this guy I was dating slipped off the condom without my knowledge while we were fucking. When I realized what he had done, I asked him what he was doing. He told me it felt better without a condom. I realized he didn't give a shit about me and broke up with him. I've tested negative for years since then.
For the past 3 years, I've had only oral sex, but I still get nervous every time I get tested.
So much of arousal is in the mind, but I've given up trying to convince guys to use condoms for oral sex. Some of the hottest oral sex I've had was with condoms, but most guys don't want to use condoms with oral.
Look at it this way. There is a difference between someone you and know something about and a pick up somewhere or a grinder or CL. I'm sure none of you would do anything like that. But if you did are you willing to take the word of a total stranger? Roll the dice baby
r166 I get your point, but even if it were two total strangers who met on CL or grindr, and HIV was brought up, how often would an HIV+ guy knowingly lie? It bothers me that we're supposed to assume it happens a lot, ie it's saying that there are many gay men who are such sociopathic liars.
It really is criminal behavior, if it happens.
[quote[how often would an HIV+ guy knowingly lie?
Extremely often, judging by the comments I've seen on the Web over the years. Of course, there's no way of knowing if any of those are true. But I think I understand your point: the fact that we are told to assume that everybody is HIV positive, even if they tell us otherwise, is good for our health, but a bit damaging to our psyche.
I wonder if it boils down to a question of how often we should get tested.
Do HIV meds make your face puffy? I have a friend who was diagnosed several years ago, and he says thanks to the meds, the virus is undetectable in his system; but his face looks the Staypuff Marshmallow Man.
I don't mean to sound catty - he's a sweet guy.
I first heard of the plague in 1982. I just knew for some reason it had something to do with anal sex. I stopped fucking completely. HIV neg. to this day and have dated and had relationships with poz guys over the years. I am 54.
If anyone infected me by non-disclosure or cheating around, they would be dead, because I would kill them.
Perhaps I would do it, or I would hire someone to do it, but I would ensure that they met a swift end.
I am HIV negative but I have been Type 1 diabetic for 34 years (I got it when I was 4).
I am of the opinion that being HIV+ is being the bearer of a chronic lifelong condition, with side effects.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I take 4 injections a day, do 4 bloodtests a day, and as I approach 40 I am more prone to a heart attack, stroke, amputation, blindness etc unless I am rigorous about my treatment, every day of my fucking life. PLus if I have a serious hypo I could go into a coma and die.
The treatment for HIV sounds easier.
I wouldn't swap my illness (I'm quite fond of my diabetes), as it is the stigma around HIV/AIDS that is worse, not the actual treatment.
If we had universal, free healthcare like they have in Europe, it would erase the worry about financing the treatment for HIV.
I don't understand doctors who say it's very hard to get HIV.
I was one of those guys who always got "when are you getting married (to a girl)? You're such a great guy!"
So I decided to close off a part of myself.
I didn't have sex. Years and years later, I'd go for an erotic massage just to feel some kind of intimacy.
Lately, I went a little further; no bodily fluids exchanged, but we kissed a lot.
If they found a cure or a vaccine I'd go through a slutty phase to get it out of my system.
I imagine that you ask early on in a relationship if a guy is positive before you'd start screwing him (if you were looking for a long term thing.)
That would end a lot of developing relationships, I would think.
r174, it really is very tough to get. The virus weakens significantly and dies when it's outside the human body. That's why unprotected anal, and vaginal to a somewhat lesser degree, account for 99% of transmission via sex. You're very unlikely to get it by giving a blow job, even with cuts in your mouth, and you can't get it by kissing. Why doesn't everyone on the planet know these simple facts by now?
Sad that 30 years later theres still so much misinformation out there. I'm negative as of two weeks ago, but have had a couple of scares in my lifetime. Several bad enough that I was experiencing anxiety attacks and almost ended up in the hospital just from stressing about it.
I volunteer with an HIV education group and people out there still think that kissing or handjobs are methods of transmission. Much work remains to be done. If you look at thebody.com, its full of people convinced they have HIV from fingering some hooker with a condom or giving a handjob to some guy 3 years ago.
Someone mentioned Japan upthread about how there were no AIDS cases there. Yes, well the Government there back in the 90's also said there were only 105 HIV+ people in the country, while most guys were still barebacking in saunas, bath houses and back alleys. As long as they were fucking other Japanese guys they figured they were safe because "only foreigners had HIV". Curiously enough for those that WERE HIV+, they were treated at hospitals with specially named departments that would give no indication as to what went on there. I know because I went with an HIV+ friend there once for his checkup. I wish I could remember the name of the department, but it had nothing to do with HIV/AIDS or would give any hint that that was what the patients there were, for lack of a better word, afflicted with.
There has never been anything known as safe sex. Most campaigns have indicated that there is always a risk of condom breakage so that "safer sex" should be the term used.
I've practiced safer sex my entire life. I've always been so paranoid about HIV that anal isn't something I'm that into. Unfortunately, there have been a few times where alcohol has diminished my judgement somewhat and things happen. If you speak to HIV testing counsellors and ask about alcohol and drugs as a co-factor, they just nod knowingly. As a result, I don't "blame" anyone for becoming positive and want to mention that there are some countries (Canada being one) where non-disclosure of positive status prior to sex is a criminal act and convictions have been made.
There are a lot of guys out there barebacking and thinking "ah, I'll just take a couple of pills a day and I'll be alright". Yes, most people diagnosed today can live to old age, provided the meds work for them and provided they can afford them, but most importantly, provided they stick to the schedule. There are still many people dying out there because of the 3 reasons above. Please, I have a friend in NYC that can't get proper medical attention for bronchitis because she's not wealthy enough to afford insurance, and not poor enough to qualify for subsidised healthcare. She's sick as a dog and relying on friends with access to antibiotics to get her through it because the Dr only wants to give her Tylenol and pushing flu shots. I can't imagine what some people in the US go through in order to get/keep HIV meds.
I smoked with three other people and had just gotten my tooth pulled and it was bleeding I knew I was not infected at the time but is it possible that I could have contracted HIV from them through the socket or cuts on my lip ?
There's some amazing research going on that could change things in the next 5 years. I have a friend who is a top AIDS researcher and he's making some remarkable discoveries. Won't name him or where he's at but he's brilliant and will likely get a grant this year to move forward on his research. It's very close to getting a vaccine.
I found our July 27, 2007 I had AIDS. I has been a rough road, at times too hard to deal with to the point of attempted suicide. HIV/AIDS is one life changing event with no cure, just medications to lessen the affects of the disease. I'm healthy and fit now but not with ever lasting site affects of when I was on death's road. There are people out in this world who are wanting to be infects as if this disease is a new fad. Well guys, it's not like a pair of jeans or shoes that when you're over the fad, you move on to the next, you are stuck with this one for the rest of your life with labels, discrimination, hatred, and fears.
General comment. The amount of venom and ignorance being displayed on this thread is astounding. Not much has changed, apparently.
R177 Safer sex is now used internationally because one can get herpes from wearing a condom.STDS can be passed by a blow job.
New study reveals that 1 in 20 UK gay men are HIV positive; 1 in 12 Londoners.
[quote]I mean does anyone here lie to a potential sex partner and say they're negative when they are poz? Or know someone who does?
We never met but I did become friendly online with this guy on one of the more popular hookup sites who "confessed" to me that he is poz, even though he lists his status as negative on his profile. He did have poz on there for a while but maybe it was hindering his ability to hook up because he changed it back to negative (we haven't talked in a long time but I still look in on it every once in a while).
Believe it or not, despite this, he did seem like a very nice and normal guy (and for all I know he might tell guys he meets the truth before having sex with them), but yes, some guys do still lie about their status (which is also why I have so much respect for the many who don't).
He was probably told his viral load was "undetectable" R185. I can imagine Sullivan doing something like that.
There are only but so many possibilities for the "and how were you infected?", yet people ask the same stupid question again and again as though new answers were just around the corner.
67...you have my sympathies...my story is ALMOST exactly the same as yours...especially the resulting effects.
How I aquired it is different however...and for all those who claim people are lying about how they aquired it..FU...youre misinformed and naive. For the guy who states his freind the"Dr" told him its impossible to get it orally...Id NEVER go to him for treatment...of anything. If you have a cut on your finger and you jo someone infected...yes, you can get it...ANY TIME BODILY FLUID CAN GET INTO YOUR BLOOD YOU ARE AT RISK.
I myself got it from unsterilized equipment in a Drs office...I was able to prove it legally but due to the crazy laws I was unable to sue because we have a statute of limitations of 12 months in my state.
You can claim Im a liar, im promiscuous, whatever...everyone of you haters need to grow up. I had back to back relationships totally 12 years....both partners were negative (and are to this day) and I slept with nobody else during and/or between the 2 relationships. What kills me is the fact that both my partners were BIG cheaters, and I assumed I contracted it from them...It took me 2 years to find out how i aquired it...and it was only by accident that I stumbled across the Dr being sued by a woman who aquired it in his office the same way. His was put out of business immediately and died of a heart attack during her court case...And before you go there...I tried to sue...but because I was gay I was given the same treatment a rape victim recieves in the sense that "youre gay, you cant prove you didnt get it from someone just because you CLAIM you didnt sleep around"
...and because of too many frivoulous lawsuits laws were passed stating you cant sue 12 months after diagnosis.
So have at it all you dilussional trolls that want to call me a liar...
And btw...theres a reason they dont let gays donate blood...they say its impossible to receive an infected transfusion today...BUT ITS NOT...if bllod is donated by a NEWLY infected person...it doesnt show up until after it starts to replicate...that was all pr to prevent people from freaking out about receiving transfussions.
Infected January 91 at gay bathhouse - Club Tampa. Pretty sure of the guy who did it.
Went from HIV+ to AIDS in 1996.
Not quite as pretty as I used to be, but still holding it together. Could use another 5-10 lbs, but no major illnesses (yet).
Just turned 51 last week.
And I'm still here..........
r188, I'm sorry for your plight, but you sound a bit hysterical. You do realize you're spreading misinformation regarding the possibility of getting HIV from getting cum from a hand job in a cut on your hand. That's practically impossible, unless the cut happened a minute earlier and you're gushing blood. When you get a cut on your skin, the cut begins healing almost immediately, even if it's not readily apparent. As part of the healing process, a protective barrier forms beneath the skin that prevents fluids entering the bloodstream. Go onto an board that discusses sex, both gay and straight, and you'll see that.
190...I was making a point...it CAN happen that way...opening a condom wrapper and cutting your finger, biting your nails, biting your lip or the inside of your mouth...there are any number of ways that one can be exposed while "maintaining" they had safe sex....Its RARE, but a possibility...that was the point I was trying to make for all the naive people who claim it cant happen to them and that the rest of us are sluts and whores.
Thats why they tell you not to use the same razors, toothbrushes, etc...
Im not hysterical...it just slays me at the attitude and stigma that is heaped on + people by our own community. Like some of the posters above, we're treated like we have the plague...whether sex is in the equation or not...and then you have the other end of the spectrum who assume that if youre +, youre a whore and they can use you as a cum dumpster.
The most offensive are the egotistical queens who claim it was our own fault and we deserved it for having no morals. While there are some who are reckless and have nobody to blame but themselves, there are quite a few who aquired it through no fault of there own (being born with it, a condom broke, an accident, etc...)
there's this new thing they've come out with! it's the latest trend! c-o-n-d-o-m.
r12 is Christine Maggiore, reporting from the grave.
192...youre an idiot...while condoms REDUCE the risk...they do not 100% prevent it.
What is your self rightous ass going to do if the condom breaks and the person lied to you about their status ?
r193 I had never heard of Christine Maggiore and looked her up after reading your post..wow..what a dumb bitch. Her not wanting to treat her own illness is one thing since she is an adult but to breastfeed and infect her daughter and then the daughter ends up dying from it is fucking criminal and she should have been prosecuted. It was her daughter who died but her son is probably infected too, of course her kids were never tested.
1 in 12 Londoners? What the hell? That cannot be true. Just cant be.
I believe the figure for NYC is much higher than London (I recall 1 in 10 gay men, but don't quote me) and even higher for certain ethnic groups.
I've come across a couple of guys who not so much outright lie about their status, but explicitly do not mention it (lie by omission).
For example, this happened to a particularly whorish friend. He met a new fuck buddy, they hooked up a few times, friend hears rumors that the fuck buddy is poz, freaks out because they didn't use protection. Friend confronts poz guy. Poz guy says "you never asked, I assumed you were cool with it." Friend is still neg but much wiser. This has happened several times now (different friends and poz guys).
Personally, I don't think guys outwardly lying about their status is the norm - I think it is pretty rare actually.
But.... something like two thirds of people with HIV do not know they have it because they have not been tested. So someone may think they are neg, claim they are neg, but in reality they are poz. I think this is the biggest method of transmission out there. Or is that too obvious?
The above is a better explanation for "assume everyone is poz", as opposed to assuming that every gay man with hiv is a sociopath or untrustworthy.
197...I agree with you 100% about the people who assume they are neg but have not been tested. I firmly believe that is the crux of the problem. I also personally know people who are "whorish" who claim they are neg, but I know for a fact that some of their partners have been positive. I dont care how "safe" you are...if youve ever been at risk, you need to be tested.
I had a relationship once where I was with someone for over a year...he swore to me he had been tested and was neg. I believed him because I had known him for awhile before we moved in together. I found it odd that he refused any type of anal sex, ejaculate near the face, etc...I didnt have a problem with it...I just figured he was overly cautious. I broke up with him because I found out he was a total whore and was cheating almost the entire time we were together...I came to the conclusion that he was + and afraid he would infect me. i say that because i know for a fact that people he has "been" with have been + and from the stories of things hes done.
Its a sad situation all the way around, and short of asking for papers or going to a clinic for testing together, you cant take anybody at their word.
(btw...Im positive and prefer to remain celabite)
to clarify...at th time of the referenced relationship, i was -, I didnt becone + until 10 yrs later.
Stupid fucking question. It doesn't matter how you got exposed to HIV. Stop with the sexual apartheid. What matters is that people continue to be criminally ignorant about how to reduce their chance of being exposed to the virus; and what matters is the shame that still surrounds AIDS. Shame prevents people from being tested, shame prevents them from seeking treatment if they find out they've been exposed to HIV, shame keeps them from talking to friends about living with HIV. The question about "how" someone was infected is part of the discourse of blaming and shaming that gets attached to AIDS.
200...I couldnt have said it better myself and agree 1000%....shame and stigma are the bigger issues that need to be addressed. I understand that some people dont want to take a chance of infecting and /or being infected, but there are alot of people...like several of the posters on this thread...who are downright ignorant and cruel. They think theyre being rational and protecting themselves, when in reality, theyre making the problem worse by enforcing the shame and stigma attatched to hiv/aids.
I don't understand your reasoning at all, r200, and it seems to be incredibly commonplace. It doesn't matter how someone contracted HIV, but it's important for negative people to reduce their chances of contracting it? Reduce their chances how? Just put on a condom and don't ask anymore questions? Do you not see a connection between figuring out how those who have it is got it and how those who don't can avoid it? It is incredibly dangerous to be so concerned with making sure that poz people don't feel bad that we simply don't discuss methods of contraction at all. How does that help people who already have it? And "sexual apartheid"? Sheesh. You sound like a caricature of some radical lesbian cartoon. The idea that there is only one way to get it (passive unprotcted anal intrcourse) and to suggest otherwise is nothing more than an effort to stigmatize or shame or a waste of time is one of the biggest reasons that an easily preventable illness continues to spread.
Can we please cut out the paranoia? The bottom line: HIV is a very fragile virus that is not very easy to contract. Yes, there can be fluke transmissions, including those (dubious) reports here, but if you're not having anal intercourse (top or bottom), your chances of contracting the disease are beyond remote. I've known enough people who died, have had enough converstions with my primary care doc, and have read enough of the medical literature to know that you're not going to contract HIV from oral, kissing, mutual JO, giving a hand job, fingering someone...no matter how many tiny nicks, cuts, and abrasions you have. We'd all be dead if you could catch it that easily.
I'm finding there to be this sketchy new thing where if you don't outright ask a guy "Are you HIV-negative?" they assume you're okay with having sex with a positive guy. I've had this happen to me in the last year. One guy penetrated me, and I quickly realized he didn't have a condom on. When I asked him to pull out, he did and then I was like, "Are you HIV-negative?" he, quite nonchalantly, told me that no, he was not. So, I went right to the clinic and went on PEP only a couple hours after potential. I cannot imagine not informing someone of my status and then putting an unsheathed cock inside of them. It's totally barbaric.
Before I hook up with anyone now, I flat out ask them if they are HIV-negative and whether or not they have been recently tested. I don't care if it kills the moment or puts them on the spot. It's my life and I have the right to guard my own body against disease. They can, of course, lie to my face, but I'm a pretty good judge of people and there are several tell-tale signs of lying to which I've made myself attuned.
I'm quite sexually active and this is what having sex in 2013 requires now.
If he had said he was neg, R204, would you have proceeded with unsafe sex?
I wouldn't have proceeded with unsafe sex in any situation. Unfortunately, in this instance, I was quite drunk and thought that he had put a condom on. He literally went in for one pump and I felt for the condom (as I always do) and it wasn't there at which point, the sex was over and I went into PEP-mode.
[quote]They can, of course, lie to my face, but I'm a pretty good judge of people and there are several tell-tale signs of lying to which I've made myself attuned.
Oh, please. Anyone who would lie about this is a sociopath – and they can pass lie detector tests with flying colors.
Oh please, yourself, dude. I didn't say that I'm a human lie detector test, but I can read people and if someone isn't sitting well with me or I have a funny feeling about it, I'm not going to go through with it.
No but I do know at least ten people with it. I haven't toook part in too risky behavior like unprotected sex also... unlike people i've known.
What does it matter if they lie or not if you're always using a condom? Depending on your definition of "quite sexually active," you've likely had sex with lots of HIV positive people.
Some of the stories i've heard how friends of mine got it made me very sad. People know they have it and don't tell their partners. That's shaemful and so sad to me.
[quote]Unfortunately, in this instance, I was quite drunk....
I think that's a major contributing factor in most cases, along with drugs. Not judging, just pointing it out. It's good that you still had enough presence of mind to challenge him and stop the high-risk interaction.