Eldergay Dating: Etiquette 101

I'm 52 and had a date with an older guy who was 68. We met at a diner for lunch and all he wanted to do was talk about himself! After what seemed like a long time, I floated a couple of trial balloons about my life but he had no interest and then started talking about himself again. And he is doing this at 68 years old?? I couldn't believe it. I was expecting a very different conversation.

• Punch and delete.

• Yeah, punch and delete. Bores and boors occur at every age. Sorry it was so awful.

• OP, this guy has not talked to anyone in many, many years.

• OP that is why is alone at 68.

• Narcissism has no age boundaries & is more prevalent among gay males. Next time a guy goes on & on about himself, run. This type of guy would never find time to listen to or get to know you. All about him & his big ego

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• OP, be grateful it was lunch, so you didn't have to put up with him for more than an hour. He probably lives alone, is retired, and can only talk of things in his past because he has no future.

• Yeah, but don't let that stop you from dating older men, or anyone for that much. Just keep dating and find the guy who is not still damaged from his fucked up childhood and wants to know all about you.

• And why is this an eldergay issue? Certainly, the same thing happens on dates of people, gay and straight, of all ages. One goes out and wants to have an exchange of ideas and experiences, and is disappointed by a date who only talks about him or herself.

• Sizemeat?

• Narcissism is rampant everywhere. Doesn't matter what age. But it's sad that at 68 he still can't talk about anyone but himself. Try again OP!

• She looks so much like Janis it's uncanny.

• Don't punch too hard. You might break something.

• At 68 he could have early dementia. Why not date someone your own age? A considerable age difference is one thing; for instance, you dating a 26 year old, while unusual, could still have benefits for the 26 year old. But at 52 I hope you're not seeking a sugar daddy or father figure, and you have to realize that seeking out men more than a decade older than you will narrow your dating pool down to a handful that are, statistically, near mental or physical incapacitation or even death.

• You are 100% correct, R8. I thought it would be different with someone older.

  OP

• Why is the OP all concerned about getting a chance to talk about himself? Be a good listener, OP. It's not all about you..

• Oops, I posted in the wrong thread @11. I meant to reply to the Lili Taylor thread.

  R11

• R15, I'm a very good listener. I asked a lot of questions and was truly interested so he kept talking about himself the whole time. When we were talking about travel I kept trying to tell him about my travels and he had zero interest.

• I can only date someone 5 years younger than me. How men - straight or gay - marry and date people a generation or 2 younger than they are is incomprehensible to me. I am 48. I understand the sex - but after one r two hours of sex with them, what the hell do you do with the other 22 hours a day?

• I did this on a date once. I was feeling insecure and trying to cover it up with inane chatter. I couldn't believe how much I was talking about myself. We both knew when we met there wasn't much chemistry (we were the same age...), at least in a physical sense. He one-upped me by talking about himself and the famous friends he knew. It was like we were in a competition. He didn't invite me in for a nightcap.

• Hmmm, I don't think dementia, R13. Some elder gays suffer from the same thing that some youngster gays do: social awkwardness. Then there's the part that the 68 has had no one to talk to for decades!!!

  R3

• A friend once complained that the guy he'd just gone on a blind date with was really quiet and barely said a word. I was tipsy at the time so I blurted out, "Maybe you were talking nonstop about yourself and the poor guy didn't have a chance to say anything!" The look of panic on my friend's face let me know I was right but he was a bitch and insisted that it wasn't the case. My friend is in his late 40s. Oh, and he's an actor (eye roll).

• While we're on the subject, I have an honest eldergay question: I'm 39 years old but look 29 and fairly skinny; if you saw me you'd assume I was a 20-something twink. So would I considered an eldergay? Or just an older-than-usual twink?

• Oh R22! "Twink" refers exclusively to 18-23, maybe 25, but 29 TOPS. No one over 30 is a twink.

• R22, the proper name for you would be: someone who needs to eat a sandwich and wear age appropriate clothing.

• I'm 65, but I have a slim, rocking body. When I dress really hawt and do my fauxhawk right people call me "twink" all the time.

• Good rule to follow, always meet for coffee on the first meeting. You can get away much quicker if it's not working out.

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• But would I be considered a bona fide eldergay? Don't be so cynical, R22, I'm at a perfectly lean, healthy weight and I really do look like I'm in my 20s. And I don't dress differently than any other guy in his 20s-30s. So that's why the term "eldergay" seems slightly incongruent to me, even pushing 40.

• I guess the question I should be asking here: is eldergay determined by age alone? Or is it a combination of things, like appearance/lifestyle/interest/attitude/activities?

• I'm sorry, OP, but I think you're way too young to be dating a 68 year old. You're just breaking middle age and he is in a totally different place entirely in his life. I'm sure he'll be bragging to anyone who will listen that he's "Dating" a 52 year old.

• r23 - I think Jared Leto counts as a twink and he's in his 40s. Pharell is also another example of a 40 year old twink. Liz Lemon's new boyfriend/husband on 30 Rock is very twinky. Same goes for the boyfriend (Ben) on Parks and Rec.

• R30, I disagree. "Twink" also implies a callowness and lack of life experience that "eldergays" roll their eyes at. Being lanky and boyish-looking doesn't make a 40+ man a twink - he's just a youthful-looking middle-aged man. Leto and Williams have been around the block too many times to be considered twinks.

• But again, does age 39 make me an official eldergay even if I physically resemble a 20-something twink? To be honest, I look like Tobey McGuire fucked Wil Wheaton in his Star Trek days. Yes, I look at least as young as Jared Leto, maybe younger.

• R4 speaks truth.

• R39 you probably look like the fattie from Mike and Molly! 39 and you look like a twink my ass I say. You're ancient darling time to get out the wheelchair and head out to the eldergay nursing home.At that age you are no longer a queen BUT a queen mum. OP how do you get the 68 year old to shut up? Shove your cock in his mouth and make him shut that way. Make sure you cum down his throat for good measure.

• R34, there is no R39.

• "But enough about me....what do YOU think of me?" The C.C.Bloom Syndrome: alive at any age.

• OP, here's the proper response next time you find yourself in this situation: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

• OP, you were on a lunch date with someone 16 years older than you ... he had no interest in you, talked only of himself. He didn't ask to see you again. Case closed. And you're hurt? Are you dying you're spurned? Why bore us?

• Lili Taylor looks nothing like Janis Joplin unless you're fucking blind.

• [quote]39 years old but look 29 Gawd.

• [quote]I'm 39 years old but look 29 and fairly skinny; if you saw me you'd assume I was a 20-something twink. So would I considered an eldergay? You have a very dry sense of humor. I didn't catch at first how you made a shallow post about yourself - in a thread about an eldergay wanting to talk about himself. Well played, sir. Well played.

• I think R32 is asking if he's an eldergay. I would say no. Eldergay to this 32 year old is 45-50, depending on the man. 35-45 is middle-gayged.

• First of all, R39, I accidentally posted that in the wrong thread. Second of all, you're a complete boneheaded idiot; the first time anyone lays eyes on Lili Taylor, they always think, "Oh, it's Janis Joplin reborn." Even Hollywood studios were toying with Lili Taylor starring in a Janis biopic because of their physical resemblance.

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• [quote]Why is the OP all concerned about getting a chance to talk about himself? Be a good listener, OP. It's not all about you.. Oh god, I hate people like this. Eldergay apologists who don't even bother to read the fucking thread.

• I appreciate the compliment, R41, but that was an honest, serious question on my part. I didn't mean for it to be humorous. I honestly don't know if a very young-looking, athletic, skinny 39-year-old is considered an eldergay or a twink or something in between. I swear, I was just asking, that's all.

• My dad is like this - he's not a narcissist - but he lives on his own & doesn't have a lot of contact with other people so all he thinks about is himself and his opinions on various subjects. I think being self centered is often a symptom of being old and alone.

• The exchange should be 50/50; I would say talking about yourself only qualifies as narcissistic.

• I agree that extreme loneliness can cause some older people to act like selfish conversation hogs without realizing it, which is sad. But, why does everyone assume that's the case with this old goat? He could have lots of friends and family that he socializes with regularly. Maybe he's just a narcissistic jerk.